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blondebombshelter

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  1. blondebombshelter
    The move - or some sort of move - has been a possibility for a while. Although there is that bridge between intention and actuality. The relationship will give me the momentum and kickstart to actually do it instead of just wishing. I know that sounds like I'm using him for his contacts, which I suppose is true up to a point. But I do believe we could be really good together - it's just that I haven't tested us as a committed relationship yet. Naturally I wouldn't move in with him or anything. I would make sure I had a life which would work well whether the relationship worked out or not. Also my neice has some family not far from there which would be kind of nice for her. He's been exploring the possibility of the position in CA for a while, all of a sudden it's come to a head and he's encouraging me to do it as well as it's a great opportunity for work in our field. The problem is I guess he's not open and communicative about his feelings. He did say last night he votes with his feet. As for worrying that his attraction is based on sex ... I guess I just have to wait and see. BBS - have you ever had the "future" talk with him? you know...where are we headed? do you know what you want from him? are you feeling ambivalent about commiting to him? The 'future' talk generates these ambiguous, cautious, cagey, inconclusive conversations that leave me more confused than ever. He always says 'I don't want to talk about this now, tomorrow' and wriggles and squirms and writhes to get off the hook. Yet he continues to call mostly every day, after two years. It's a strange situation. A lot of the problem has been my ex and the divorce, etc.
  2. blondebombshelter
    I think it sounds like he likes you but is cautious about showing his hand before you do. He might be wondering how seriously YOU see the relationship. He doesn't want to put it out there that HE'S serious if you're not. I can't believe how smart you were to have this conversation on IM so it's recorded! I have these conversations with my guy and rack my brains after trying to remember EXACTLY what it was he said. Your guy sounds similar - sending up clouds of ambiguous, cautious statements that could mean anything!
  3. blondebombshelter
    No, he doesn't have kids. I wouldn't expect him to move here, though, I've been 'talking' about moving for a long time. Easier said than done. But the midwest doesn't offer the same opportunities the CA does, in a lot of ways the move appeals to me as much if not more than the relationship! I spent 3 months there before I was married, so it's not totally foreign to me. It's hard to explain the ambiguity - I'm very cautious, I guess I assume the worst about men and their motives. But maybe I'm too wary. Thanks for listening.
  4. blondebombshelter
    This is what I posted in the 'sex' forum, didn't get much response! I'm in a long distance thing with a guy... I don't want anything committed at the moment, but maybe in the future it could work with him. We see each other once every few months or so, and he calls several times a week. This has been going on for two years. We've only had sex twice, but he has phone sex sometimes and cums. There is a really strong mutual sexual attraction between us. It took a long time for us to be so sexually open with each other. It feels like lately he's been seeing me purely as sex object - when I said that to him he said he sees me as a sex 'icon' (???!) He often tells me he always thinks about me when he jerks off. This is what I want opinions on... can he still be into me for who I am beyond sex, or can having too much sexual attraction for me block him from feeling real love ? I'm starting to get strong attachment to him but I know men can separate sex from emotion - I don't want to get hurt and I definitely don't want to be just someone he wants for sex with no deeper feelings. That's my concern mainly, I feel like his feelings are all based on sexual attraction. We both work in the health field and talk about that a lot, so we have lots in common. I just feel like he has this infatuation based on sex rather than liking me for who I really am. Plus he's always been so ambiguous, not returning calls and that sort of thing. It's just that this has been on for two years, it might be something really special, he's given me a sort of ultimatum - we can't continue when he's in California and I'm over here. God, I don't know, I'm so confused atm. I hate the thought of losing him, too. I would miss him a lot. As for the mr not-quite-right comment, I DON'T KNOW!! Nobody's perfect. My ambiguity about him has always been I felt he didin't have feelings for me, but this is kind of proving that he does... or is it just sex??
  5. blondebombshelter
    My LDR is at a point where I need to decide whether to take it to the next level or let it go and I'm so uncertain. The guy is moving to southern CA and has even enquired about getting me a job in the hospital he has been relocated to. There's no reason I won't get the job, I'm more than qualified for it and my refs are all fine. The pay seems better over there as well. It will involve moving my daughter into another school and also my niece who I'm taking care of as well at the moment, a situation which may continue indefinitely (my brother works overseas). It will also mean bringing my divorce proceedings to a head and probably taking a financial loss for the sake of closure. I think it's quite possible that it will work between us. But I only just started a thread worried he sees me as nothing more than sex!
  6. blondebombshelter
    Funny/embarrassing moments during sex - the first thought that springs to mind is fanny farts...
  7. blondebombshelter
    I'm in a long distance thing with a guy... I don't want anything committed at the moment, but maybe in the future it could work with him. We see each other once every few months or so, and he calls several times a week. This has been going on for two years. We've only had sex twice, but he has phone sex sometimes and cums. There is a really strong mutual sexual attraction between us. It took a long time for us to be so sexually open with each other. It feels like lately he's been seeing me purely as sex object - when I said that to him he said he sees me as a sex 'icon' (???!) He often tells me he always thinks about me when he jerks off. This is what I want opinions on... can he still be into me for who I am beyond sex, or can having too much sexual attraction for me block him from feeling real love ? I'm starting to get strong attachment to him but I know men can separate sex from emotion - I don't want to get hurt and I definitely don't want to be just someone he wants for sex with no deeper feelings.
  8. blondebombshelter
    All semen tastes ghastly (well, all the semen I've sampled, not that I'm much of a gourmet) and I don't think there's much you can do about it. Plus it repeats on you after you've swallowed it. I wonder how many straight men have ever actually tasted semen. Why don't you try swallowing some of your own?
  9. blondebombshelter
    Thankyou... funny how it's so simple when you put it like that. Oh well, I can only try.
  10. blondebombshelter
    although you are claiming that it's just sex and just based on physical attraction it sounds like you have wayy more invested in this person than just sex My attitude about sex in this situation is different to what it would be normally. I would normally not have sex unless I was sure the guy was serious and exclusive. I don't want a serious relationship yet, however I did choose to act on the attraction, after roughly 12 months of this. I don't see it as purely a sexual thing, I suppose I see it as a potential serious relationship. I got involved with this guy without intending to, it has sort of grown over time. I can see what you're saying RAyKay, a lot of the confusion and mixed messages are coming from me as much as anywhere. And he could be reacting to my actions. I'm just not sure what to do. As I've demonstrated, I don't have the steely willpower it requires to just not answer the calls, I can only do it for so long. The thing is, I do really like him, I would like to give it a chance to be serious in the future. However unless he has real feelings for me, I'm obviously not going to pursue it any further. I really need to discuss it with him and resolve it or just scare him off for good. What should I say though?
  11. blondebombshelter
    I agree... go into react mode. Don't burn your bridges, but keep a grip on your heart. You need to hold out for someone who has very deep feelings for you, someone who would struggle to keep it going with you despite his busy life, because he doesn't want to miss the chance to be with you. It doesn't sound like he has those feelings for you.
  12. blondebombshelter
    I hear what you're saying, I know I have to cut this guy loose. It's so hard though - I've never experienced this game playing before. I swear he's just deliberately doing this, I have no idea why. He actually did call that Friday immediately after I posted that first message. We arranged a date for the next day, Saturday. On Saturday he rang and said he was too sick to make it!! To be fair, he has been complaining of the flu all week, and he did sound sick. So... the jury's out on that one. Maybe he was sick. But really, if he was at all interested, wouldn't he pop a pill and turn up?? He said he didn't want me to get the wrong idea because he knows what I'm like, and that he really does want to see me. Anyway, I just said get well soon and left it at that, and decided to just be done with him then and there. So... he rang that evening, I didn't pick up. Then he rang twice the following day, and I still didn't pick up. When he rang the third time, my resolve faltered, and I answered. The calls were all within 20-30 mins of each other. And the story is still how sick he is, and when we can we see each other next? He also called later on that evening, but I missed the call. The thing is, I really do like him, but I'm certainly not going to persist with someone who's not interested. What gets me is the conflicting messages. Why break a date, then call persistently the next day? It's true there's not a lot I'm able to offer right now because of my situation and the long distance thing (however we're only 2 hours apart). I have had sex with him once about 4 months ago. He knows I will again if the situation is right, I've also made it clear that the sex places us under no obligation and we're only doing it because the attraction is so strong, we're adults (we're both in our 30s). The sex means a lot to me because we waited so long and I know he's not just a player wanting to score. Also there's only about 1 in a 1000 men I would actually want to have sex with. Still waiting for the clairvoyant to give me the answer on what to do!
  13. blondebombshelter
    You're right! I think I really just need to let it go until I'm ready to get involved properly. I don't want to right now because my child is still young and my divorce is taking forever, I just don't want a relationship right now. It will be hard to end it though, as there's nothing really to end, and he's the one maintaining contact. I would have to just ignore his phonecalls, which I find hard to do... It's just intriguing me, is all, I guess. I do like him, but not if he isn't serious about me.
  14. blondebombshelter
    It's so obvious, I just need someone to TELL me! GIVE UP!!! This guy I keep on posting about is giving me so many mixed messages it's driving me nuts. He's not that interested, it's staring me in the face, and yet... and yet... I guess you could call it a long distance pre-relationship because I don't want to be too involved yet. What I'm really trying to figure out is if this guy has potential and is seriously interested or whether he's Mr Enigma and always will be, no matter how fabulous the girl is. (And I am!! And modest, too.) He stopped calling me for nearly two weeks because I cancelled on him, or so he thinks. After that, all week he was calling 2 or 3 times a day. So maybe he IS interested, right? I will be in his city this weekend. On Tuesday when he called I told him I probably would, but I wasn't sure yet, so don't stop making any other plans. So then I didn't hear from him Wednesday or Thursday. (That's another thing he does, says 'I'll call you tomorrow' and then doesn't.) This morning (Friday) I left a message on messagebank saying I would be in town, and give me a call back. No answer. He sometimes misses calls, because he IS busy during the day, so I called again late that afternoon and got message bank again. I would lay money on it that I won't hear from him at all over the weekend, then I will hear from him next Tuesday or something, sprouting a load of horse manure about how he didn't listen to his message bank till it was too late, and he was busy, blah blah. If he's not interested, "boo hoo", I can deal with it. But why continue to call? This has been on for almost two years. He seems content to continue this half baked thing, maintaining this fluctuating but steady interest in me. Why?? Is it possible he's deliberately holding himself off so he doesn't seem too eager? Do men do that? Or he's annoyed because I"m not making him this big priority? I never come up specifically to see him. Or he has a girlfriend, but wants to keep me in the picture? If anyone has clayrvoyant abilities and know the answer, please... fill me in.
  15. blondebombshelter
    I may talk to him on Wed to see how things are. I want to see if we can salvage something. NO NO NO NO!!! Don't do that! I don't think you've made any 'mistakes' so far, but that will be a big, glaring one that will send him screaming for the hills. That's tantamount to having * T H E T A L K * and it's faaaar too early. It's insecure, intense, clingy... And the other thing is, you said you avoided him, but I think there's a danger of unwittingly giving off bad vibes and sabotaging the whole thing. He'll think you don't like HIM. I would just be warm, friendly, but a bit detached from the outcome - certainly don't initiate anything, but don't actively prevent it from happening, either! Have the approach that if he likes you, great. If he doesn't, oh, well, get over it. Anyway, I'm not sure what you're worrying about, anyway. You look and sound cute and adorable. Someone will see that, even if it's not Tom!
  16. blondebombshelter
    I know exactly how you feel... I've often wondered the same thing about myself! I have lots of people I'm 'friendly' with, but not all that many 'friends'. Or I'm friendly with lots of different groups of people, but not really a part of the group. I'm also very outgoing, friendly, always hit it off with people... I know for a fact that at least some of the people I meet like me, cos I've had nice comments passed on, or something. I make great connections, but they don't really progress into friends. Or if they do, they'll fizzle out if we stop playing on the same team, or whatever. I've never lost friends because of an argument or anything like that. I truly cannot think of anything I do wrong - and I'm the sort of person that is open to admitting my faults. And now that I think about it... I could be out right now having a coffee with someone and getting closer - but the truth is I would rather be here mooching around at home! I think some people really do NEED to have a lot of social interaction and they're the ones prepared to put the work into it. Who knows... I guess we should be grateful that we have as much as we do... we're still better off than some people!
  17. blondebombshelter
    Just don't spiral downwards! The day will come when things all fall into place... you'll meet the right guy and you'll look back on all this and laugh.
  18. blondebombshelter
    that i'm just not meant to have these things. NO!!!! That is bull s***. If you let that sort of thinking happen, you WILL give out a bad vibe. Look, people either post here simply to vent and get some support and sympathy... and maybe also to get another person's perspective on a situation. Sympathy is all very well... and it will make you feel better if everyone says 'oh, that joe, what a loser.' (While I'm on the subject though, he DID sound wishy washy and you're probably lucky he's out of your head, leaving you free for someone else.) But BH, there's a slight chance you ARE making a few mistakes. Often the most honest, upfront, nicest people do because dating IS a game. Some honest opinions and even criticism might stop it happening again and again. I would feel like I wasn't being a good 'forum pal' if I didn't tell you honestly what I thought. Do you want just to vent and have people sympathise, or do you want 'advice' ? (cos there's other things I could say, but won't if it's unwanted. NOthing worse than unsolicited advice.) Will clarify this one, though... my comment about it being a mistake to show someone you like them ... I meant in the very early stages of interaction, which I believe was all this was at (a few phone conversations and a little IM, dragged out over 4 months, with only one face to face meeting). IMO ... by all means, be encouraging, let the guy know subtly that you like him so far, that he's got a chance to prove himself to you. That may be what you meant when you said you let him know you liked him. Otherwise, this was too early to be all open and honest and upfront about how much you liked him. As for him playing games, you said he told you yesterday he wanted to see you, did he initiate that, or was it sort of you initiating it?
  19. blondebombshelter
    I didn't make any mistakes here. I liked this guy, and I let him know. Mistake number 1.
  20. blondebombshelter
    You know, I really think you should try to read a few books on dating ... I am not trying to attack you and I realise how hard this whole Joe thing must be. IT's just that some of your actions are so classicly 'what not to do'. Have you read 'he's just not that into you ' and 'Mars and Venus on a date'? Not that I think a book contains all the answers, but it just sounds to me like you need a better understanding of how to play the game. (It is a game, unfortunately.) Are you reading the 'why is dating like a game' thread? There's some very insightful comments in there. I truly don't mean to upset you. In your posts you come accross as so warm, positive, funny, kind, family oriented... a real find for any single guy. Maybe there are some simple mistakes you're making that are blocking the attraction process. Anyway, it's just one flakey guy! There's plenty more...
  21. blondebombshelter
    1) You really did get him upset 2) You're stringing him on 3) He really did get upset over nothing 4) You're stringing him on Not sure what you mean by this?
  22. blondebombshelter
    She's into you. I would behave exactly like that. She's just following a few of those stupid rules that you do when you do like someone. A real pain for everyone concerned, but it's working, obviously!
  23. blondebombshelter
    yeah, but.... He did call back after work and he's called twice already today, kind of making up for lost time. He does have a very phone call intensive job, multiple calls backing up. The way he saw it was like this... we did have a date planned, he cancelled all plans and was looking forward to it, I pulled out without even telling him because "something had come up which was more important to me than seeing him". Well, that's his story, and he's sticking to it. He's still suspicious about what I did instead that evening. Now I think about it, I was unintentionally a bit hazy on details about what I was doing instead. I can understand why he perceived me as being evasive and hiding something. Also he said today he's thinking of buying a block of land in the city I live in. Just for an investment, but he hasn't brought property before, it makes me wonder if I should read anything into it. Not long after we met he did say he would consider moving here if we became serious. So maybe I'm generating half of this uncertainty in my own head?
  24. blondebombshelter
    I would let it go and assume you were mistaken. If there really is something wrong, it will no doubt come to light sooner than later. What's the harm in meeting someone, anyway? I think with the advent of internet introductions, we've all become too inclined to treat people like an endless supply of apples on a conveyer belt and we're the apple graders... tossing people away left right and centre. Most of the apples will have a few wormholes.
  25. blondebombshelter
    He called this morning, after all that I told him I was really angry that he hadn't returned my calls (although of course I'm not angry any more, so he managed to escape the full brunt of my wrath!) ... he said he hadn't called because he had still been angry with me, but that he was over it now, and that it takes him a long time to get over things!! Almost two weeks to get over a simple misunderstanding that I humbly apologised for that was half his fault anyway?? At this point I could hardly hear him for the warning bells ringing and the big red flags flapping. Can you imagine how awful this sort of behaviour would be after you were married??? I said if he ever did that again that would be IT. Then I launched into my prepared speech about how he said that it would have just taken a simple phonecall, but it's never a simple phonecall with him blah blah. At that point he said he had another call coming in (funny that I didn't hear it ) and that he would call me right back, which he didn't (What a surprise). And of course, now i'm waiting for the call back. I'm not hung up on it or anxious, or anything, but all the same I'm waay-tiinnnng.... And there are no predictable patterns. He could blitz me with calls now (which feels like extra sunshine in my life) or he might leave it several days to call again and all the time I will be waaayyyyy-tiiiing.... I have no idea how to proceed. And what to make of him. I've been upfront with him... he used to ask what I wanted in roundabout way I couldn't really answer. But several months ago I told him I wasn't ready for anything serious YET but that if I was I thought it was quite possible we might have a future together. He just refused to tell me anything in return, which I thought was sneaky. I had made it quite clear that under the circumstances he didn't owe me anything, I wouldn't be hurt or angry at anything he might say, but he said he hadn't thought about it and if I wanted to talk, fine, we'd talk, but in person. Of course the next time I saw him I'd forgotten all about it and the talk has never eventuated. If I could just rule him out as a player (which he insists he's not) it would be an easy decision. But a lot of what he does doesn't really add up to that. (Definitely not just in it for the sex. If anyone is, I'm in it for the sex!) You're probably right about the commit. phobe thing... He's seems very self contained... his father and mother separated when he was young and moved overseas and he never had much to do with his father ever again. He once told me he was a bit like his father - a man who could lose contact with his son! I heard the bells then as well! edited to add this: I think he is also moody...i've noticed this w. commitment phobic men...the whole rel, its pace, the dynamics, are drived by his moods and needs. he is not consistent. don't second guess what went on between you two. that was real.. he has a huge problem w. intimacy...that's why he sucks at having a rel. it's not you. how true... you've nailed it!
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