ataurusguy

nice thought chatty, i have not yet suffered economically from a relationship, and i hope i never do. a good amendment to this law of yours would be to restrict, or rather, quarantine cheaters, so that they may only date, cheat, lust and copulate amongst themselves, like the rabbid pack of wolves that they are. in this way, someone faithful, who has pure love to give, would never have to be jaded by this lowest form of betrayal. cheaters don't know the true face of love, for they are stuck in a carnal state of arrested development. i pitty them because they will probably never know, and i truly sympathize with those whose instinct to love may have been tainted through the act of being cheated on. i propose a heuristic rule to follow in order to reduce the likelihood of being cheated on. make your partners' sexual history a priority. exclude, even blacklist those who have had too many encounters, no matter how appealing a well versed partner may seem. those who have slept around will sleep around. sexual experience is a requirement for porn stars, not lovers. be well.

well everyone, i did not have to personally break non contact with my ex because she finally got a hold of me. talking to her was painful but cathartic. she was like a cold block of granite. the only emotion she showed was anger. she was upset that i have not yet moved on and she could tell this from my voice. i did not bother telling her in my own words how i felt, and simply answered her questions factually. i gave her no guilt trip, although any hu(man) in my position probably would have. the tone of her voice and the cold distance therein told me that it is not worth it. the ship has sailed for good. i know how to swim, so it is up to me to stop drowning. thanks everyone and be well.

thanks for the encouraging words, chattymcchatterson. may your path ahead be well lit. i drink ouzo for you! be well.

DN, thanks for the advice. in this situation, "potential diappointment" is not a factor, because my diappointment meter is already totally maxed out. it is impossible to be disappointed further. i know this site is all about maintaining non contact with exes, and so far i have not caved in over 8 months. the urge to contact her is very strong right now, simply to hear what caused her to make 50 calls in less than a month. if i do, i know i will have failed myself. i know i will be exposing my wounds for further injury. i know nothing ideal can come of it. maybe i must feel more pain to know that this is my reality reality; to learn and grow from it. to stop living in the past. it may be, in the end, that i was put here to know the face of failure and learn to despise it. only then, parched with failure, will i pick myself up and truly thirst for success with another soul.

rose2summer, i know very well that i am holding onto a hope that has left long ago. everyday is a battle where i try to convince myself that there is a purpose to all this. i know there is one, but right now i am to damaged to see it. life goes on and i must move on aswell. i just feel pretty empty right now. i really don't know if i will ever come full circle. i hope i do. that is why i visit sites like this. i always believed that i was born to love once, and only once did i ever really love. this belief is part of my problem. after my heart was torn from my chest, i feel the collateral damage done was robbing me of my ability to love again. i truly hope i am wrong. until i figure everything out and find my heart again, i must suffer the phantom pains it left behind. thanks for your response.

I don't know the details of their conversation either, DN. Last night, my uncle called from canada and told me that my ex contacted his wife (my aunt) and told her she was in Greece and how she tried to get in touch with me. I know her attempts seem completely half-hearted, but maybe that was her way of reaching out to me. I don't know. I wish I did.

Yes, DN, she does have my address here and she has been in my home here more than once for vacations. You are right that she could have used other methods to contact me. Probably more correct would be to say it the way you did: "if she really wanted to get in touch with me, then she would have tried another method". Still, I wonder why she followed up on her attempts when she returned home (interestingly enough, to Ontario, Canada) by calling my aunt, with whom she had a close relationship. She called my aunt on the first or second day of her return and told her how she tried to contact me many times while she was in Greece this summer, but could not get a hold of me. Is this simply a guilty and half-hearted attempt at seeing how i've been doing, or was it a genuine attempt to contact me (50 calls...), but shame and embarrassement prevented her from trying more face to face methods, like visiting me? I kind of wish I knew.

Hello everyone, I've only posted one topic on this forum, and received useful feedback from some empathic and helpful people. Now, certain events have been revealed to me, and I need to try and work through them with your help. My girlfriend of over 3 1/2 years left me in January 2006. I could only cope with the suffocating loneliness of my breakup until May 06', when I decided I needed to move back to my homecountry (Greece). I pretty much left my whole life, as I know it, behind me. I have been here now for 3 months and I am trying to put my life back together. To say the least, it is a very slow and very painful process. Last night, I discovered something that is causing me distress that can not be fully described with words. I found out that she visited Greece this summer (we have the same ethnic background) and was here for at least a month, during which she was ceaselessly trying to contact me. I verified this by looking at my caller list over the past month and noticed about 50 calls from a private caller, which I now know was her. I frequently don't answer my phone because of the blues, and private callers don't allow for the luxury of returning the call at a later time. But would I, and should have I answered the phone had I known it was her? We have not spoken even once since our breakup and it confuses me beyond belief as to why she was so persistent to get in touch with me this summer. My mind is destroyed by thoughts that I have missed my chance to rekindle a relationship with the one person I have ever had true feelings for. At the same time, I know that a relationship is like a beautiful vase and once it is shattered, it will never be the same no matter how carefully you try to piece it back together. I can not stop thinking about what she wanted to tell me. I really can't. This shows me that 8 months has done nothing in the way of healing my gaping wounds. If anything, this whole ordeal has caused my pain to deepen. Did she want closure? (It is true that she didn't leave me in the most tactful of ways). Or did she wan't to attempt rebuilding the bridges between us? (She did say that leaving me may turn out to be the biggest mistake she ever made). More importantly, what do I want? If I am honest with myself, I know that I still love her, and I always will. She was my first real love. That same honesty, however, tells me that it can never work again between us. (She didn't cheat on me or leave me for another guy, but said that I simply didn't meet her needs anymore, although I tried and gave my very best for her. It is that inherent feeling of failure and inadequacy that she made me feel towards myself that prevents me from ever seeing myself with her again. I was truly offended). I find that my imagination gets carried away often, and I frequently wonder about what could have been, had fate taken a different course. I wonder about why she wanted to speak to me so badly this summer. I know I have not come far in my healing process, but now, everything has come to a grinding halt. I sit and ask myself why I hold these broken shards in my hands. Am I reluctant to throw them away, because they signify what another poster referred to as "the death of a dream", or do I hold on to them because deep inside, I want to rebuild my shattered vase? What do I do now? If I could work through these thoughts and reach some kind of conclusion, I would consider such an event to be divine intervention at this point. Be well.

Hey Alaska girl, you are not pathetic and never say that about yourself again! You seem to be a very emotional person, and those bastards can unleash havoc on your soul. Do not put yourself down, in comparisson to this certain "blonde". I believe that is your picture, and you have nothing to worry about in the way of attractiveness. please attempt to curtail the drinking, as it just sweeps the problem under the carpet. keep your money and use it towards your admirable goals, and you are sure to be proud of yourself when you achieve them. (young, single female paying off a mortage...how cool is that!). Look forward and be well.

Hey messed up, getting over our ex is a process, the duration of which is different, depending on the individual and the nature of the relationship. My ex sahttered my world over 8 months ago after being together for 3 1/2 years, and I am still trying to gather the remaining shards of myself. Others, however, seem to not percieve events so dramatically and simply shed their memories like rotting snake skins that have run their course. This is what people like us should be doing aswell. My friend, dispose of everything that reminds you of her, no matter how difficult this may be. Do not keep anything and by the end, you will have scratched the surface of cathrsis. Let me explain; functional gifts, like that stereo she may have bought you...take a sledgehammer to it and purchase your own. Letters and such...burn them and witness the lies turn to ash. Photographs are something that you must destroy, as they act as cues which resurect memories that should truly be burried. People think i am unsensitive for not keeping even a single picture, but does that mean that human kind was insensitive before the age of photography. i don't think so. Another suggestion for you, and take no offense to this my friend, is to immediately stop taking this "mild" antidepressant that you are on. For all intensive purposes, i require such medication as well, but i refuse. Our souls have been hurt by not having been reciprocated with the love we would have wanted from our ex. that is all. if you want to label this a chemical imballance...to each his own. i have a strong background in psychology, applied and theoretical, which i have abandoned for reasons which are out of the scope of this post, but the truth is thus: the rise of psychology in all its applications, including therapy and psychopharmacology coincide very neatly with the steady decline of religion and the progressive deterioration of the family unit. Instead of confessing to the priest or having a heart to heart with an honest loved one, we are now confessing to the therapist (and his alleigance is to pfeizer). Only we, with time as our ally, will be able to heal the wounds we incurred. I apologize if my views are offensive to the ideologies of others. be well and forget about her, as she did you.

Go for it, my friend. If you are actually ready and want a fling, it will probably make you feel great! Get yourself a no strings attached partygirl, as suggested by a fellow poster. Much better than having to look into the "dead eyes" of a stripper. P.S: To any stripper I have offended, I appologize. I hope God helps you transform your love of money into a love for your self. P.P.S: Remember that party girls have a heart too, although theirs' happens to be trapped in a cage called arrested development.

Good job for deleting her number, my friend. It must have hurt, but it is a necessary step for you to get over her. It is also hard when you respect, appreciate and love others who were brought into your life through her, such as her child. A relationship is like a beautiful ornamental vase. Once it is shattered, it will never be as beautiful, no matter how carefully you try to glue it back together. I wish you a speedy recovery of the heart. Be well.

Hey Willy Will, I am inspired by your willingness and readiness to move on after a 6 year relationship. I am still trying to heal the wounds I incured from my relationship which was only half the length of yours. However, I am a little weary of whom you have chosen as the object of your affection, lust, etc. She is involved in a world of depravity on a daily basis, and unless you also have such proclivities, your worlds are bound to collide. Grounded; I certainly think you are. On the other hand, I must qualify this by adding that I personally believe that your are currently misguided. Do not spend your hard earned money to take someone of this nature on a paid holiday. Maybe I am old fashioned, but save your resources for a soul who will appreciate and reciprocate your generocity. I mean no offense. Do what you feel is right for you. Be well.

In addition, and I truly mean no offence by the forthcoming comment, but...the root of your problem may lie in how you choose to spell the word "girl". Again, be well.

Dear alaskagrrl, It seems to me that you are one of many people whom perceive the cup to be half empty. However, that same cup may be seen as half full. You must start to see things as such. The best thing for you to do for yourself is to resume no contact with your ex. He seems to be happy and moving on with life, and it is only up to you to do the same. Be well.

Dear I need help, It is obvious that you have a strong instinct to love and be loved. Do not put yourself down for having this lovely trait. This man was certainly not an appropriate recipient of the powerful and pure feelings that you have. Be strong, look forward and the strengths of your character will be rewarded. I do not know if this last statement is comforting, but in this world, it is the nice people who tend to finish last. Be well.

2 months after a breakup in my estimation and in my experience is not enough time to get over a relationship, especially if it was an important one. If you were happy and well adjusted 2 months afetr a serious relationship, you would either be a) unfathomably confident about yourself and what you have to give to another person in a relationship or, b) in the place where your heart should be, you have a bag of sand. But I have good news for you: you are a normal and emotional human being and you will require time to get over the pain of loss.

I aggree with tobetter days. You MUST FORCE a situation of no contact with this person, and that will hurt in proportion to how much you loved your ex. Pain=Growth. I am starting to learn that myself.

Your strength under the circumstances of your breakup is encouraging, my friend. You are completely right to take on this attitude and not dwell in the past, especially since she was the one who left you. I truly hope you continue to see better days.

Your comments are inspirational, flower 99. Yes, it apears that I am still living a dead dream, and although my intentions are to get over her, my emotions do not yet want to aggree with my logic. Hopefully time will heal and I welcome the day that I permanently shed my debilitating memories or replace them with something possibly better. ps: my previous comments were intended for a thoughtful "lonesoul", but my computer saviness is obviously less than perfect...

Thank you for the useful feedback, my friend. I am sorry to hear that another soul has been hurt in such a beautiful thing as a relationship, but I'm also satrting to believe that pain is a necessary albeit unwelcome aspect of growth. Your words are much appreciated, and you can be sure that I will use this forum as a therapeutic process. Be well and look forward.

Hello, this is the first time I have ever been on a forum. This is quite new to me, but after reading a few posts and replies, this space truly seems to be genuine. I can not seem to move on. This is my problem and I know it. I am aware of this and I have taken steps (possibly even drastic steps) to overcome my failed relationship. We were together for 3 1/2 years. It ended in January 2006. She meant the world to me and I built my life around her. I pictured us being together for life and envisioned us in the future all the time. She was my princess and she was my rainbow. I can describe the end of our relationship as armaggedon unleashed upon my soul. Maybe this is extreme, but she was my first true girlfriend; the first person on whom I ever used the word "love". I tried to forge on after my break up (but certainly not in an especially healthy way). I kept on going to work, day in and day out, and then went home to the company of my negative thoughts, day in, day out. I never went out anymore. After my breakup, my life was a barren wasteland. Within the past 2 years, I moved away from almost all my friends in order to take a great job so that I could build some foundations for engagement, marriage and family. I was serious about her. After the destruction derby that was my breakup, all I had in my life was the job I took to build a foundation for us. The job started to make me sick in my guts because of what it symbolized to me. Without her, what was the point? Furthermore, I had no support system and my entire family lives abroad. I was in a state of pure isolation, alienation and was dealing with the suffocating feelings of failure from January to May. I did not think I could cope anymore and felt I was at my wits' end, so I made the drastic decision to move abroad in order to enjoy the safe haven of my family. The decision was taken carefully but rather quickly and possibly even guided by emotion rather than logic (unfortunately). Now I am back with my family, in the country where I grew up and working in the family bussiness. But I can not let go of the past. I only seem to remember the good times between us and forgive her for all of her wrongdoings. I do not resent her and I wish her well. I has now been over 8 months since our breakup, and I have been living in my homecountry for the past 3 months. I have not heard from her even once since January. Although I removed myself from everything that reminds me of her (disposed of pictures, letters, gifts and even moved abroad) I still can not move on. I have not dated since January and what is worse is that a part of me does not want to. I can not picture myself with anyone else. Also, I would not want to hurt another soul by getting involved again under leagues of emotional weight. It wouldn't be fair and it wouldn't be real. I want to be passionate again, but the idea seems too unrealistic and distant to me right now. Also, I am ashamed to say this, but although I have reunited with my family and home country after 9 years, I still feel the same alienation and loneliness that made me move away after my breakup. I don't know if this post merits a response, as I have made my bed and now I must sleep in it. However, if anyone reads this and thinks they can relate or offer some recourse, please feel free. I apologize for the length of my post.