Cyprian

There is even such a thing as a quarter-life crisis! At least I saw a book on it this afternoon at Barnes & Noble... I almost bought it too, then I realized I am not having a quarter-life crisis: I am just wondering why my Ex cheated on me, if I will ever get HER back, if not - will I ever find love again, where do I start looking for it, why did I choose to go into this grad school that I have no interest in, how much money am I spending on something I don't want to do, what do I want to be when I grow up, what do I want to do with my life, how I am going to start changing things?...holy sh/*t! I am having a quarter-life crisis!!!

At some point I might check out link removed or another site like it. As of now, I don't even want a relationship - unless it is with my EX, but that is impossible now for so many reasons. Once I can get back on my feet I'll see if I can meet people that my friends know, or that I meet out at a club/bar. If that doesn't work, I'll be sure to check out link removed Thanks for the idea!

Thanks for your perspectives. I assume I will need a good amount of time to grieve, but I'll be continuing to go out and have a fun time without specifically looking for someone. Hey, you never know when a great person might pop into your life - it would be a waste to let them go by simply because you were hurting from a previous relationship...

Bah. I don't want the worst for her - even though I should. I still love her and even if I didn't, I wouldn't want her (or anyone) to experience that pain. I understand what you are saying, however. Speed dating might be a fun idea! Thanks for your reply.

I noticed you don't agree with these: "All women are flirts, but some are restrained by shyness, and others by sense.” What if he were to have voiced it as "All humans are flirts..."? Remember, he wrote this in the 1600s, right? Once again, replace women with 'men'... "One can find women who have never had one love affair, but it is rare indeed to find any who have had only one.” I at least agree with these...

It might feel worse to say "I will always love them"...but sooner the pain will lessen, and after that it will be gone totally. I might as well cherish the last of it, even if it is painful, because I think soon I will miss even the pain.

Guess were the only ones

Oh ok. Should have read this twice before. So you broke up a few years ago? You've been her friend since then? Let me in on the details, if you don't mind

I didn't know which section to post this under - it applies accross the board. These are just some quotes from François de la Rochefoucauld that I thought deserved to be looked at. Hundreds of years later most of them still ring true (at least for me). Which do you agree with? "The only thing constant in life is change.” “When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.” “When love becomes labored we welcome an act of infidelity towards ourselves to free us from fidelity.” "One forgives to the degree that one loves.” "The heart is forever making the head its fool.” "One can find women who have never had one love affair, but it is rare indeed to find any who have had only one.” "Perfect valor is to behave, without witnesses, as one would act were all the world watching.” "The passions are the only advocates which always persuade. They are a natural art, the rules of which are infallible; and the simplest man with passion will be more persuasive than the most eloquent without.” "It is with true love as it is with ghosts; everyone talks about it, but few have seen it.” "Nothing is impossible; there are ways that lead to everything, and if we had sufficient will we should always have sufficient means. It is often merely for an excuse that we say things are impossible.” "Confidence contributes more to conversation than wit.” "The struggle we undergo to remain faithful to one we love is little better than infidelity.” "Hope and fear are inseparable. There is no hope without fear, nor any fear without hope.” "Those who are incapable of committing great crimes do not readily suspect them in others.” "Absense weakens mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind blows out candles and kindles fires.” "All women are flirts, but some are restrained by shyness, and others by sense.”

Here is my advice: There are two main types of male masturbation: 1) Lots of lube, slipping and sliding 2) No lube, full grip with hand in same position that his hand would be if he was masterbating, pulling (gently) the skin up and down - your boyfriend can show you this one if you don't know what I mean Either way here are some tips: 1) Play with his balls 2) Ask him what he likes 3) Change it up, variation is the key 4) Try oral sex! EDIT: I just found this website. This may help you. Mind you, it is graphic... link removed

To clear up some confusion, I would never use a woman to make myself feel better, I am not that type of person. When I said "It would help me get over my ex" I was really referencing the idea that I have convinced myself my ex "was the one!" when I know for a fact that cannot be true...seeing other women would help prove to myself that she wasn't the one because "one" doesn't exist...I would bet there are 10s of thousands of women on this earth who are "perfect" for me. Anyway, I'm not the type of person who would use, lie to, cheat on, or disrespect a woman. Wow. Thanks for the inspiring post. Now I'm actually going to hide when my friends call me to come out... Just kidding. I'm sorry that you had 4 bad cases, but some day you (and I) will find someone you love...and if that doesn't happen, "Love the one you're with!" Just like that Crosby Stills Nash & Young song. I always hated that song btw - the lyrics at least. Thanks, this helps. To answer your question: Yes, I am still in love (and probably will always be - I don't see how someone can 'fall out of love' anyway). Thats the main reason why I started this thread - I will always love HER no matter what she does, no matter what comes between us, even if I keep NC going for the rest of my life

Or more importantly, how long after a break-up should I wait before dating? I assume a year or so, if I am still in love with my ex, I should suck it up and try to date someone else. As of now, I don't even want to see a woman...I know that is quite odd, but I assure you I am not gay. I just cannot bring myself to deal with another relationship for so many different reasons. The thing is, I feel that dating, or at least being in the presense of a woman would help me in my healing process. It would help me get over my ex, and forget her for a little bit. It would also finally allow me to prove to myself that my ex wasn't the only nice woman out there...she wasn't the only one for me...there are other fish in the sea, etc. etc. Anyway my question is basically this: I know that I should not date other women until I am over my ex, that wouldn't be good for me, and it wouldn't be fair to the woman that I date...but if I love my ex forever, how long until I can date?

Actually, I had a dream last night about one of my childhood girlfriends! I NEVER think about her, ever, and last night I had a dream about my ex (broke up a couple weeks ago) and all of a sudden this girl I knew when I was like 13 pops into my dream...it was a horrible dream by the way...very sad and weird. I wouldn't think too much of it. Just memories that our brain reinvents...

I'm great at cards, but this is not a game...

Women - can't live with them (because they are messed up in the head and think the grass is greener), can't make them read every post on ENA so they can finally learn something... I think the best advice is to pretend she is dead. Buried. I am going to try this for a while myself... As for the new girl: I say don't move the relationship from the friend realm for a long time...

I am doing OK. I just cringe every time I hear the words 'cheat' or 'affair'... I think you are doing the right thing, in so many ways. Keep up the NC with your affair partner... You also might want to delve into why this happened...why you strayed from your marriage, etc.

Hey - we could have an affair. After all, we would know where to go to get some relationship advice...

I thnk this is the most apt section of your post...

I haven't either...but I sure know a few people who have...

Maybe you and I could "develop a relationship", shes2smart My night elf could date your WoW char as well...I wonder what server you are on

Then you don't really disagree with me at all...we are basically saying the same thing. I could rephrase the quote of this thread by saying: "Falling for Someone and Thinking You Are in Love With Them Happens All the Time (but it may simply be the so-called honeymoon stage which is based on chemicals released in the brain causing infatuation, not Love), but Staying with that Person and Realizing you Truly Love Them Happens Less Often (and thus proves that you were truly in love, and not simply in an infatuation)" However, I think that having a quick and concise way of stating this is more ideal, and most people will understand what I meant - "Falling in Love is Easy, Staying in 'Love' (happens less often) (is...True Love...) (etc.)" Follow-up Question: How long can the honeymoon period last? What is the LONGEST possible period of time where you can be 'infatuated' with someone, and not really in love? Second Follow-up Question: How does someone "fall out of Love"? It obviously wasn't True Love then, right? Can someone "fall out of" True Love?

I'm sure we have all heard this saying in some form: "Falling in love is easy, staying in love is hard." First of all, do many people agree with this statement? I certainly do. If you do agree with this statement, then I would like to hear some ideas on the relevance of it: what does it mean, really? What should our reaction be to this statement, if any? Should we take this statement to mean that the "spark" that we feel at the onset of a relationship is really insignificant compared to the ability for us to live on a daily basis with our significant other? The more we get along, the happier we are on a daily basis, the longer we can "stand" each other (as we all get annoyed or angry at our SO at some point or another) - should we weigh all of these heavier than we do with our curiosity for others, our need for variety (the spice of life)...? Maybe I am making no sense here...

Wish I had read this years ago. I guess the truth is that you really only need to look at the parents of the SO to get an idea...

Hmm...to tell you the truth, as a guy: If you have a guy in bed with you, he is obviously attracted to you. All that matters now is your 'downstairs' - so as long as it is trimmed or kept nice and clean, I wouldn't worry much. Everyone has their problems, everyone has their insecurities, and the truth is that the guy is most likely hoping that you won't see his hairy butt!

You are both probably correct. Today I woke up feeling pretty horrible again. I laid in bed for a loooooong time. Thoughts of sadness, hope, all that garbage ran around in my mind...then I started to get really angry. The anger has been going strong all day (helped me through a nice workout routine) and although it is not too fun to have this anger inside of me, it is certainly better than self pity and wallowing in sadness.