SooSad33

I suggest you leave her be in any other sense than a 'friendship' level. Why bother complicating anything here, when you already know she is NOT ready to get involved again. She is only a cpl mos out of a messy relationship 😕 . She has nothing to give at this time. Let her heal and be with her friends, with no pressures.

Mid 40's and early 20's? Nope. I think it's best you let this 'crush' die out and move on. You do realize you are old enough to be her father? I could & would NEVER date a guy my own kids age! Plus, there's such a large age gap, in time you realize, other than 'looks', what else do we have in common? Anyways, is just too much imo. It's a no.

I feel YOU are the lost & confused one here. You have based YOUR life around this woman you have no future with and it's sad 😕 . I don't know what you are waiting for? Is time to get a life. Move on and find your equal, your special someone. Sadly, no, she never was. BUT, in order to do so, you NEED to stop putting her on a pedestal! Your time with her is long gone. Long over. So, isn't it time to work on accepting this and living your life for yourself? Instead of just wasting it away on some long gone, years past odd relationship that never grew? For me, I could never be true 'friends' with an ex. It was either all or nothing. As we have a past and was hard for me to 'go backwards' ( back to just friends). Especially if I was emotionally invested . In ways, I feel, for your own good, is to start to distant yourself in order to be able to move on in a healthy manner. So, no expectations! And no, no intimacy req'd.

You do have the right to date - but please make sure it's been a good while and you're just not wanting to rub it in her face etc. It's fine to inform her that you do have a gf and you plan to introduce her to your child soon. You do not have to answer anything more. All of your interactions should be about the child ONLY. Her issue's are for her to figure out & work through.

Wow, 😕 so sorry to hear of your struggles. Instead of your parents changing you to this or that location, has anyone ever actually thought of a counsellor or therapist to get to the bottom of this? Running away isn't the answer. there's always gonna be people out there. There are anti depressants and anxiety meds, and yah, therapy. To help you work thru your issues. I was also very insecure during school. I needed therapy by time I got to your age. I do feel, sometimes we just need to 'make ourselves do it'. Even though I don't like going out too often nowadays, I still make myself do it once a week. It has to be done 😉 . How about talking to them about the idea of some prof help? Ask your family dr about all of this- what can they do to help you? Feels like you just feel overwhelmed & stuck - should you have a good history re: your issues, mental health etc on paper, is a good chance you can end up fighting for some kind of dissability eventually and expectations will be less for you - but you need to get going on this now.

I say why not - but do expect some things may have changed over these 5 years. He may be involved now, etc. So, sure, reach out. One Q , You realize now that he has a linkedIn acct? Why haven't you noticed this before now? ( is it just because he was out of your head all this time, until your move back?)

It is something minor imo. You fancy the guy? Go for it! The other one was a mismatch. This one may not be 😉

So sorry to hear of all this 😕 . Sadly, when there are such 'toxic' people in this world, they will not or cannot 'understand' our point of view. They will Always turn it around, like THEY are the one's being mistreated and YOU are the bad one.... Yes, toxic! Yet, YOU were the one mistreated! So, all you can do is continue on your own path. Do what you need to do ( therapy). mention this to your therapist ( your parents reaction) and hopefully they can help you in dealing with this negative response. You're now at a distance? Good, is maybe best to keep it this way. Find your own new life there! Live for yourself and continue to work on getting yourself better. In time, I believe you will be able to grow in a positive manner and find some decent friends and partner. One day at a time.. take care of YOU ❤️

I get it ... kinda. BUT, are you possibly still reeling over your own last LTR? You admitted you both came out of one and at one point she felt she was not ready yet. Sounds like she's got some regrets... and has learned now 😉 . Hey, we all have regrets. IMO, I don't find him a threat.

Yeah, I'm wondering as well how long you two have been involved? And IF you do trust her enough? IF this was all unexpected, I hope she'll make note and stop going to dinner w/ the boss!

Yup, you don't know until you go there. You say you talk over social media? Good start. And you also met up once- but basically, that's it! As mentioned, bring up the idea of meeting up for drinks together, see if she says yes. That is where you begin 😉 . Continue to try & get to know her IF she allows it. ( by sounds of it, you still don't know a whole lot abt her). You sound pretty respectful and not in her face with expectations etc, lol. Good on you. Be yourself and see how it goes.... you will know soon enough.

You admit so, yourself. This relationship was a whirlwind and the BU wasn't surprising. 😕 You're just still reeling about the whole thing.. it's okay . In time, things will make more sense, once the dust settles and you come to feel more yourself again. ( because, inside you know it was all just too much in every aspect). From him at your place constantly, to a secret engagement, to his work demands and then his family.... then came you. He couldn't handle it anymore... it was wearing him down. Sadly, this relationship fell apart and was unable to build in a healthy manner. I always say, Life is an experience. We live, we learn. Take it easy and be kind to yourself. In time you'll feel better and be okay to date again. 🙂

Nope, don't go there. She is obviously okay. They chose to pull away from social media and this is how it is. No reason to send an email on top of your other contact attempt.

I agree with the above.... YOU are taking a huge risk as this is a co worker 😕 . Sooo many times we see people posting about how awkward their work place has become because now they have to work with 'an ex'. Also, as mentioned, you don't know that much abt her, right? She may be involved already. And should you make her feel too awkward, she will turn down your help in 'a ride home'. Be careful here. Being kind is one thing, going too far is another.

She also admits this relationship has runs it's course AND how her ex bf 'burned her'.... IMO, i say she's mentally exhausted - maybe should not have gotten involved again so soon. She's just being 'snappy', you can do whatever you want! If it's done now, then it's done. Nothing more you can do but accept what is. You back off and don't bother her . Yeah, it hurts for a while, of course 😕 . Give yourself some time.. be easy on yourself. Things will improve as your mind works through all of this and you heal.

Good for you! You've done some good stuff over the last few months 🙂 . Now, you just need to keep moving forward - not fall back 😉 . Keep up your beliefs. That, no matter what, you CAN do this. Yeah, I remember those feelings eg. back in school & having to see an ex in the hallways, etc. But, it must be done! Maybe for now, ease yourself into it all slowly. Avoid hanging out in the friends groups stuff for a month or two. As you feel you are not ready to see him again. IMO, It's best you two have had no contact. It helps one move on better and accept things, let go easier, etc. Do I see things ever working out again? No. Too much damage done now. Was a rough go and an experience for you both. In time, your curiosity will lessen, to the point you won't care anymore 😉 . Keep moving ahead. One day at a time.. you got this.

This can contribute at times to the way a person is. Influence and conditioning... Just saying. I have no idea how she is, only you do. BUT, at this time you are going through a rough time.. sorry 😕 . Nothing more you can do other than respect her wishes. I do feel, in time, you will back out of this 'friends' idea. As you want more, not just a little piece. Is how I've always been. I had an ex want to 'be friends', I said nope! It's all or nothing and we were more than friends, so it's hard to go backwards. Give it time.. for now, or soon enough, you NEED to start focussing on yourself. Do NOT go running into another girls arms. You DO need to work on yourself for a good while ( learn from this experience with her). If you do try to date again, it'll be a rebound- which is selfishness, knowing you're not ready!

Yes, most people have 'invested' a lot of time & energy into their relationships... But, there may come a time when you are just done. Have you weighed the odds? Is there possibly anything more you can work on together? Eg. better communications.. or date nights, if things have been lacking, etc. Or.. has this relationship maybe run its course now? And you're just not satisfied anymore.... Stuff happens in relationshps all the time, sometimes our feelings fade & we're not all in it anymore. We're curious and wanting to spread our wings again... then, so be it. Of course, we never want to 'hurt' the other person, but that can't be helped. Just don't live a lie.

Yeah, I agree.. it's a No. Trust is needed and I say that's gone 😕 . When one is to the point of being sneaky, following their partner, etc, the damage is done. AND, he has cheated already, so how could any of this be fixed now? If he was that unsure at the time, he should NOT have been involved with you... until or unless he figured his **** out. I say be done, IF you are truly into someone, ya don't act out like this!

The choice is YOURS, not mom's , first of all. What do you mean, the truth? Re: the no fun sex w/him? IMO, IF he even asks this, say whatever you want. Maybe just be honest enough to admit you 'weren't feeling it at the time & wasn't mentally ready'. But then again, you're not this time around either... right? 😉 Then go for drinks IF you want to. But, he also needs to realize to not expect anything from this 'meet up'. So, make that clear IF he goes there.

I say a friendship basis. So don't expect anything more with her. If you're looking to date, go back to that dating site 😉 .

Yes, it is very possible. We all go thru life on our own pace. My brother was single at least 10 yrs until he met his wife - after a very difficult time with a drug addicted gf 😕 . I've been involved a few times over the years. Only married once and 2 LTR. We never know 😉 . But, in the end, nothing we can do but work through our pains and see we have no control over the other person. They feel what they feel, same for ourselves. if it's not working for us, we do need to be honest. No one truly wants to hurt the other, but we also can't live a lie.

So, to you, she hasn't said enough? Then ask her straight out.. Are We Done? No head games... but to you, does it not sound like she's pulled away? Okay, then give her that space... but sadly, when it comes to this point, they're just not in it anymore 😕 , sorry.

I am sorry for your pains 😕 . is why I don't date anymore, it requires your energy. I just can't. But, this is how it is when we get involved, our emotions are all in. So, yeah, it hurts for a good while 😞 .... I say you're grieving atm. So, you're in denial right now... then comes the sadness, the anger & pains etc.. Over and over until you can accept it, heal and move on. And I do NOT believe in the stuff he's been saying re: falling in love, only twice, lol. We have no real control over that. ( for both of you, actually). YOU are 29 yrs old.. like you'll never come to love another? Sure, you will. And as for him, same goes. As I said, you two will be dealing with your own emotions for the next while, as you work on accepting what is. But it won't last forever. ( one ex, it took me abt 10 mos.. another ex, it took me about 2 yrs to be over him). It all takes time. But, the worst thing to do is try to keep in contact - go no contact. Nothing! No following etc ( as you said, he blocked you? Says plenty 😕 ). One day at a time.... take care of YOU. Focus on you. Get out there, get some air, hang with friends, get your rest etc.

First off, no, you do not need to 'change'! This is who you are. You've done nothing wrong. And as for her friend, you need to stop bringing her into your issue's. Your gf can make her own choices on her own. If she's pulling away , not much you can do, but let her. And please, do NOT start begging & chasing her! That makes things even more annoying. Couples argue all the time, it's very normal. Fact that you two never do, is actually a bit concerning. It's how you learn to work together & build a more stable relationship. Sadly, by sounds of it, she's been doing some heavy thinking the last while and is now bringing this up to you. Could very well be that her mind is made up, so, not much you can do. Sometimes, we come to realize we're just not so compatible after all 😕 . I know, it hurts! But, nothing anyone can do, except to let them go, work on accepting & healing and moving on with our lives.