RoundRound

He never fell in love until he was 27 years old. Like, at all. And I was single for 7 years until I met him. It's possible.

Wow, you actually sound pretty spot on. Thank you for your input.

Mid June. And that "I don't know where we stand" online convo happened in the end of July. He's deported from my country. I'm unable to get visa to his country. The only way for me to get there would be to get married to him, and that was not on the table due to our issues. We suffered with all of this visa and deportation mess for a long time. It was draining as hell. We tried to consider different options, nothing really worked out. It all came down to marriage as the only way left to close the gap. Yes there is, but he was never the type for that. Personally I think that something like "Why would I want to see you?" and silence would be enough to understand that you two are done. This is how my first breakup happened. My SO commented on that: "This wouldn't make sense to me as a breakup". He said that unless "we are broken up" words have been said, it does not count to him.

He didn't say that we are broken up. He always claimed that it should be clearly vocalized, that these exact words should be said. That didn't happen. So, I can't really think of him as of an "ex". That's my whole problem.

Should I answer your questions above if you already made your mind about this situation? Dunno why you asked then. Oh no... Not the changes I wanted, but something to stick to. Thank you anyway.

I use it in a sense of wanting to have one love for life and being unable to fall in love multiple times. Even two times feel too much for both of us, and neither of us would go for another attempt. We share same values here. You have every right to be skeptical about that, but people can be different. That seems like a lot of personal projections and personal history. Doesn't really apply to my situation. I knew everyone would tell me that, so I specifically stated that I already made a decent amount of changes for just one month and keep going on, and yet it's not enough for me to feel at least a little bit better.

I'm 29F. My SO of 2.5 years, 31M, said that he doesn’t know where we stand, he wasn't happy with me, he can't find the things that he wants to see in his life partner. Our issues were ongoing for a long time, but it was the first time when he sounded like he didn't see any chances for the fix. So I said that I’ve spent a wonderful time with him, I thanked him for everything. I made it clear that even though it incredibly hurts and I don't want that, I'm ready to leave so he wouldn't be miserable anymore. He said that he doesn’t regret a single moment that we’ve spent together, that it speaks to the depth and subtle intricacies of our connection, that a lot of other things seem trivial compared to that, and that it hurts him to hear all of this, and that he really doesn’t know anything. He also said that he probably needs a day to reflect. I need to state here that he would never say anything just to calm me down or something of this sort, he always means what he says. A few days after this conversation I flew off to another city to visit my friend and spent some great time with her. It's pretty much out of my character thing to do. He saw that in my insta stories and never opened them again since then. Despite being in a great pain, I tried to proceed with my life. I reached out to my family, talked to a therapist, moved from my city to a beautiful mountain place, got an interesting job, returned to blogging. Kinda got my stuff together, more or less, though it seems like my self-esteem is tied to him now and I feel like I'm never enough. Probably the main thing he disliked about me was the fact that I don't have any goal in life, don't make any personal growth. I didn't have any job or study for all the time of our relationship. So, here I am, making some steps in this direction. For the first two weeks he kept showing up online once in a day. I knew from one argument that we've had a few months ago that he would keep opening social media just to let me know that I should text him first because he's too proud, he doesn’t want to be “a simp”. I assume that this time he was doing exactly that. I didn’t text him because I was hurt myself and also believed that he should’ve reached out first as a dumper. Plus, we would just keep going around in circles, something should have been changed first. Exactly in two weeks he went offline on all the platforms outside of one single fake account. After total of one month of NC I reached out to him with the short joking text, nothing about breakups, just kinda an ice-breaker. He didn’t open it, but blocked me on another account, that fake one. Not even the one where I texted him. Here’s the thing: he always claimed that he’s the type to be extremely clear about breakups. According to him, if the words “we are broken up” have not been said and both side have not agreed upon that, then it’s not a breakup. Otherwise, as he said, he would always keep wondering if we are in a relationship or not. To sum it all up, I feel confused and hurt, I need some closure, I need to understand where we stand. If we are broken up, I would grit my teeth and move on with my life. But for now I still hope that we can get back together. He’s really everything to me. Because of this lack of clarity and damn hope, I’m stuck in-between and can’t help but hold to the past. I’m extremely monogamous and don’t believe that I would ever be with anyone else. So is he, by the way. He always claimed that he can only fall in love at max of two times. I'm his second time. He desperately wants family and children, he believes that he can never fall in love again, so he's stuck in his own way: can't be with me and can't fully give up on me, because that would mean giving up on his dreams of love and family. I’m trying to live my life, I really am, but I cry every day, everything feels blank. For clarity, we are from different countries and couldn't close the distance gap. We used to occasionally live in some third country for a few months, then return back to our countries for a few months, repeat. It was draining for both of us, and we couldn't build anything together like that. He believes that our incompatibilities are the only problem, but I think that a lot of it revolves around LDR. Is there any chance that he would return to me, or would he reach out just to say that we are done for good, or not reach out at all? How would he know that I'm improving if he's closed off from me? I know I should only improve for my own sake, but I can't help but wonder if my changes even matter in terms of fixing this relationship? My thoughts are all over the place, and honestly, I need a very gentle encouraging comment that would make me feel at least a bit better.