Hi I'm new to this forum so hope it's okay to post this... I would love to get an outsider's opinion on this situation for a reality check.
I've been 'dating' this guy for nearly 2 years. He's never been married but has never had any trouble at all meeting women. I'm separated with two daughters and waiting on my divorce to finalise. We live in different cities, two hours apart.
I don't want to get into a full on relationship until my divorce is finished as my husband is very volatile. If he knows I'm seeing anyone else, it could cause him to get unreasonable and make things very hard for everyone - I'm at his mercy financially as all our assets are in his name.
So I'm keeping this guy a secret from everyone, including my parents and especially my daughters. I don't want them confused - I would only introduce them to a guy if I was serious about him and sure that he was serious about me.
And that's the million dollar question... I'm so confused by the way this guy acts. I don't know if he really does like me and is playing games (do men actually do that??) or if he's just not that interested in me at all. Or if he's a hopeless perpetual bachelor who is incapable of getting involved with anyone.
Obviously it's not like a 'normal' dating situation, we're so far apart, he can't call me when my children are around and we can't see each other weekends. I mean, it's lucky if we see each other once every 2 months. He kept trying to get out of me what exactly it was, (I don't know) but won't tell me what his feelings are. I have asked him once or twice, but he just ducks the question and changes the subject.
He generally calls several times a week, but sometimes he calls at least once a day for week or so, then i won't hear from him for two weeks. He calls me a lot during the day to talk for at least half an hour at a time, yet there's been times when I've been in his city and he's been too busy to see me. He's had opportunities to see me which he turned down because his team was playing and he wanted to watch the game!! I just can't work out whether he really likes me or not.
It's not just a sex thing - we've only had full on sex once. He will often see me just for lunch when there's no chance of anything happening. There's a lot of mutual attraction between us, I have hard evidence of that. ; )
What just happened this week is a classic case. I was in his city for 3 days. On Monday when I got in I called him and told him I was in town and to give me a call, Wednesday night would be good for me. He sounded pleased and said he would call back. I didn't hear from him at all!
He's not that interested, right, move on and get over it? Which I did. I concluded that he was busy or whatever, so I made other plans for Wednesday night. I could have called to check, but he's very busy at work (classic player's excuse) so he will often not get back to me for hours. Also, I'm not going to chase him - I mean, if I let him know I'm in town and available, it's up to him to call then.
So Wednesday night at about 6pm, he calls and was really annoyed that I hadn't called him and that I couldn't see him now. He said he'd cancelled whatever it was he was doing that night so he could see me. (Even though he hadn't confirmed.) I apologized and explained why, but he still seemed mad, and said I'd had a better offer and seemed jealous of this other guy I'm friends with. So then I called this morning and told his message bank I was sorry about stuffing up his night.
Still no call, so then I decided to make an extra effort and called again tonight and left a message. An hour later he called back, and said he was still pissed off, even though I was being nice and tried to make a joke out of it. I couldn't talk at that time, so I said to call me back after 8.30. He said he would... and didn't!!
So here I am, explaining it into cyberspace, I don't even know if anyone will read this. We seem to be playing this stupid game, both of us not chasing the other one too much. Or is that just wishful thinking and he couldn't care less? Why wouldn't he call tonight?
