SooSad33

First of all, imo, one should NOT have a need to go thru one's phone at all. Especially only 4 mos in! I dated a guy and only went thru his pone once, after 5 years- as I assumed he was cheating- which he was, so that was done. Also, I don't feel this is any 'true love', not yet. More of a fascination. You two barely know each other yet, by sounds of it. And obviously, you don't know her at all, as you've taken a peek into her past via her phone to see all she's done .. before you? Yah, I can't see this going much further. you're obviously quite concerned and sounds like trust isn't there at all. I wouldn't be too happy either seeing that type of behaviour in front of me! Then be done with it all.

So a communication issue, along with HIGH defenses going on. Is probably how she's developed over time. When there does NOT always need to be 'blame' going on, but more to understanding there was a mix up and chit happens! Yah, NO need for that kind of behaviour towards you 😕 . And then YOUR defenses come up because of hers. So, friends etc have seen her at her best? 😉 , lol. Well what's this tell ya?

You two are both so young. I dont think he has what it takes to keep this going anymore. He doesn't want the added stress of being involved with someone so far away anymore. It can be very hard to keep something like this together in a healthy manner. So, by sounds of it, he's pulling away and wants/needs to focus on all he's got going on at home. Is probably best for both of you to work on accepting and moving on. Let this be a lesson and that it was an experience you both had and is often best to be involved with someone much closer to home. If he's saying he's done with this, you say okay & wish him the best. No more expectations. As for friends, I'm sure you will soon come to meet some at your own location soon 🙂 .

Maybe you just need more time to accept what is. You're right, you two are just friends, so no expectations, really. Hopefully, in time you'll get through these feelings you're in and come around again. If not, it's okay, you'll get more friends 😉 . Carry on with your group and your learning.

Oh, but you can. People split all of the time. You just need to get going on getting a lawyer, for him to pay some support and arrange visits w/ his kid. ( I'm sure there is assistance in this for situations like yours- due to costs). Contact them As for this guilt crap he gives, oh well! He's an adult and a parent to a kid you two have. Whatever he feeds you, ignore it! You are not happy with his behaviour anymore. Don't live with regrets.

This is why it's always of best interest to have friends of the same sex. Sadly, many people get intertwined and feelings, urges etc can develop. Yes, for your own well being, distant yourself from all of this now. I don't really have an close 'guy' friends, especially ex's, as they'd be more challenging, as we were once a thing. So, for me it's either all or nothing. So, as you came to learn it's damaging 😕 , so do as you must. She has some gal friends I'm sure and you should have some guy friends. No need to continue anything really, when it comes to her, right? In time, you'll get over this and yeah, go onto a dating site & start touring there.. or get involved with a 'local singles grp' on FB or something, if you're looking to date.

She IS a toxic person for you 😕 . She's mentally abusive & controlling! No you cannot 'fix' this. Sadly, you had to learn the hard way re: moving in with her, that it did not make a difference! Now, you get out of this with her. Can you go stay with a friend or parents? ( not sure where you moved from)? Either way, you're good for reaching out and to try & understand this situation and avoid being trauma bonded. Good for you 😉 . Yes, get out of this and let her go bish at someone else. Fps 😕

You really dont know about the intimacy part until you ask him 😉 . BUT, I'd suggest you let things lie for a while... and let yourself get a grip & back to reality on this whole thing. ( like you admitted, you're freshly divorced), then you know you're not ready to get involved again.

Yeah, imo, this is getting to be too much. I think over time, people DO get emotionally invested in their FWB. ( Usually the woman). And as for a FWB situation, you go to 'have some fun;, that's it! * No expectations*. Maybe this fwb thingy has run its course? YOU should not care what he's doing the rest of the week or month. When you leave, that's it. You are free do do whatever YOU want. Vice versa. And if things are beginning to get a little heated because he's now accusing you of lying etc, then maybe it's just time to be done with him. Move on and do your dating tour on the dating sites. Go out with other men, BUT do expect with that, that they'll expect something from you eventually.... If all you want is to do 'hang out', make sure you've made that clear and in that case, maybe just look up some 'local singles groups' in your area. I'm sure there's something near you on FB. I've seen many and am in one in my area. We meet for coffee, go to the park, to movies, etc.

Yeah, sadly, some men don't know how to 'show or explain' themselves.. then get offended when really we can't read their minds 😕 . But, I feel you were there for him the best way possible. I feel he's stressed out and his communications skills lack, hence the frustrations arising - which is really not fair on you 😞 . I'd suggest you two try couple therapy? And IF he says no to this, then do maybe consider removing yourself from this relationship. Sorry you've seen no real support from him. 😕

Yeah, it happens, feelings can re surface with reminders. So, you just have to give it time to settle again, is all. What more can you do? I am friends with a guy who also interacts w/ my ex. They worked together years ago. But, no one says much about it. We do our thing and he does his thing. No need to mentioned anyone's name in this. So what, he's friends with both of us. ( although he did back off from me for a good few years, at first, I Knew that and said I understood & was fine with it). So, all you can do really is give this some time to settle down again. And carry on. It has been years since and it's all in the past.

Yup, many good points made here. You want something more than 'friendship', and she doesn't. Can you accept that? If not, is best to just move on. If you can't just be a friend, then you're not.

Weird family beliefs, imo. But, I guess this is how they are.... I wouldn't even bother arguing about it. He's after mom's car, just like sis is. Then, so be it! Why is it even worth any kind of argument? You do have a car to drive, leave his little posession alone. Not even worth it. 😕

Ahh, I see. So a lot of distance has developed. I'm sure, due to the BIL behaviour etc. Yeah, but still, what can you do, right? Not much. It;s his life & his choices. Unless or until he admits he's messed up, he will continue in his ways. Some people are not the 'settling' type. Some people do mess their lives up, sadly 😕 . But this is him and you guys have your life. Settled and doing okay. Then, that's how it is. Let the BIL experience this 'new' relationship, whatever it is and do what he will. What else can you do? ( everyone goes down their own paths in life).

Intimacy is a normal part of a 'healthy' relationship. Sadly, you two have let it die off 😕 . Instead of dealing with it. And now that things seem to be heating up between her & her friend, you're reacting. Then no, I guess you can't expect things to suddenly change for the better all of a sudden. You two have chosen to avoid & ignore the issue for so long now, what's to be expected? I do agree that some couple therapy may help. But, sounds like she's going ahead with her plans with her friend. Not sure what else can be done at this point? IMO, if this were going on in my life, I'd seriously consider ending all. As things haven't been right for some time & no made an attempt at fixing it or to even see IF you two are compatible anymore.

Yes, this is what it is and how it is. He's an adult and is making his own decisions. Nothing anyone can do. He's made his bed, now has to lie in it.. right 😉 . Reading all of this makes me think.. there's always someone who sticks out like this in a family. I guess this is just how HE rolls. So, let HIM deal with the choices he's making. No one can change him. But, you can limit yourself as to how much you support him.. or not. I get it, his marriage failed for reasons, he went out & bought a new car.. he found a new young lady etc. is all his choice. If your hubby tolerates him to an extent enough ( as they are brothers), fine enough. All you guys can do is try to accept what is and carry on.

Ohh, drugs are so not good! You dodged a bullet. In time, you'll come to realize this, believe me. My first ex was an alcy and it came to a rough end. What you NEED is someone who doesn't do stuff like this. It's okay to go out for drinks to a bar on occasion, but not to live by it. If she has chosen a drug over you, sadly, it's saying she has an addiction and it will only become more & more challenging for her. She will continue to search & rely on it - in order to 'get her fix', she'll do unimaginable things. This is how they roll. So, you may not be there yet, but in time you'll be glad she's no longer in your life! You do not want to be involved with addicts. Not sure how long you've been involved ( but if you are only 19?), All will be okay! you work through your emotions over all of this and you move on. Someday you will meet a gal who is nice and giving and much more compatible for you 🙂 . Hang out with some friends or family . Go out for some fresh air and exercise, etc. Do ya have a hobby etc? Work on that. Give it time, you'll be fine.

Okay fine .. the basics. Just no response on your b-day wishes? I guess you just let it go?

I say you give up on this guy re: any expectations. He ignored your B-day msg? Then, move on. Stop paying any attention to someone who avoids you 😉 . 'If they don't appreciate you, they don't deserve you'. And please stop stalking him! You two are hitting adult ages. Leave him be.

Okay, so you're upset because he's got something now? yeah, I guess that's on him. But, yeah, we all have a past. How is he 'weird'? As you stated in your headline. I don't see anything weird, as it was you who got upset at him. If you are referring to him not 'writing as often, etc', yeah, that can happen. The honeymoon stage does come to an end, things calm down a bit. Do you two ever talk on the phone, instead of texting? Communication is important. How about you? How long had you been single before getting involved with this one? ( as you say, you were in a ltr of 10 yrs).

Okay, this ALL sounds crazy! 😕 He should NEVER be touching you like that, no matter what! And YOU shouldn't be adding fuel to the fire by saying things like you cheated on him! Like.. why? Is what I want to know. Anyways, you two are toxic to each other. Get out of all of this.. don't beg or chase for his attention at all - Ever! You get your refund and avoid him at all costs, fps!

Well, if he's still at it, nothing's changed 😕 . Same 'ol. Move on, say you're not up for this.

First of all, I do hope she soon starts to 'open up' more re: communication. Maybe she is still kinda shy? Give it some time. But communication is important, not all via text. As for the physical aspect, do reach out for her hand 🙂 and do continue to give your warming hugs! She shared how she likes that? Keep at it then. Just continue as you are, be yourself and I feel things will advance nicely. Sounds good, she seems to enjoy your company.

Nope, good call. You've only known each other a few weeks. Not worth it. You are correct, come January, IF you were to continue, guarantee at lease YOU would be emotionally invested in him. Be done, move on. 😉

I feel this was more just like a trigger. His contacting you brought up those feelings again 😕 . Honestly, I'd say to keep away from him. As you do still have some hurt feelings & feelings in general for him, don't you? This is what sucks when we 'cross the line', with someone who was once a 'friend' 😕 . Maybe just keep moving on. For your own sanity.