Jump to content

blondebombshelter

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    51

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by blondebombshelter

  1. blondebombshelter
    Yes, it's the unsolved mysteries that keep the whole thing fresh in your mind for much longer than it normally would be. I feel like I've had to walk out of the movie theatre half way through watching a really intriguing thriller! Or like they never did screen those very last episodes of 'Sex in the City' and left everyone hanging ...
  2. blondebombshelter
    You are getting addicted to the drama... stop before you are incapable of getting into a loving, stable, normal relationship. Know that your marriage, if it ever happened, would be exactly the same. Except 10 times worse, because there would be children involved. You think this is bad? She sounds quite emotionally unstable... I predict post natal depression and not being able to cope with the kids. People without children have no idea how stress inducing they can be. She's already complaining about stress because she has to iron her clothes and make lunch for work!! I must say, I'm curious... why do you love her so much? Doesn't all that drama and mood swinging put you off? Anyway, just to repeat everybody else, the only way you can turn her around (assuming this is all just mood swings and you really do want a life of misery and woe and high highs and loooow lows) is to STOP contacting her, get a life, move on, get over it. Take valium if you have to. Just STOP!! She has to think she's lost you. I don't mean to be horrible, I do feel really sad for you... and her. I really hope everything works out for the best, whatever happens. Good luck.
  3. blondebombshelter
    I can't call him any more, even if I wanted to ... I've deleted his number! There's definitely something that didn't add up about this guy, anyway. He was a puzzle, and no matter what way I put it together, there were pieces that didn't fit. I think what hurts is that I believed he had strong feelings for me, but clearly he didn't. So I haven't really lost anything, I've just woken up to reality. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted!?!
  4. blondebombshelter
    Mmm. sounds like he might be giving you back some of your own treatment!? Seeing another girl on his first night back from being away is a bit of a worry. I think it could be a few things: 1. He's playing games and waiting for your response. He still really likes you. I would act like not a thing is wrong and you haven't even noticed. Don't give him any sort of payoff at all for such pathetic game playing. And analyse whether this sort of manipulation is what you really want long term. 2. He's cooling off you or likes this other girl. He might also be now enjoying a bit of revenge. Definitely act like you haven't even noticed and get over him. He could even be the type of guy who has short lived crushes on a string of women and his emotions are meaningless and shallow. 3. Some guys come on really strong to start off with and that inevitably has to even out. Maybe he's just busy at work, nothing's wrong. The other girl might just be a platonic friend. He might think emails are a perfectly acceptable way to stay in touch. Just wait it out, don't chase him and see what happens. Vent onto this forum rather than to him!
  5. blondebombshelter
    Yep, that's a pattern as well... out of the blue will call and act like nothing's wrong. Stupid me, I'm too blase and laid back about it, I will get over it by that time that happens and he'll get away with it! I'm just soooo confused by the whole thing. To be fair, he does have a very busy job which involves lots of talking on the phone. He says he's not committment phobic, just hasn't met anyone he loved enough to marry. Yes, he is playing games, I"m not sure if they're deliberate or not, but it's working, I am getting addicted to this rollercoaster. He certainly has won this round. The ironic thing is, I was completely indifferent to him at the start, he's wormed his way into my head now and it's going to be hard to get past it. I have no idea whether a: this is a deliberate tactic to manipulate my emotions (I find that a bit hard to believe, men don't do that stuff, do they??) b: he is actually indifferent to me and just acts as if he's interested (but why stay around so long?) c: he's playing several women (in that case he's so deceptive he must be psychotic and I'll end up in pieces in his freezer one day *joke* ) d: he really is overwhelmedly busy and doesn't realise that not returning calls for so long (a week) is so hurtful. Anyway, thankyou for your responses, it's getting it out of my system writing it down and knowing someone out there cares enough to write a response, I feel better already. And based on my experiences with this guy, I could make my fortune writing "the definitive guide for men on how to get a woman hooked"! ](*,)
  6. blondebombshelter
    I'm so frigging angry and just need to vent. Can you believe, after all the advice I got to let this stupid thing go, I actually called him again this evening, he didn't pick up, and clearly isn't going to call back!! I could kick myself, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. I'm so pissed off!! He's nearly 40, for crying out loud! If our problems with misunderstanding are enough to make him move on, fine, I accept that, but it's just IMMATURE to refuse to pick up the phone or return calls. Why is he doing that? It's not like I'm aggressive or emotional or anything. I truly am not - he's never had to deal with any emotional stuff from me, I'm very laid back about all this sort of thing. On the surface, anyway. It's just so frustrating, having this unresolved. I don't understand how he can just let the whole thing hang. Is he deliberately making a decision to let me stew (it's working) by not talking to me? Or am I the last thing on his mind right now, and when he sees my number coming up, he really can't be bothered answering it?
  7. blondebombshelter
    What has surprised you? Lots of things... how men are as vulnerable and uncertain as women. I didn't think men would be absorbed enough in their relationship to actually bother posting onto a forum about it!! Also how they sometimes (but not always) are fine about women that have one night stands. And how they do seem to be interested in women that have chased them. And interested in women who struck me as being annoying and who were treating them badly iMHO. It does not work if one person does all the chasing, regardless of sex. The chaser then lessens their own value to an extent that makes the not worth the chasee. It needs to happen in cycles. Normally, the woman signals a man through body language that he can chase and his overtures are welcome. Then the man will make an initial and somewhat indirect approach. (If he rushes right over, it won't work. If he circles the room and then ends up next to her, it may.) Thereafter, the man needs to engage in some in and outs, chase and back off, chase and back off, chase and back off, until she chases a bit. From there on, it cycles from one chasing and one running away and then allowing the chaser to catch up. Some time is spent caught, when the original chaser should back off and away, and let the original chasee pursue, and then the sides are reversed. Unpredictable patterns are the best. wow... that makes sense too! More than some of the books I've read! And it's not nauseatingly sexist, either. DId you make that up?
  8. blondebombshelter
    I thought men liked assertive women who made the first move. I thought it demonstrated confidence and self assuredness. I think the assertiveness works when the man is clear about the relationship and what he wants from the woman. i think the assertiveness backfires when the man is ambivalent and passive. that's when i end up feeling like i'm doing all the work. read mars and venus on a date. Look, I don't know if it's right, but it made sense to me.
  9. blondebombshelter
    Maybe you could still call her from time to time ... just to be friendly, see how she's going... don't try to make a date or ramble on about wanting a relationship. Don't make it regular or predictable. Maybe you'll grow on her if you do that! Hey, it worked on me with the guy I'm hung up on at the moment!
  10. blondebombshelter
    Yeah...I REALLY WANT TO BE PURSUED. I hate to adhere to those instruction manuals: the rules, he's not that into you. but, i did all the work in my ltr...i see now that you can't fulfill the other side's commitment to the relationship Soooo true! And the amazing thing is, that applies when you're married as well. After my marriage broke up, I starting reading all these dating books (Mars and Venus on a Date, He's NOt that into you etc) and that's when I finally understood why all my efforts to save my marriage hadn't worked. (The books on marriage had left me baffled.) I'd been pursuing him, trying to do everything I possibly could to make us happy. And call me sexist, but it makes sense to me why it doesn't work for the woman to be the chaser. If you believe those books. (Not that it works for the woman to not be the chaser either... which is why I started this thread!?!!!) I'm curious as to what men think about it though, because I've been a bit surprised by things guys have posted on this forum.
  11. blondebombshelter
    You know, I love my child and would do it all again if I had the choice, but children aren't necessarily the meaning of life. If you miss out on kids, it's not a catastrophe. I wish you could have been here for my daughter's third birthday party ... that would have an eye-opener for anyone who yearns for children. (Insert rueful smiley here!) Children can bring you as much sorrow, rage and despair as they can joy. They're chancy. I wish you well, I really do... I would like to kick Joe's a***e!
  12. blondebombshelter
    or if he just needed me to make the move. AAArghh! But what about 'the rules' and all that crap?? I hate all that s**t but we're supposedly not meant to come on too strong! How much calling is too much? It's just too hard to determine the balance. And this guy isn't shy and needing encouragement. THe night I met him he just wouldn't stop till I gave him my number, he was a pro! I'm just wary of establishing a dynamic where I'm the chaser and he's the one who decides whether or not to respond to my advances. Just don't think that works.
  13. blondebombshelter
    i've known plenty of men like this. i think the quality of the rel. they have with women is based on their moods. so, when your friend want to chat, he'll call consistenly and pay attention to you, and when he doesn't fee the need, he'll ignore you. i think this behavior is hurtful and selfish. it's all up to you. maybe this man is someone you can hang w. and have fun with...nothing more. but, if he makes you feel bad about yourself, then forget him. You're so right!! The thing is though, I'm not up to serious commitment myself at this point, so it's a bit of a grey area. I need to see this guy as "someone you can hang w. and have fun with...nothing more." (for now) to quote you. and stop letting it get to me. BUT... I have a feeling he would behave exactly like this even if I was available for a committed relationship.
  14. blondebombshelter
    treat each other with respect and clear communication. You're right. I will try to have a frank talk with him (ever we ever actually speak again!?!) How ironic, it's probably all over now. I will have to have this conversation in my head! I just remembered this thing that happened some time back... He was going to come down here and visit, as I had some time off and my child was away on a trip with her grandparents. It was going to be the first time we had sex, a rare opportunity as I'm always with her normally. I sat there for two nights waiting for him to call me, I couldn't call him as it would have been like me chasing him for sex or something. I thought if he was really interested he would call and finalise the arrangement I'd just read that book 'He's not that into you." I can't describe the disappointment when he didn't call. He'd been going on and on about how much he wanted to have sex with me and how great it would be, and then nothing!! Finally I called him after it was too late out of sheer curiosity more than anything else as to what his game was. He told me he had been waiting for me to call him! He sounded about as upset as I was. He said exactly the same thing - he couldn't call me because he would feel like he was pressuring me for sex. I just don't think we have gelled very well... our styles don't really work together. We just have the best time when we finally do get together, though. And we've had so many great conversations. I feel a bit sad right now. Or from an onlooker's point of view, am I just being played and reading between the lines he's got minimal interest in me and I"m just too dumb to see it??
  15. blondebombshelter
    hold old are you both? I'm 32, he's 38. Although I know it sounds like we're both 13.
  16. blondebombshelter
    hm... I understand the whole flirting/phone tag/insecurity thing early on in a relationship, but why has this been going on for a year? I know that would drive me bonkers and I would snap one day and tell him to F off. because I'm not ready for anything serious yet... waiting for my divorce to finalise. Plus the distance thing. I accept that he may meet someone else and lose interest in me at any time... which is why I'm so hesitant to pursue him too much.
  17. blondebombshelter
    We do stick to plans - if they actually were made. As I read your post, I realised that what I'm doing wrong is this: worry that he's losing interest, (partly because he fosters this insecurity) and, not wanting to chase him or railroad him into seeing me, leave the door open and let him take it from there. Which is stupid, now I think about it, because he's not the rail-roadable type anyway. If he does call again, I will say the thing about returning the phonecalls. Cos it is beyond a joke, the way he doesn't return calls, or not return them until hours later. That's why I couldn't just resolve the whole thing with a "simple phonecall" (he said it was just a matter of making a simple phonecall to sort it out). Simple phonecall, my a***e. I really hope he does call again, he's going to get such a blast of wrath...
  18. blondebombshelter
    Thanks for the responses. You guys have really got me thinking about this, and you know what? There is a familiar feel about this ambivalence, he does play games. That last minute call was a classic. Although he has never actually cancelled on a date or done anything like that. Just stuff that leaves me all doubtful and waiting for my phone to ring like it's the secret to life. He'll call every day (or even twice) for a few weeks, and then suddenly, for no reason at all, will stop calling for a week or two. Even if I call, he won't pick up or return the call. Then he'll phone and the first thing he'll say is 'why haven't I heard from you??" in this really wounded voice. Once he made a comment (which I just let go) about how he's messing with my head. He could be playing me with other women, but he swears there's no one in his life. I've checked out link removed from time to time, and I could swear he's doing some of that stuff in there, possibly even unconsciously, cos he isn't into computers so I doubt he's got it from there. Unless of course he isn't interested in me. But then why would he stick around for so long?? And it's more than just a player wanting easy sex. I'm so sick of these dumb games. Honestly. The whole thing sux. Both sexes get the same advice: don't act too interested, don't call too much, you'll look desperate, yada yada. If both of you are doing that, both too cautious to show how you really feel, it's a stale mate!! I mean if I'm there saying 'if he's interested he'll call', and he's saying the same thing, neither of us will call! Yet I can't just blurt out how much I like him, or whine to him about how sick of this I am, that's the classic 'what not to do'. It seems the only situation I can successfully date in is where the guy likes me and is chasing me, but of course I have no interest, and the less interest I have, the more he has. Then it all work fine, dammit. Anyway, I will take all your advice and not call again, and hopefully try to stop thinking about him. If I don't hear from him ever again he's just a hopeless snot head and I'm better off without him... I
  19. blondebombshelter
    I'm in one of those gridlock situations with this guy I occasionally date. I can't get serious right now and anyway we live 2 hours apart, but he phones regularly and I always see him when I'm in his city. We've had sex once, a couple of months ago. We've been in this situation for at least 12 months. He's thoroughly confusing me at the moment, so any thoughts on this would be appreciated... Last time I was in his city, I called him Monday and said I was in town and Wednesday was good for me. I know Wednesdays are good for him. He seemed happy and said he'd call, but as I far as I was concerned it wasn't really a confirmed date. Anyway I didn't hear from him, assumed he couldn't make it, or didn't want to, so I made other plans. He called on Wednesday at 6pm, annoyed that I hadn't called him to let him know what was going on! He got really annoyed. He seemed to think I had got a better offer and that's why I'd cancelled, but that wasn't the case. Anyway, I called Thursday morning and left a message apologising. No response. Then I called back that evening, and left another message. He rang back an hour later and said he was still pissed off. I treated it like a joke, because I didn't think it was that big a deal. I was out when he rang, so I couldn't talk, but asked him to call back later. He didn't. Then I rang him the next day (Friday) and left a message saying I hated that he was angry with me, and to call me. He didn't. I haven't heard from him at all, and it's now Wednesday. So I called him this morning and left a message saying that I haven't heard from him... if he's just busy, that's fine, or if he's bored of this whole thing, then so be it... but i hate to think I've done something to upset him. Still no response! I'm obviously going to wash my hands of this whole thing now, if I don't hear back from him he's just a snot-face or has lost interest in me suddenly. Am I just being pathetic and desperate by calling him so much? I should definitely stop calling, right?? Would me cancelling a date be enough to totally put him off?
  20. blondebombshelter
    Hate to be the party pooper, but if it was me, I'd think twice. If you're just talking about casual dating, by all means, go for it. Have fun, don't bother reading on. However if you're starting something with the view to it maybe being permanent, read on.... The age difference would be a factor if you want to have children with him. Also, if he's the sort of guy who's attracted to women predominately based on their appearance, consider this: men sometimes do leave their partners for younger women as they get older. It sux. He can quite reasonably have a relationship with someone ten years younger than him, which would make her twenty years younger than you. When you're 45, will you feel insecure about him falling for a 25 year old?
  21. blondebombshelter
    I wish you luck... but I can't help but feel a little sorry for the other women you're dating that you obviously don't have much feeling for! They're probably all on another relationship forum somewhere, agonising over YOU!
  22. blondebombshelter
    Sounds like you're really getting on top of it, well done. That's a great tactic, listing all his bad points! I think some people need affirmation that they're attractive and will flirt with anyone and everyone. He could well be encouraging you because it's an ego trip to have won someone's heart, despite the fact he doesn't want it. This is harsh, but if he really did like you, nothing would stop him, not even the fact that you work together.
  23. blondebombshelter
    A week isn't thaaat long. Some people just operate on stretchy timelines. You could give him a quick, warm, friendly call on some topic of interest - hey, I saw a article about this guy who had open heart surgery and thought of you blah blah - or something like that. Then get off the phone without angling for another date. (Assuming he hasn't asked you out again at that point.) That way it doesn't look like you're pursuing him, you're just being warm and friendly. If he wasn't interested, you've shown you're self assured enough to handle it with no hard feelings. Yet, if he wanted to call but felt nervous, you've given him some encouragement and he now knows he's still in with a chance. Best of all, if he really isn't that interested, you can walk away with no regrets, knowing you did all that you could. Good luck!!
  24. blondebombshelter
    You could be right. I just wish I knew if he COULD be attached but isn't letting himself, or if I'm just an occasional diversion. We've only had sex once, but the attraction is confusing everything. Even when I'd had a few drinks and might have done it in the heat of the moment, he held off for a long time, as I wasn't ready for it. Now every time we see each other he's hard the whole time, I don't think either of us can figure out how he really feels when he's in that frame of mind.
  25. blondebombshelter
    Thanks for reading all that! He's told me there's no one else in his life and he'd have the balls to tell me if there was. He has platonic female friends. He could just have a whole harem of women like me. I make jokes about that, and he denies it, so if that's what he's doing, he's a very good liar! He is of course standing off because of my situation, also he's a bit worried about my husband getting him beaten up. I guess I want him to love me, or I want him to be purely a platonic friend, so I can move on. I really should just ask him straight out, but I"m not sure how to do it.
×
×
  • Create New...