WantToBeLuved

Seriously, it's almost 2007. It's ok to let someone know you like them.

I do not have a hidden agenda here at all. I really want it to work with the new girl. But girl #1 isn't a bad person. I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to throw the new girl in her face. I just want this girl to meet some of my friends and I want my friends to meet her because if things keep going as well as they are with girl #2, she WILL be my girlfriend in the near future.

I just found out today that girl number 1 actually set up the get together. I think it would only be fair that I let her know I'm bringing someone....right???

I know this might sound weird but..., are you really attracted to this girl? Or are you just trying to have sex because it's your first time? I know I can't have sex with someone I'm not attracted to...

Yea man. If you're still feeling that way, you're not ready to be in another relationship just yet. Also..., and this is just my thing..., 2 hour phone calls are no good. I'd keep them to 10 minutes at the most. Two hour conversations should be had in person. Not on the phone. But again, thats just my thing.

I messed around with this girl I met at my job eariler on in the year soon after she got out of a LTR. After about 5 or 6 months, she called it off because it was too early and she was still thinking about the way her and her ex ended (very bad break up.) She said she does like me and does have feelings for me, but it's just too early for her to be with someone that way. Since then, I left the job. We have small chats everyone once in a while, but just small talk. Six months after that, I meet this AWESOME girl online. We had 3 great dates over the past 3 weeks. We click so well and it's going great. Now I've been invited to go to a get together with my old co-workers (dinner and ice skating) and I know that the first girl will be there... She actually told me about it. I'd really like to bring the new girl with me because she's so fun and would enjoy it plus she'll get to meet some of my old co-workers that are still my friends, but I'm wondering if it would be inappropriate or not. Especially since pretty much everyone that is going to the hang out knows that the first girl and I use to mess around. Should I just show up with her, tell her and the new girl the situation, or should I just not bring her around at all??? Thx in advance and I hope this is the correct forum for this...

Ah yes..., but if only we could go to NY. I live in New Haven, CT now and she lives near Boston, MA. So we try to meet up someone in the middle. Maybe something in Rhode Island would work. I and looking still, but more suggestions would be great!

I went out on a date with this great young lady last night. We played pool, went out to eat and talked at the dinner table for almost 4 hours. I want to do something nice for our next date, which is next weekend. Problem is, she gets out of work like 2 on Saturday's and we live a little distance from each other. So by the time we get to hang out, everywhere I would like to take her, I can't. I'd like to take her to a museum or the zoo or something like that, but it seems like I can't. What else can I do for a second date after 5? Something different other then golf, bowling and pool.

Just a quick update: Since Sunday, there's has been no calls about the boyfriend, but she still calls me at least twice a day. Again, no flirting or anything like that, but she calls everyday just for small talk... I'm ready for her next time she calls about him though. It's funny, on her myspace, she's "In A Relationship", but on his, he's "Single" and "Here For : Dating and Serious Relationships." I don't think she'll get it until he does something seriously effed up to her. But in the mean time... I won't be "that guy"!

I don't have feelings for the girl or anything, so it's cool, but like I said. I know how situations like this pan out. I don't want to have feelings for her while she's in her situation, I KNOW she's the one that has to make the choice and I don't want to get involved with that. I'm actually a little proud of myself for catching this before it got bad. That's exactly what I'll do. I will tell her to refer everything she's saying to me to him. Thanks a lot. Other takes on this situation would be good too. I like to read what other people think.

I just met this girl in a training class for work last Monday. We make jokes and seem to have fun in the class, so we exchanged phone numbers. I knew she already had a boyfriend, so I wasn't really thinking much about anything more. Anyway, on Friday she says to me at the end of the training for that day "Give me a call this weekend". I said cool, thinking maybe I'll call her Sunday afternoon or something like that. But later THAT NIGHT, she called me. So we have some small talk at first, but eventually, she goes into how her boyfriend or "boyfriend" is not treating her right and he's selfish and he flips out for no reason and blah, blah, blah. So I listen and do the whole "support your friend thing". Next day, (Saturday) same thing, she calls me with something else that he did that day. And again, I do the support thing. That day, she said, no matter what, she's not calling him the next day (yesterday). So yesterday, me, her and another one of the co-workers from work went out to lunch. She said something about wanting to see a movie, but I didn't really pay too much attention. After the lunch, she calls me like an hour later just with small talk. In the conversion I asked her if she was going to go to the movies. She said no, that she's too tired. After a little bit small talk, she says, she's going to get something to eat and call me back... She never called back. Whatever, not a big deal. So today I see her in the training class and she says she's sorry for not calling me back and that she went to sleep really early... I guess she forgot what she says just 5 minutes before, but she was talking to another co-worker and was talking about something (not exactly sure what) but then she said "......when me and (her boyfriend) went to the movies yesterday....." So, then I realized that, I'm becoming, "that guy" to her. That guy she calls when her boyfriend is treating her bad. The support guy that lets her know that there's nothing wrong with her, and it's all his fault, then she feels better, goes back to the boyfriend and the cycle repeats itself. I know how situations like these sometimes pan out. I'll end up liking the girl, she'll NEVER leave the boyfriend and this will continue and I'll get annoyed. How do I let her know that I don't want to be "that guy", nicely? I don't have a problem with just telling her not to call me with her problems, but I'm first going to make an attempt at being nice about it. Or should I just not answer her calls??? Thx in advance and double thx if you actually read all of that lol.

Well, my thoughts are I better call this girl a little more so she doesn't think I'm hiding something. lol

We actually have a time set up for when we're going to meet. I'm setting up what we are going to do that day. She's the one that usually IM's me. I don't really IM her, but I do always answer her back. Maybe I shouldn't answer her back all the time?

Ok, there's a bunch of different things going on with this situation, so it can go into a whole bunch of other forums here, but I think this is the best suited one. This young lady hit me up on myspace about 2 weeks ago and we've been chating since then. We exchanged phone numbers about a week ago but haven't talked for more then 5 mins on the phone with each other. I think it's mainly because we talk for about an hour or so every night online, so there is no reason to call.... right??? I mean, we talk online, so you would think I wouldn't have to call. But for some reason, I've been feeling like I'm not doing the right thing. I feel like I should call her every once in a while. I don't want her to think I'm scared to talk to her over the phone. But at the same time, I don't want to come off as needy. I mean, we just talked online. Wouldn't I come off a little needy if we talked online....AND I called her? Maybe I'm just confusing myself.... But I think it means and says something a lil' extra when you call someone up and speak to them, as opposed to sending them an IM. But again, I don't wanna come off as needy. We plan to meet in a few weeks and I don't want her thinking that she's about to meet up with a clingy dude.

I don't think there's a hurt-free way dump anyone. I think the best thing, at least for me is to be honest. Yea, I'll be upset with you for a while, but eventually, I'll get over it and I'll respect you for caring about my feelings enough to be completely honest with me.... Then again, thats my view. Dunno if you're bf will feel the same.

I've done my dating, but I've never been in a long term relationship..., never been in love. I think by my age, I should of been in love at least once by now. Everyone else at my age has, lol. I know thats not a reason but, I want to. Can't wait to finally know how it feels.

The thing with the kids is just me, but when it comes to the issue of girls just getting out of relationships, me improving my technique just won't cut it. They need time to heal and no matter what I say, it's not going to make them heal any faster. But thanks for the sites, I'm always open to reading new things about the sex wars.

Is it just me or is it really hard to find a girl that is up for a relationship at this age range? Either they've just gotten out of a long term relationship so they haven't yet healed or they want to be single for a while before they're with someone again, they have kids (not that that's a bad thing) or their defenses are up sooooo high from being hurt in the past, that it's incredibly difficult for a guy thats actually genuine to break through. I will keep trying but, are other people have this difficultly? I'd like to hear what women have to say too.

Yea, it sucks that our friendship is put in the middle of this. I did let her know that she is really hurting herself by doing what she's doing. I more or less suggest to her what she can do to heal. I don't tell her what to do. It just really hurts me to see her the way she is. I'm just trying to do what I can to help the situation. But it seems that there's really nothing I can do. I wish I could just wave a magic wand at her and make her feel better. It's so tough. And being with her right now is the farther thing from my mind. She's not ready and I certainly don't want to be wrapped up in someone that still has someone else on her mind.

This female friend of mine had a really rough broke up back in December with her then boyfriend of 11 years. The guy pretty much just disappeared and started a new life just like that on a whim. About 2 or 3 months after that we became a little more then friend but it ended at end of May because she didn't heal yet from the break up which I completely understood. She said she needed time to be by herself, so I left her alone so she can deal with her issues. Only talked to her about once a month since May and it was just small talks. Nothing more. I thought she was healing, but a few weeks ago, this hits me up on AIM and tells me that she seen her ex on MySpace with the new love of his life. Of course she's upset about it. But I ask her, "how did you come accross his page?" She told me she went LOOKING for him. I'm saying to myself, "if you are healing, why are you looking for him?" and I said that to her too. She said I'm right and she shouldn't be worrying about him. Somethings she said that really bothered me were "stupid me trying to make peace with this, trying to forgive him" and "trying to think of what I would ever say to him". When I read that I thought to myself...., "No, no, no thats not right! All this time and this is what you are thinking about? What about yourself???!?!??!!!!!!" I actually directed her to this website and told her she should post up here because there are many people here that has gone through, or is going through exactly what she is going through now and it would be a good place for her to get an idea on how to heal. I also told her about NC, exactly what it means and that she has to discipline herself to stick to it. She says she would, but I got on the phone with her sister to help with this. Help her destroy things that reminds her of him and stuff like that. That was about a month ago. I sent her a message just checking in, asking how things are going and if she's sticking to NC.... no, she hasn't. She still has pictures of him, still thinks about him and finally, she then tells me that she found out that he married the new girl and they're having a baby. I'm thinking to myself that she should have no idea whats going on with his life and that she should be focused on herself and she's just not doing that. It's been almost 9 months now and it seems that she hasn't healed at all. I know there is absolutely no time table for someone to heal from a break up but I think you should at least be taking steps in that direction. Even if it's the smallest possible step, as long as it's a step forward, thats a good thing. But standing still, and even worse, taking steps back is no good. I don't really care about being with her right now. The most important thing for her is to heal but I just don't know what to do. I know NC would help her, but she's not allowing herself to do it and after 9 months, that not good. Right now it's to the point where it's not even him anymore. She's torturing herself and I want to help her stop. I don't want to give up on her, but it seems that no matter what I recommend, it'll fall on deaf ears. Maybe she'll stick to it for about 2 or 3 days and that it. What makes it even worse is that we were friends. Now we barely talk to each other and we never hang out because of this. She's really depressed and doesn't want to do anything. But at this point, she's doing it to herself. I'm really worried about her. What if anything can I do??? Thanks in advance.

The mixed messages are very confusing and I don't want to make any "mistakes". Yes, I think another date is in order. I won't do anything too romantic. We'll just hang out and we'll see what happens. This site is great and the people here are even better. Thank you all for reading my crap and replying to it. I always get answered back no matter how crazy or silly the situation I post up is. Thanks again!

Thanks in advance for helping me out with this. Met this girl online and met up with her last weekend. Things went OK. Nothing great, but certainly nothing bad. We talked a few times last week..., basically small talk. Thought that it would be worth another date. She calls me Friday saying she has nothing to do. I was out but told her that I would be back late and if she wants to hang out, thats cool but it will be really late. We agreed that if she's not too sleepy, we'll hang out. On my way back she calls me half drunk asking my whereabouts. I tell her I'm on my way back. But I ask her what are we going to do this late at night? We agreed that I'll just come by and we'll just watch a movie or something. Say heistates for a second after that and she said "well..." I ask if there's something wrong. She says, "I just don't know what you're intentions are." I asked what she meant and she hesitated again. I said "Oh, so you think my intent is to come over and hook up?" She says yea and then tells me (here's the fun part) "I'm just looking for friends and I'm not trying to hook up... and I don't mean just tonight, I mean in general." I said thats cool, but I'll still come to just hang out. She says cool, but tells me I should hurry my way over there. Long story short, she gets sleepy and I don't go over. Then she calls me the next day while I'm out on another date (and I tell her that) and she calls me again today. You know those "just seeing how you're doing" calls. Please tell me what is going on here! Right now, I'm honestly up for anything. If I find a friend that I'll have for the rest of my life, that's fine. If I find someone to just hook up with, that's fine. If I find the love of my life, get married and have 3 kids, that's fine. But is she just trying to be my friend or is she looking for something more without telling me? I know she said she's looking for friends but she's calling more and more frequetly. Like today she calls me just to tell me that she has to work late... I like to make sure I don't miss out on anything life has to offer. So if there's an opportunity here, I'd like to make the most of it no matter how small it is. P.S. Keep in mind I only when out with this girl once! Thanks again for you're input in advance.

Ok, cool. What I got from here is that she loves to cook. So I guess it would be nice to do something involving that. Besides my place of course. It's way too early for that. Any ideas? Thanks in advance!

This girl hit me up on myspace cause I guess she liked my profile and because I'm so damn sexy (lol). Anyway, we talked a few times online, then met up on Sunday. Didn't really talk to her much on the phone. We went out for a drink, ice cream and a walk. We talked for a while, mostly about her job cause she works with. There was 2 or 3 times we had the infamous moments of silence. But I guess it wasn't too bad. She called me Monday and we talked some more...., only 1 moment of silence that time, but we weren't really talking about anything. At the end of the converstion she says something like, "Give me a call sometime." Yesterday, I didn't call her. I'm thinking that, cause she called me back the day after the "date", she's interested. And she's asking me to give her a call...to let her know that I'm interested? Does that sound about right? I don't know if I'm feeling her like that or not yet. I guess a real date is in order? What do you guys think? And what else can I talk to her about?

*UPDATE* Ok, no phone call yesterday...., but she calls me today when I'm on my lunch break. I probably didn't say more then ten words.... She tells me that she talked to him about the long distance thing. Since neither of them are going to move in the near future, she told him that it's best that this last week that he's in town should be the last time they see each other......... Then she goes on, and on, and on (and on) about how she KNOWS for sure now that she doesn't want to be with him. Stories about what the guy does to piss her off..., story, after story, after story... One story is how she wanted to see this movie that he didn't want to see.... They ended up seeing a different movie altogether. She got pissed that he didn't swallow his pride and watch the movie with her. I'm tempted to take her to that movie and try something afterwards. But besides sex, I don't think I have an interest in this girl. Especially after this fiasco. Sorry if this all seems like nonsense. I'm just trying to learn from this. In case anything else like this happens, I'll have a good idea of what the girl is thinking. Any extra input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!