THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Honeybal]

Day 17

 

Yesterday was hard, hopefully today will be better. Staying busy!

[Kris22]

Day 27

 

I didn't think about him too much today and if I did it wasn't a feeling of desperately needing him back in my life. But then once the realization hit that I was getting over him I got sad because that means we'll never be together again.

[lolita]

3 days NC

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When I first joined the forum I had a massive anxiety attack that he might found out that I was writing about him in here. Then I realized that if I was here it was all about me about healing and feeling better about myself, who cares what he will think of me.

 

In my previous experience, I have gone NC on ex - boyfriends and they all do come back soon or later, sometimes it took years, sometimes just a few months. Soon they are popping in and out of your life as if they want to check whether you still right there. But the NC does work.

 

I recently posted a thread of my failure relationship; we did not have a proper “rip off the bandaid” it was more of slow move of him cutting me out of his life, it was hard because of all the mixed signals, “the I need to focus on me and my problems baby, I need you to be patient and supportive, to I won’t be able to be there as much as before, to the I can’t be in a serious relationship anymore, maybe you should start seeing other people”…. I went NC for 2 weeks then broke it off on xmas day and he wrote back he was missing me/us and offered to talk about it….It never happened. A week after we were supposed to finally meet and talk about it, I contacted him and he totally got nasty with me, telling me things like “I was bugging, we were nothing and wanted nothing with me”. I went NC again for over a week but 3 days ago the urge was too deep and intense and knowing he lives like 10 min away from me makes it even harder! So I texted him about collecting his stuff from my house, he replied he will come soon… Again it made me feel great for a few minutes to receive a response but it was just a stupid quick fix that made me sadder of picturing him coming to my house for final goodbye.

 

I have tried to move on, went on couple of disastrous dates; write a diary but yet still missing him. Actually I have come to realize that I don’t want him to come to pick his stuff up, it would feel like he is gone forever and I also realize that in the event he does contact me, I wouldn’t respond! First it will empower me then I will only respond when I m sure I m fully in charge of my emotions again. It will be on my terms, when I am ready to face him and maybe having that talk without me bursting into tears and throwing myself at him.

 

It’s going to be very challenging to not respond. But here I am with you all, trying to be stronger and trying to stick to that 30 NC rules. Thank you all for sharing your stories it really helps to read them.

[Tia2012]

Well here goes. I need to do this.

This was the first Christmas and new year I didn't spend with my now-ex after 2 years after splitting at the beginning of April 2016. Since then, he'd emailed me several times saying lovely things and I replied, always hoping that every bit of contact would bring us back together. He also said things (on email) that wound me up and every time I resolved never to message him again because it was clear that the reasons behind us splitting up would never change.

That would last for a few weeks, then I'd miss him and feel the need to make contact (always by email).

Anyway, the last time I heard from him was just before Christmas telling me to have a nice time (as if!), and with all the festivities and parties, I've started missing him again so decided to make contact with him. I got a nice reply, again with a big X at the bottom, but it didn't say what I ultimately wanted him to say..that he wanted me back.

I need to stop this constant going round in emotional circles. It hurts and I need to move on with others that ARE showing interest in me.

So, as I said, here goes!...

[Crystal Clear2]

Day 12.

Well im still struggling of course. Think about him every single day but what i realise is that i put far more value on us than he did. It's unlikely i will ever hear from him again. He's on a dating website anyway.

I'm now doing more things, going to groups and learning aabout myself.

This hurts like crazy. Ive been months crying but not anymore. Its about me now. He simply didn't love me. Funny thing is, I'm counting the nc days and he's out there like i never existed. Have a nice life. I sure deserve one. My feelings are shredded.

[Kris22]

Day 28

 

Today was good. Work was crazy busy and all the stress with my car has left me little time to think about him. I asked a guy I met on Tonder to drinks and asked if Friday night would work for him. He said he thinks so, but will have to get back to me. I hope he isn't blowing me off. He's the first guy I've been seriously interested in since my ex broke up with me almost 3 months ago. It still hurts that my ex has made no attemp to contact me and that we may never even be friends or speak to eachother again. I hope that later down the road, when both of us have healed we can be friends. He's a great person and was my best friend for 5 months, I don't want to lose him from my life forever

[Kris22]

Day 29

 

Wow, can't believe I've made it this far without talking to him. Work is slow today so it's giving me too much time to think. I hope that this guy and I go out on Friday and that ol we hit it off. I will not be contacting him after tomorrow. I want to make it through at least January without saying anything to him.

[Honeybal]

Day 19

 

Night time is really hard. I remember when he used to fall asleep while we would watch tv after dinner. Missing him. But he's not doing anything to try and get me back so I'll take a hint. Emotions are like a roller coaster. One moment you're okay then bam! You feel like crap.

[Kris22]

Day 30.

 

It's gonna be tough. I still miss him more than ever. I still think he was the love of my life. I'm not even looking forward to going on my trip tomorrow because I'll be going alone. Trying to make it to the end of this month which will make it 41 days of not talking. After that, who knows.

[lolita]

Day 5

 

Only day 5! I still miss him so much! It's not the NC the hardest is to know that he doesn't feel the need to reach me out. His day probably goes by without having a single thought about me. That is why it hurts so much! I passed by today in front of the place we went on our first date and had our first kiss. That was tough! I wonder if he will contact me eventually for his clothes ... i hope I will heal from this love

[Trinity11]

Day 35 since i made NC, 20 days since LC.

 

I might have looked at his FB for the first time yesterday (I know I know I broke the rules) It was ok. I believe he wont be back from work until Feb...time to heal at least. BUT at this stage...he hasn't contacted me at all since NYE. So... I just still find it hard to believe that we arent that couple who would get through anything, who loved each other they would make his work and my school work. Yet, in the end..it was the little things that we could not conquer, and school... apparently im going on a different path, AKA he does not want to join/support me.

 

I am going on pretty much a total blind date. To be honest I cant be bothered. Id love to turn up in a hoody and jeans, but i put a nicer top on at least. I have hardly done make up or my hair. What is the point. To heal?? Im not sure I can make the effort but I will...meet some new people. Im thinking about deleting all my online dating.

 

I feel like if he cant handle my impending university, maybe no man can.

[Honeybal]

Day 20

 

I wish I could wake up and just not miss him anymore. But I feel good about being able to stop myself from trying to contact him. At least I can do that, even if I can't stop myself from thinking about him.

[sourhearts]

Day 17.

 

In 17 days he's called me 3x with 1 text message.

 

I have not answered.

 

I do wonder what he has to say .. it's probably nothing special just, "Hope you're doing good."

 

I wonder what he thinks to himself when I don't answer or call back. Maybe he'll give up some day just like he gave up on our relationship.

[lolita]

Day 17.

 

In 17 days he's called me 3x with 1 text message.

 

I have not answered.

 

I do wonder what he has to say .. it's probably nothing special just, "Hope you're doing good."

 

I wonder what he thinks to himself when I don't answer or call back. Maybe he'll give up some day just like he gave up on our relationship.

 

I wish mine would have attempt to reach me out and it must be hard for you not knowing what he wants. Don't know what's best them reaching and us not responding or vice and versa! The whole situation of breaking up sucks really. I m about entering my 7 days and it's Saturday night and I alone ! I feel terrible every pieces of me wants to text him but I can't ! It's really really hard! I saw he put his IG private, besides I was blocked I could still see from another account ( I know it's against the rules..) so I guess he knows I m checking on him and makes feel even worst

[sourhearts]

I wish mine would have attempt to reach me out and it must be hard for you not knowing what he wants. Don't know what's best them reaching and us not responding or vice and versa! The whole situation of breaking up sucks really. I m about entering my 7 days and it's Saturday night and I alone ! I feel terrible every pieces of me wants to text him but I can't ! It's really really hard! I saw he put his IG private, besides I was blocked I could still see from another account ( I know it's against the rules..) so I guess he knows I m checking on him and makes feel even worst

 

It sucks when he calls. I feel like it prevents me from moving on wondering wth he has to say. It's a set back, really. It's hard to explain. Knowing that I can't answer. You're left with that wonder. BUT I keep telling myself, if he felt any type of remorse, sorry, guilt .... he would not call. I would expect MORE. If a man loves a woman, and wants to be with her. GO the extra mile. Show up at her doorstep on your kneeeeees. Naked, bloody and cold. Bahaha.

 

Buttt. That'll never happen because he's a coward and involved with someone else so there is nothing to say.

 

And I'm with you on the Saturday night. I was always with him on weekends .. it sucks, but stay strong.

 

Day 7? Don't text or call him!!! Think hard. Say you do. What will you get out of it? If you're 99% sure it'll have a negative outcome (him not answering or being cold) .. then don't do it. It's not worth the 7 day set back. Let him come around. He will. And you decide then.

[lolita]

It sucks when he calls. I feel like it prevents me from moving on wondering wth he has to say. It's a set back, really. It's hard to explain. Knowing that I can't answer. You're left with that wonder. BUT I keep telling myself, if he felt any type of remorse, sorry, guilt .... he would not call. I would expect MORE. If a man loves a woman, and wants to be with her. GO the extra mile. Show up at her doorstep on your kneeeeees. Naked, bloody and cold. Bahaha.

 

Buttt. That'll never happen because he's a coward and involved with someone else so there is nothing to say.

 

And I'm with you on the Saturday night. I was always with him on weekends .. it sucks, but stay strong.

 

Day 7? Don't text or call him!!! Think hard. Say you do. What will you get out of it? If you're 99% sure it'll have a negative outcome (him not answering or being cold) .. then don't do it. It's not worth the 7 day set back. Let him come around. He will. And you decide then.

 

Thanks Sourhearts sorry for the missing words in my previous threads but writing from my phone!

 

I know! I feel you when you say if a man truly loves a woman he would go extra miles and make sure he will not let her go! He would come Knock at the door ask for another chance!

It's only 7 days but what kills me it's on Xmas day him telling me he was missing me and wanted to have a talk which never happened ... I still have his clothes at home but one week since he has said he will come to collect them... and nothing .

They have no idea what we are going through! They are just living their lives like we never existed!

I ve tried to read every single post of this threads to see if at least there were any happy ending but the page keep refreshing! So frustrating lol! Hope the people I was reading their story since2009 are either over and happy or back with their love ones!

[sourhearts]

Thanks Sourhearts sorry for the missing words in my previous threads but writing from my phone!

 

I know! I feel you when you say if a man truly loves a woman he would go extra miles and make sure he will not let her go! He would come Knock at the door ask for another chance!

It's only 7 days but what kills me it's on Xmas day him telling me he was missing me and wanted to have a talk which never happened ... I still have his clothes at home but one week since he has said he will come to collect them... and nothing .

They have no idea what we are going through! They are just living their lives like we never existed!

I ve tried to read every single post of this threads to see if at least there were any happy ending but the page keep refreshing! So frustrating lol! Hope the people I was reading their story since2009 are either over and happy or back with their love ones!

 

My ex still has PLENTY of my belongings back at his place. It sucks. My expensive perfume, shoes, makeup, my chi flat iron... oh god. Why did I remember that. But our BU was so bad, I told him to dump it or give it to the next !@#$%. That stuff is replaceable. My heart isn't.

 

Maybe he hasn't picked up his clothes at your place because .. gee, I don't know. I'm stumped. Maybe he doesn't want confrontation .. for now. It sounds like your guy needs time...give it to him. For as long as you can!

[lolita]

My ex still has PLENTY of my belongings back at his place. It sucks. My expensive perfume, shoes, makeup, my chi flat iron... oh god. Why did I remember that. But our BU was so bad, I told him to dump it or give it to the next !@#$%. That stuff is replaceable. My heart isn't.

 

Maybe he hasn't picked up his clothes at your place because .. gee, I don't know. I'm stumped. Maybe he doesn't want confrontation .. for now. It sounds like your guy needs time...give it to him. For as long as you can!

 

Why you never went to collect your stuff? Don't know much of your story apart from what you have stated that he is seeing someone else ? I ve really tried to keep up on following ppl story but as I said the app just keep refreshing on my phone !

 

I think we both need time cos even if I did offered him to pick up his stuff I m not ready to let go on them... and not ready to confront him either! I m just in a state of mind thinking whether he can't confront me for the same reasons or just Bc he can't be bother ! My ex was lazy! Unemployed leaving with his mom! Was a true boy before he met me.. as he said ... so not sure ... I guess he went back at his own self FB

[TiredOfDating]

I wish mine would have attempt to reach me out and it must be hard for you not knowing what he wants. Don't know what's best them reaching and us not responding or vice and versa! The whole situation of breaking up sucks really. I m about entering my 7 days and it's Saturday night and I alone ! I feel terrible every pieces of me wants to text him but I can't ! It's really really hard! I saw he put his IG private, besides I was blocked I could still see from another account ( I know it's against the rules..) so I guess he knows I m checking on him and makes feel even worst

 

Tonight has been hard for me too. This would have been our night to be together. The break up was 2 weeks ago tomorrow. I had hoped I would hear from him. It was his first weekend without his kids since the breakup, and I thought he'd miss me.

 

But we did agree to a 2 month break, with little to no contact. I finally took him off FB and IG on Tuesday because I was driving myself crazy. I was close to his place last night and checked myself in on FB and made it public (he's not blocked, just unfriended) just to see if he'd contact me. Nothing.

 

I relapsed on NC on Tuesday and Wednesday, so I am only 3 days NC. I seem to only make it 4 days, then cave in. I keep hoping he'll show up where he knows I will be or call or text. At least when he was liking my statuses on FB, I knew he was keeping tabs on me.

[Honeybal]

Day 22

 

If these people were supposed to be the loves of our lives they would not treat us this way. I feel your pain guys, but who cares what they're thinking or going through, take care of yourselves. I'm watching crazy ex-girlfriend and it makes laugh because I can relate so hard to the heroine. Stop looking to other people for validation. Open your eyes to whats really happenning and accept the things you can't change. I am far from over my ex, I still love him very much but you know what? He doesn't feel the same way, he never said it but his actions are loud and clear.

[lolita]

Tonight has been hard for me too. This would have been our night to be together. The break up was 2 weeks ago tomorrow. I had hoped I would hear from him. It was his first weekend without his kids since the breakup, and I thought he'd miss me.

 

But we did agree to a 2 month break, with little to no contact. I finally took him off FB and IG on Tuesday because I was driving myself crazy. I was close to his place last night and checked myself in on FB and made it public (he's not blocked, just unfriended) just to see if he'd contact me. Nothing.

 

I relapsed on NC on Tuesday and Wednesday, so I am only 3 days NC. I seem to only make it 4 days, then cave in. I keep hoping he'll show up where he knows I will be or call or text. At least when he was liking my statuses on FB, I knew he was keeping tabs on me.

 

Yesterday was really hard, I m glad I made it through thanks to 2-3 glasses of wine !

Maybe its not over as you both agree for a 2 month break. It might be hard for him too that is why he keeps track on you via Social media. I wish it was the case for me but it feels like he does his best to keep me out of his life although I ve never harassed him with messages or anything ! He first started blocking me on IG then changed his name then now switched it to private. But he kept our picture in it. That makes no sense to me.

[lolita]

Day 22

 

If these people were supposed to be the loves of our lives they would not treat us this way. I feel your pain guys, but who cares what they're thinking or going through, take care of yourselves. I'm watching crazy ex-girlfriend and it makes laugh because I can relate so hard to the heroine. Stop looking to other people for validation. Open your eyes to whats really happenning and accept the things you can't change. I am far from over my ex, I still love him very much but you know what? He doesn't feel the same way, he never said it but his actions are loud and clear.

 

You are very right if they felt we were the love of their lives they would make sure they would to be in it and not out of it!

I did watch the crazy ex girlfriend I can relate too ! Specially that I moved near him ( but that was before the break up)

It's funny cos I have one of my ex who is currently popping in and out at the moment . After the break up I have never tried to reach him and now he is back ! Unfortunately I have no longer feelings for him as I m in love with my recent ex. I hope it will be the case for him to, to reach me after a period of NC.... I hope it works

[Tia2012]

Day 4.

So last night was really hard. Really hard. I went to an event with friends that I went to last year with same friendship group. I missed him so much and just wanted to text him to tell him, but I didn't.

I'm now worried... I don't want him to contact me because I'll have to ignore it, but don't want him to think I'm not bothered!

However, I've literally just picked up an email from him in response to my last one to him. He "just wanted to say" that he'd passed on my good wishes to his mum, bro and nephew like I asked him to! Now he didn't have to. All his other ex gfs have been deleted from his mind. Once again I ask myself, WHY IS HE IGNORING BLATANT FEELINGS???!

Will not reply though.....

[jmann45]

Day 7 today. saw some guy driving her car and I'm pretty sure it was her in the passenger seat. I was doing okay until I saw that. I knew she was starting to date other people and I thought she was seeing her ex which made the break up not as bad and was understandable , but that guy didn't look like her ex. just sucks to know that she's probably seeing someone new whose better than me. I'm just kinda depressed. I've been going out on dates but the few months I spent with her, I actually enjoyed so much that these new girls just seem so boring. I don't know what to do. How can someone move on so fast and never keep in touch to see if the other person is even doing okay.

[TiredOfDating]

I made it through day 4!!! So far. But I had a very vivid dream about him last night, crawling in bed and cuddling up behind me. So vivid I woke up at that second thinking it was real.

 

I'm setting mini goals. And giving myself pep talks. "Make it through the weekend. Make it through Tuesday, and then Thursday. Make it through next weekend. You're busy. You have fun things planned for several weekends in a row."

 

But then I took my son to a movie today and I heard a song at the end that made me tear up a bit.