willy_will

Thanks for your input! Ultimately the problem was with me (I'm sure you could tell) and seeing how I had exited a 6.5-year relationship no too long ago I carried a certain amount of baggage there. So I was a little hesitant and distracted. When you add those two to the mix, signals aren't very clear Needless to say, my confidence was shaky a bit. And not to mention 6 years of being with the same person had made me oblivious on a lot of things. I guess I developed a mechanism not to blow up this opportunity and I'm glad I didn't act on it right away! I recently approached her again and we're spending a good amount of time together. So things worked out just as I wanted them to. I just had to get the ducks in a row... I felt this was a good thing, but I had to clear my mind to really before I could allow myself to get involved with her.

Yeah, I probably blew my chances I did run into her but I just didn't act on it. Oh well...

Lack of trust, patience on her end and 6.5 years of trying to "beat the dead horse" and not realizing that you can never fix it because she has not trust in you

Hi, I thank you for reading my post in advance Here goes... Me: 27 year old, male. Semi-successful, operate my own company on top of working for a large IT firm as part of the group lead. I'm highly attracted to women in charge and power. Her: School teacher, attractive and just what I'm looking for. Has a charming personality and from what I'm able to tell she might be about 10 years older than I am. So... I met her once when I had just bought my place, talked for a few and went our way, I liked her then because of her personality but didn't act on it. Two weeks ago, nearly 3 months later I met her roommate and he asked if I was interested in her. Evidently she thinks, "I'm cute" and had asked him if he knew I had a g/f. I naturally ceased the opportunity and let him know that I was interested so he arranged a visit to my place (gave them the tour), he left and she stayed behind to talk. 3 hours later I find out that I actually like to get to know her and I find a lot in common and that rarely happens. I offered to take her to coffee; instead she said "how about dinner" so I agreed. The only problem, the clash of schedules didn't allow it to happen and hasn't happened a week later (now). Well we tried once but she couldn't make it so she gave me the "Let's play it by the ear" spiel. To me that is a sign of: 1. She's not sure about dating someone next door? 2. She's scared? 3. Second thought? I've not called her or seen her since. Seeing how she's a neighbor I don't want to intrude, ring her doorbell or cross any type of boundaries making it awkward. But I still would like to get to know her and I'm really interested in striking a friendship before anything romantic. I'm a patient person (you can tell by my other post). I want to get the general census and see if I should call her and invite her over to "continue our conversation"... thoughts? PS. I can take constructive criticism so please if you do reply make it profound so I have something to think about

Thanks ataurusguy and no offense taken. Misguided? Sure, everyone is at some point of his or her life. However, I recognize what I'm doing, though it may be a subconscious reaction to the breakup and somewhat of an in-direct "F.U." to the ex and it certainly wouldn’t be acknowledged. All in all a second thought reveals the true nature of my pursuit for such thing. If I become analytical of what I'm doing (which I usually do), then I recognize the true nature of my actions and that usually happens after I come back to the real world. It’s a mental process that I’ve developed over time since I tend to react on emotions a little more. And yes, there is more to that but I won’t get into it since the Rabbit’s hole goes down really far. In this case, this was an attempt (a poor one at best) to disassociate myself from my ex by “getting some”. My hard earned dollar were saved for someone special (at least I thought) but unfortunately after 6 years she seemed to have a change of heart and that is an even longer story so I have to excuse myself if I don’t share the same enthusiasm about finding someone else that would appreciate my generosity But that is a self-pity and I'm the victim statement, which involves me me me. Time to man up! Moving on... maybe I'll tone it down but I still feel that a casual fling is the best thing at this point. My current lifestyle won't permit me to look for anything more nor am I willing to jump into another boiling pot...

Thanks. The general feeling of the crowd is not to go for it and that's good enough for me. I chose not to go for it One thing I failed to mention is that the Hawaii trip was pre-planned and pre-paid prior to my break-up, the ex was supposed to go with me so I'm trying to find someone to take her place now, I don't want to waste the money for nothing...

Yep I'll be back to re-visit the topic

Keyword: Casual I've been on one side of the spectrum, laying out all I had, only if you knew the history of the relationship you would understand... now its time to try the other side of the spectrum I think you misunderstood me, I'm already over it. I've gone through the denial, anger, acceptance and moving on phases. I have for the last 3 months gaining closure, besides why would I care about someone that bluntly told me that she wasn't there for a long time? I would have to be insane to sit around and just wait to see what my feelings are telling me at this point. It is done, she told me she doesn't love me, I see that as black and white and a sign that I no longer have to process the post break-up pains. Otherwise I wouldn't be out there trying to having fun. This was a one off event that was neither planned nor anticipated. But since it has happened I feel compelled to cease the opportunity. SarahRose: I hear you, I'm overly cautious as it is. The Hawaii idea is just an idea, nothing more. However what I say may sound I thank you for your input

PS. I've already justified it. I'm trying to get a general feeling of the crowd, see if I'm "grounded" or not.

Hi there, so I just got out of a 6.5 year relationship that was pure turmoil. I was 50% at fault, 100% responsible for my own actions. She was unstable and non-trusting so she had her issues and so did I. That's neither here or there so I won't get into it. I'm 26, being in a relationship (committed) for 6 years has put me out of the development phase of social interaction and I've missed out on a lot. I've recently began to take care of myself, go out, vacations (Rome, Hawaii and such), hang out and go out to the city (SF). So... last night we went to a strip club (not nude) with a group of friends, I met a really nice girl (dancer) and after talking to her she gave me her number. That's after me complimenting her (always do), her telling me that "I'm sexy"... So... I'm trying to understand this whole thing, the number seems real (haven't called her yet) but it is real. I'm not looking for a g/f nor a relationship and having something as casual as this would be nice to have. Do these girls usually pull off stuff like this? Anyone? I know they usually won't give their numbers out, or do they? I'm a novice at this and it seems that I'm sitting on a pot of gold of pure lust! heh. Yes, I am shallow but after 6.5 years that is all I can be at this point. I hurt from my previous relationship and that is the last thing I want to resort to. In a way I'm resetting my attitude. Should I call her back? Go for it? The goal is to have to a nice female next to me, possibly even take her to my Hawaii trip soon What do you all think?