outerspacedude

But to understand situations and move forward - having an understanding, or at least a different view can sometimes help. My mind works different to others. Peoples experiences differ from mine and might have been through similar..

I still dont understand why she reach out last week for saying Not gonna lie, it kinda hurt to see you delete me on all social media…..are you ok? Just wanted to check in a little bit…?” Are people really that way inclined that they need to stroke their egos? I just dont understand the thought process. HAs anyone had similar done to them? or been the ones to send these kinda messages? If so why?

My sister still has her number I do not. Im trying this from a different angle, Im trying to change the name on the membership to my sister...MY sister is happy to use the membership card going forward so hopefully they can cancel my exs and just change the name and re-issue a new card. If they can I dont need to contact my ex 🙂

So I received some money from her - it was not what I was expecting. Ive realised today instead of sending me the full amount...she has sent me her half of the monthly fee.....so its made me think is she planning on paying me her half each month for the next year? I cant cancel the membership as per the T&C. What Im going to do is ask my sister for her mobile number - send her a message simply asking for her to just pay me the full amount. Frustrating to say the least - but the principle and the respect of not giving me the money has annoyed me. Im not happy to pay for her, and sending me money each month is ridiculous. I will have to be the grown up here and message her asking her to just send me the full amount. Then we dont have to speak ever again

Once I have the remaining money I will block her. im assuming she was just extremely drunk as I’ve not had a message off her since - and as I didn’t reply I highly doubt I will have any more messages from her

So I had a message off her last night ( clearly she was out drinking ) “Not gonna lie, it kinda hurt to see you delete me on all social media…..are you ok? Just wanted to check in a little bit…?” it’s like wow! She’s has ignored me for like 13 days. Added guys on insta that caused us issues in our relationship and she try’s telling me she’s hurt. deleted the message soon as. I also had some money sent through at like 5 in the morning. It was an amount that doesnt come close to what she owes…and in the title she used her pet name For me. Talk about a head f**k

Ok, so obviously I was having a bad day today. I went to go on her Instagram after seeing those images of her earlier on holiday. I went on there to remove her as a connection.when I was on there noticed her friend count had jumped up from when I looked earlier. Curiosity got the better of me. it showed me she had added a guy she was dating just before me. So we have been in no contact for 10 days. I’ve been here very sad and down. She’s not only gone on holiday but is connection with old flames. I can’t explain how I’m currently feeling. Has anyone else gone through this? Or found out a recent ex was engaging with previous partners? hoe did it make you feel and what did you do to overcome those feelings? I’ve removed her from all my social media now. I’ve sent her a reminder through the app she owes me money. think this is what I needed to finally accept it’s over - I’ve read how people hold onto the false hope their ex will come back. But for me that hope has now been dashed forever. please don’t say ‘we told you to delete her’ I fully accept it was a risk and I took it and I’m paying for it now. Guess I’m just here with my tail between my legs feeling like poop

dont really feel ready to get online dating

So an update - a mutual friend who didnt realise we had broken up told me that my ex is on holiday with her friends 😆 So whilst I've been here writing online to strangers I dont know - trying to process whats happened and deal with the sadness - she has jetted off for a holiday with a couple of her friends Sucks if Im being totally honest

Im at a local gym where I do classes - trouble is so does my ex ( its where we met ) So we have joint friends there. I was at a class last night and one of her friends mentioned something about me and me ex - clearly not knowing we were no longer an item. I Didnt want to correct her etc and there were other people around. But I dont feel ready to start dating again. Certainly not at the moment

I feel very alone/lonely at the moment. One thing this past week has taught me is I dont feel like I have many people in my life I can rely on. I dont seem to have many friends - or the normal friendship groups. Im not particular close to my family. IVe tried building bridges with them especially this last year but its pointless. My ex was so close to her family. I would see how they would be kind and caring to one another and I was so jealous of this type of relationship with family as I had never had it. Wondering if this is why I find the end of relationships difficult - as this person became my best friend and also my partner. They listened to me, valued my opinion and actually made an effort with me. My so called mates/friends rarely reach out to me. I appreciate people have lives and families but it just doubles up and hits my self esteem. Like why has other people got friends and I dont? Whats wrong with me? Like everyone I have positives and negatives. Its a hard pill for me to swallow. Struggling with being extremely low. Ive had to move back in with my mother - at 36 Im so ashamed of this but property rent prices are so high. I also have a dog too which makes it even more difficult. Im in a really low place and Im not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel anymore. Im 36. Single. No house to call my own. No real friends. A family that doesnt seem to care or ever talk to me. I also hit rock bottom over the weekend, I checked her Instagram stories and saw that she is living her best life. She has been posting so many things to her story of her going out, doing this and that. Its only been 8 days since she left and I seem like a distance blur in her memory. She posted a video about a friend buying her a gift from abroad....very strange she didnt mention a name which points me towards its a guy.....and whether this guy has been in the background for awhile - clearly giving her attention and thats what has led to her walking. Its like the time together meant nothing. Ive now unfollowed her account. She owes me some money yet I dont want to reach out and message her. We are on the app 'splitwise' so she should be able to see she owes me money on there. I was going to wait another week, as I think there is a reminder thing to pay. I know she gets paid in 4/5 days so thats why Im waiting As for the social....Im still undecided. Seeing her in person would probably make me feel really bad....but its a social night where I actually get to see and interact with people I know but I think it will hurt seeing her.

Sadly not - It comes out as a direct debit each month and its a yearly thing. I've updated the app so she should of caught wind of it and will hopefully pay it When I think of this is does make me angry. At her and myself Her - for like you said lying to me and keeping secrets. Hiding/deleting messages from guys and her reasoning is how I would react. Though if they were innocent messages why delete them. Angry at myself for giving her two chances when the above situations happened twice. Also angry at myself that it got to the stage she binned me off

so I have not broken the no contact. I had a payment come out today for a joint membership that she was meant to pay me half for a while ago. We used one of these apps that keeps a log of spending etc. I've added it onto there. Its a fair amount of money she owes and especially in this economic climate every penny counts. Im coming around to the fact I need to walk away and not look back. To a degree its ok to talk/think about things but I think Im def guilty of putting her on a pedestal. I kmow that my needs were not being met in the relationship and I was unhappy. Did I try and communicate this with her...YES! Did it work? no because it was difficult for her to open up, to communicate with me. She would take what I would say to heart of the fact her choices werent good enough. It made me feel guilty. I still care for her and have feelings for her. AS hard as it is I understand that we just dont work. As much as Id like to and regardless of the memories we shared - at this moment in time anyway we do not work. Any advice on how to be when I see her in a few weeks? I mentioned we have a joint social event Im going to. I dont really want to talk to her if Im being totally honest.

Using this platform to vent as I cant really discuss things with my work colleagues whilst at work. The lack of sleep is difficult this morning. concentration isnt what it should be and really need to think about what Im doing on basic stuff. Is it normal to wonder how the dumper is doing? I know her schedule this week and she has a busy one both work and social life - Guess the prospect of her going about her life like nothing has happened is a bitter pill to swallow. Is this my self esteem? most likely it is, wondering whats wrong with me, why am I so disposable after 2 years and so many memories. Like I said the lack of sleep makes me more emotional. I wonder if its normal to come online and search about healing, breakups and read other peoples stories. Heres a thing then - Im 36, I play this game on my phone, one to pass the time but secondly I enjoy it. The night she left she made a comment that im a 36 year old man and I shouldnt be playing games on my phone...... I havent really played it since! I'm just not getting the enjoyment from it for some reason. ITs also difficult - for my job some days I travel to different places in the city I live. I know when Im happy Im a bubble, cheeky guy who can talk to anyone. Normal conversations this week has been hard - people ask how I'am ( normal conversation stuff ) and I lie and say Im fine, but behind those words I feel like I could break down at any minute. I know talking to people or venting is meant to be good - but I know there is no magical answer. No one can tell me words that will suddenly make me feel happier. Its the usual doom and gloom - Im 36, I went into this last relationship with no expectations and soon thought this would be the person I grow old with and start a family. Now Im back to square one. Sorry for the pity post - just not feeling great at all today

Im really hopeful that in two weeks I shall start to feel somewhat better than I do currently. Long as I can get back to sleeping my mental health and everything overall will improve. I wouldnt class myself as having an abundance of friends - though the people I do have in my life thankfully I have filled my calendar right out until Sunday. I dont also want to bore the people in my life with my personal problems as everyone has their own stuff to deal with. trouble is I have no other avenue to talk. I've reached out to a local counselling service and have managed to get an appointment for this Friday. Now I dont feel I have any majoy issues to contend with - but I know I sometimes follow the same pattern in relationships and curiosity has me wondering why. I think Im a pre straight forward human - Dont ever lie to me or hide things from me and I'll give you what I have. I dont let many people in but when I do Im a very caring person.