no_bad_news

Hello I have been broken up with my ex for 8 months. (dated for 18 months) He did it over the phone around thanksgiving...(cruel heartless JERK) I have slept with a mutual friend of ours half a dozen times (FWB) he has a gf. I totally "used" the situation to get OVER my EX, but now I feel USED...and want to expose the whole thing, and on top of it I feel horrible about it even though I thought I didn't............ My ex has a new gf and takes her to all the places he took me. I see my ex with his new gf and he'll say HELLO with her by his side...and I can barely look at him. He looks like the nice guy because he is making an effort to day hello..I tried to talk to him 3 months ago about our relationship ending..and he was a complete JERK about getting together to talk.... ETC He was a COMPLETE jerk to me, he forgot our anniversary, forgot my birthday, and basically lied to me about wanting to work things out.... he was so PASSIVE about our relationship towards the end that I almost ended it....He was never supportive, never cared about me...... I can't get him out of my head. Some part of me won't let it go. It is like I have OCD about it....I know it wasn't an ideal relationship.... and he didn't LOVE me. But I miss the good times....or I miss him holding me, and being interested in me..... I feel like I can't move on. I have been in therapy since the break up. : WOW I have abandonment issues All I want is for him to want me back. I haven't contacted him for three months....and I can't believe he totally is over me. I have only seen him like 4 times. My friend said he asked about me, if I was doing better...and she said I was doing awesome..... My question is: Why can't I let HIM out of my HEAD.. I have lots of things going for me.....nursing school etc.... The only thing I can say is I have ABANDONMENT issues... and can't connect to people as easily as him.... How can I overcome this breakup, I have already slept with another person, am in therapy, I am active in my life, but when I am still I think of him, when I dream, when I drive.....when I drink, and when I was with the other guy, I feel like I want him back....I feel alone

I guess I am saying FWB is f'd up. Don't come down so hard on it. People use each other.

nova- I engaged in the activity with the understanding that they were separated. I do know that it is complicated to end a relationship esp if it is a LDR. Right now I don't ask him questions. I am being selfish, and so is he. There is no way she will learn of these activities. I am not going to tell her. I am not interested in ending the realtionship for him . He will do it on his own

My actions are MY responsibility. I am single. He isn't. He is making the choice. I am aware of it, but I am doing what is best for me, and he is doing what is best for him. It is highly irresponsible on HIS part. You have to understand that we are adults, and this is a mutual choice.

FWB I think FWB is a way for people to protect themselves. I am currently doing it. My relationship ended back in Novemeber, and although I like the person I am having a FWB situation with I know where I stand....I am fooling myself because he has a girlfriend. She is living on the west coast...and their relationship is doomed to the LDR scenario which never works....ALthough I at times feel awful for engaging in the FWB, I know that I am not the one at fault..he is..she is his responsibility not mine.. Secondly, I am getting some attention and it FEELS so GOOD to have it after coming off such a hard break up.... FWB isn't healthy in a lot if ways, it is an immediate fix to a long term problem...but it helps..when you want to have some relief from thinking about an ex... You will get hurt, be confused, you may want it to end, he/she may want it to end/ but I say DO it.. as long as you are safe, and know you are using each other....

i think its the fact that he a;ready attached the label of girlfriend..to her.. that bothers me... it's like how can he bring her home already...and intro to his family etc...how can he already committ to someone else....what did I do....

I did that...and it didn't help!

my boyfriend of 18 months broke up with me 6 months ago..... I have recently found out that he has a new girlfriend...and I can't believe it.. I also heard he was asking for girls numbers right after the break up..... I think he must have been dating like 3 or 4 months after we broke up.... it is amazing to me that someone could just find another person so quickly... I also ran into him and her a month ago and he introduced her as his friend... that was so awkward....I am really confused because he treated me badly anyway... WHY do I CARE? and how do people just move on so easily... I think he's a complete jerk and a liar....WHY do I still care?

why ask him...speaking from experience..actions speak louder than words...... I would tell him that you what YOU want/expect from a relationship...if he's not being thoughtful..you stop being thoughtful...HE made his mind up to leave.....AND you aren't invited on the trip....he even said he could meet the girl of his dreams...: HE's definetly taking you for granted..like you are going to WAIT from his return ETC.. Honestly, take this opportunity to take back some control of your emotions, and separate for the time he's on the trip...even if you love him.... show him your WORTH.... your actions now are critical to how he perceives the relationship... If he never said those things... about meeting the girl of his dreams....if it was just about the trip... this would be different... BUT it isn't.. he's taking you for granted... I would say, "go on the trip...but we should both take this time to see what we both want...."...and maybe you should take a trip....

if it makes you uncomfortable..all contact with her should stop for a few months....until things change with you.... ..I wouldn't like it myself...if my bf was talking to an ex..or if an ex was calling...but it is a part of his past...this is a tough one..

I went out last night and ended up drinking to much...anyway I called my ex..and left a msg...so STUPID! This morning I sent him an email telling him I was sorry...and that I was happy he was doing well.....I hate that I relapsed..... I really hate myself for calling.... he probably knows that he has me whenever he wants...which makes him not want me.....I am so pathetic.....

I appreciate it...I guess I hate to say goodbye..I wasn't ready..or never thought that was possible...you are right I was his work horse....I always paid for my way...dinner etc... and never complained...he never bought me a gift....only 2 in 18 months...not that material things matter...but I bought him things and shared everything I owned....I also made sure he was happy in every way...clipped his toe nail even! I think your statement about "deserving to love yourself" hit home for me... I don't think I love myself the way I should... and I have every reason to begin to...

I am having a difficult time moving on... I find myself waking up thinking about my ex.... If only he cared about me the way I needed him to.. we would have the perfect relationship....And the thing is I know he didn't....he put on an act for the first part of our relationship...I see who he is now...and I can't even believe who he is....( inconsiderate, egomaniac, self indulgent, etc) and STILL i love him.... I miss his family....I miss everything.. I tried to forget about him...I slept with someone else...it didn't do a thing....What is the psychology behind caring for someone that treats you like you don't matter....and you know this is happening to you...but you still want him back.... maybe my self esteem is too low....??? I saw him with another woman..who was definetly not as attractive as me.... why would he have time for someone else... when all he complained about was wanting space from me... He is definetly wanting to meet people...I guess our relationship was holding him back.... it scares me to think that I will be feeling like this a year from now...missing him...missing the past...there are so many others on here that still chat about relationships that ended years ago.... It has been 1 month since I called and left a msg and only 2.5 weeks since I emailed him....I keep hoping he'll send me an email...and realize what he lost....we broke up 4 months ago.... and I still have a hard time...we went out for over a year and a half.....I feel like a loser because he treated me horribly for the last 6 months of our relationship..I almost left him twice....he forgot my birthday....so many other inconsiderate things.... WHY do I MISS this???

I really appreciate it....it makes sense...I don't need this....surviving the break up hasn't been easy....but I know I can get past it..it might take a bit longer because of the extra heart ache....but I know I can move ahead...sometimes I feel like I can be strong.... and then there are the times when I really can't believe I have to move on.... but I have to ...they have moved on from me.....It is hard to balance the feeling of being ALONE and understand that this alone time will bring me closer to figuring out who I really am....and closer to the right partner..... it is hard to obstain from trying to get affection from the wrong sources... It is sooo hard to move on...too.

I was friends with the person before I met the ex.... they happened to be friends in another circle...... it might be possible that I had an alterior motive...but I think the motive was just to feel desired..and maybe the motive was to show my ex that I am desirable...but this rondezvous was never going to be exposed....maybe I was kidding myself...thinking there would be away to have this relationship with the friend....I never thought about it really....just wanted to fill the void.. it is a bit of drama..that I created...and now I am left solo...and feeling like I gained nothing....the thing is the "friend" in all this said I don't want this to change the friendship...and now we aren't talking...he couldn't handle it....:splat: I guess now....I wonder if the friend could change his mind about me...and perhaps if I play it cool he might come around?

I guess I did it to myself..but it hurts to be messed with...I think this "friend" always had a thing for me..and wanted to "try" me out... and I thought I would benefit from it somehow..get some closeness with someone...but honestly after getting dumped...and then having a casual fling with someone...I feel a bit JADED. I feel very alone..more alone then when I was involved with this friend... You are right..I should forget the both of them... I guess I never bargained for feeling WORSE. I just want someone to suffer like me.... but you are right when you say people will lose respect for me...the hard part is I will run into them do to circumstances.... ATTN: Don't have casual sex..it deepens the void... and you lose more than you'll bargain for... they say it takes half the length of your relationship to move on.... give or take...so I just extended my sentence....now I have to figure out why I would let someone USE me... or why I felt the need to USE someone.....

If you want a hook up go for it....but don't ruin it with a random drunken hook up...as soon as that happens the flirting will end...I say invite him out...but don't act to into him...make him make the moves...if you want to get serious...

so i had sex with a friend...who is still semi involved (maybe working things out) with someone....and he is pretty good friends with my ex boyfriend....BEFORE the sex...we would talk twice a week...text msg..email...phone..have dinner....NOW he basically wants to forget we had sex...I feel really used...because NOW I lost someone I thought would be OK with what we did...and he is still friends with my ex.... he's basically keeping what we did a secret....he gets to stay friends with my ex...and stay in his relationship too.... I feel like I lost a friend because he isn't calling me anymore.......and I feel like he knew I'd be an easy target because I came off something serious and "needed" a rebound... I would love to blow the lid off what we did...and ruin things..all around...but..then I'd look like a * * * *...and also I now hate my EX.... I saw him with another girl at a bar..and she is but ugly... why would a guy trade down?! I hate relationships right now......I feel like there is no hope for honesty anywhere..... Any advice on how to really make things suck more?

It has really helped me to get over my ex...I had been so distraught about my ex...and not feeling attractive etc....and then this happened with someone I know....right now I would totally want a FWB..because I know him....I wouldn't want a casual thing with some guy I met at the bar...it felt really awesome...I would like have that "option"there if I want it...I also know that FWB can get confusing....but after coming off something...it feels great to think about someone other than the ex....I have know idea where this will go..but for now I am enjoying it.... any FWB stories post them here!

I had sex with a friend...and I feel great...I feel over my ex..... but now I wonder how to keep the sex up with the friend...and keep an open relationship....is it possible?

I think you have to take every day and just think about that...I broke my NC and feel like crap...but tomorrow I might ffel better....I am sure your ex wasn't everything you wanted...Like my ex..we tend to put them on a pedastool...but their are always signs....things that you thought were strange about him but ignored...I know my ex wasn't fulfilling me ...and I am afraid to move on...but you can't live like this forever...it gets you no where but feeling worse....I have been sad for 4 months....and it is a stuggle everyday....but somewhere deep dpwn I know I will find someone and it won't be such a stuggle like it was with my ex....I think counseling is the way to go..especially if you are drinking and staring at razor blades

Hi Broke the NC rule... I sent an email to my ex boyfriend today.... I can't concentrate...I know I won't hear anything....I feel awful.... Why does it have to be this way..why can't the dumper talk to you once in awhile....do they absolutely hate the person they dumped..... I have never dumped anyone..so I don't know how it feels to end a relationship...or want to get away from someone....and this is my first serious relationship.... I dated him for 2 years...... why can't he talk to me at all?! I understand he is done with the relationship....but why do I feel like we never existed.. it has been 4 months of this torture....I don't necessarily want to be friends..but I would like to talk once a month or something..... any advice would be good..

I just want to say.... I will never be a dumpee again! This sucks.... I feel bad for anyone else who is going through the aftermath of a break up.... I am scared that it will take a year or 5 years for my heart to mend..... Right now I am angry with myself for not getting out of the relationship sooner.... because there are always signs..... :splat: I needed to add that to my thread!