LucyH122

Yes the same guy

Okay so brief summary. My ex and I were best friends before the relationship for over a year and then we dated for 18 months. We both are now 21 and were each others first deep loves. He broke up with me in May (4 months ago), the reason was because he felt burnt out and needed to find himself again as he had lost himself while being with me. The relationship was intense, some ways good and some ways bad, it was extremely passionate and we had a very strong foundation, we were each others best-friend. However I struggled with my mental health and depended on him a lot while we were dating. My childhood has been very chaotic, my mum passed when I was young, left me with a very abusive father therefor I had a lot of wounds and triggers from this. He would constantly try help me through everything and was amazing however it got a point were it got too much for both of us. I knew I had a lot of healing to do and I needed to do it alone so I could become independent and secure in myself without using him to plaster over my wounds. So we agreed to go separate ways. Our last chat was a month after the breakup, were he told me he hasn't done this to see anyone else, he still loves me so deeply, he didn't want to end things but felt like he had to for him mental health and if its meant to be then it will in the future. I told him I'm dedicated to working on myself and how I want to fight for us but agree with both need this time grow as individuals. We haven't spoken for 3 months now, we've gone completely no contact. Its strange though because he still has all my stuff at his house, he suggested he could drop it round but then said 'its ok I'll hang onto it for now' (this gave me some hope for us). I haven't dated or searched for any form of replacement, the last 4 months I have been spending hours on healing my inner child, journalling, therapy, pushing myself out of my comfort zone (I used to be extremely socially anxious but this summer I wanted to push myself and create a new version of myself so I went to LA completely alone, made lots of friends and had an incredible time and then solo traveled to Africa where I helped out in schools and met lots of like minded people). This summer had taught me so much, I feel like a completely different person, I'm a lot more secure and confident in myself, I love my own space and company, I am calmer and do not feel depressed or anxious at all anymore. I have completely transformed my self. However about 2 months into no contact I got curious and ended up looking at his Instagram, where I saw he had recently followed his first ex girlfriend. It made me feel pretty sad as I was originally believing we'd get back together. I also heard that he went for drinks with a girl. Now he hurt because he told me that his intentions for the breakup was to do the same as me. I understand this is my ego talking but it still hurt me a little. From seeing this I forced myself to let go, completely let go of him. The last month I've been in a great place and haven't given him much air time, I don't look on his socials anymore or ask about him. However I've got a dilemma, in a few weeks we go back to university, where he's moving into one house with half our friendship group and I'm moving into the other house (the houses are a street away from each other). I feel myself getting super worked up about this as deep down I know I really miss him and don't know how having to see him for nights out, game nights, around my friends house will effect me. Im honestly dreading it as I have made so much progress with my mental health and am scared that seeing him will make me miss what we had but he may not feel the same way as he hasn't reached out to me for the entire of summer. I want to act unfazed and unbothered to some extent, I am so proud of myself this summer and do not want him to think I'm still chasing him as he's the one who walked out of the relationship but unfortunately all the memories that I have with him still play in my mind. If someone could advise me on how I approach seeing him, or deal with being around him in social settings id really appreciate it so much. Thank u.

I have been going to therapy, working out, meditating, journaling, and self-therapy for hours each day. I have already seen massive changes in certain areas of my mental health. I should also add, he told me it's definitely not a no for the future however he can't say yes 100% because he has no idea how long it will take for him to feel complete within himself.

So my ex (m21) and I (f21) were great friends before our relationship. He was in love with me when we were friends and waited for a whole year until I was out of my relationship. We were dating for a year and a half (we broke up 2 months ago). We had a deep intense relationship and were each other first loves. Unfortunately, our relationship crumbled due to some unresolved trauma on my end (my mum died when i was younger, my dad was very abusive and I had a lot of abandonment issues) he was so great and would always try to help me through my mental health episodes but then it began to affect how I acted within the relationship (i was very insecure and would sometimes self-sabotage etc). He broke up with me due to him feeling like he had really lost himself in the relationship by giving me so much during the friendship and relationship. He felt like he was burnt out. However we met up a few weeks after, and he explained that he is still very in love with me, and he thinks about me constantly. This breakup isn't to see if the "grass is greener", he's having this time to focus completely on him. He said that he can't even watch p*rn, and is w**king over my nudes because he is still very in love and only has eyes for me still. There was a lot of chemistry in that chat, but we both knew that we need this time (me especially to work on ourselves). We haven't spoken in 5 weeks now, I took a solo trip to LA and have grown so much. I'm becoming the person i know i want to be, I'm healing my trauma, and learning to love myself completely. However he's always on my mind, i miss him like crazy. I have no idea how he feels but a massive part of me is wishing to get back together in the future. The thing is, we moved to uni together while we were together. It's summer vaccination right now. But next year is year 2 and he's moving in with half my friendship group. He is also moving a street away from me at uni. I know i'm going to have to see him, nights out with him, evenings with him and everyone. I feel so anxious about the potential of him not wanting to get back together, or even worse, seeing him move on. I don't know how i should play this? I want him back, i'm becoming the best version of myself, but that's not to say he will want or be ready to rekindle. Please could someone advise me? What do you think my chances are? Shall i reach out to him before uni starts so we can meet up before, or let him come to me ( i don't want to chase). How should i play it next year to get him back? I don't want to seem desperate for him. Thanks.