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Benny1077

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  1. Benny1077
    So last Monday I got a little too drunk and noticed the profile ex had created on My Space (hobbies included trying new things, having fun, etc....). Well I called her and she knew I was drunk. I asked her if she was sleeping with the guy I heard in the background talking to her Mom. She danced around it then said he was gay. However, she did admit to seeing and sleeping with another guy. I asked her where her morals were and told her I wished she was dead (I didn't say I was going to kill her, mind you). Then a couple days later, one of my friends who's Mom works with my ex warned me that she was "probably" going to file a police report and that she asked to be escorted out of work every day in fear for her safety. Everybody at her work thinks she's a big joke and just starved for attention. Is it true that the anger stage after a break up is normal? I really see that this girl is a psycho and not worth worrying about. I realize now that I MUST do no contact. Then the same friend who warned me told me she also slept with a married man at work and that she did it when her mother was in the house and knew what was going on but couldn't stop it because she is ALSO sleeping with a married man. And I was going to marry into this family. YIKES!
  2. Benny1077
    -I've learned that you can't love someone else again until you love yourself -I've also learned that sometimes the past should stay in the past
  3. Benny1077
    I was doing so well with NC then last night I called my ex. I got it out of her that she has been seeing and sleeping with another guy for a little over a month. Told her I didn't think it was like her to rush into something like that, which basically didn't give me a leg to stand on because we got serious after about a month. I said some nasty things and basically ended the conversation telling her I never wanted to see or talk to her again, which I thought was good considering how messy the conversation was and how much babbling I was doing. At least now I don't have to worry about people telling me things because now I know everything. I guess I'm not doing as bad as I think I could be, for now. And I definitely never want to talk to her again. This, I think, is the closure I thought I had before.
  4. Benny1077
    I do have female friends I could hang with, unfortunately a few of them were mutual friends with my ex, so again we run into the useless information problem. But there are others I could hang with. What about girls who also just had their heart broken? Misery loves company, but then both of us are also vulnerable right? Had kind of a bad day today, sleep should be easier.
  5. Benny1077
    Yea man, keep up NC. It WILL get better!
  6. Benny1077
    It's been two months since my breakup and although I see signs of encouragement I know I'm not close to 100% yet. I am doing everything people have told me. I get out every night I can (sometimes alcohol is involved, sometimes not), I have been doing no contact quite well, and I'm trying to get MY life back in order. My ex tried to call twice on Wednesday but I didn't answer, she left no voice mail. What do you think she's thinking if I am making no effort to talk to her? Is "out of sight, out of mind" really a good thing. I care what she's up to, but not enough to call. It gave me strength every time I didn't pick up the phone when she called. I still feel very lonely, not necessarily because I want to be with her, but because I want to be with somebody. Everybody says it's kinda early, some of my male friends however think it would be good for me to sleep with someone just to get my mind off things, I don't know if that's such a good idea. When is the right time to start looking for something else? I luckily do not live very close to her (about 20 min. away) and she doesn't come around my area that I know of, and I don't go around hers. As said in my previous posts, I'm having an easier time recognizing the things she did to tick me off, and that's helping. Plus my friends and family really weren't too sure about her anyways. There are a select few people who try and tell me things about her and I just cut them off right away. Why do people want to tell me things if they know it might hurt me? Have they no soul? Is me not caring about what she's doing showing strength or weakness to others? I'm starting a new life, I can finally see that, but what other steps should I take?
  7. Benny1077
    I know what you mean...I'm still having dreams too. Doesn't start my day off very well, but the mind works in mysterious ways. Mine basically consist of her telling me she hasn't slept around, but in the dreams she shows no feelings towards me...kinda like real life.
  8. Benny1077
    Very useful post....NC was next to impossible for me at first, and whenever I broke it, it did make me feel like I was back at square one. Now with me actually maintaining NC I still hurt sometimes, but it's not nearly as bad as it was. I am actually making myself happy at times and am surrounding myself with people who want me to be happy.
  9. Benny1077
    Yea, I was doing good until today. Then I realized it actually was Valentine's Day and started to remember things about my ex (s). I guess it's somewhat normal on a day like this but who knows
  10. Benny1077
    Yea, this is also my first "single" Valentine's Day in about 7 years. Yea it sucks breaking up before a holiday (my ex broke it off 12-18) but I'm just gonna treat tomorrow like a regular Tuesday, go to work and then maybe go out with my buddies. Things turn around, they really do...focus on the positives.
  11. Benny1077
    1. At this point, I'd rather never see them again....the fact that she could be happier with someone else is the ONLY thing that still bothers me 2)Probably 1 initially. That feeling seems to be somewhat "normal", but it passes. 3) This was by far the most depressed I've ever been, but it's the first time I've been the dumpee, so I don't know. 4)I think this is a little 1 and 3.....this actually was a rebound relationship that lasted 3+ years, also I'm still a little hurt over the situation so she is still on a short pedestal 5) I've spent a lot of time thinking this. Maybe it is the reason I was (and am) so hurt. 6) Yes, that did confuse me, but then I realized she was just being her cold self
  12. Benny1077
    Was with her for 3.5 years...she moved out in January. I've had NC for about 2 weeks, and it does work! The first few weeks were unbearable, didn't eat or sleep. Getting out really does help, at first I really didn't want to do that, but it has given me new life. I've shut off contact with anyone who might tell me what she's doing now, that seems to be working out well. I'm able to focus more on the negative aspects of my ex more, and the good memories are not as painful to think about. I found this site just in the nick of time. The advice I've gotten on this site has been priceless. Nobody sugar coats anything so I've really been able to focus on me and get MY life back in order. It still hurts a little, but I'm living my life.
  13. Benny1077
    Good move, keep NC. She's just trying to get to you. Pure immaturity that message. Actually her moving on so quickly, even if there was no chance you guys could reconcile, was immature in itself.
  14. Benny1077
    Do you think the fact that I told her to stop calling me will make her stop calling me? Because I'm not gonna call her. The thoughts of her are still there but it doesn't stop me from living my life, which is I guess as good as I can hope for at this point. The dreams I have at night kinda shake me up too. I'm always with her in the dreams but there's always another guy who she claims she's not interested in. I wish those would stop. I mean, she's not part of my life anymore so it shouldn't be bothering me wondering what she's doing. I can honestly say that if I cared about what she was doing enough, I would break NC or I would have asked her the other night when she called me. A minor victory right?
  15. Benny1077
    Thanks guys! It makes me feel good (maybe in a vindictive way) that I have "turned the tables" so to speak. But so what, she hurt me, so if I could show her in any way that I'm not laying down and dying then it's good right? I just dread the next time she calls. If any of you had followed my previous posts, because of the mail situation her mother wanted to personally pick up some tickets that were mailed here. I talked to her Friday night and told her I would drop them in the mail because I was making such good progress and didn't want to move backwards by talking to her. I think I shocked her when I said that. But it worked!! It made me feel better and helped avoid a painful situation. Is it possible that her mother told her that I said that and she wanted to get information on why I was feeling better?
  16. Benny1077
    I was doing well with keeping up no contact and was actually feeling better. Then she called last night to "remind me" to forward her mail. I was half asleep, but one of the first things i asked her was to stop calling me. And she said "I thought you wanted to be friends". At one time I offered friendship when I was in a bad place and wanted her back. But it's only been like a month and a half since she broke up with me. I told her I was feeling better by not talking to her. People tell me that her offering friendship is just her way of making herself feel better about what she did to me. But why did she call? She's told me to forward her mail before. Is she checking up on me? Is she trying to set me up as a backup? I have no idea what's going on in her life and I really don't want to know, but I have a feeling her phone call caused me to take a small step backwards and I was doing so much better.
  17. Benny1077
    Yea, I definitely think you are being looked at by her as a fallback guy. It's good that you say you wouldn't take her back, at least you realize how she hurt you. And do yourself a favor and stop looking at her profile....it just makes it worse.
  18. Benny1077
    Ok, my ex decided to move out and paint the town, unfortunately her lazy * * * hasn't changed her address. So her stupid Mom decides to order concert tickets using her credit card and of course the billing address is still here. So they just came in the mail today. Her Mom forewarned me that they would be coming and wanted to pick them up personally and "have a beer" . My life has improved by leaps and bounds since I'm not talking to or seeing my ex. Now in my opinion, wouldn't seeing or talking to this woman maybe cause me to take a step backwards? I mean there's no way she has my best interests in mind even though she did like me. What should I do?
  19. Benny1077
    Well I think I'm ready to start healing. Don't really think about the ex too much and have stopped feeling really depressed. I've broken off contact with everyone who might try and tell me what she's doing. But I'm confused....I went to see another ex this weekend and of course I realized what I liked about her in the first place. I had broken up with her and immediately started dating the one I just broke up with. There was some tension when I first got to her place but after awhile she warmed up. We ended up having a real good time together. Nothing happened but I ended up spending the night and I've talked to her on the phone a couple times at length since then. I really want this girl as a friend but I'm afraid I might want more. Is this just an inadvertent coping mechanism or is it my heart telling me I made a mistake in ending the relationship three years ago? I really like spending time with her and talking to her, but I don't want to think something will happen and it doesn't and then I end up back at square one.
  20. Benny1077
    My main thing is the fact that I want to stop contact with mutual acquaintances (they were more her friends and family). It seems to be a form of avoiding something I may find out eventually (like her seeing someone else), but I feel like right now I feel like I should surround myself with happiness. After all, it is about me right now and making myself feel better.
  21. Benny1077
    Well it's been a week and I haven't attempted to contact my ex (except for text messages on Sunday from which I got no response). I'm going to attempt to tell anyone who has contact with her not to tell me anything about what she's doing, and if that doesn't work then I'm not going to talk to them at all. I just figure if I hear anything questionable it may make me feel worse, which I don't need right now, am I right in doing this? I know I may have to deal with hearing those things at some point but right now isn't the time. I'm having real trouble realizing that this girl has done some real nasty things to me and it's not worth thinking about her all the time, but it's hard doing that. Everybody who cares about me seems to think she's not worth it, I hope I get to that point soon.
  22. Benny1077
    I wake up feeling great, then after that it's all downhill. However, I made concrete plans for the next three nights which gets me out of the apartment of memories. Going to get together with an old friend this Saturday, somebody who is all positive, so that's all good (except that she happens to be an ex), I hope everything goes well. I really think I'm ready to move on. It's just doing it that is the problem. What do you guys think about getting together with an old ex to help mask the pain of the current ex?
  23. Benny1077
    I do think that you should stop blaming yourself so much, you can work on some things but it takes two to tango, she might have had issues too but wanted to blame you to make herself feel better about the situation. I'm having trouble giving my ex space so I KNOW what you're going through.
  24. Benny1077
    Thank you every one for your kind advice and words of encouragement. I feel like I found this place just as I hit rock bottom so it's a good thing. I do agree that friends are there for comfort. But I've been getting different answers from people on what "being a comfort" actually is, so if someone could please elaborate I would greatly appreciate it. My day started out great today I think because I actually got good sleep last night (with the help of a sleeping pill) or because of the vast quantities of Starbucks I consumed. But as the day wore on I became depressed again. Memories I had forgotten about had popped into my head which made it worse. Isn't she thinking about the same things? I really hope she is and that she doesn't just brush them off. When I sent her spare keys back to her I also sent a picture of us early in our relationship hoping to unearth some memories. She didn't mention anything about it though. Why is she being so cold? Is it her way of validating leaving me? There's no way there's somebody else yet, she's not that type, plus her mom says she just comes home after work. I still have one of our three cats, she's gotta be wondering how she's doing right? Well with all the trouble we had, the apartment was neglected for a month so I think I'm finally motivated enough to start cleaning this afternoon, hope that goes well. God, I wish Zoloft could be injected, I just want it to start working.
  25. Benny1077
    Now, I'm not sure if this doesn't work (which it looks like it won't), if I should see this girl socially just as friends? Would that lead me toward being used as a comfort. We acted more like friends than a couple towards the end of our relationship so I know it can be done. And does anybody have any other advice for getting over her other than spending time with family and friends? I'm certainly not ready to start dating again.
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