Indigo

Yeah I tend to get over-romantic about things, which is why I usually wonder if I'm expecting too much or to little. Reality checks are always welcome, one of the reasons I come here. I don't want to just say goodbye to him, because he's also my good friend and I want to help him when he's low. At the same time I can't excuse rudeness -- if he starts making a habit of blowing me off like nothing matters, I will have to say goodbye. To clarify a little... I knew him in real life for half a year, we found out we both loved outdoor sports and did (and still do) that kind of stuff together when we can, then when we found we were both gamers we started playing games together (which was easier for us because it doesn't involve a big planned trip). He has never ignored me in real life. In this game, there have been times where I think he may have been too preoccupied to reply, or crashed, or whatever, but I know for sure at the point of this incident he was purposely ignoring me, which hurts. What happened... I approached him neutrally the following day, he was sitting by himself, reading his book. He looked up at me, face almost like he was going to cry and said hello. I asked what happened, and found out the reason for his quitting. Some family issues came up rapidly, and he just can't play anymore. Quitting was [severely] against his will. I still don't feel that exuses his ignoring me that last day in game -- very rude. Even just saying, "We'll talk later." would have been enough. He was clearly still upset (staring at the floor, being more quiet than usual, not wanting to do anything, generally depressed) so I just gave him his space for the rest of the day. I didn't want to ambush him with 20 questions. ...but three days later now, he's still acting pretty depressed. Hes a little better, but it's still as if he died and his ghost is walking around. Still very quiet, not really talking to anyone. The only couple of times he's talked to me since, he's asked how things are going in the game, and how he really wants to go back. I keep telling him that he's not missing much, and how I play much less because it's boring without someone to play with (and it's all true). Unless he hasn't told me everything about the incident with his family, I feel he should be over this by now. Like I said, the game was a big thing, but we do other stuff too. ...he doesn't seem ready to move on...? I'm going to try and invite him over this weekend, so we can just relax, hopefully talk a bit, and do something else together.

He was my best friend, now he's also my boyfriend. I don't know whether I'm expecting too much, or even to little sometimes, because this is my first real boyfriend (ie. we seem to connect on a very deep level, and all that wonderful stuff I could go on about). I am also his first girlfriend. We both have been heavily playing an online rpg together for the last year. Online for the last month or so he wasn't talking much while we played, which I was concerned about for a while, but then didn't care because he was as normal as ever in real life, which is what counts. Then today when he came online, I typed hello and he didn't reply. About fifteen minutes later I started typing him something only to receive an automated 'do not disturb' message. Another fifteen minutes later he typed to our entire fourm of online friends we play with, saying goodbye, and how he was quitting for good, and promptly went offline. I cried for a good hour. It felt like a part of myself, and of him, had just died, because this 'game', this alternate universe, has been a big part of our relationship. Both being shy it was a huge tool in allowing us to get to know eachother in the beginning without having to interact face to face. We spent a lot of time playing, talking, sharing victories and defeats... all those late nights fighting monsters, climbing virtual mountains and watching the moon rise... surviving together... and with a snap of the fingers it was all gone. I learned so much about myslef and of him playing that game... Just typing that makes me teary eyed. We do things together in real life of course, but like I said, this was a big thing and it meant a lot to me. That he chose to leave is not what drove me to post here however... it's that he never told me anything at all about him leaving, and that he ignored me right before he did. Why didn't he say anything!? I feel so hurt and left out of the loop. I've been trying to contact him all day since he left the game for good, but I can't find him anywhere. Why won't he talk to me...? I don't expect him to tell me about every little detail of his life, but something like this, surely he should have said something...? Warned me he was going to do this... it feels like a slap in the face or a stab in the back. I renewed my subscripton to the game just a week ago, so now I have a few long lonely months to look foreward to... but I may just stop playing altogether, it's too painful to play without my partner in crime... my knight... When I see him tomorrow in person, I don't know what to say... is it unfair to be upset with him for not telling me about this? ...because I sure feel upset. I'm worried there may be something wrong in real life...

Recently I confessed my feelings to a friend I liked (I'll call him "####"), and turns out he feels the same way, and by his paragraphed response, on the same level. It's been about a week now since we've confessed our feelings for eachother, and it's been going quite well -- moving at a slow steady pace, we've made some plans to spend weekends together in the near future, both of us seem to be making our own efforts (I finally found the courage to hug him (and he hugged me back! he's been spending some time getting to know my circle of friends, etc...); it feels like we're still good friends, just closer, and I'm really liking it. There is one thing that is starting to concern me, however... My closest friend brought this up today, which is funny because I was also thinking about it. ...and I'd just like some more opinions / views on the matter. One of my other good male friends, who has his own girlfriend, keeps saying things that I think are, I guess... intrusive to this new relationship I've started with ####. He constantly refers to myself and #### as boyfriend and girlfriend, and I'm really unclear as to when that terminology is supposed to be used -- ie. I'd feel weird saying aloud that #### is my b/f, because I don't know if it's appopriate to call him that just yet (it's only been a week! yeesh!). Vice versa, #### has never referred to me as his girlfriend, but has also never rejected the terminology. I just think it's too soon. Moreso unerving, are the comments about what #### is supposedly in for as he is now my 'boyfriend'. Comments like, "What's hers is hers, and what's yours is hers.", "You're her *beep* now, you have to do what she says." He also makes jokes about #### being my 'boytoy', and teases us about more... er... physcial aspects of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. (Needless to say my male friend is somewhat 'whipped' by his girlfriend (who is also a friend of mine). He seems to like it ...but that's his issue.) I really don't like the comments about the more physical aspects, as (both of us being shy and having little to no experience) we're just starting to hug, lean on each other, link arms, etc... These are huge steps for us... So when my friend starts implying that #### and I are secretly making out (or more) when we go off alone, it makes me really uncomfortable -- and it makes me angry, because I can clearly see that it makes #### uneasy as well. Usually after these comments #### will clam up and not talk for a while. It's WAY too soon to be thinking about that stuff. I also don't like the comments about how #### should expect to be whipped... because I'm not like that with guys I like... all I expect is mutual respect, not a doormat. It's all in joking, I think, but I get the feeling that the wheels in ####'s head are turning when my friend talks like this. I'm afraid he's going to make assumptions or get scared off... but should I? I'm trying so hard to get this started off on a good foot...

I'm not short, but the last and current guy I've liked were both shorter than me (I'm about 5'8"). Previous was almost a foot shorter and it didn't detract from how much I liked him. Current is only about an inch shorter, barely noticeable. I'm not usually attracted to guys who are much much taller than I... and I think it's because I feel insecure, or even threatened by big guys.

I've never looked at a guy's wallet or fame as an attractant... preferring shy people like myself I turn away from fame, and I like to pay my own way so how wealthy he is is not a concern to me. Anyway, back to the original question... ...there are so many things I could list, but I won't list them all because it would take hours, and be repetetive... That being said I'll list a few things I like about guys... Soul... he has to have a soul (subjective term, but...)! He's can be as tough as he wants to be (or thinks he is) on the outside, but still has an ooey gooey center with passionate beliefs, emotion, and focus on life... mmm... Eyes... color doesn't matter, but I do like eyes that convey a sense of depth and intelligence. (long eyelashes are a bonus Smell... Everyone has their own personal 'smell', like when you walk into a friend's house and it has it's own distinct smell. Since I'm allergic to most artificial fragrances / perfumes, I usually like guys that smell... like a guy. Not sweaty or smelly, just... natural. Attitude... I like a guy that generally treats me as his equal -- it makes me feel like there's respect and trust between us. I like a guy that will defend me, but knows when to back off and let me stand on my own two feet. What I especially love about a guy, is watching him do what he does best... if they're sporty I love watching them giving it their all in a game, if they're artistic I love to watch them draw or listen to their music, etc... I guess it's part of the first thing I mentioned -- soul.

lol It's true... body language only goes so far...

I did it! A little different than what I thought I was going to do, but I did it nonetheless... I wrote a note by hand, folded it up into a little origami shape, put my signature stamp on the front, and gave it to him at the end of school, in person -- well I slipped it into the packpack he was wearing, jokingly telling him "It's a bomb!" as he only felt me opening his bag, didn't see what I put in there. Then we both went out separate ways and the waiting began, I played my computer game to take my mind off it. Then about two hours later he messaged me in game saying he had mailed me. I read it and wow... he does feel the same, and WOW his writing is impressive (I like writing as a hobby, and what he wrote back was so soulful I was almost in tears of joy -- I never knew he had that in him)! So yes, he does feel the same, applogised for being confusing (I mentioned I wasn't sure if he was just being silly or meant something...), and the reason he gave for not 'doing' anything about what we both knew was true was... shyness. He says he's never felt this way before about someone, agrees that there's something special, and is ready to be more than just friends if I'm ready too. I'm so happy right now... and shaking... but happy... ...and I wouldn't have been able to do it without the things I've learned on these fourms, and from my friends in r/l. I'm going to go dancing through the house to burn off this nervous energy now... weeeeeee!\\

That's exactly how I feel about this... A prime example being... couple of days ago we went on a tour of a college together, and most of the time it was just him and I. At first he was really distant like he had been all week, but as the day wore on he opened up more and more, until he was back in 'devious mode' (and being surprisingly... cute, for once -- usually he tries harder to annoy me). The next evening when we went to a friend's house, we again took a while to relax and open up. I suppose it's... normal? Hummm... by doing what I'm doing, I'm probably making him think I don't like his antics, or him! #-oIn the past I've mentioned to him -- briefly -- how there have been people who have tried to invade my personal space bubble when I barely knew them, and how I didn't like it. He may be trying to avoid being like them... even though I really do love messing around with him like that. Either way I'm overanalyzing / procrastinating again -- so it comes back to the pont that we need to talk A.S.A.P. FCTex, thanks for that post; I'm feeling enlightened right now. It gives me yet another new view into what is going on.

Thanks for the replies! I was so ready to try that this week, pull him aside during a play fight, give him a big hug, and just tell him! Every time I knew I was going to see him I was ready to do it. --> (like this guy) ...but... I feel like I've been hit with a blast of cold wind. Since monday he's stopped with the more intimate firting... the poking, the playful teasing all gone. He suddenly went back to his reserved, slightly distant side, just does his work in class and doesn't talk to 'just' me a lot anymore. Doesn't even say goodbye or goodnight sometimes at the end of the day, like he always did. When I see him he looks closed up again, and it's as if we're back to square one. The thing that concerns me most is... I sense and see more fear in him now. Some of the looks he gives me look so worried... and it's shattered my confidence with him for the moment. I've asked several guys what could have happened -- ranges everywhere from, "he knows and doesn't want to lead you on anymore" to "he's thinking of asking you out now, and is scared / trying not to be so obvious anymore". Like you two were saying, not reliable... but I do like hearing the different opinions. I don't know whether to ride it out and see if he's just having a bad week, wait to tell him when he's a little more playful again. Or if I should just go for it, regardless... Edit: and reading this thread got me thinking as well...

He says he'll kill himself if you leave... what I make of that is he's trying to control you through emotional manipulation. ...and even more importantly he's abusing you... Do you really want to stay with someone who doesn't make you feel good? :sad: Like RayKay said you definitely deserve better. None of what you've described has sounded like qualities of love or friendship. This is a dangrous situation and you need to get away from him as quickly as possible...

I like him and I’m pretty sure he knows I like him. I know he likes me (could go on forever about how and why I know this). His and my friends (many are mutual) know we like each other – and I don’t know what they say to him, but they seem very confident about this and keep telling me to “ask him out”. Not so simple from my point of view… We’re close friends. Neither of us has ever dated. What his close male friend tells me… 1) He’s probably too shy and embarrassed to do anything about all this – or (less likely at this point) could be completely clueless. 2) He’s never seen him act this way before towards someone – and I can’t remember him acting like this a few months ago either… he was a lot more reserved and mature. 3) That when asked “I know someone who likes you. Would you go out with them if they asked you?” he replied, “I’d have to know them… and depends who…” 4) I should go for it, now, before he tells him for me. If I found the nerve asked him out, I wouldn’t know what to do. It seems so formal… So I’ve just been working on telling him how I feel, for now. Not going so great, which is why I’m here, again. You guys have the best collective advice I’ve ever found online. …here’s the new roadblock. Very recently (ie. two weeks) he insists on staying behind this buffer of grade school flirting. This is EXACTLY the kind of flirting and behavior I remember from my very first crushes… Every time I want to say something about how I feel towards him, or feel like showing affection in some way (such as a hug, or linking into his arm as we walk), he does or says something that just makes me not want to do either. He playfully teases me or does something to make me laugh or jump in surprise (poking, tickling, coiling his leg around mine under a table, starting a wrestling match over some random object, etc… , always with a devious smirk on his face. It makes gets me in a equally devious mood and makes me want to tease and poke back and etc… Don’t get me wrong! I like that he’s opened up. I like it a lot. …but recently he does it constantly… excessively... to the point where it’s tiring. He gets SO hyper when he’s around me now, and his serious side has gone ‘poof’… There’s never even a brief serious moment like there used to, and I’m starting to get very frustrated. The second it seems right to say or do something, he removes those soft glowy feelings I want to express with his teasing. I’m starting to get angry at things that shouldn’t make me so mad (sometimes involving him, sometimes not), and I think it’s all the frustration and stress built up from holding in and being interrupted (feelings interrupted, not words) for what I need to say all the time. I keep randomly loosing my temper and breaking down in tears and frustration, and it has to stop. It’s silly already. Him and I really really need to talk, alone, without starting one of our games. Problem is it’s extremely hard to get him alone, without pinning him to a wall and saying “we need to talk, alone” – that and the pinning itself would start a game… If I approach him relaxed the fun begins immediately, if I approach him seriously he thinks I’m moody and backs off for a bit, then comes back, relentlessly trying to cheer me up with playful flirting. ‘Shock tactics’ have been suggested (such as… while playing around just randomly kiss him on the cheek or something), but I really don’t know if that would be… right for this situation? Maybe that's the only way to get through to him right now, since he insists on being so silly? Or maybe I'm missing something else entirely... help!

In the last two weeks I've seen a sudden change come over the guy I fancy… he used to be laid back, quiet, and reserved all the time – the sly guy. I took a little initiative, following some advice I got here, now suddenly he's become really energetic and more mischievous than usual, always trying to annoy me / get a rise out of me. It reminds me of what flirting was like in grade school… annoying the ones you like because you don't know of any other way to get their attention. He laughs more easily at things I say (sometimes he's the only one who laughs at my jokes), and sometimes goes red – I caught him blushing the other day and was blown away because I'm used to him hiding emotions like that. He knows I'm very ticklish and has been using it to his advantage lately, where he never used to touch me at all. On that note... If I ever move closer to him he doesn't move back at all, sometimes leans in or (more often) just stands his ground. Seems to also touch me just out of the blue, for no apparent reason (pat on shoulder, resting his foot against mine, grabbing same object and touching hands). Which I really like, but is weird because he never EVER used to do these things, to me or anyone (huge personal space bubble). He's always trying to get me to chase him / play fight with him – he'll say or do something that he knows annoys me while getting ready to sprint away, where before he used to just give a sly smirk and shrug my annoyance off. I see him more outside of class… he comes by my locker more to say a few words. I'm a little overwhelmed to say the least… but I love this side of him (even though at times it can be slightly irritating). So first question is, why the sudden change? What happened to make him 'crazy' all of a sudden? ...and could it mean anything bad? A male friend of mine has convinced me that I should just go for it (like his gf did to him), and confess to the guy I like... that I have nothing to loose. …and I feel like the time is right, I do need to tell him that I like him as more than a friend – because I'm sure as heck he's not going to make a move like that. …but how!? What to say that isn't going to completely scare him off? It may seem really silly to some of you, but this is really hard for me… ...but I will do it! He's special to me and I need to settle this whether it will turn out the way I'd like or not.

Read every reply... this has to be one of the most interesting and enlightening topics I've read on this forum so far... To answer the original question, I'd be very turned on... 8-[

From all the physical details, and the fact that he neglected you afterwards -- yeah, he was just in it for the sex... I'd definitely move on.

^^^^ I agree! ..but it doesn't bug me, it infuriates me.