THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[vitacoco]

I've been NC with the guy who dumped me for 54 days. I thought that it would be safe by now for me to reach out to him but I'm too scared. I want him back...

 

I've heard NC is the only way to get someone who dumped you back. True?

[kokorolove]

Day 3 of NC:

 

Didn't look at my whatsapp at all because I know she isn't going to text me. I still hope she will contact me and say she wants to work things out again. I want her to miss me and realize that she needs me. But right now I want to heal. I really do. I feel empty, I don't know if I feel sad at all. Maybe I am, I know if I look at my whatsapp and didn't see her text me, that would make me feel sad. I am escaping it but I need to do whatever for me to heal to be honest.

[Lightjocj]

I've been NC with the guy who dumped me for 54 days. I thought that it would be safe by now for me to reach out to him but I'm too scared. I want him back...

 

I've heard NC is the only way to get someone who dumped you back. True?

 

54 days, good for you..almost 2 months. I would like to think it gets easier,,it does. I think maybe it stays painful for awhile,,you just learn to live and deal with it from day to day.

[vitacoco]

54 days, good for you..almost 2 months. I would like to think it gets easier,,it does. I think maybe it stays painful for awhile,,you just learn to live and deal with it from day to day.

 

It's not really hard anymore, even though I'm still in pain I'm terrified of texting him. Would it hurt my chances of getting back together with him if I reached out first?

[Lightjocj]

It's not really hard anymore, even though I'm still in pain I'm terrified of texting him. Would it hurt my chances of getting back together with him if I reached out first?

 

Well you and me both, theres really only 3 outcomes that could happen if you text him first. 1 he could madly say he misses you and cant live without you, your the best.2 you get no responce what so ever. 3 he answers back but tells you something you dont want to hear. Lets be honest number one probably wont happen..more then likely 2 or 3 would though. I guess if i had to pic maybe number 3. Thats where i am now, i get no responce. It depends on what caused the breakup also..theres alot of variables. Keep in mind though that hes fully capable of texting you if he really wanted to. That alone stops me from reaching out. Somebody who really wants to get ahold of you will find a way to do so. Id stay NC right now. I think 2 things will happen. Your already healing somewhat from staying NC..and yes i do think your ex would miss you. Some do some dont...but assuming the breakup wasnt from cheating or lieing i think its human nature to want what we no longer have. Again,,it depends on so many things. Iv tried all there is to try, my guess is you have also...well theres one thing we both have not done, that alot of us here are doing, and the best thing to do is also the hardest thing to do, and that let it go right now. Let nature do what its going to do. I know that sucks, but givin the choices i think doing what your doing is the right thing. Ya night time i think we all think about are exs, its normal. If you do text him can you handle what he may or may not say? Its a risk. For me it hurt more to reach out,,so i have stopped. Both painful, but out of the 2 choices its less painfull for me to stand my ground then to risk getting shot down over and over. Keep doing what your doing. What caused the breakup.

[teach1234]

I am currently on Day 5 of NC after a somewhat amicable break up with my partner of 5 years. He cried and told me that we had too many fundamental differences and that we were not right for each other although he still cared for me deeply and that I will always be special to him. He said that he wished things weren't this way but our personalities just are not compatible. I understand that I need to move on but because our relationship was very on and off (he was the one to break it off every time), I am struggling to believe that this is completely over. I am terrified at the thought of never speaking to or seeing him again.

[JonnyD79]

Day 14!

She text me yesterday just to let me know that she would be paying her half of the mortgage.

She also asked if I was going to respond to a letter from her solicitors.

 

I've not replied. I'm not sure if I should. My solicitor will be in contact with her in due course anyway.

[Loveart]

Almost a month of NC next week. No plans to ever reach out. He's made it clear he doesn't want me back. Trying my best to move on but sometimes it's harder to think he wasn't right for me or we would be together, etc..........Not to indifference yet but I'm thinking that's the goal of NC/getting over someone.......

[polaris]

Day 31 today; a full month. I'm in a much better place than I was 31 days ago, that's for sure. Can eat and sleep okay (probably too much of both actually!), can get work done, can do enjoyable things by myself or with friends and not think about her 24/7. I'm a long way from healed, though, and I know it. I've not attempted to make contact with her at all in the last month, and she hasn't with me. I've seen her out twice with her new/old bf; first time hurt like hell, second time was also pretty bruising but not quite as bad. Those encounters remind me that I'm in a holding pattern to some degree, that I have to see her again in a work context in less than a month now, and I'd damn well better be ready to play it absolutely straight, focusing exclusively on work and suppressing any hint of personal stuff from either side. That's going to be tough and I'm not looking forward to it, but I have nearly another four weeks yet for that, during which I intend to remain in no contact (and for some of which I will be away on vacation anyway). Hopefully by the time I finally have to have that encounter I'll be sufficiently far along the healing process that I won't get dragged back into this.

 

For anyone in the first week or two of NC, I can tell it does get easier with time. You think about them less (i.e. not 24/7), you think about other things more, you can eat better, sleep better, work better, look after yourself better. You cry less often (been about a week since I cried now), you feel emotional pain less often. On the other hand, your curiosity may increase (I'm quite curious to know how she will react to me when I see her, as in curious about her emotional resources and approach to the situation), and you'll probably feel a deep and indescribable ache lurking in the background. It lessens over time, though. Anyway, onwards and upwards.

[polaris]

Somebody who really wants to get ahold of you will find a way to do so.

 

This is it, really. If someone who broke up with you has changed their mind and wants to get back into the relationship with you, they'll get in touch. They won't just sit around waiting and hoping that you're going to come begging again. The bottom line is that they did the breaking up, and depending on the particular situation they may also have made it clear that they don't want you to be in touch with them. They know these things because they said them, so they'll also know that any restoration of the relationship has to be initiated by them. After all, how would you trust them again even if they did take you back after you asked? You'd be constantly wondering if they were about to do it again, given that they were not invested enough even to bother to try to fix things and instead left it to you.

 

Rule of thumb: the one who does the breaking up has to do the asking if things are going to work again.

[reinventmyself]

17 days NC and 5 weeks since I have seen you.

This will be the last time I count back the days because it's more attention then it deserves at this point.

I feel I have finally turned the corner and I wouldn't take you back if you came around.

 

Today is your birthday and even though you wished me a happy birthday and sent me a present a few weeks ago, I will not be acknowledging yours.

 

Not because I am bitter, but my peace of mind and emotional state is far more important than acknowledging your day today.

[Lightjocj]

This is it, really. If someone who broke up with you has changed their mind and wants to get back into the relationship with you, they'll get in touch. They won't just sit around waiting and hoping that you're going to come begging again. The bottom line is that they did the breaking up, and depending on the particular situation they may also have made it clear that they don't want you to be in touch with them. They know these things because they said them, so they'll also know that any restoration of the relationship has to be initiated by them. After all, how would you trust them again even if they did take you back after you asked? You'd be constantly wondering if they were about to do it again, given that they were not invested enough even to bother to try to fix things and instead left it to you.

 

Rule of thumb: the one who does the breaking up has to do the asking if things are going to work again.

As much as that sucks its true...they know how we feel...they need to come to us. It has been getting easier though..and your right you do get curious...but yano i bet are exs are just as curious...

[Lightjocj]

17 days NC and 5 weeks since I have seen you.

This will be the last time I count back the days because it's more attention then it deserves at this point.

I feel I have finally turned the corner and I wouldn't take you back if you came around.

 

Today is your birthday and even though you wished me a happy birthday and sent me a present a few weeks ago, I will not be acknowledging yours.

 

Not because I am bitter, but my peace of mind and emotional state is far more important than acknowledging your day today.

Wow good for you...i hope to get to that point....your right it doenst desreve this much attention...

[bots10]

Day 10 now o fb my 2nd 30 day stint. Found out on day 4 she was moving in with the guy she cheated on me with. So wanting to talk to her has been a non factor, I'm finally mad. I still do have sad days when I have nothing to do and just want that person go come home too. There 2.5 months into there relationship, I'm waiting for it to blow up. Oh well, keep pushing forward.

[polaris]

Day 10 now o fb my 2nd 30 day stint. Found out on day 4 she was moving in with the guy she cheated on me with. So wanting to talk to her has been a non factor, I'm finally mad. I still do have sad days when I have nothing to do and just want that person go come home too. There 2.5 months into there relationship, I'm waiting for it to blow up. Oh well, keep pushing forward.

 

It will. Practically no relationship which starts with cheating is still going a year later, which means they have a whole load of pain to go through sometime soon, while you'll be feeling a lot better.

[JonnyD79]

Well you and me both, theres really only 3 outcomes that could happen if you text him first. 1 he could madly say he misses you and cant live without you, your the best.2 you get no responce what so ever. 3 he answers back but tells you something you dont want to hear. Lets be honest number one probably wont happen..more then likely 2 or 3 would though. I guess if i had to pic maybe number 3. Thats where i am now, i get no responce. It depends on what caused the breakup also..theres alot of variables. Keep in mind though that hes fully capable of texting you if he really wanted to. That alone stops me from reaching out. Somebody who really wants to get ahold of you will find a way to do so. Id stay NC right now. I think 2 things will happen. Your already healing somewhat from staying NC..and yes i do think your ex would miss you. Some do some dont...but assuming the breakup wasnt from cheating or lieing i think its human nature to want what we no longer have. Again,,it depends on so many things. Iv tried all there is to try, my guess is you have also...well theres one thing we both have not done, that alot of us here are doing, and the best thing to do is also the hardest thing to do, and that let it go right now. Let nature do what its going to do. I know that sucks, but givin the choices i think doing what your doing is the right thing. Ya night time i think we all think about are exs, its normal. If you do text him can you handle what he may or may not say? Its a risk. For me it hurt more to reach out,,so i have stopped. Both painful, but out of the 2 choices its less painfull for me to stand my ground then to risk getting shot down over and over. Keep doing what your doing. What caused the breakup.

 

You make an excellent point about being able to cope with outcomes 2 or 3. It's been 4 weeks since I split with my partner and I would love for her to contact me and want to talk about things. My logical brain says that won't happen though. So I'm not going to contact her just to be faced with 2 or 3.

[bots10]

It will. Practically no relationship which starts with cheating is still going a year later, which means they have a whole load of pain to go through sometime soon, while you'll be feeling a lot better.

I know. Maybe 1 day I will get a text and when that happens I'll be right here letting everyone know. Meanwhile I'm under 200 pounds for the first time in 6 years so as I said. Keep pushing forward.

[denoted09]

Day 4

 

He dumped me for a second time after 3 years together. We had grown apart, I was too busy with work and him with friends so we started seeing less and less of each other and also we weren't as intimate. Our communication prior to the breakup was strained an didn't go anything beyond greetings and goodnight wishes. We finally met up and he said he didn't think the relationship was working anymore even though he still loves me and wanted to stay friends. I turned down his friendship offer and told him I'd need to start on a clean slate, he was bummed out and hoped it changed my mind but I won't. Haven't spoken to him since and it's really hard. I'm struggling to get any sleep or eat anything. I never thought it would be this hard but I'm still maintaining NC. I unfriended him on Facebook and deleted text threads. I haven't told anyone about this yet as I'm still hoping we can work things out.

 

I've cried a lot these past few days and my heart feels heavy. He was my first everything and I gave so much of my life to him.

[denoted09]

Day 4

 

I terribly miss him. He dumped me after 3 years together, can't say I didn't see it coming though. We had grown apart and had too many unnecessary arguments. I still love him a lot though and I'm hoping for a reconciliation in future, he was a great bf.

[Lightjocj]

Day 4

 

I terribly miss him. He dumped me after 3 years together, can't say I didn't see it coming though. We had grown apart and had too many unnecessary arguments. I still love him a lot though and I'm hoping for a reconciliation in future, he was a great bf.

 

We all miss are exs i think, iv been thinking alot about mine to, maybe i miss the company, maybe i miss the idea of them maybe i miss the habit of texting and calling, label it however you want but i still feel the same way you do. It sucks, i cant say theres been much crying latly from me though, you will feel better one day then you will see or see something that reminds you of them and have a mini breakdown. Around here are summers are short, i had so many plans this summer for us to spend time together..we broke up in april...still doing ok...but was really hoping and looking forward to all the good times we could have had....awwell

[Unscrewed]

I forget how many days...but it's better that way. Counting the days will drive me insane.

[teach1234]

I am currently on day 9 of NC. I am the dumpee and we broke up because he thought we were not compatible. On day 6 of NC, I received a message from him saying "This is hard."

I have been tempted but have not replied to his text. I'm not sure why he sent me the message and am feeling confused.

[Kao]

im the dumpee,

 

exactly day 14. ex Gf chose a timeframe most comfortable for her, as she had lots of support last 2 weeks (her father visit her from LD)

 

i was strong and never texted her. this morning first thing she does after dad's gone - is call me, and after i didnt take it (was busy, rly, no games..) messaged me

 

so yea i replied laters and she responded like instantly..then again didnt reply on in depth-questions (not about relationship but more serious stuff in her life) i hate this.. i still would like to try longer with her but breakup seemed final and i dont wanna come off creepy/already let her initiate most stuff because she has boundary issues. i guess ill always tell to only talk at phone now so i can catch more out of it. also will be able to get to my own decisions about maybe permanent non contact then.. but i dont have enough information yet ~~

 

i also already planned my money for summer vacation differently now (with my male best friend) .. i knew its exactly this day when she would call me and said to myself if its like that, you got a chance.. but i almost had finished with this.

 

ride never ends and im not rdy for this..~~

[bots10]

Day 13 of my 2nd 30 NC. Still not a peep from her. Last "conversation" was July 3rd. Wondering if she even thinks about me at all? Last 2 days have been really rough. Really miss her, or maybe not her but just having someone. All these different girls contact me but yet none of them are her. It's going to take a very special girl to fill those shoes she left behind. Oh and for those wondering, 4.5 years, she cheated and left.

[Lightjocj]

Day 13 of my 2nd 30 NC. Still not a peep from her. Last "conversation" was July 3rd. Wondering if she even thinks about me at all? Last 2 days have been really rough. Really miss her, or maybe not her but just having someone. All these different girls contact me but yet none of them are her. It's going to take a very special girl to fill those shoes she left behind. Oh and for those wondering, 4.5 years, she cheated and left.

Just wondering...so did you go 30 and try and contact here...and then start the 30 again...or did you do 30 and now heades for another 30...either way ya im sure it stings. Seems as time goes on the farther down the river she gets... making it seemingly impossible to catch up. I just finished my 30 im not goin to reach out yet...but its hard amd disheartening when they dont reach out.. it definitely puts out the candles of Hope one by one.