WantToBeLuved

A little more details...., she refers to him as a friend. Even though they're seeing each other and when he does visit, they do sleep together. But she won't say they're bf/gf because he's too far away. I guess thats why there's no need for her to hide it from me, but I'm sure she was hiding it from him. Oh, and someone said something about me having a gf. I don't. I was seeing someone, but not anymore. I think I agree with the fall back thing that Mike said. But I don't think I really care. She's not a major part of my life anyway.

When we were friend with benefits, and she was ready to date again, I ASKED her if she would like to date to see where it goes and she said, "Nah, we're just friends." So now what...., she changed her mind? I would probably have sex with her again if the opportunity came up again. But after she passed up on dating me the first time, I don't think I would give her a second chance at me. I think I would feel second best. Like, she couldn't get that guy, so now she's going after me...

I'm friends with this girl. We use to be friends with benefits after she had a break up, but I ended the benefits part cause it seemed like she was ready to date again, but not date me. We stopped talking for a while, then we started talking again and we went back to being friends, no benefits. I was dating someone (not anymore) when we started talking again and so was she. So just like friends do, I told her about who I was dating and I told her about our relationship. She use to tell me how sweet the things I did for her was. She told me about the guy she was dating. Told me she likes him, but he's far away and she doesn't want to be in a long distance relationship. She said when he comes back to visit her (June 23rd), she's going to talk to him about that. That was, 2 weeks ago. We haven't talked since....., until today. She calls me... WHILE SHE'S WITH HIM! She's out with him and I guess when he stepped away for a sec, she calls me up for about 3 or 4 minutes asking me how I'm doing and crap like that. I ask her how's it going with the dude and she says, "ok" and that she hasn't talked to him about the long distance thing yet. I'm not really interested in having a relationship with this girl. I'd just like to know.... WHY WOULD SHE CALL ME WHEN SHE'S OUT WITH ANOTHER GUY?!??!???! Especially when we haven't talked in 2 weeks.....

Well..., I've never been in love, but when I had a "break up" with the last girl I was with, I knew I was truly over her when one day, I got up, got dressed, got in my car, pretty much did my whole routine and half way to work I realized....wow..., she didn't cross my mind even once. That day felt really good and it made realize that, no matter what, I can get over anything and anyone with time and everything in the end will be ok. Hope that helps!

Anyone can change. But, did he say he changed for you or for himself? If he's saying he changed for you, he probably didn't. If he says he changed for himself and on his own, then maybe it's worth a shot. But be cautious.

Here's a quote from JohnnyTable. It explains exactly what no contact is. Not just no talking to them..... As everybody knows, NC is the two letter word on this board. It is the solution to your problems. It helps you move forward, and some think that it helps bring their ex back. First of all, NC is for you. It is not something to do to your ex. Frankly they have their own life now and you are out of it. So remember that. Many people think that in order to do NC, you simply don't contact your ex. No emails. No text. No phone calls. They are right in some way and these are easy rules to understand. However, you should go further. You should go no contact between your brain and your ex. This means: -Stop looking at pictures of them -Don't read their emails (delete all of them - period) -Don't think about what they are doing -Don't wonder if they will come back -Stop thinking about why the relationship ended -Stop planning on how you will contact them -Stop posting on this board about why they have hurt you and that you are confused Granted this is really hard to do. I'm not expecting somebody to be able to do this up front as there are a lot of things to work through. But once you have worked through them, be done with them. Once you get to this point, you realize why your ex isn't calling. They aren't calling for the same reason that you aren't calling - there is no reason to... and this no longer bothers you. Just as you aren't calling random strangers, your ex isn't calling you and you aren't calling your ex. If they do call, it is typically out of weakness. Recognize this. This might sound impossible. It certainly was for me, but I'm getting better at it. A few tips: -Get rid of 100% of anything that reminds you of them. Gifts, pictures, blankets, plants, WHATEVER. If you don't want to throw them away at least get them out of your house. Put them in storage at a friend/family house for awhile. I recommend the trash bin myself. This proves to yourself that you are ready to move on. This is actions rather than words. This is taking control over your situation to make sure that you heal. Be willing to change everything if necessary. Eventually you will start feeling better. Don't hold back either. If for some reason your brand of toothpaste reminds you of them, throw the tube away and buy a different one. -Come up with some new things to think about. Remodelling your house? A new hobby? World peace? Whatever it is. Start thinking about this when you notice yourself thinking about your ex. Just switch over to this new thought and do it quickly. Force yourself to do it. Eventually you will start thinking about other things naturally without having to force it. Now you are thinking about moving on rather than thinking about your ex. You are thinking about yourself. Sure you still have that "breakup feeling" but it is different. Eventually you will be moved on and you will stop thinking about this moving on process. However in the meantime, thinking about yourself and moving on is much better than wasting life thinking about your ex. You might be scared that if you stop thinking about your ex that you will forget them. You will feel guilty for pushing away the good thoughts and for missing them. Don't worry about it. You can think about them fondly someday when you have healed. Also people don't easily forget so don't worry about that. I remember a girl that I kissed in Kindergarten. I remember the girl I had a crush on in 5th grade. I remember somebody that I only went on two dates with. How in the world will one forget somebody that was spent years with? It doesn't make sense. There's another post that I read that I'll try to find about sticking with NC and why you should. I'll try to find that, but good luck... NC really does work.

I just want to learn an instrument. No one instrument comes to mind. I just want to learn something different. You know..., broaden my horizon...

I've always wanted to learn how to play an instrument. But I was thinking to myself, if I'm going to learn one regardless, why not learn one that might be appeal to someone else? What are good romantic instruments. I've been hear the guitar is a really good one but, any others come to mind?

Well personally, I don't have the greatest relationship with a lot of my family. A lot of the time, I would rather just be around cool people instead of my uncool family. I do argee with you on your other point though. I'm not longing for one specific person. I just want to meet someone I can share my life experiences with. bebe, if you are just missing this one guy, going out and finding someone else is just not going to work for you. At least not right now. Yeah, you'll meet someone and you may actually like him. But if you're longing for someone else, anyone but that person just isn't going to do and will be temporary at best. I know first hand, you can't make someone forget about an old boyfriend. That person just has to "forget" on there own.

I'm personally not a breast man, so I wouldn't care too much about that. But I'm sure every man isn't like me...

I have my days when I really want to be left alone. And believe me, those days are great. I really enjoy them espeically since I just moved into my own place. But there are those lonely days to deal with and they can really be tough. I don't blame her. Even though I enjoy being alone, I also enjoy being around someone else. They're two different experiences (IMO) and some days, I crave one more then the other.

I swear to you, in the middle of reading your situation, I said to myself "She just got out of a relationship". Low and behold, I was right. That "I don't want a boyfriend right now" stuff SCREAMS she just got out of a relationship. The best thing for you to do is what rnorth says. Make yourself less available to her. Even if you know you aren't doing anything, pretend that you are. I don't know if I'd go NC, but definitely make sure there are gaps between when you talk / and see her. Also, this is just my thing, but also be the one to end the phone conversation when you do talk to her. What you are just doing is letting her know that you aren't there for her convenience. I'm actually going through the same thing right now and I've come to the conclusion that, if she likes me as much as she says she does and the only problem is that she needs to recover from her past relationship, then whenever she's ready to be with someone again, she won't forget about me. Maybe the timings not right at the moment. But if we're suppose to be together, it will happen. It not, we won't and nothing I can say or do that will help the situation.

My goal this weekend is to meet a new lady. Whether it works out or not is not really of concern. The point is to go out, and meet someone new. At least thats where I'm starting. The problem is (besides being shy of course), I don't have any friends to go out and meet people with. Now, it's not that I don't have friends, I just don't have friends that I can go out with. I grew up in an area with a lot of drugs and violence and blah, blah, blah. Most of my friends that I would go out with have gotten caught up in that garbage so they don't really have money to go out and stuff like that (why people are involved with that crap, and still have money is beyond me). One of them is 27, has no money, smokes weed, drinks, works at 7-11 and still has a girlfriend! But I'm past the stage of thinking about what other people have and what I don't. Anyway, the question is, what kind of places can I go to by myself without looking like a loser or being/feeling out of place and still be able to possibly meet someone cool? Thanks in advance!

I'm in a semi-similar situation as johnranz. I've started NC about 2 weeks ago. She still contacts me though. She usually IMs 2 or 3 times a week and calls once or so on the weekend. Should I talk to her when she contacts me or don't answer? I've answered a few times last week but, no needy, mushy talk. No talk of hanging out, seeing each other or anything like that. Just small "How was your week" and "How you been" talk. She's had issues with people leaving her and walking out of her life and I don't want to be one of those people, but she needs to heal and I need to not get attached to someone thats not ready yet....

Ok, thanks a lot everyone. I will still keep in touch with her. But I won't put myself out there anymore. If something happens in the future, so be it, but right now, I'm going to try to find someone else and try to keep my mind off of her... no matter how hard it may be. Thanks again.

I hope this is the correct forum for this. If it isn't mods can move it I guess. Also I just want to thank you right now in advance for sit there and reading all of this. OK, here's my "dilemma". I met this girl. She had a boyfriend so we didn't really get anywhere past playful chit chat. But we are both really sarcastic, so the conversions ended up being really fun for both of us. Anyway, she broke up with her boyfriend after 11 years in December under some really messed up circumstances. Since that time, we kept talking. These were just flirty conversions, but nothing crazy. That went on until February when we started actually hanging out and seeing each other. I knew, and she told me that she doesn't want a boyfriend. But we were both having so much fun with each other, that didn't stop either of us from hanging out. One thing led to another and I guess you can figure out the rest. But still, not together. I'll admit, things did go a little fast, but at the same time, it wasn't forced and everything happened naturally so it seemed. Though we really did have feeling for each other, we both knew it was not the time for us to be together and I knew that this relationship could end at any moment for any reason. I knew she was on Ambien after the break up, because she couldn't sleep and it was prescribed to her. But I didn't know how much she was taking. Let's just say, she was taking too many. She was taking them from about January until about a month ago after an incident. Soon after she got off of the drug, she told me we need to take a break and things are going too fast. No problem from me because like I said, I knew it could end at any moment and overall, I want her to get better. After that though, she stopped calling. After about a week, I call her and she doesn't answer, but she calls me right back and says that it's not that she doesn't want to talk to me, she doesn't want to talk to anyone. But she did ask me to call back that night which I did..., no answer and she didn't call back which she usually did. Anyway, I didn't try calling back. I didn't call her or see her all that week. That Friday though, she called me just to talk and we ended up getting into how she's feeling and all that stuff. She basically said that someone that was apart of her for 11 years is now not there anymore. She'd never get back with him because of what he's done, but she still misses him and feels that void there. She told me that I treat her the way shes always wanted him to treat her and right now, she feels that that should be coming from him and not someone she just starting seeing a few months ago. The drug made her do some crazy things she told me and everyone that she did these crazy things with during that time she doesn't talk to anymore except for me. And because she was on the drug for pretty much the entire time since the break up, she didn't really deal with not having this person not in her life anymore and she now has to figure out what kind of person she is because her life was this guy. She also says, she has to deal with this on her own. After she tells me all of this, I told her how much I care about her I know she has to deal with things and I want her to get better and that she's worth everything we've done over the past months and blah, blah, blah. Just the basic mushy stuff. At the end though, I said "I miss you" something I always say, and she usually said it back. This time, she didn't. From that point on, I started to think that I was actually making things worse by saying all those things. I looked at it as if we were basically starting over and for me so say all those things to her at the beginning wouldn't be appropriate. I stopped calling and contacting her altogether to let her deal with what she has to deal with. Just this Wednesday though, she IM's me. This time though, I didn't say such things. Just small talk asking how she's been since we lasted talked. Most importantly, I didn't say "I miss you". Just "I'm here if you need me" support stuff. Thursday, I IM her, again, small talk. But at some point she stopped answering me online, so I set all my instant message programs to away and went to sleep watching TV. The next morning, I go on my computer and she left me a message. One of those inside joke messages that only we would understand because of the time we spent together. Friday she IM's me again but I wasn't home. Saturday night she actually calls me, but I miss the call. I call her back, no answer, but she calls me back last night. We talked for about an hour. At midnight, I end the conversion and tell her I have to work the next morning. I mean..., I did, but in the past, I wouldn't of gotten off the phone with her because of work. I just wanted to be the one to end the phone call. My question is..., I never been in love before and I've never dealt with a situation like this before. I really like this girl and she really likes me (from what shes told me). Overall..., first and foremost, I want her to GET BETTER and get over this guy. I know that has to be done first if there's any hope of her being with me...., or anyone else for that matter. I'm just trying to figure out how to approach the situation. Am I doing the right thing by not showing and expressing my feeling for her anymore? She's had problems with people leaving and/or walking out on her life. I don't want to do that, but at the same time, I don't want to keep bothering her if she wants to go through her situation alone. Besides probably find someone else (lol) what do you guys think I should do????!?!?!? I'll admit that I'm not going out of my way to find someone else right now, but if I do come accross someone I'm interested in, I'm not going to pass up that person because of her. Also, why am I getting more of a response from her now that I'm NOT giving her as much attention??? When I was calling her, she didn't reply back in a week. Now that I'm not going out of my way for her anymore, this is four days in a row we've talked? P.S. Again, ff you sat here and read all of this, I REALLY appreciate it and thanks a lot in advance!