Silver Glow

Yes, that does sound like she's breaking up with herself. Maybe you should post something on your blog directed to her, without .. specifically saying so? I don['t know how that might be possible but.. If that is the only reason, maybe she should try a date and see if she feels comfortable being away from you, even if just for a movie with someone else. She's the only one that knows how she truly feels about the subject but if her mom is the only reason she's breaking it off.. then it sounds like mom needs to get to know you better. Maybe do a picnic with everyone? Go to the zoo or some other public place.. let her see how you treat her daughter. So that her worries are eased too.

So stop lying. Next time he calls and asks where she is tell him flat out where she is. You don't have to lie to cover up her tracks. If she doesn't care, then why should she care that he finds her? Here's an example of what you could tell him, and stay out of the middle. "Listen, boyfriend.. I'm really sorry. I've been lying to you because I felt like I was obligated to my friend but I've been hating myself for it. I hate to tell you that she's been with this guy. I don't know what they are doing, but that is where she is. If you two were sleeping together while you were together, you might not want to do that until you know both of you don't have anything. I am not going to get in the middle of you two anymore. I'm sorry, but please stop calling me to find out where she is. You know now, and I don't want to be the one to either cover up anyone's tracks, or be the go between since your not here to talk to her face to face. I feel bad for you, but I have to stay out of it. I'm going to hang up now." And do so. You can express your guilt, and sorrow, and appologize, while staying out of it, and at the same time helping the boyfriend to protect himself against his girlfriend. Just in case the other guy has been sleeping with other girls too. You aren't claiming that they are sleeping together, just giving him a precaution he might want to take upon arrival home. I think, your friend hasn't had to care about the other guy finding out, because you certainly aren't telling him. So why should she? You could also tell your friend, "Look if you don't want to be with boyfriend, and you wanna hang out with this other dude.. just end it over the phone. I'm not going to lie for you anymore, and the next time he calls me to ask where you are. I'm not going to lie. So you better do something. This is your problem, your mess, not mine." And let things go at that. Good luck. You are in a hard position, but I think you can help them both out either way.

What a selfish comment, made only to make you feel better about not telling him. -start sarcasm- No, don't break his poor little heart(which you so obviously are in love with and care so much about) by not telling him you cheated on him. And who should he be, to make up his own mind about what sort of person he is involved with? Remove any sort of free will, and free thought and you tell him what type of cheating person he should be with! YOU. You tell him that kissing other people is certainly okay if afterwards, nothing happened and so is worthless to tell him. -end sarcasm- No. Tell him. Others say "It's only a kiss." and "You didn't put his health at risk." No.. it isn't a matter of health.. but a matter of TRUST. Love is Trust. He obviously cannot trust you to go out by yourself, have a few drinks and be faithful. Are you, that commited yet? If you aren't that commited.. (calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend is a commitment btw..) then don't tell him. Work through your guilt. In time you can get over it. If you are however commited to him, you need to explain to him what happened. How you feel about it, and what you learned from it. Be honest, not only with your own heart, but his. As a girlfriend, you owe him that. Honesty and Trust. If it were my boyfriend.. that "only" kissed some other girl, I would have been irate that he even forgot he was with someone that meant he wasn't supposed to be kissing some other girl. He shouldn't even be putting his hand on her body! Even if it was for a shoulder rub. What gives you the right, to withhold that from him? The fact that your cheating on him was only a kiss? That you didn't seriously inflict him with possible sexual and health problems? That you think if your going to stay with him for any given length of time that makes your relationship worth a grain of sand, that you can just not tell him certain things, and that means it didn't happen? Do you trust him not to do the same to you? ANd what if he already has done that? What if on the same night, he was missing being with you, met up with some chic, and ran that old lie through his head.. "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with." and went off and had a good old time with her. Would you feel the same way? That he could just pretend it didn't happen, by not telling you and things should just be hunky dory? By the way.. your two boyfriends do know someone in common. YOU. Just because friends won't talk, doesn't mean other people don't know other people, and it also doesn't mean you two will never run into each other again. What happens if your with your current boyfriend, and your old boyfriend runs into you and mentions.. "Wow, that was a great kiss we had after the wedding." You didn't think you'd run into him the first time, what's to say it won't happen again? Don't kid yourself. I think you need to own up to your mistake, and take the blame. Be honest, and show your current boyfriend just how much you care about him, by being as fair as possible - by telling him what happened. I'm not saying to tell him "Hey the other day, I kissed this other guy. But I still love you!" I'm saying, tell him with heart. Tell him what went through your mind, and just how your heart felt when you realized what you were doing. But you also said you initated it. (This is the part that puts you at full blame. Not the Ex, but you.) You still have feelings for your old boyfriend. Are they enough to let you know, you don't care as much as you claim you do for your current guy? If you decide your feelings are worth listening to, don't bother with telling him. Just break up with him. You can tell him when he asks why.

He doesn't love you. Or he would have ended things with her to be with you. And your letting him talk about bringing a child into the equation!? On purpose!? They are not cuddly little pets you keep around until your sick and tired of them. This is another human being, that you are responsible for 24-7 for the next 20 years. This isn't a joke. Body parts, and sexal tidbits are not the foundation of LOVE. Nor, are they any kind of foundation when he's already married to someone else. When he asked you if you could be married to him, or with his child.. what was running through your head? You know what kind of guy he is. Is he going to do the same thing with you just because you have an argument more often than once a month? Arguing every day, is sometimes how a marriage goes. You have to put effort and real work into it, in order to keep it worth a damn. Tell him to bugger off and find yourself a real boyfriend. Someone who isn't with someone else, and has the gall to think that it's okay to have another girl on the side... and I'm not even going to get into the statutory rape. YOU need to straighten up and get yourself away from this guy. I've been there done that, and by damn I wish I'd had the internet to ask for advice about that moron when I was 15. Drop the loser. You can certainly do better.

So? Did you dump his sorry excuse of a _____ ? (Insert appropriate word here please.) I know you posted that you had but... are things going okay for you now?

Things that are forbidden are exciting and fun. Tell him he is damned skippy you have trust issues, because he's given you blatant reason. If he cheats on you with women online to see if you will be caught (Caught doing what exactly?) Then HE also has those trust issues. My vote? Dump him.

Be strong. You are SO deserving of your own love and if you don't take care of yourself.. well. It's obvious he isn't looking at things from YOUR perspective either and trying to help the entire situation out. I had to leave someone once.. and trust me. You will make it through this. You are worth every second of it, and you WILL find happiness! Good luck.

I got to know my guy online before meeting him. You didn't say wether you met him in RL then got to know him in the game, or met him in game and then met him RL. however.. due to the fact that you had a relationship in the game, he should have said something to you at all period. Face to face or simply in the game. Ignoring you like that, then talking to the group of friends to say bye he's quitting? Complete bull. Now, I wouldn't throw everything in the garbage, if you have a relationship in real life, you need to confront him about this and at least ask him nonchalantly.. "So hey um. I tried to talk to you yesterday in game but I didn't get any response.. then i saw you saying you were quitting the game forever. Is there something wrong?" Give him a chance to either.. say something.. dodge it completely, or ignore you again for real. Then you'll have to decide what your going to do. I would have a serious problem with him if it were me. Even now,, when we play rl games together, we don't just ignore each other. We may not talk alot in the game.. but we don't blow each other off like they are unimportant. =/ That's outright rude.

I hope so too Poke. And I'm sorry to hear about that guy Coollady.. I really hope he doesn't.. I told him if it happens again, he's going to get the knee jerk reaction, the utter and complete * * * * * that comes out, and that he's just going to have it. (All the emotions and outrage that I held back on this time. And I told him that it would come from this time too heh.) Or, I'll just be aloof and tell him "Okay whatever.. we'll be out tonight. Kbye" Course, that's my mean streak shining through, hoping it really hurts him that I couldn't care any less about things. Probably backfire on me but.. I hope hope hope.. he doesn't do anything like this again, or worse. I'd totally be bummed. He's so wonderful.

No. If he's going to propose.. I think it's PERFECT! Especially after a year of nothing. But you've gotta remember at least Something every year! You have no idea how disapointing it is for us girls who look forward to ONE lovey day a year.. to even get a stupid little ring made of green plastic if it's given to us on Valentines day! I've gotten nothing.. except because of a relationship issue that brought me here, now I knwo he was thinking of proposin gon V-day this year.. and it's totally ruined. =/ Now I hope he doesnt do it.. isn't that sucky?

well maybe at the park, but why not a picnic? Hiking? Look up recreation in your yellow pages. maybe there is something there that's low key fun that lets you guys talk and gives you something to 'do'.

I think, your looking for something to blame, where possibly there is nothing to blame yet, except your lost girlfriend. You can't save her, nor should you. She needs to save herself. You say you would do ANYTHING to help her clean up and be a good person and do well? Why not have a straight talk with her and tell her that you will help her do those things if she wants it, but that if she doesn't, then she needs to let you go. You can't keep staying with someone that sleeps around for the next drug fix, can you? What if she gives you some strange irreversable disease just because she needed to get high for five minutes? She needs serious help. That's something you can only help her get, if she wants it. but if you can't continue on like this, then you have to end it. It's not going to be easy, but sometimes, you have to let go of the one you love. You may be holding on to a version of her that is litteraly dying inside of her. Maybe you should look around for some councelors in your area before talking to her, so you know what kind of help is available, and what she would need to do, that way when you do have your talk, and she asks.. you can tell her outright what she has to do in order to get herself back on track, and keep you even if it's only as a friend. You have a rocky road ahead of you, and I wish you all the luck, patience, and understanding in the world. Your going to need it. But don't use those things as a crutch to stay with her because once every blue moon you see the true girl that your in love with. And if you really want her to be found, try filing a stolen car report.. or let the police know, and the bank who is going to repo the car that she has it. Maybe, they'll find her on drugs and lock her up. At least maybe a few days deprived will detox her. At least, that would be the 'easy' way out of telling her to her face that she needs help. (Letting someone else force the issue)

Tell your boyfriend that you thought you wanted to get back together, but that you still have feelings for someone else. It isn't fair for you to be cheating on anyone, much less, encouraging someone ELSE to be cheating on their relationship too. What kind of relationship will you have with your fling, if both of you are cheaters? Do you really think you could trust him, and he could trust you that without a doubt your really the only ones for each other? I would tell him, if you seriously want to be with the fling, that you are (After you've broken it off completely with guy #1) available to be together if he will take you, and stop seeing other people. If he stays with his girlfriend, that's his perrogative and there's nothing more you can do about it. But you really need to look into your heart and decide if treating people badly is what your all about, before trying to go on with any relationship with anyone, fling, old boyfriend or some new guy you pick up. Also, your family may see things in guys that you don't. Take a look at why they think he's a bad match to begin with. Give it some time, but consider their words, then act on your decision and follow through with it. You went back on what happened and now your regretting it. Or at least double doubting yourself.

Your wondering about the relationship and what you are.. you call him "My guy" and.. Which is precisely why your guy didn't go out picking up girls with his friend who is on a rebound. His friend thinks your guy is available and the truth of the matter is, he is not. But, your questioning what you are to each other? Just because it isn't stated out loud with the formation of words, doesn't mean you aren't together. Well unless it's stated that you Aren't together. Go, enjoy and do like the second replier said.. don't read so much into it. Or, tell him you need things defined so you know where you both stand with each other if you need to. Personally I think your sort of dating each othre exclusively if he's refusing to go find some girls. If you like him alot, then this should be great news and enjoy the work party!

look at the support issues when he can no longer work.. are there any? I left a relationship with a 17 year gap, partly because he was a dead end guy with a dead end life, and when he would normally retire.. I'd be slaving to keep us afloat... Not a good life to have had. If there are no issues like that, that would bother you.. then whats the "Problem"?

Oh, are they not on when you register? Okay, I'll look for that. I think I'm going to keep this site a private little.. um. Resource hehe. I need somewhere where I don't know anyone that I can vent and ask for help in some area's. I really appreciate all of your responses, and if we have more rocky steps - I am going to talk to him about counceling of some sort. We're really broke at the moment and no insurance even if that did help cover some of it but.. anyway.

Oh yeah.. and he's never usually not with me unless he's at work. So we are together alot of the time, and he gets to have friends over or go out with them whenever he wants.. I don't have friends here. I don't know anyone.. he's my friend, my only real contact with other people here since we've moved to where his family is. (And I don't really like them all that much. I tolerate going over to do things with them, and it isn' like I'm not nice or genuine but I don't appreciate alot of the things they do, or the way they behave around any of us so I just keep to myself.) So anyway.. the only time he would have been able to really do anything.. was if he was scheduled to work. And he's been late before, but only by an hour. Around here, that's really not enough time for anything like moonlighting as an available man. And with the realizatin of what he'd done.. I think he became aware of what he was about to do. And that was to do to his own son, what his dad had done to him. Give cause to 'abandon'. His dad.. was never married to his mom. I have no idea how lnog they were together after he was born.. but it wound up that his mom dropped him off at his dad's parents house, who raised him. His dad was never around, was never a father, and he says he doesn't want our son to grow up in a broken home like he did. So.. I think he tried to handle things on his own.. but out of a quirk that I wanted to check my email on his puter since I was downstairs with the baby - and seeing one of the stray emails... just kind of.. I dunno. Wound up being an ugly mistake that got seen. I really hope that this doesn't happen again, and more so because I don't want him to take things any further. I honestly believe.. he is the best guy in th eworld for me.. and I'm always affraid some gorgeous looking little thing is going to catch his attention.. but that's unfounded and just my self confidence going down the tubes. I'm always like that.. Im not sexy and I'm not even very attractive. But I still want to be respected in a relationship no matter who I'm with. I don't want to have to leave him, but you can be certain that if there is reason.. I won't be sticking around to wind up hating myself again.

So, I was going to wait to read your responses before I spoke to him about it to 'finish' even talking to him about it. But we had planned to go get some dinner, and after thinking about things again, I was obviously very upset at him again. He handed me th ekeys to the truck and told me he would look after the baby - and suggested I needed a break from the two of them. Well.. a little more talking and I told him.. "You know, I've been trying to tell myself that you did it because you were doing something stupid, or just for "Whatever" (You know, being dumb online? I can understand that... ) but, you never do anything without a reason. Never." So he asked me to go back inside to talk some more, and we sat down on the floor together and he opened up a little. He said he didn't say anything about why he'd posted the ad, because he felt ashamed. He signed up, duringa time when I guess we were having alot of arguments, and I was yelling at him alot, he couldn't find work.. (I can understand feeling like crap in life.. and looking for some kind of out... but.) He told me that he registered on the site, but realized what he was doing and what would happen in our lives and closed it, never went back and never responded to the emails he got (And he didn't. I had gotten a thorough look at his account there. All of the emails are kept on the website, then the website emails you that someone left you a message. Every single one of them were unread. And the free acount was expired.. ) So yeah, I honestly don't believe he actually did anything. When I left him a voice message to confront him about this.. he told his boss he had to get home Right then.. he couldn't explain but he just had to leave that moment. - He was affraid the baby and I would have already been gone by the time he got home. Anyways.. I told him that I didn't know what the hell he thought was going to come of screwing around with other people. It wasn't going to solve those problems he was having, and I told him how I felt that he'd even gone outside of our relationship to look for sex, just because we were having a bad week. I have personal experience with this on two counts. First one, my dad found another woman in college when he and my mom were having a bad week. My dad said my mom was yelling at him alot and he found someone that made him feel good. Well, I was right at th eage where I remember that my mom left my brother and I with them when she caught them at the doughnut place we used to love. I really really hated her, and I resented being forced to sit in her lap when we all had to pile into my dad's truck. and Two, my ex-husband I left partly because he was always online trying to hook up with other girls. At the time, i was online getting the emotional attention I needed with other guys, so I didn't honestly care, he wasn't giving me what I needed and we handled our relationship horribly. Well I hated my life - hated myself.. and I worked up th eguts to leave him. He had actually asked me if it was ok with me if he screwed his 'best friend' from work. I went to visit my mom for 3 months (I learned not to do this btw... never ever do this unless you have to I guess.) and he had her come stay with him. He SAID they never did anything, and that she just wandered around in her skimpy little bikini... and he 'considered' my visit to my mom, a break in our marriage. I have serious doubts of wether he told me the truth or not. At any rate.. back to our story. So - I told him these things. So he understood where I am coming from. I listened to what he had to say.. and although my trust is bruised I am going to stay with him. .. for now. I believe his words of appology, and he told me that he wouldn't blame me for leaving. When I asked him flat out, what he thought I should do, and what he would do if things were reversed... I think it really hit his heart. He shut up for a few minutes and with a pained look he admitted that he could only tell me what he wanted me to do, and that was to stay. He said it would never happen again, and I told him that I didn't want him to promise that to me. I'm finished with anyone promising me anything they can't follow through on. And now that I type that.. I'm sad. We are promised to each other. He hasn't yet asked me to marry him, but we've been this way for.. I dunno. 4 years now? *sigh* I think I'm going to wind up doubting him for a very long time, but biting my tongue until he does something. How sad to start a brand new year off this way.. (All of this came out on the first.). So, at any rate. That's how things went.. I know I could have been clearer but.. I didn't get a chance to write this last night, when it was still kind of fresh in my mind. I told him I needed him to be stronger, to not go looking out of our relationship if there are problems going on in our relationship. And.. later in the truck after we went out to get out of th ehouse.. I told him to leave me, before he ever cheated on me. I guess.. I really hate that men who cheat, don't have the balls, the backbone, the honesty, dignity or respect to just dump you before they go screwing around on you and bringing home whatever filth they pick up from some 'casual sex meeting'.

I went to check my email on bf's computer. We both have told each other, we have nothing to hide.. and checking emails etc... no biggie. Well, gmail already had him logged in and I noticed one of the two new mails he got.. "___, someone is interested in your profile!" So I'm like.. Profile? Hm. Click.. It's to this.. sex site. Dating, web-cams, videos.. not professional porn if you know what I mean. Anyways.. the information was up to date after our recent move (about 6 months) we've been together for over 4 years now. We have a child who is not quite a year and I did confront him about it. The part that got me, was that in the profile it stated all of his fantasies, and said.. "I am seeking a discreet sexual relationship outside the home." I'm floored. He can't tell ME what his fantasies are.. can't even talk to me with the lights on lik enormal. I've noticed they are either dim, off completely or we just don't talk about it. I'm always the one asking him what HIS fantasies are.. so I can try to please him without saying.. "tell me what to do to you". I get "I don't really know.. I don't really have anything I like specifically" Well anyways.. the answer I got was that he didn't know why he made the account. He said he wasn't mad that I found it, but that there was anything there to be found. He said he was very sorry, and that was about all he could tell me. I've had a past marriage that I left partly because of how much chasing of other people my ex did. 1) Peeping tom if you ever heard of one. 2) Wanted to * * * * his "Friend from work" with my permission. 3) He'd gotten me to do a 3some with him.. 4) was all into any kind of sex except child porn. So.. I don't know what to think. I don't know wether his lack of explanation is believable, you know.. he was so specific with the sex fantasies in this profile but he couldn't ever tell me that he'd thought about sex with two women. (That's pretty standard stuff right?) I'm not mad that he looked at the porn, well yeah I'm jealous.. I'm fat and ugly and he keeps telling me I'm not... Of bloody course I'm jealous of that but... putting that aside... I feel that my level of 210% trust in this guy.. was completely shattered. He can't tell his girlfriend of 4 -5 years what kind of sex he goes to look for.. it's like pulling teeth out of a dead horse! All I really got was that he kind of liked red heads. =/ He says he never went back, and most of the emails he's gotten were marked for the spam box.. and he'd never gone back even. But here he is, requesting sex on the side that I don't know about (That whole Discreet bull * * * *.) and all he could tell me was that he didn't mean it.. and it was when he couldn't find work and he didn't know... he was sorry. I'm so * * * *ing pissed off at him.. I don't yell at him. I hardly act indifferent, because really I'm still trying to figure out if his words are like his actions.. I really really loved him. (I say loved, because I feel like everything, our love, our trust, our futures.. is on hold now.) I have a beautiful child with him. I never planned to even look at anyone else after being with him.. I'm so heart broken and I don't know what to do. There are things I want answers to. To help me deal with this.. but I don't get a solid answer. I don't expect you guys to have a solution for me. but... do you have anything? I feel like just the act of filling out his profile with a request for a discreet sexual relationship... is grounds for cheating on me emotionally. If he couldn't even talk to me.... why is he making some profile somewhere asking strangers to * * * * him?! Has he cheated on me? Should this be looked at, as though he had really committed some act behind our backs? (My son and I - because that's how I feel.) I would rather he tell me he wants to have sex with someone else, so we can decide wether or not to end things.. than for him to tell me nothing, and go be with others.. and bring home whatever to me. I'm so lost right now.