Prenkle

I ask myself the following questions: 1. If the one I'm falling for becomes the ugliest person on Earth, would I still want to be with that person? 2. If the one I'm falling for cheats on me, would I be able to forgive him and still want to be with that person? If I say "yes" to both questions without hesitation, then I love him. If I hesitate, then I don't love him.

I don't understand. If most of us want that someone to have pretty much the same qualities (kindness, intelligence, etc.), why is it so hard for people to get together?

Everyone says they want that someone. Who is that someone to you? What are the qualities you're looking for? What type of man/woman do you want to love? Someone who loves to play football? Someone who likes astronomy? Someone who sings in the shower?

Hearing everyone's encouragement really made me feel better. Thanks everyone.

I've always had an innate fear of asking anybody to be with me - to do anything. I assume that people don't like to be with me because I'm boring and I would never want anyone to feel pressured into being with me. Even if it was for a simple board game like checkers or chess. But today I finally mustered up the courage to ask this guy if he would like to play chess with me. (This is the first time I have ever asked a guy to do something with me - anything.) I know he's a chess fan and I'm a very big chess fan myself. His reply was that he usually plays with his friends. All I could say was oh. He usually plays with his friends which meant he wouldn't even want to consider playing with me. That hurt. I was hoping he would say "Sure. I usually play with my friends, but I'd love to play with you sometime." But not even that. I know I'm not a great chess player but still. My first attempt at asking someone to do something friendly together failed. My initial reaction was to blame myself. What was I thinking? Of course, he doesn't want to play with me. After a few hours of this though, I realized that despite this failed attempt, I was proud of myself for asking. For taking a chance. Maybe the next time will be easier. I can't regret that I didn't try.

I'm looking for some input to the following questions: 1. If you could live your life over again from the beginning, what would you do differently? 2. If you could tell your younger self right now ONE thing to help you on life's journey, what would it be? Thanks all!

I meet quite a few people when I joined somes games (chess, scrabble, poker, etc) and book clubs. While most of them are older and married, you'll occasionally run accross a few single men. Plus, even if you don't they might know some people they can introduce you to. So pick up some new hobbies and first just try associating - being at the right place at the right time and see where the chips fall.

It's a tough question. I think that if you look at it from a strictly moral and selfless point of view, the answer would be obviously no. You shouldn't think about getting between two married people. I think the only kind of reasons you would have for telling a married person that you love them is of the selfish kind. 1) You want to get this secret off your chest. 2) You think she will be happier with you than she is/would be with her current husband. 3) Or all of the above. You have to think about how it will affect her life. It will introduce confusion and maybe even guilt since she would now have to debate whether she should tell her husband or not. It might even break your friendship, because if she doesn't feel the same way, she'll go to great lengths to avoid you in order to feel less guilty. The only exception I can think of is if she has expressed her discontent with her marriage or if she's in an abusive one. Or the final reason - you'll die if you don't tell her.

I fell in love with a man who I will call "M". When I was in love with M, I would remember him when my mind suddenly wanders. I would remember him when someone says something that he had said before. I would remember him when I'm walking to my car, shopping, and eating pizza. When I was in love with M, I admired him more than any other person in the world. He made me want to be a better person. And I finally understood how someone can see themselves reflected in other people. I could feel him sense my hopes and my fears as if he could see right through me. He's not attractive at all but when I loved him, he was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. He was radiant on the inside. I know that if I am with him, things would be right because he would always do the right thing. I wouldn't change a single thing about him, not his looks, not his bad habits - nothing. I loved him just the way he was. I wanted to be closer to him - to tell him about myself, to tell him about a great book I had read or a funny sign that I saw. I wanted to do everyday things with him like walk along the beach, watch tv, cook dinner and drive to the store. So I guess in conclusion, being in love with him was like being in love with myself. Because being in love with M meant finding and appreciating the type of beauty that I could not see with my own eyes and then feeling grateful that this world has finally granted me this rare opportunity to know someone from the inside out. It would be OK if I never felt like this again, because I had M and he is enough.

While surfing the web, I found this site link removed that had the following: I think of the analogy, if a train comes to your stop and doesn't stop, IT'S NOT YOUR TRAIN. Would you try to run after it and make it stop? NO. If someone passes you by and doesn't stop, then they don't want to be with you in the way you deserve. Let them go. They aren't your train. When the right person comes along, they will stop for you. Believe me. So, does any of this make any sense? Nice huh?

A lot of us are worried about ending up alone and never finding someone who loves us and who we love back. How does the thought of spending the rest of one's life by oneself sound? It just seems like a lot of the talk is about running away from being alone - as if being alone is the same thing as being lonely. Has anyone thought about accepting the possibility that some things are not meant to be? Not everyone is meant to find someone and get married. Some of us are meant to be alone. That we should start becoming our own best friends and love the solitude that we have with ourselves? Or is that giving up in your mind? Giving up on love? But then... how do you give up on something that maybe was never yours and never will be yours to begin with? I've been questioning this because I have spent most of my life by myself. I have my own house and live by myself. I go on vacations by myself and spend the holidays by myself. Much of this results because I'm not willing to settle. Would you marry someone you don't love just to be with someone because you are not enough for you?

I can understand points made by ShySoul (not going out of your way) and SimonBlume (safety). But I can't agree entirely as I think a "go for it" attitude makes life more worth living than any other attitude. First on doing only those things that you enjoy and waiting for love to come to you: it probably does work for a lot of people. So we can just wait and see, and then wait some more. If you're not being yourself when you go out of your way to try new things, then that's ok. Some people like their type of vanilla lives. Second, on being safe: of course, safety is important, especially when you've had a bad experience in the past. There are a lot of crazy people out there these days. But I think some things are worth taking the risk for. It's always a balance of risk and reward. Nothing's 100% safe. You invest, you lose some, and then you win some. Use your instincts, evaluate carefully. The only other alternative I can think of is staying at home where it's very safe. Of course, not 100% because you might get a gas leak or the roof might fall on you. Lastly, the very thought of taking a passive stance in life repulses me. This world is much better off with one person who makes things happen for the better, than with a hundred persons who decide to wait and see for fear of death or because "they like things just the way they are". This probably sounds too direct and stubborn, but how else can I say it?

I've been thinking a lot about those who are worried that they haven't found love. Having read Fitzgerald's "This Side of Paradise", here are my thoughts: My impression is that we lead the type of lives we want to lead. We have the type of love life we choose to have. So if we're lonely, we choose to be that way. If we're discontent and unsatisfied - well, frankly - we choose to be that way too. Our imagination gets to us. We dream up these explanations as to why we can't find someone. There are opportunities every day. The solution is really a matter of courage - the courage to resolve and move forward - to do the next best thing. So you (and I) either have the courage to move on or don't and stay where things never change. I don't know about everybody else, but I will not be one of those people who wait for someone to come along. If I want to meet new people, I will join the local book club or bridge club. If I want somebody to talk to, I will strike up a conversation with strangers about the last book they read or the last movie they saw. If in the end, I am still alone, then I will know it's not for lack of trying. It says nothing about my value as a human being. It just says something about how life plays out differently for everyone. I haven't always been this way. I used to blame everything - from the weather to fate - for not making me happier. I blamed myself most of all for not being funnier, more outgoing, or more attractive. But when I realized that other people's affirmations of my worth were becoming more important than my own, I stopped. I remembered...that I am all I have. If I don't make myself happy, who will bother? And if I don't even bother, then, well, I deserve to have the life I worked hard at not changing and not facing.

I've had a few people tell me I seem intimidating and thus hard to approach. I don't really understand. I'm a friendly person and I smile a lot. So what am I not doing? How does one appear more approachable???

Isn't it funny? There's all these lonely young women out there (including me) and all these lonely young men out there who say they can't find someone. One and one together makes two. But neither side can find the other. Is it a lack of communication or a lack of courage?

I'm not sure if this has something to do with my personality, but I tend to be attracted to older men - usually married too. I'm 24 and really like this guy who is 32. I havn't been able to find anybody like him in college. He's sensitive, funny, kind, and intelligent. All the guys I've met in college seem self absorbed, but this guy is so great! He likes the same things I like too - which is rare - believe me. What is this attraction to older married men? I'm not an insecure person, but they really know how to treat women well.