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Deserted1

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  1. Deserted1
    Hey Bogs, sounds like your having a real hard time with all this. It seems like the more you both have contact, the more tangled the issues get. First, you need to ask yourself what it is that you want from this relationship, I.E. friends or GF. This girl doesn't sound like she's trying to get back with you. Unless you hear the words of reconciliation, I would stick to NC. Other than that there is really nothing to talk about. Only "we had good memories though, we had good things too" she said, "not enough". Do you want to continue this cycle of pain? It goes to show that being friends right now isn't a good option.
  2. Deserted1
    Vynde, I can certainly empathize with you and many others on this thread. It has been almost 5 months since my break up and I STILL think about her everyday, and unfortunately most of the day. It doesn't hurt as much as it used to, but I can't wait for the day that these thoughts will disappear! We just have to go through this. Keep with the NC, this will help immensely! I was with my last ex for 3 1/2 years. For some reason this break hurts more than my divorce 5 years ago. I was married for 12 years then, together for 14, so yes I can understand what you're going through. The pain will subside in its own time, it doesn't seem like there is anything at all we can do to accelerate "the healing process." We will get better though!
  3. Deserted1
    Good one Dako!
  4. Deserted1
    I'm curious! A little off topic, but somewhat related. My ex g/f dumped me for another guy. She has very poor communication skills. She didn't tell me things that bothered her until she was dumping me. The last time we talked she told me communication of any kind was welcome and she wanted to hear from me, but I haven't heard anything from her. Could this be her pride, or maybe fear of me rejecting her communication? We have been 2 months NC since our last convo and she told me I was still her best friend (HA HA), and not the other guy. She asked if it would be another few months when she would hear from me again. My phone hasn't been ringing, but I'm not planning on breaking NC, I felt horrible last time I did! Any comments anyone?
  5. Deserted1
    How odd this thread came up tonight, for some reason today I have been thinking about the ex being intimate with her new b/f. It's still really bothers me, and it's been over 4 months since the break, with 2 months of NC. I was her first partner, so that prob has something to do with it. When will these thoughts stop? I've been trying to let things go, but Ughhh!!! ](*,)
  6. Deserted1
    Lost, I'm in your same boat. Today is my ex's B-day, but she will get no recognition from me! I have 2 months NC going and by reading other ENA members advice, I'm not gonna mess myself up to give attention to someone who doesn't seem to want me anyway. I also know what you mean about loving them more when they're gone. I think part of that feeling is longing for something out of our grasp. It's that very idea "the longing" that drives us to this feeling. I believe this is part of the "letting go" process, and until we can fully let go, we will continue this pattern. My NC is guiding my way to letting go, I can begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there! You will continue to heal.
  7. Deserted1
    HT, be very careful here! This girl wants to keep you around to see what happens with this other guy. Please don't be fooled. I was in your exact situation, and was played for weeks. It's not fun, trust me. Give her all the space she wants NC.
  8. Deserted1
    To be honest, I think when most people "rebound", they have been setting themselves up for weeks or even months with the rebounder. So when they feel that a new relationship will work for them they "leave off" with you and "continue" with the new person. Then they don't have to deal with the guilt of breaking up with you and they are "so called" happy with the new person and they're not alone. What they don't realize is that they never dealt with your break up and it will haunt them later in life. So let them deal with that! Just take care of you!
  9. Deserted1
    My ex didn't even have the guts to call it a day. Even after I found out she cheated on me. I had to be the one to call the break up, (over the phone) and then she agreed. Talk about cowardly! Sheesh! I was her first real relationship, and I know she went about many things the wrong way, but c'mon, have some respect for someone you once loved!
  10. Deserted1
    I think sometimes when we have those thoughts of the ex, it starts a chain reaction of more thoughts. I have had this happen and when the break up was fresh, I let these thoughts keep running in my head. It would ruin my whole day and sometimes run into consecutive days. I have now learned to kill that chain reaction, by just telling myself to "LET IT GO". We have no control over their actions, and can't do anything to get them back. We just have to stop the cycle of hurt and pain. Only you have the power to do that. Be Well! Time, Time, Time!
  11. Deserted1
    Just something I thought of, for a man in your position, something your ex doesn't seem to understand, but it's her loss. Even though it seems that all you ask for is her friendship. The HOOK "why can't you see" always seems to ring out. This is for you D. Keep on Healing! NEW ORDER "Confusion" You just can't believe me When I show you what you mean to me You just can't believe me When I show you what you cannot see You're hiding from feelings, searching for more Sharing and hoping, untouched for so long Our lives still change from the way that we were And now I'll tell you something I think you should know You just can't believe me When I show you what you mean to me You just can't believe me When I show you what you cannot see You cause me confusion, you told me you cared He's calling these changes that last to the end Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies The past is your present, the future is mine You just can't believe me When I show you what you mean to me You just can't believe me When I show you what you cannot see You tell me you need me, I'll make it this time The thread won't divide us, the sensation survives I was sure that I told you it was good from the face You've caused me some problems, you've taken my place Why can't you see what you mean to me?
  12. Deserted1
    Ouch! That hurt me!
  13. Deserted1
    BTW, believe it when I say they do think of you and miss what they had. Example: about 3 weeks after we talked on the phone(broke NC), she called my sister. My sister missed her call, the ex wanted to see my nieces, who she adores, she had a picture of them as her computer wallpaper for months. Anyway my sister didn't call her back, she said she would have felt weird with the situation. I told her I didn't mind if the ex wanted to see the kids, but not to give her any info on my life. She hasn't called my sis again, but I know she's hurtin'! They need to see what life without us is really like. If that is what they want then so be it, but that choice comes at a cost!
  14. Deserted1
    I have been broken up 4 1/2 months now, it seems like years. I initially went NC for 6 weeks then broke when she sent me a "reach out" E-mail. I took the bait, but replied 5 days later to it. She the ran with that and started E-mailing more, telling me so much has changed in her life. Well curiosity got the best of me and I called her. O man, not something I would recommend. I thought I could handle a conversation with her. WRONG! I started to break down, but caught myself. We talked about 10 min, then she got a call. She told me she'd call me right back. In 3 1/2 years she has never done that, she has always waited to finish talking to me and then will call the other person back. I wonder who it could have been? Hmmm...! See what I mean about second place? She did call me back in a few mins, but I kept getting shut down on things I would ask about us. After that call, and breaking NC, I felt miserable for days. That's what happens! Don't call! Keep with the NC. I has been over 2 months since that last contact with her, and I feel so much better sticking to NC! I don't expect to hear from her anytime soon, and her B-Day is in a few days, mine is 2 weeks after. She will not hear from me though! Keep on with the Healing!
  15. Deserted1
    I feel for you! I'm going through something similar. My ex cheated on me too and tried to hide it and keep me as a backup for weeks. It ended in a terrible mess! After begging and pleading with her to stay with me (absolutely the wrong thing to do), she went to the new guy and strung me along for a bit. It's a good thing I found this site, and learned much needed lessons on how to deal with these situations. I believe you should not call him. You will only push him away and you will continue to torture yourself with rejection. Initiate No Contact with him. Let him be for now. When the ex has a new person in their life, their focus is no longer on you. You are now a SECOND thought. This is not a good position to be in, you will beat yourself up just to get crumbs of his time. You deserve so much more. Start with NC and get yourself straight, start focusing on getting yourself healthy and in time you will see more clearly what your heart's future will be. With NC you expect nothing and with that you will not be disappointed. Take care!
  16. Deserted1
    Inspirational lyrics that I know of, an older group The Pet Shop Boys - I Get Along, here is just some of the lyrics to get an idea: Feeling like I'm stuck in a hole body and soul while you're out of control Now I know why you had to go well I think we both know why it had to be so I've been trying not to cry when I'm in the public eye Stuck here with the shame and taking my share of the blame while making sudden plans that don't include you I get along, get along without you very well I get along very well There's more, you can look them up if you want, but you get the idea! Keep healing!
  17. Deserted1
    Justify, Sorry to hear about your situation. I echo those words of Frisco DJ (very wise words indeed). I can relate to you to an extent because my ex girlfriend (22 yrs old), broke up with me, partly because she said that she was still young and wanted to see what life was like "on her own" which equaled to not in a committed relationship with me. Many changes were taking place in her life also. Graduated college, moved out of her parents house, found a career all within months of each other. I guess I was the last change on "the list". Check that one off! Well I wrote this just to give you some feedback from the "Flipside" of things. You're still young and will experience many more changes in your life. Just look forward to your healing and what great life experiences lie ahead.
  18. Deserted1
    Next time she contacts you, just ask her, what is the reason for your contact? If you don't get "I want to work things out", I think you will have your answer. Leave "the games" for the Olympics!
  19. Deserted1
    Vynde Im sorry you are feeling this way. Trust me, keep with the NC. It will be worth it in the long run, you will see and FEEL this in time. After my break up I went NC for 6 weeks and was feeling better. I read a lot of posts of how I would feel if I broke NC. I had to learn the hard way. I broke it, and it DID set me back and made me feel worse than when I had started NC. After that incident I am over 2 months NC now. I feel so much stronger and healthier now that I have kept it going. Hang in there! I know people tell you the Cliche phrases of how "it will get better", but it's true it does. Take Care. Keep reading and posting here! Keep healing!
  20. Deserted1
    Just wanted to show some appreciation for ALL who give such positive and helpful advice to heal. Most of you will never understand what an important role you have played in a person's life of whom you have never met. I have used ENA as my personal bible for the last month, and I can tell you ALL that you have helped me to keep my sanity and to see a more hopeful future. I look forward everyday to reading the words of encouragement to help me make it to that very next day, and so on... I wanted to just acknowledge a few posters off the top of my head - Dako, Major, Annie24, Rose2Summer, Orlander, Joyce1412, NJ Ron, Blender, PRSOV, and anyone else who I forgot. Thanx Again!
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