THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[polaris]

Day 13 of NC (and Day 18 since the break up). Is it easier now? Marginally. Still very hard, still grieving, still hurts like hell. Grief tends to come in waves; I'll be feeling not to bad for a few minutes, and then another wave will hit me and I'll be fighting back the tears again. I cry less than I did at the start though, which must be some sort of progress. Reading a novel offers a good form of distraction I find, and something to hold on to. Also spending time with a friend; can't really discuss the situation due to a work/relationship complication, but it's nice to have someone to do things with occasionally.

[coldmoon]

Nc day 1. There we go again. I hate being ignored.

[Vegancatlady]

Day 5 of no contact soon to be ending...it was very tough today.

It's his day off today and tomorrow. I wonder what he's up to.

I wonder if he is thinking of me. The realist in me says no.

Keeping busy is not helping...but I soldier on.

The hurt and anxiety was so bad today...such pain. It's all so sad.

[polaris]

Day 5 of no contact soon to be ending...it was very tough today.

It's his day off today and tomorrow. I wonder what he's up to.

I wonder if he is thinking of me. The realist in me says no.

Keeping busy is not helping...but I soldier on.

The hurt and anxiety was so bad today...such pain. It's all so sad.

 

It gets easier, I promise. The pain really is awful in the first couple of weeks.

 

And meanwhile: is he thinking of you? Yes, of course. I've been broken up with a couple of times from serious relationships (including the most recent one), and done the breaking up a couple of times, and even in the easiest break up, where I'd probably emotionally moved on before the break up occurred, I still thought of her regularly (as in multiple times a day). You don't go from spending every day together with someone, thinking about someone, talking to them, sharing a life with them, to not thinking at all overnight. Is he obsessing 24/7? Maybe not, but you can guarantee he's spending a good chunk of the day thinking about you still, and the longer you remain in NC, the kinder his thoughts will become. I know that when I broke up with someone after she'd cheated and been emotionally abusive on and off for some time, I hated her guts and was quite happy to break up. After about three months of NC, I felt moderately well disposed towards her again and remembered the good times. Amazing what tricks the memory can play after a period of separation.

[Vegancatlady]

It gets easier, I promise. The pain really is awful in the first couple of weeks.

 

And meanwhile: is he thinking of you? Yes, of course. I've been broken up with a couple of times from serious relationships (including the most recent one), and done the breaking up a couple of times, and even in the easiest break up, where I'd probably emotionally moved on before the break up occurred, I still thought of her regularly (as in multiple times a day). You don't go from spending every day together with someone, thinking about someone, talking to them, sharing a life with them, to not thinking at all overnight. Is he obsessing 24/7? Maybe not, but you can guarantee he's spending a good chunk of the day thinking about you still, and the longer you remain in NC, the kinder his thoughts will become. I know that when I broke up with someone after she'd cheated and been emotionally abusive on and off for some time, I hated her guts and was quite happy to break up. After about three months of NC, I felt moderately well disposed towards her again and remembered the good times. Amazing what tricks the memory can play after a period of separation.

 

He's very emotionally withdrawn at the moment.

His father died end of February and ever since then he went further and further downhill.

The pressure of a relationship was causing him serious anxiety and stress.

He cares about me for sure, but any intimacy just disappeared.

We still laughed, hugged, ate together, went for a pint, spoke everyday.

But the his sex drive went completely and he would sometimes retreat or cancel dates on me at the last minute.

He was feeling very guilty about this...I understand.

Maybe in the future we'll be friends. I still love him with all my heart though, and will for a while I think.

[coldmoon]

Out of NC, the ignoring was a misconception. Going well between me and ex:surprise:

[gypsybird87]

I continue to be bass-ackwards in pretty much everything. It's been nearly two months since I "officially" broke NC and reached out to my ex. I did so against all advice here, to verify that his feelings hadn't changed, so I could let go of hope and move on. After about 4 days of sporadic friendly contact, I told him I couldn't continue and put NC back in place. He was upset, for the second time, as he wants very much to stay actively friends.

 

Anyway, the broken NC was helpful in the way I needed it to be, because I finally got unstuck and began moving forward with my healing. I had blocked him much earlier on facebook and Pinterest. The facebook block is pretty comprehensive; the Pinterest one is not. I can still see his page, and if he wishes he can still see mine. It's a pointless block, really. You can't message each other or send pins but other than that it's useless. I freely admit.... over the last two months I had gotten into a bad habit of regularly stalking his Pinterest page. I don't know why, other than to maintain that feeling of connection. The pins themselves are boring, and not about anything I'm interested in. Bleh.

 

So, in my usual backwards craziness, I unblocked him yesterday. On both Facebook and Pinterest. And since then I haven't looked at either one and have no desire to. I think maybe the forbidden-ness (is that a word?) of them being blocked was adding some false allure that wasn't really there. I hope this feeling of "meh" continues. I really would like to be friends with him someday, but that can only happen once I am completely over him, with all gauges reading "meh". Not sure if I will get there, but it will happen if it's meant to. For now just taking it one day at a time, and living my life for me.

 

As a sidenote... every time I want to post on this thread I have trouble finding it, because I forget it's filed under "Getting Back Together." Sigh.

[reinventmyself]

So, in my usual backwards craziness, I unblocked him yesterday. On both Facebook and Pinterest. And since then I haven't looked at either one and have no desire to. I think maybe the forbidden-ness (is that a word?) of them being blocked was adding some false allure that wasn't really there. I hope this feeling of "meh" continues. I really would like to be friends with him someday, but that can only happen once I am completely over him, with all gauges reading "meh". Not sure if I will get there, but it will happen if it's meant to. For now just taking it one day at a time, and living my life for me.

.

I too blocked my recent ex on FB and unblocked him only because he's not very active anyway and if he did look at my FB I didn't want to give him the satisfaction that it bothered me enough to do so.

 

Blech . . .I hate that I am even giving this more thought than it deserves.

But it's where I am at.

One day at a time

[gypsybird87]

I too blocked my recent ex on FB and unblocked him only because he's not very active anyway and if he did look at my FB I didn't want to give him the satisfaction that it bothered me enough to do so.

 

Blech . . .I hate that I am even giving this more thought than it deserves.

But it's where I am at.

One day at a time

 

I know what you mean. I had a whole thread on here where I agonized over blocking him on Facebook, and everyone was urging me to do it. I literally made myself physically sick over it. Now... eh... it's a trivial thing really. And my best take-away from that feeling is how far I've come from the emotional angst I felt when I put the block in place. This is where I am now. It's a long ways from where I was then. Like you said, we are where we are. It's a process.

[bots10]

Day 28. They say your suppose to get stronger as the days go on... Still waiting for that to start. 4.5 years. Lived together for 4 years. She cheated on left 2 months ago. No contact from her. I did the begging and pleading thing for the first month and now trying this. I want nothing more then for her to know I have not forgot about her... Yet it seems as though she could care less that I'm even breathing.

[loxg5869]

I went NC for 6 days with the personal coaching of Brad Browning (search him on youtube if you need some one to help you) .

 

-Days 3 she texted me then show up at my restaurant but i went out because i dont want to meet her, after coming home she texted me again. I waited till morning to reply short, no conversation.

-Day 4 At night she texted me again, i waited till morning to do the same.

-Day 5, i accidently text the wrong message to her when sending it to my employee. She will know that i open the chat box to check her online or not then made mistake. I think i have to start all over again

 

Yesterday she didn't me. Maybe she realized that i don't want to talk to her.

 

I still loving her so much. Tomorrow she will be travelling with the new guy and soon they will dating. She said there will be no sex ( she still virgin) but i am screwed

[SadCookie]

Day 2 for me.... He broke up with me for the second time (after a one week break for him to consider his options, him telling me he had deep complex thoughts about it all that I never got to hear.... so he strung me along for a painful week in other words), saying he wanted to be "single" but he still "loves" me.

First time round he changed his mind instantly, we were back together in a week. I don't know how to deal with this situation because I love him to pieces. I stayed as his friend for a few days after the break up, even though he acted very selfishly the whole time. I realised now that if I want any chance of him changing his mind, I can't be in his life at all. He needs to know what he's missing out on, as I treated him so much better than anyone else he's ever known.

I had a dream about him last night and woke up forgetting he had dumped me, was so depressing.....

Anyway I still want him back at this point, but I hope by the end of the 30 days I'll be happy without him or he'll have realised his stupid mistake again, and come crawling back to me. Either way, I am going to be happy!

[loxg5869]

I went NC for 6 days with the personal coaching of Brad Browning (search him on youtube if you need some one to help you) .

 

-Days 3 she texted me then show up at my restaurant but i went out because i dont want to meet her, after coming home she texted me again. I waited till morning to reply short, no conversation.

-Day 4 At night she texted me again, i waited till morning to do the same.

-Day 5, i accidently text the wrong message to her when sending it to my employee. She will know that i open the chat box to check her online or not then made mistake. I think i have to start all over again

 

Yesterday she didn't me. Maybe she realized that i don't want to talk to her.

 

I still loving her so much. Tomorrow she will be travelling with the new guy and soon they will dating. She said there will be no sex ( she still virgin) but i am screwed

 

Today is day 8, she just posted a picture of her travelling happily with her new guy. I feel like a bullet shoot through my heart and starting to feel the pain again.

[JonnyD79]

I'd been NC for 14 days until last Thursday when I cracked.

I sent her a light hearted message about Game of Thrones. We still need to watch the last 5 episodes of series 5 that we have on Blu-Ray together. I told her it didn't feel right watching them without her.

Her reply was to tell me to sell the box set on eBay.

 

3 hours later she texts me asking for a utility bill with her name on it. I was at work so wasn't able to help straight away but I told her I'd drop one off at her parents for her. She replied "Don't Bother".

She then texts me asking if I have a bag from a shop with an outfit she'd bought herself. Of course I haven't and I've no idea what she's talking about. I tell her this. It then goes quiet again.

 

I've not heard from her since.

 

Now I've done something that may be foolish. I've arranged to have some flowers delivered to her on Saturday.

I'd just like to start talking to her again.

[loxg5869]

I'd been NC for 14 days until last Thursday when I cracked.

I sent her a light hearted message about Game of Thrones. We still need to watch the last 5 episodes of series 5 that we have on Blu-Ray together. I told her it didn't feel right watching them without her.

Her reply was to tell me to sell the box set on eBay.

 

3 hours later she texts me asking for a utility bill with her name on it. I was at work so wasn't able to help straight away but I told her I'd drop one off at her parents for her. She replied "Don't Bother".

She then texts me asking if I have a bag from a shop with an outfit she'd bought herself. Of course I haven't and I've no idea what she's talking about. I tell her this. It then goes quiet again.

 

I've not heard from her since.

 

Now I've done something that may be foolish. I've arranged to have some flowers delivered to her on Saturday.

I'd just like to start talking to her again.

Johny, you break the NC not in the right time, i haven't seen any positive in your conversation with her. I don't know how to help you but i feel you did the wrong thing

[bots10]

Well today is 30 days and 2 months since she cheated and left. In those 2 months she has not been social with me at all,sftee almost 5 years. I still want her back, but I know she's still messing around with the guy she cheated on me with originally. I just feel like after everything we have been through she forget about me.. hurts so much. Wish i could could forget about her, not so easy.

[loxg5869]

Well today is 30 days and 2 months since she cheated and left. In those 2 months she has not been social with me at all,sftee almost 5 years. I still want her back, but I know she's still messing around with the guy she cheated on me with originally. I just feel like after everything we have been through she forget about me.. hurts so much. Wish i could could forget about her, not so easy.

 

Hi Bots10, i am just like you, My ex also travelling with her rebound, i hurt at hell but still trying to complete 30 days NC

About your situation, did she contact ? if not, try to make it 45 days, if she still not coming back, i think you should move on. Wish you the best

[bots10]

Hi Bots10, i am just like you, My ex also travelling with her rebound, i hurt at hell but still trying to complete 30 days NC

About your situation, did she contact ? if not, try to make it 45 days, if she still not coming back, i think you should move on. Wish you the best

I broke down this morning and texted her... She has not contacted me once since she left. Couple times she would answer my messages with cold 1 word responses. I'm trying to find light at the end of the tunnel but nothing is there. I compare everything and one to her.

 

I said. "Hey" name". Thinking about you and wanted to make it clear, I'm not "ignoring" you or mad at you. I'm just giving you what you wanted. Hope all is well and of course I miss you and still care, alot at that. I'm pretty hurt, won't lie. Still can't believe this happened to "us" of all people. I hope you at least realized over our time together I'm not someone who plays games, I try to be as real as it gets. I don't expect a response, it's ok. Thanks again for everything, I appreciate it more then you know. "

[loxg5869]

I broke down this morning and texted her... She has not contacted me once since she left. Couple times she would answer my messages with cold 1 word responses. I'm trying to find light at the end of the tunnel but nothing is there. I compare everything and one to her.

 

I said. "Hey" name". Thinking about you and wanted to make it clear, I'm not "ignoring" you or mad at you. I'm just giving you what you wanted. Hope all is well and of course I miss you and still care, alot at that. I'm pretty hurt, won't lie. Still can't believe this happened to "us" of all people. I hope you at least realized over our time together I'm not someone who plays games, I try to be as real as it gets. I don't expect a response, it's ok. Thanks again for everything, I appreciate it more then you know. "

Hi bots, its hard for me to say this but there is no hope , you did no-contact, you texted but she haven't reply so you should thinking about moving on.

She not worth it, you did everything you can. Now you have to accept the fact.

 

I hope you will get over this soon.

[bots10]

Hi bots, its hard for me to say this but there is no hope , you did no-contact, you texted but she haven't reply so you should thinking about moving on.

She not worth it, you did everything you can. Now you have to accept the fact.

 

I hope you will get over this soon.

I know people say there is no hope. I know someplace there's some truth behind it. My only reason for hanging onto something is the fact that she still is financialy intertwined with myself and has had no concern is trying to separate stuff yet. She also still has a bunch of stuff at the house still.. Idk. Maybe I'm looking too much into it.

[polaris]

I'd been NC for 14 days until last Thursday when I cracked.

I sent her a light hearted message about Game of Thrones. We still need to watch the last 5 episodes of series 5 that we have on Blu-Ray together. I told her it didn't feel right watching them without her.

Her reply was to tell me to sell the box set on eBay.

 

3 hours later she texts me asking for a utility bill with her name on it. I was at work so wasn't able to help straight away but I told her I'd drop one off at her parents for her. She replied "Don't Bother".

She then texts me asking if I have a bag from a shop with an outfit she'd bought herself. Of course I haven't and I've no idea what she's talking about. I tell her this. It then goes quiet again.

 

I've not heard from her since.

 

Now I've done something that may be foolish. I've arranged to have some flowers delivered to her on Saturday.

I'd just like to start talking to her again.

 

I feel your pain, I can see your objective, and maybe you need to hit your head a few more times against the wall until it really hurts, and then you'll stop. But that's ultimately what you're doing here. Every time you reach out, she bats you back. Send the flowers if you feel you can't not, but try not to expect anything positive from it.

[polaris]

I broke down this morning and texted her... She has not contacted me once since she left. Couple times she would answer my messages with cold 1 word responses. I'm trying to find light at the end of the tunnel but nothing is there. I compare everything and one to her.

 

I said. "Hey" name". Thinking about you and wanted to make it clear, I'm not "ignoring" you or mad at you. I'm just giving you what you wanted. Hope all is well and of course I miss you and still care, alot at that. I'm pretty hurt, won't lie. Still can't believe this happened to "us" of all people. I hope you at least realized over our time together I'm not someone who plays games, I try to be as real as it gets. I don't expect a response, it's ok. Thanks again for everything, I appreciate it more then you know. "

 

Except by sending that, you're not giving her what she wanted, which was to be left alone. I know it hurts, I know it's impossible to believe that she doesn't feel anything; how can she not respond? I'll be honest with you, when I was in her situation once, i.e. when I'd moved on with someone else, anything I heard from the person I'd broken up with simply annoyed me. Those feelings vanished pretty much overnight because all I could think about was the new person. Eventually, after a few months with the new person, when the honeymoon feelings were dropping off, I did feel something for the ex again. Not enough to go back, but it was then, and only then, that I would have been open to communication again. Do yourself a favour, and give her time to get over her excitement with the new guy and to actually miss having you around. Don't constantly remind her that you're there on the backburner waiting for her; it will simply encourage her to know that she can jump in with both feet to her new relationship safe in the knowledge that you're around if it goes wrong. Believe me, I know how hard it is to let go, even temporarily. I'm in more or less the same situation - my ex left me and went straight back to her ex, and is with him right now for all I know. It's not a nice thought, but what's even worse would be thinking that the two of them are there laughing at sad old me who apparently can't get over her even after she's moved on disrespectfully fast. I'm not going to give her that satisfaction, and I would urge you not to either.

[bots10]

Except by sending that, you're not giving her what she wanted, which was to be left alone. I know it hurts, I know it's impossible to believe that she doesn't feel anything; how can she not respond? I'll be honest with you, when I was in her situation once, i.e. when I'd moved on with someone else, anything I heard from the person I'd broken up with simply annoyed me. Those feelings vanished pretty much overnight because all I could think about was the new person. Eventually, after a few months with the new person, when the honeymoon feelings were dropping off, I did feel something for the ex again. Not enough to go back, but it was then, and only then, that I would have been open to communication again. Do yourself a favour, and give her time to get over her excitement with the new guy and to actually miss having you around. Don't constantly remind her that you're there on the backburner waiting for her; it will simply encourage her to know that she can jump in with both feet to her new relationship safe in the knowledge that you're around if it goes wrong. Believe me, I know how hard it is to let go, even temporarily. I'm in more or less the same situation - my ex left me and went straight back to her ex, and is with him right now for all I know. It's not a nice thought, but what's even worse would be thinking that the two of them are there laughing at sad old me who apparently can't get over her even after she's moved on disrespectfully fast. I'm not going to give her that satisfaction, and I would urge you not to either.

Polaris, thanks for the response.... It was like a mudslide today..i sent that first message and then it all spewed out of me. I sent a total of 5, the last essentially saying sorry for blowing you up today, if and when you want to talk I'll he here. This was after I told her I still loved her, and there were no other girls and just me trying to better myself.. Etc.

 

I guess we start over tomorrow at day 1. This is really quite horrible. 2 months and I still can't shake this feeling, and the worst part is I'm not even mad at her.

[kingsrh247]

Quick question well maybe not so quick if you take the time to read my post below but if you can take the time to read my post...I would like to know if this NC is something I should do..

 

Tried posting Url but won't let me post is called baby momma broke up with my need advice..same forum as this post is located.

[JonnyD79]

I feel your pain, I can see your objective, and maybe you need to hit your head a few more times against the wall until it really hurts, and then you'll stop. But that's ultimately what you're doing here. Every time you reach out, she bats you back. Send the flowers if you feel you can't not, but try not to expect anything positive from it.

 

I've cancelled the flowers. I actually feel better for not sending them.