Cyprian

I actually find smaller breasts to be very attractive. I like big breasts as well, but I think if I had to choose I would like small to medium sized breasts on my partner. On top of that, the smaller chested woman will not have as many problems with sagging boobs later in life, right?

I was replaced, plain and simple. I would be able to speak with her for the first time after I learned the full truth...we did have our last conversation, but at that time I did not know all the facts. I don't only feel close to her...there is something more to it. The voice I would hear from her would be neither sweet nor deceptive...it would be a new voice that I haven't really heard before. I don't think she would lie to me any more than she has...what else would she lie about?

No I have not forgiven her. How can I forgive her when she has no TRUE regret? How can I forgive her when she hasn't even attempted to contact me? I really thought that she would be calling at least once every few days...7 years of a loving relationship...this just does not seem like the right end to it. When a parent will not turn their back on their child EVER because of their love for them, why should I turn my back on HER? I don't know if I will ever forgive her, but that doesn't mean that I have to never speak with her, does it? How can I forgive her when she is still with my replacement?

Pacopaco: Every post of yours that I read seems like something that I could have written. I feel that my situation is so similar to yours - what is even more weird is that both of our relationships have lasted seven years, and then ended in HER cheating on us, something we both thought was impossible. The only major difference that I can see is that within the first few days after I realized she cheated on me, I cut off contact. You stayed in contact for a year first, but now I believe you are on the right track. Every day I want to call her, and every day I want her to call me even more. I love her so much even though she did this. It seems almost impossible that I will ever get over this... It is helpful to know that WE are not alone. It shouldn't make me feel better that other people are suffering just as I am, but then again I feel good knowing that other people may be learning or healing from reading about my situation, or yours for that matter. Thanks for sharing with us, pacopaco, hopefully we will all get through these horrible times of betrayal, humiliation, and pain.

I think it would be pretty horrible if you didn't tell him...

Did he cheat on you? Were you two having an affair? My EX cheated on me with another guy, and is with him still. She wasn't even planning on telling me...instead simply tried to say we needed some space from each other. It is so hard for me not to contact her either. I know that although she might be hurt somewhat from this experience, she still has HIM, my replacement, and so she is not suffering as much as I am. I think people who don't have to deal with the betrayal of a cheating ex should feel somewhat lucky...

I don't really think I will have trust issues in the future, I just think that the level of trust I exhibited towards my EX will be a one time thing. I am not saying I will not be able to have a healthy, loving, trusting relationship with a woman in the future...simply that trusting any person 100% is not healthy (even trusting yourself 100% is not ideal - we are not always in the right state of mind and everyone makes mistakes). I'm not the type of person that would really act on this anger. I know many people who would have done something evil back to HER after she did this to me. Most of my friends have suggested I get even, in a multitude of ways. If I did something in retaliation, whether it is something I do to her, or something I do to myself (such as having a one night stand with another girl) I would not feel better. In fact, I believe "getting even" would make me feel worse in the end.

Profound. Not only that, the possibility that I have an STD, and the idea that SHE didn't even give me the option of knowing that I was at risk, and WASN'T EVER GOING TO makes me really sick. Angry, I should say... I love her though. Also, I have a question: if I betrayed my mother or father to the same extent that I was betrayed by my lover (granted it cannot be exactly the same betrayal, but just imagine something else of equal magnitude)...would my mother or father just implement NC and never talk to me again? Wouldn't they do anything they could to help me, someone they truly love deeply, if they saw some horrible character flaw developing? I don't really see how a lover is any different. The fact that she thinks she is simply changing should be irrelevant if she indeed has a character flaw, and since nearly every single person who replies says that she has an obvious character flaw, I don't see why she doesn't deserve every ounce of my effort to help her. I enjoyed reading all the recent posts on this thread, they are really helping me cope with this whole situation. I just wonder how I will ever really get over this. I guess the answer is that I will not get over it, but I will learn from it. If I can't trust HER to stay honest, loving, caring, wonderful, etc...how can I trust anyone else? When I get into my next long term relationship, even after years and years I will always know in my heart that nothing is for certain... Thanks to all of you for making me start to get a little angry. I can see you guys are trying to push me in the right direction ( Instead of only feeling love and hope, I am starting to feel a little anger in the mix. Thanks.

I think that it will be near impossible, but I will try my best.

I love hearing everyone's advice and last words before NC (or last words of a relationship). Please continue to post!

I guess when I feel ready to forgive her I will do so. While in NC it might be tricky though...I wish she would call me at least...

Thanks for sharing luciand. I don't deserve to go through it again either. I just keep hoping that she might learn to not do that again to anyone in her future...and hopefully I am in her future...

Scary. I don't have any advice, but was wondering what you meant by 'lucid' dreams? Do you mean dreams that are very VIVID and real seeming? Or dreams in which you can control every action, and create your own scenarios...I bet you are discussing the former. I have a thread about Lucid Dreams in the off-topic forum, these are dreams in which you realize that you are dreaming, and thus can control your dream with your intent or will... Sorry that you are having these sleep problems. A quick wikipedia search came up with some information, including these possible causes: Sleep paralysis occurs during REM sleep in order to prevent the body from manifesting movements made in the subject's dreams. Little is known about the physiology of sleep paralysis. However, some have suggested that it may be linked to post-synaptic inhibition of motor neurons in the pons region of the brain. In particular, low levels of melatonin may stop the depolarization current in the nerves, which prevents the stimulation of the muscles, to prevent the body from enacting the dreamt activity (e.g. preventing a sleeper from running when dreaming about running). There is also a significant positive correlation between those experiencing this disorder frequently and those suffering from narcolepsy. However, various studies suggest that many or most people will experience sleep paralysis at least once or twice in their lives. Some report that various factors increase the likelihood of both paralysis and hallucinations. These include: Sleeping in a supine position (facing upwards) Irregular sleeping schedules; naps, sleeping in, sleep deprivation Increased stress Sudden environmental/lifestyle changes A lucid dream that immediately precedes the episode. Also conscious induction of sleep paralysis is a common technique to enter a state of lucid dreams, also known as WILD. Artificial sleeping aids, ADD medications and/or antihistamines

Thanks for sharing, cantexplain. I really feel bad knowing that these horrible feelings I have have plagued thousands of people. It doesn't seem right, but I guess life isn't fair. I should really look deep in the older posts of this forum to find people in my situation...

What exactly do you mean by "Forgiveness"? Only in my own heart should I forgive her when I can finally do so? Or should I voice to her that I forgive her finally...?

Well said.

I agree with that. The only problem is that knowing this won't let me ever fall in love as deeply as I was, as I AM with her.

Thanks. Funny that we go back and forth between these posts. I should have kept one post, but I think the other one, the long one with my whole story scared away most the readers. At least I have you cantexplain...

Thanks. I think your recent posts have put me in my place though. I also have to read back on the original NC posts... Also, I am going to look around, but do you happen to know any posts where people in long term relationships were cheated on? Or any other people similar to me? I have to keep remembering this one... I don't know the answer, but I guess that is exactly what I have done. I think I do love myself but I loved her more...

I just feel that I am all alone now. It seems that those people who believe in God could speak with him, and have reassurance that someone is watching over them. They have a certain sense that everything has its reasons...God works in mysterious ways...etc. I want her to remember me, the good me, not the crying pathetic baby, but the me who she fell in love with. I want her to think of me when she hears a song, or looks at the sky at night. I want her to remember the good times we spent together, not the bad...I know you might say, "Of course she remembers all these things..." but the truth is that I think her infatuation with this new guy is clouding her remembrance of me, and that compared to what WE had, this guy seems much better... I want to say something beautiful to her, a poem I might write, or simply the perfect words that will make her feel warm inside, that will remind her of me... Thanks. I needed to hear that. I need to go back and read through some of those pages that the veterans typed up on NC. I remember reading them a day ago or so and feeling like I just did when I read what you typed above. I've been hanging out with friends and family often. I have a large family and have lots of people to talk to. It isn't really helping much though. When I go out with my friends I don't want to be a downer on them so I try to act happy when really inside I feel horrible. With my family, however, I don't really hide how I feel, and I bet they are getting annoyed with me being depressed and not talkative all the time. I feel like I just stare at my hands all day. Man I hope I get through this OK. I wish I could go back in time, or forward in time. Anywhere but here... Anyway, thanks again for your advice and your words. I am going to do my best to get through this. If I do get through this it will be my greatest accomplishment ever.

Why can't I call her now? What is the worst that could happen? You all say that I shouldn't want to be with someone who could betray, lie, and conceal like this. thereforeeee the second reason for NC (maybe getting the ex to realize they DO want to be with you) is moot. For me, I KNOW I will not heal from this. I will be exactly like Secretdarkness was for 12 years. So thereforeeee the First reason for NC is moot as well. You might say don't call her because then she would feel better about herself. SO WHAT! I want her to feel good. I don't want her to feel pain! I need to speak with her.

Of gentle true spirit (yours is true, hers is not) Did he hear a good-bye? Or even hello? (She was stringing you like a yo-yo until No Contact) I know HER...I know her better than she knows herself. Point being: she couldn't string a fly like a yo-yo...she is too sweet. She doesn't have alterior motives, she doesn't conive or plot, thats just the point. She let her emotions and desires take hold of her, and simply flew by the seat of her pants. I wish I could explain why she cheated on me and why she concealed it from me, and why she didn't dump me afterwards, or beforehand, but it is impossible unless you are either ME or HER to truly understand. We were one person. I am in real bad shape here. I am so alone. What the hell is going to happen? I am sorry that I am fighting you cantexplain. I really appreciate your help and I bet you are getting quite annoyed with me. Sorry. I just literally will NEVER get over her...She needed to do this for herself, she hasn't done ANYTHING for herself before, NOT ONE THING. She just couldn't bear to tell me it was time. All I want is someone to tell me that she will probably come back to me. She herself told me that she doesn't see how we won't be together. Some day after I go through the stages, I promise I will still want her back, and hopefully if she wants me, I can forgive her. Only then will I be truly happy. I will never find someone who was my match...she was the one. I just want someone to say "Don't worry, she loves you, she is just finally getting her rocks off and she will soon get tired of it...if you still love her then, you two will be together..." Then all I need is to learn how to have fun while she has fun, while I wait for her.

I understand what you are saying about the stage that I am in. You don't know HER though...I do... I really truly think I am doing the wrong thing by not contacting her. I can't type I can't think! I wish I believed in GOD! I need to call her...

I'm strong enough now, its just that I don't really want to forget HER. I don't know why I am different from you guys, I don't feel a huge amount of anger towards her - I think SHE and her family, and my family, and All of You online put yourself in my shoes (or remember how your own shoes felt) and feel anger at HER for what she did. I simply feel love, confusion yes, anger yes, but mostly love and hope... I feel maybe she thinks I am not calling her because I am angry at her...and shes not calling me because she doesn't want to hurt me any more... Obviously she wants space from me still, and is talking to her new boyfriend all the time probably...obviously she is doing better than I am... I fear that she will learn to not care about me soon, and forget me completely...

Carry On is another applicable song by CSNY...funny that I feel so alone, but so many songs describe feelings that I have, or will have soon...and so many people on this forum and no doubt all around the world have gone through similar experiences... One morning I woke up and I knew You were really gone. A new day, a new way, I knew I should see it along. Go your way, I'll go mine and Carry on. The sky is clearing and the night Has gone out. The sun, he come, the world is all full of light. Rejoice, rejoice, we have no choice but To carry on. The fortunes of fables are able To sing the song. Now witness the quickness with which We get along. To sing the blues you've got to live the tunes and Carry on. Carry on, Love is coming, Love is coming to us all. Where are you going now my love? Where will you be tomorrow? Will you bring me happiness? Will you bring me sorrow? Oh, the questions of a thousand dreams: What you do and what you see. Lover can you talk to me? Girl when I was on my own, Chasing you down, What was it made you run? Trying your best just to get around. The questions of a thousand dreams: What you do and what you see. Lover can you talk to me?