Riley99

I'm 26, met a guy who is 18 years older than me through mutual friends. We've seen each other a few times, e-mailed, and are really attracted to each other. He seems like a really great guy, sophisticated, nice, intelligent and pretty established. I definitely feel an attraction and chemistry but dont know if I should even entertain the thought. My friend's dad is also 18 years older than her mom, and she said not to do it, because while it can be okay now, it is difficult when you are ready to retire and your husband is sick in bed at home and doesnt want to do anything. I would just "date" to "date" this guy but I fall in love so easily. So I'd rather just end things before they begin if I don't want to end up with him. Please help! What should I do?

Thank you for this post. I'm embarrassed to say that I started NC only 4 days ago. He's been trying to call (I wrote him a "goodbye" email) and I haven't picked up or called him back. Then, yesterday was his birthday and I couldn't resist text messaging him "happy birthday" and "im so sorry" (for not picking up). I've felt horrible since, I should not have broken NC. Thanks for this post, I am going to continue reading it over and over again.

I'm jumping on the train as well! After being "broken up" for almost a year and "ambiguous" for the rest of the time, I've had my fill. I finally wrote him an e-mail stating that I have given him all I have, but deserve so much more. I told him we could not remain friends, as he wanted, and that I was finally moving on with my life. I told him that NC was something I needed to progress and to be mentally healthy. I have always been there for him, and I think this came as a huge shock. He has called me three times since receiving it and it has been so tough, but I haven't picked up. He hasn't left a message or replied to my email, I think he wants to talk to me. So thanks all for the encouragement and inspiration. Its reassuring to know that so many are going through the same thing... We'll get through it together.

Congratulations! I'm very happy for you. Good job in keeping the pressure off him and letting him chase you, and good job in standing up for your needs in the relationship. Hope everything works out for you.

Against all Odds - Phil Collins Look Away - Chicago Anything for You - Gloria Estefan Wheel - John Mayer

Mamy - some advice. My ex broke up with me as well, but we maintained contact (it was long distance). The night he came back, we had dinner, but I didn't bring up getting back together. In fact, I was pretty distant, and I suspect that he probably expected me to be a mess, to be begging to kiss him, to want to cuddle. But no, I was myself, tried to have a great time and it made him remember what he lost in me. We're not together right now, its very complicated, but that night was probably the beginning of when his feelings started to change about me. Since we were long distance, it made him remember what he lost and seeing me brought back feelings. The key is, since HE is the one who is doubting the relationship and knows your feelings, let HIM be the one to come to you. Pressuring him or acting insecure about the "relationship" will only drive him away. Good luck. I'm sure he will realize what he threw away.

Starbursts - Hope you are feeling better today. Unfortunately, sometimes weekends are the times when it hurts the most, but take the opportunity to have coffee with a friend, or if you feel up to it, go out! Take it slow at first, maybe just to a bar with some lounge music, and it will take your mind off your pain. The key is one step at a time. I'm currently still teeter tottering between the denial-depression-acceptance stages, but the more I get myself out of the house and meet other people, the more I feel better -- slowly but surely. Surround yourself with happy, open and positive people. If you are at your lowest, there is nowhere to go but up.

In a guy? Arrogance, especially when he can't back it up; Guys who brag about their expensive cars, especially when they don't have the means to afford it; Guys who think it is their right to touch you as they walk by; Smoking (cigarettes or otherwise); Lack of ambition; A weak handshake; Insecurity; Guys who try to put the moves on every pretty girl they see.

Turbo, I'm in a very similar position as you. My ex and I had a wonderful, beautiful relationship until he moved away. We did long distance, it was tough, and he eventually broke up with me. After trying desperately to get back with him over the course of a few months, to no avail (and all the time he was encouraging me to date others), I finally found someone worthwhile. Then the ex popped back into the picture and said that he had wanted to get back with me but just hadn't said anything. He professed his undying love for me, said he wanted us to be together, get married, the whole works. I said I wasn't ready but would be if he gave me some time. When I was ready and finally committed to him, every time we argued about anything, he would bring up the new guy. His excuse was - if I loved him so much, how could I have moved on so quickly? I guess the point here is that the ex will use the "new guy" as a sword, regardless of the argument, regardless of who broke up with who, or anything. He told me, cognitively it makes sense why I moved on. But he can't help being hurt by it. I guess I understand that - the head is one thing, the heart is another. I know others in the same situation and the ex normally can't ever get over it. Sorry to hear about your situation. Hope everything works out.

If you do not know how you feel about him, then take it at your own pace. However, this happened to me - my ex broke up with me, then realized he wanted to be with me right when I started dating someone else. He fought for me - hard - and I fought back saying I needed time. Problem is is that I took too much time and it really affected him. That a brand new guy could make me think that hard about whether I wanted to be with him - so that really hurt him. My point is, try to think of whether you want to be with him in the long run. If you do, commit now. Otherwise, you will regret not doing so sooner like myself.

Brando is right. Don't let her see you moping around. Laugh, have fun, let her see the great, happy guy she is missing. Who wants to be with someone who is sad and depressed all the time? Trust me, I ALWAYS make this mistake but what always seems to work is to put a smile on your face, have a great time, and they remember all the great times you had and how fun you are. I hope you are feeling better. For me, I listen to songs. "Wheel" by John Mayer always makes me feel better. Also, I focus on a new goal in life (something exciting like planning a trip or moving somewhere else) or engage in a new hobby. Anything to take your mind off your sadness helps...

I think the key is to move on. If she broke up with you for another man, she can't fault you for dating around. I suspect that she was taking you and your love for granted, thinking that you would and will always be around. The true test is to find someone new who is worthwhile, date them, and see if she realizes what she has lost. My ex broke up with me and even encouraged me to date other guys. When I did, he came back begging. It's not to say that this will work, but it often just happens that way. Good luck.