gentleman65

HurleyBabe6917, Thank you for the nice comment.. I feel that if you truly care about someone, that is unconditional.. If we end up in a serious relationship, I will be ecstatic, but if all we ever do is end up as friends, I want her to be happy.. and I want her to know that regardless I will not let her down as many others have.. G65

You know Mun, I thought of that aspect.. I really sat down and asked myself WHY I was so attracted to her, and whether it was the fact that she was not ready to commit to a serious relationship, did I see it as a challenge to win her heart?, etc.. The decision I came to was that I was physically attracted to her (she is absolutely beautiful, IMO), I was also attracted to her as a person. She is such a sweetheart, I see the way she interacts with her children, my daughter, other children, people in general, and she is very open and caring.. I want her to be a part of my life, and regardless of where this relationship goes, I feel blessed to have met her and gotten to know her.. G65

Robin, I have learned a LOT in the last few years.. My marriage disintegrated around me and nearly killed me.. I have ALWAYS been the guy who was "TOO NICE" and I would fall very quickly.. As I get older, and in the last few years, my confidence has improved greatly and as I stated in another thread, I feel I am stronger now at 41 than when I was 24, etc.. One thing I have continued to do is be honest with my feelings, I have learned however to not get too wrapped up and fall too quickly.. I have never been a "serial" dater, alway preferring to completely invest myself in the one relationship at a time.. In the last few months, I hav tried a different approach, and I am currently dating 2 women.. Neither one at this point is serious, One I REALLY want to be with, but as you would see in my other thread, the situation is complicated for her and I am patient enough to wait it out and see if anything develops further, and the other lady is also very attractive to me in deifferent ways.. If something develops with the second lady, I will evaluate my feelings and make the appropriate decision.. ANyway, my question to you is this.. I feel liek I am doing ok at this, but how do I and other "nice guys" keep our distance and appear a little "unavailable" and keep a womans interest at the same time.. I feel liek its a constant balancing act.. G65

Batya33, I agree completely.. that is why I am not waiting around like I have in the past.. I am staying in the dating scene, until something either happens or doesn't.. and if we never become anything more than friends, I am cool with it.. but I owe it to myself, to see this through to whatever end.. G65

Thanks for that.. One thing I had always done was wait around, and I had always felt played, so Once I got through the divorce and spent a few years not really trying to date, I had a few encounters and dates here and there, but none that I REALLY wanted to be with more than that.. Then like I said in this opening thread, I met this lady and I immediately felt as if all the breath left my body.. I could not help but feel attracted to her.. So I decided this time that I was going to make a change and be proactive in dating and socializing.. Anymore, I am the life of the party, something I have NEVER been in the past.. It is amazing to see how many women respond to that type of person.. I have met 4-5 women in the last month, and even though not much is happening with any except dating, etc, I am enjoying the process.. I am feeling hopeful with the first girl, but they are all my "type" and each is attractive to me in different ways.. So yes, I will keep going, and dating and meeting women and in the end it will work itself out.. Have you ever met someone and felt that immediate "pull" towards them, and could not get them out of your mind..? Thats how it is with her.. When I set a date with her, she is all I can think of for the next 2 days till we get together.. its weird.. but its a great feeling.. G65

Quick update.. we are still dating, and things are pretty much the same.. I did ask her over dinner one night where she saw this going, she said she could not answer the question.. the divorce is really stressing her out, and not yet final. She said sometimes she feels like she is holding on by her fingertips.. She said that she is really attracted to me and loves my personality, etc, but that its not fair to either of us at this point to talk about the future.. She just want to continue to see me and get to know each other.. I told her that I agreed completely, and I can accept that.. So at this point its going as good as could be expected, and as things progress I will keep posting.. I still feel the same way, I want much more with her, and until she makes a decision to take things further, I am continuing to date, as well.. I have a dinner date with another girl tonight.. I don't mind dating a few people at a time, but I am not the type of person to play with people's emotions. If this other girl and I start to develop feelings for each other, I am not sure what I will do.. In that sense I hate the "game" G65

Mun, I agree completely.. I am dating others as well, in fact I am going to spend most of the weekend seeing another girl I met last week. First at a pub and then at a party on Sunday with some friends.. Tonight I am going to see the girl who is the subject of this thread, and then tomorrow and Sunday the other girl at a party thrown by by mutual friends.. I have many options before me, I am not letting this bog me down.. The reason I am spending so much mental energy on this girl here on the forum, is that I do want more with her, and talking to you and the others here, helps me keep it all in perspective.. This may not turn out as I want, and if thats the case, then it was not meant to happen, and I will move on, but the CHANCE that it may work out is worth the effort.. I know I have said it before, but have you ever met someone, and you just felt everything click right away.. It just felt right to me, and I was instantly attracted to her.. not just because she is beautiful, but because I sensed a sweet person also.. She has a lot of problems, but if I just throw my hands up and say "see ya", I am no better than the people who have done that to her in the past. Even if I am destined to just be her friend, I want her to see me as someone she can count on.. She may end up being a train wreck, but I have to at least stay on the track till I see this through.. G65

At this point, its up to her to make sure she keeps the contact going, its the only way I can be sure she want to be with me. I have my guard up. I am not saying I will be rude or not return her calls, or not call myself, but if I call her and she does not respond, then I will wait till she does.. and IF we go out again tomorrow night, I am going to ask her to really look a the situation and if she can't see anything more than what we have now, and see herself making a commitment to me, not an engagement or anything like that, but a commited honest attempt to really be together, and not confuse the issue with other guys, to please tell me and we will simply be friends and not continue down this road. She HAS to know how I feel about her, I have always been up front about that, and I want her to understand that I want her, but she has to want me too for it to work.. I don't mind that she is dating, but at this point, the up and down roller coaster of dating, then not, then dating again, because he was not the perfect guy he portrayed himself to be, is not fair to me unless she makes it clear that we can try to step it up a little and really try.. then if it does not work out, so be it.. She does not OWE me anything.. She is an adult and can do what she pleases, but she sends all the right signals, she tells me that she is very attracted to me, and that she wants to see me.. All I want her to do, is take a really honest look at what she wants, she has stated that she DOEs want a commitment, someone to settle down with get married, either have another child, or adopt a child, etc.. someone to share her life with.. I am all about those things, IN THE FUTURE.. and she agrees that its a while off for those things.. She has demonstrated that she is open to a commitment, If her feelings for me are real, and its not a game to her, then she will understand that I need some answers and am not just demanding she explain herself.. G65

Batya33.. Your point is WELL taken.. I understand what you are saying... I think you make a great point.. In both instances with the kids being with us, it has been a situation where she was going to take them bowling anyway, and she asked me to come, and bring my daughter.. same with the movie.. I did not see it as being harmful to take all the kids to see a movie or bowling.. G65

The Kids are a non-issue... We have discussed the kids and their attachments.. My daughter is 14 and well adjusted to my dating and she actually knew her before I did.. Understand that we know the risks with her daughters, since they are a little younger, and we purposely do not hold hands or cuddle or anything like that.. its a matter of respect for the girls not to see that at this point in the relationship.. All they see is us joking around and having fun.. G65

Everyone, I have an update.. I got the whole story, and it really makes me relax a little.. Here is what transpired since the last post.. We had tentative dinner plans on Friday.. but the other guy she was dating had asked her for a semi-commitment (meaning that she would not date or be with any other guys) for a while until they had a chance to se if more developed. So she called me thursday afternoon and said she needed to talk to me about something.. She told me of her decision.. she said that she was NOT a cheater, and based on the fact that she agreed to stop seeing other guys, she canceled our date and broke it off with her "boy-toy" as well.. She did explain to me that in the course of meeting me, we had had 2 perfect dates and was very attracted to me, but she could say the same for the other guy, and that HE asked her out more and asked her to commit first. I told her that I tried to respect her space, based on the fact that she had said she did not want a commitment, and thats why I did not call too often or ask her out more, because I did not want to push her away, and respect her space. She said that If I had called more and asked her out more, that she might have been drawn closer to me.. We agreed to keep in touch, and I wished her luck with the other guy.. After accepting this fact, I went out Friday night and met a girl DJ at a local pub, and Saturday I met a another girl... So I have plans to go out and play the field myself... THEN, on Sunday, the "field" got a little bigger, because she called me and asked if I wanted to go out and talk, that she needed to talk to me again.. Apparently this new guy who she chose had tried to push sex on her after she asked him not to.. (she explained that she felt this could go somewhere and was going to try slowing down the pace of things).. Apparently all through the dating he was telling her everything she wanted to hear, and then when the opportunity arose, He tried to get her to do it anyway... They had made plans throughout the day which he proceeded to ruin because he was trying to make her feel guilty for rebuffing him.. She was upset and kept telling me she made a mistake in her love life and made the wrong choice.. Then she apologized saying she should not be telling ME this especially after she chose him over me.. I basically told her, that my feelings had not changed in the 2 days since Friday, and that I still wanted to be with her and woudl love to try this again.. I told her that I too wanted her to commit somewhat, and that I would ask her for one down the road.. I then said IF she decided to see me again, that I was more interested in this.. (I touched my finger to her heart) than anything physical at this point. I said that if she trusted me with her heart, that the rest, would naturally follow. I told her that even though this was how I felt, she had to understand that the situation made me a little uneasy fo trusting the fact that suddenly she decided she made a mistake and picked the wrong guy.. and I asked what she would think I the roles were reversed.. How would she feel If I called her and wanted to see her now that the other "girl" seemed like a mistake.. She understood, and assured me that she was sincere and would prove it.. (The least I can do is see if she is sincere, and give her the benefit of the doubt) The other guy apologized to her, and she said she was planning to talk to him, but that she wanted to see me again.. I told her that until she makes a commitment that I was going to continue to play the field as well.. Whether this means a week, month, or more, I left it in her hands initially.. I told her, that I would ask her for a commitment later.. when I felt the timing was right.. I got a text message from her this morning, saying she wanted to see me again. G65

What I did wrong with some of the others was simply being TOO eager, needy, etc.. With this girl, I am projecting a lot fo confidence and I am very sure of myself.. I want her to see my strength..!! Like I mentioned before.. I am very confident.. I have a lot to be confident about, and I am at a point in my life where I WANT to be with her, but I don't NEED to be with her.. The distinction is that I am projecting to her that I WANT her, but I am not NEEDY in the least.. Let me tell you though ladies.. I am a hopeless romantic.. I can't wait to hold her again..!! I am trying my best not to overwhelm her.. I sent her a text message on Monday at midnight thanking her for a wonderful evening.. she replied at noon the next afternoon, with a message Here is the text of it thats where I left it.. so I will call tonighth and confirm the date for Friday evening.. In spite of the urge to call her constantly and not being able to get her off my mind at times, this is FUN...!!! G65

That is exactly how I am feeling.. I am VERY attracted to her, and I told her exactly that .. I also said that I wanted to take it slow because I understood where she is coming from and what she went through.. I like your thought better, and if the subject comes up again, I will probably say something close to that.. As for the next date, I want to do something to make her laugh and have a good time and just be happy that we are sharing time together.. might be dinner and a movie (She loves movies), but I want to find something that brings out the kid in her.. G65

Actually that was her idea.. she was planning to take her daughters to a movie and asked if I would like to come with her and bring my daughter.. IT was a nice way to break the ice and see if there was any chemistry without the pressure.. It must have worked, because she seems to really be attracted to me.. I guess the one thing that I have to have is faith in that if she starts to fall for me, it is something that I can't control.. If she falls for me, then its was meant to happen all along.. the only thing I can control, is staying cool and letting it happen naturally for her... One thing that helps to keep my mind clear, is to post here on the forum G65