Prenkle

From what I'm hearing, sex is very important. So if you had to go without sex for 2 years, would you die?

I knew I was in love at one point when I wanted to sleep with someone who wasn't attractive physically. It felt like I wanted to OWN a part of their soul because it was beautiful and unique - as if it could somehow nurture an empty spot in my heart. I know, very weird.

I have a sex drive. It's just not noticeable because I'm usually busy with a lot of other things in my life.

I've read a few posts here about how not having sex in a marriage may be grounds for divorce. Is sex really that important to a guy? It takes years to build a relationship. I can't believe you would throw that away just because you're not getting any. Doesn't companionship and friendship count for anything? Maybe I just don't understand the male sex drive, but it's hard to imagine a guy suddenly wanting to have sex all the time when he's in the middle of doing regular things - like having breakfast or mowing the lawn.

Good comment about not sure whether someone is being flirty/friendly or is really interested in you. If you were interested in a girl, I'd find some way to ask her if she's currently seeing anyone. You'd get a better idea this way. Don't ask the question point blank. That might scare her away. Right now, I'm single. When a guy I really like asks me if I'm seeing anyone, my answer would be a clear no. When a guy I'm NOT interested in asks me the same question, I would lie and say "yes" or "sort of" or hesitate without giving a straight answer. In fact, if I suspect that a guy I don't like is starting to fall for me, I'd make it obvious that I'm not interested in anything more. How do I do this? I tell him stories about my imaginary boyfriend. Call me a liar if you want to, but I think it's the easiest and most pain-free way of getting off a potentially disastrous road to further confusion and hurt. This way, nothing has to be revealed and made to the suffer the lime light of rejection. As to society's rules about how men and women should act towards each other - yeah there's that difficulty too. But personally, I'm pretty direct. I think that when I finally meet someone I really want, I won't care about mixed signals. I won't send any. He'll know for sure. The pain of losing him will be much worse than the pain of rejection. I wrote about this guy I met on some of the other posts on this forum. Good God, I really liked him. I loved him, still do actually. The only problem is that he's married. But I am 2000% certain that if he was free, I'd ask him out. I wouldn't be able to wait 24 hours to hear his answer, even if it was a harsh "no", because if there was even a 1% chance of being with him, I'd take it. That 1% means the world to me.

Why is it so hard to find a boyfriend?

There are complaints that women are too subtle, making guys confused. Can anyone give examples of this? When was a woman subtle to the point of misleading you about her interest, but then you later find out that she actually really likes you?

I'd have to agree. Women do have it easier than the guys when it comes to making the first move. Despite all the talk about equality, men are still expected to ask first. But if I liked a guy, I would definitely give him eye contact. Most girls are probably shy. I for one am very shy when it comes to moving beyond friendship. When I'm friends with someone, I'm usually really open with them. But I rarely have the guts to take it any further. I guess I feel like I've given all the encouragement I can give without handing my heart over on a silver platter. Let me demonstrate: If my face lights up when I talk to you, it means I'm glad to see you and want to be around you. If I ask about your life and your hobbies, it means I'm interested and concerned. If I tell you jokes and stories, it means I like to talk to you and make you laugh. If you see me staring at you, it means I'm thinking of you. And if you do nothing after all this, it tells me that you're not interested in me. What else can I do but take that as an implicit turn down? How do I make myself more clear without explicitly stating I like you?

That's a hard one. Let me think.... I can give an example: In the first case, I met this guy who wasn't very attractive. He didn't seem like the type I would want to date - more like a friend type. But then I started noticing that he liked a lot of the things I liked - books and movies. He could tell good jokes and stories. So I then thought, wow this guy has a pretty good personality. He's entertaining to be around. Then I found that he was very ethical. I started to admire him for his character. Later he started asking questions about my life. He was respectful of what I wanted and did not want to talk about. So he was interested and thoughtful. Well - after all that. I was head over heels. I became passionate when I found myself repeating all the times I've been with him. When I remember everything he says. When everything reminded me of him. And I would always want to be around him. The passion built slowly. There was no single one thing that sparked it. There were things that built it: the recognition of a compatible personality with my own and good character, and the realization that he cares about me (whether it be platonic or romantic didn't matter). When you recognize all these good things about a person, it's hard to still feel like friends. Most important of all, it was genuine. He was he and I was me. Trying to spark a relationship seems futile because it requires genuiness of character and emotion between persons. So if I had to say, I would guess that honesty is the spark. Honesty and courage.

A list? I don't have the type of list that you would associate with pen and paper. But off the top of my head, here's what would make me attracted to a guy: - Humurous side, doesn't take things too seriously (definitely need someone who can tell a joke or a funny story) - Respects my decisions and attempts to see things from my point of view - Is confident about who he is - Is kind and thoughtful of others - Has a passion of some kind (computers, boats, books, it doesn't matter) - Wants to learn about me and my life (good at listening) - Direct and honest and open - Makes me want to be a better person - If I'm quiet, he wouldn't mind being quiet with me. He wouldn't mind doing nothing with me because the act of just being with me (taking a walk, looking at the sunset) means a lot to him.

Guys - It happens to women too. I have liked guy friends who only wanted to be just friends. The effect after telling them is usually the end of an otherwise great friendship. I guess we weigh our choices more seriously. Friendship means a lot to me even if it may mean forgoing a possible romantic relationship. Will the lost opportunity (romance) hurt more or will the lost friendship hurt more?

I would have to agree with Petal. You find your soulmate when you can find someone that you can grow with - which means you can't outgrow each other. Everyday things become more meaningful because you do them with your soulmate.

Just like guys sometimes have trouble reading the minds of girls. Girls have trouble figuring out why guys want too. If you don't tell me you like me more than a friend, then I'm going to treat you like a friend. Plus, do I really want to date someone who doesn't have the courage to express how they really feel about me? Rhetorical question. Answer is probably not. If they don't have the guts to get into a relationship, they probably don't have any guts to stay in one.

This is very well said. Most of the stress does come from people wanting different things. I havn't dated much but just the thought of dating gives me the nerves. You are not alone.

Yes, unless the person asking is clearly unavailable. I got asked this once by a married man. And he is definitely not interested in me romantically.

I'm glad you found someone you can be passionate about regardless of how things will end up.

Sophisticated - as in mature, confident, womanly sophistication?

Question for the guys: Do you find girls who are natually funny attractive? I'm talking about the type of women who tells good jokes and funny stories. Someone who can make you laugh and someone who's usually in a sunny mood. Or do you like girls who are more quiet and demure? Would being funny seem unsophisticated?

Not sure if this works for everyone. Every time I fear approaching people or rejection, I think first of the opportunities that I may miss by hiding in a corner and doing nothing. I also remind myself that if I don't act, I'll think less of myself at the end of the day. That's usually enough to compel me to act. You have nothing to lose by going up to someone (who's available) and asking them out or talking to them. The worst that can happen is actually not that bad. You actually have a lot to gain through confrontation. You gain confidence and respect for yourself which is priceless.

What will spur a shy guy to ask someone out? Hmm...I'd say it all depends on how strongly the shy guy feels about the girl. If you meet someone that you have very strong feelings for, you will ask her out regardless of what fears you have about rejection. This is because the fear of losing her or missing an opportunity is worse than the fear of being rejected. If you can't muster the courage to ask her out, then you don't like her enough. That could be a bad sign because it usually takes more courage to stay in a relationship then to get in one. But all things equal, have faith in yourself and in others. Didn't someone once say life expands/ constricts according to how much courage you have?

Excellently said!

Let's say you meet this person who loves you a lot. He/she would die for you. You, however, do not love them. You really, really like him/her, share the same hobbies, and enjoy spending time with the person, but there's no heart pounding anticipation or strong physical attraction. If there is any physical attraction, it is very faint and passes by quickly. So, would you marry someone you don't love but really like? Would your answer still be the same if you were 45 and still single and he/she was still waiting for you?

Romantic love is great - really. It makes a cloudy day sunny. It makes me smile all day long just thinking of someone. But there are other types of relationships that are nurturing too. I got to thinking that people are so focused on romance that they miss or under-appreciate the beauty of their other relationships. You know, relationships of admiration and of companionship. I met a man who shares some of the same hobbies as I do. We like each other very much but there has never been (probably may never) be a point where it transcends friendship. I used to think there was something wrong with me if a guy I met doesn't ask me out after we're around each other a lot. But I don't think like that anymore. I like him a lot. I may love him. I wouldn't ask for more. Sometimes things are just great the way they are. Nothing more and nothing less. But what if one day I wake up wanting more? Would the point where you find yourself asking for more be a sign that you're falling in love? You don't just love that person, but you're actually now in love with them? Does that mean you've grown selfish? How does it happen? This transition from friendship to love? Does it happen when you see a side of someone you've never see before? Does it happen just out of the blue? When does it happen?

In response to your questions: 1. Making lewd comments. Asking too many personal questions that make women feel uncomfortable. Confidence is good but arrogance is not. 2. He should strike up a conversation. Smile a lot and make good eye contact. 3. I would usually ask questions about him - his hobbies, etc. I would really look at him instead of just glancing. Smile a lot.

I'd have to agree with most of previous replies. It's a good thing you're talking to her about general interests, etc. But she might be thinking that you're just trying to be friendly, that you're not interested in her romantically. She may have thought of you as boyfriend material in the very beginning, but after a while of "friendly conversations" she may have pushed the romantic idea aside and then it'll be a little late. Drop her hints that you like her more than as a friend. Give her compliments. Tell her how you feel around her. It's very difficult to do I know, but it's worth it if you want the girl. Say something like, "You're really easy to talk to." Appreciate the time you spend with her and let her know it. Ask her what her other hobbies are and try to hook up on some of the events. Also, one way I know a guy is interested is when he starts asking me about my love life.