Elizabeth

I think he just wanted to be honest, so that we could try to figure out what was causing him to feel that way. But I agree with you, I don’t know what to do about it unless he’s able to explain what’s going on better. I told him that I don’t know what he’s thinking or feeling unless he tells me. What he said may be mean, but he’s never been a mean boyfriend to me. I know in this forum-type posts, you only here a little about the situation and it’s easy to assume the worst about someone. He has always been a caring, selfless, and attentive boyfriend. We’ve had disagreements before but he has never once shown me a red flag, and I’m not love-blind enough to miss red flags. Of course whatever happens I want the best for myself, but honestly losing him doesn’t feel good for me at all. I know it hurts at first and then gets better, but it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when it hurts so bad.

I understand the concern, but honestly after knowing him for 3 years I could never seeing him doing something like this. If he was, I would never see it coming. It would really be a shock. He’s not a “red flag” kind of guy. And he was visiting me a couple of weeks ago, and still has pictures of us posted on his Instagram.

Hi, thank you for the reply. We’re apart because we’re both still in school. I was going to school in his country and living with him, but I wasn’t enjoying the topic and my only choice was to move back. We met online through video games. This is not my first relationship but it feels like the first one that really matters. We have gone through so much together. We’ve had small issues before, but never anything major. Never any “red flags”. It’s just so sudden for him to say stuff like this. He was literally visiting me a few weeks ago.

I understand what you’re saying, but honestly I don’t understand why he would offer the option to keep trying to stay together if he was with someone else? He also shares his location with me, I always know where he is.

He lives in the Netherlands and I live in the US. I went to school there so that we could live together but I ended up not enjoying what I studied there. Unfortunately the university system there is very strict and even more strict for foreign students so it wasn’t possible for me to stay and start studying something else. My only choice was to move back home and work and start studying something here. He wants what is best for me and I have better opportunities at home. The plan is when we both finish school we will live together, but my boyfriend won’t graduate for 3 more years. Until we can live together again we plan to visit each other twice a year for a couple weeks at a time.

Some background about my relationship: I, female (20) and my boyfriend (21) have been in a long distance relationship for 2 years and in-person for the past year (3 years total). Due to a personal decision to move back to the US this summer we are now long distance again. Today my boyfriend dropped a bomb on me by saying he didn’t like to spend time with me anymore and it felt like a chore and that I drain him. The activities that we do like texting, calling, and playing videos aren’t the reason he feels drained, because according to him it only feels likes a chore when it’s specifically with me. I kept asking why I was draining him, because we can’t try to improve the situation without knowing as much as possible. The way he kept answering made me feel like he was avoiding saying something. Eventually I got him to say that he doesn’t feel 100% like he wants to be in this relationship. Open further questioning it only sounds like he’s 50/50 on whether he wants to be with me. He doesn’t seem to know why spending time with me is so draining to him. He said maybe it could that he is busier now and he doesn’t have the time to himself. He also said maybe it is because of the 6 hour time difference of our relationship. I never imagined this happening. This is supposed to be my for-life relationship. If he really breaks up with me, I’m losing my best and probably only friend. I’m so heartbroken. Before he went to sleep he asked me to think about what I want (whether I want to go on a break or keep trying to hold on to the relationship). Before today I really had no worries about our relationship, I didn’t see this coming at all. Maybe since we lived together in person for the past year, it is difficult for him to adjust to long distance again. I really don’t want to end it, so I will encourage us to keep trying. I just want to know what everyone else thinks of it. Do you think it will last? Why does he feel like this so suddenly? What is the best thing we can do to try and stay together?