Lovesick64

Daisylove- I feel for you. I was with my ex for 18 months. I knew things were strange with him after 3months. I thought his ability to go NC on me for no reason for days at a time was because he was an only child and used to being alone. I didn't push. I accepted his behavior. Things would be fine and then he would go back to the bpd dance. It wasn't until last month that I realized what he had. I did a lot of research and everything that I came accross said that you can only help yourself. He has no clue what is going on with him and would never break up with me. I took the step and broke up with him after the last distancing act. He was making me crazy. Nevertheless I still love and miss him. I have to constantly remind myself that his emotionally blackmail, pushing, and pulling is abuse. It was an emotionally abusive relationship.

Lizzy- I broke up withmy ex 3 wks ago. I hadn't heard from him until yesterday when I ran into because we live in the same apt complex. Long story short, I had his things and was obsessing about what to do with them. He had come over yesterday and I gave him all of his stuff before he left. When he got home and saw that everything was in the bag he immediately came back over. He wanted to know when I got his stuff together blah blah blah and why I felt the need to give him everything back. Reading about your ex telling you to hold onto the parking pass leads me to believe that is their twisted way of having an open door to communicate with you. When my ex saw all of his stuff he knew that it was really over. Apparently he was planning to use the additional items as reasons to contact me or see me.

Andy- Don't go to the party. That will be really heartbreaking having to see her there. Then if you get drunk you may do some things you will regret later.

Southern Belle- I am sorry for what you are going through. Hopefully it will not take you seven years to get over the recent ex. Let me tell you first hand that spending time with other guys is not the solution. It is way too soon. I broke up with my ex three weeks ago. I recently spent some innocent time with a guy I had met the weekend I broke up with my ex. I did it mainly because I wanted to some attention from the opposite sex. All it did was make me miss my ex even more. For now I am not going to spend time with men for any selfish reasons whatsoever. I am going to take the necessary time for my heart to heal from my recent relationship. I am going to give myself a year before I even give my number out to a guy. I know that sounds extreme, but that's my plan for now. I wish you well.

I had broken up with my ex 3 weeks ago who is also my neighbor. I hadn't seen him, or heard from him since I left the breakup poem on his windshield. I had some of his things and obsessed a little last week about getting them back to him. Well yesterday I ran into him at the apartments. He asked me if I had seen that he called me earlier in the day. I told him no. He didn't call. He lied about calling me. We were far apart when I had seen him and told him to meet me closer so we wouldn't be shouting. He told me that he had called me because he needed his hair stuff and wanted to do his hair. He wears locks and I had been doing his hair whenever it needed to be done. I smiled and told him that I would do his hair for him. He asked me five times if I was sure. I told him that if I wasn't sure then I wouldn't have offered. He came over. We hugged and held each other for a few minutes. I told him that we better get started on his hair. It took me roughly 4 hours to do his hair. I will admit that I offered to do his hair for selfish reasons. I had been wanting to see him and this was the perfect opportunity to see him and spend a lot of time with him. We never talked about the poem, or us. I did tell him about the dreams I had about him last weekend. After I had finished his hair I got all of his stuff together that I had been wanting to give to him and placed them in a bag. I did this while he was in the bathroom checking out my work. The entire time I was doing his hair and laughing with him I was thinking about us getting back together. The chemistry was still there. Then I thought to myself that things would still be the same way they were before. He has bpd and doesn't know it. While he was over he displayed some of the behaviors. I hadn't spent any time with him since I had realized what it was that he suffered from. Yesterday gave me the oppoturnity to witness the symptoms first hand. Okay so after I got done he was getting all lovey dovey and I told him that it was late and that I had to go to bed. He seemed very disappointed to say the least. He grabbed the bag and was looking in it. I guess when he got back to his apartment he had seen that all of his stuff was in the bag. He came back over and told me that he was confused. He kept asking me why I did his hair and said that I shouldn't have done his hair. I told him that I did it because I had been missing him like crazy and wanted to spend some time with him. Then he asked me why I gave him his stuff back. I told him that since he had wanted his hair stuff and said that I didn't take his call (which he lied about) that I didn't want that to happen again, so I gave him everything. He then held me and thanked me for everything and he said he would say his goodbyes to me now. He kissed me and left. I didn't say anything before he left. What could I say? Maybe he wanted me to say something about me not wanting this to be goodbye. I don't know. Apparently me doing his hair had him thinking that we were back together again. I confused the situation more when I gave him his things. I must admit that hearing him tell me that he was saying his goodbyes to me hurt really bad. However I got what I wanted. I wanted to see him and give him back his things. We are now officially over. I now have closure. I hadn't heard from him when I initially broke up with him. Now that I have seen him three weeks after the fact I have to start the entire process over. It will be a little easier this time because I have nothing to obsess about. He didn't call before, so I won't expect him to call now. I had a hard time going to sleep lastnight. I think I slept for an hour and then I woke up. The first thing that came to my mind was him saying to me that he would say his goodbyes to me now. I couldn't go back to sleep after that. I was thinking that it was so easy for him to say goodbye to me. I was wanting him to say something about him being sorry for treating me badly and that we could work it out, or something other than just giving up and telling me goodbye. Yeah I wanted all of that knowing that our relationship wouldn't be any different. He would still be emotionally and mentally abusing me like he was. That is what I have to keep at the front of my mind. I think we ended on a good note if there is any such thing. I would like to leave it like it was left.

Friday Blues Update: I didn't play my guitar like I had originally planned to. I ended up hanging out with a new neighbor who moved to my apartments. He's a guy who is 9 years younger than me. I had met him the weekend I broke up with my ex. He knows that I just came out of a relationship. Why did I spend time with him on Friday night? I did it because I wanted some male attention. The time spent was mainly talking and trying to learn more about each other. We spent a little more time together on Saturday. Spending time with only made me miss my ex all the more. It was more of a hinderance to my healing process more than anything.

Juha- Kudos to you apologizing for your behavior in the relationship. I am sorry that your ex can't accept that your anxiety was the diagnosis and not an excuse. It is very insensitive on her part. I know it took a lot for you to admit that you have anxiety and to apologize. My ex has bpd and I wish he knew it and would seek help for it. I know if he was aware, then he would apologize. I guess more than anything I would like to have an apology from him for treating me poorly. However I tell myself that I allowed him to treat me that way. One day maybe he will get a clue, but I am not holding my breath. Nor am I holding out for us to get back together.

Thanks a lot everyone for the suggestions. I do believe that with time the Friday's will get better. I bought a guitar a while back, so I am going to teach myself how to play. I will do that on Friday nights. If I stick to my plan, then I should be able to play in a band in a couple of months. Anna12: I am glad to know that you and I are in the same situation with our ex's living so close. When I leave out my apartment in the daytime I can and do avoid looking at his. I have to be at work at 5am when its still dark, so I allow myself to look then and only then. When I go to the dumpster I don't look to see his car. However two days a week that he has to go to his second job I do look out my back window to see him driving down the street. That is the only obsessive thing I have to stop because I don't think it helps me. I used to look out the peephole a lot, but I covered it up because I was doing too much peeping trying to see him and felt like I was sorta stalking him. Yeah I could move, but I love the area where I live.

This is my third friday alone after breaking up with my ex. We would start the weekends off together every Friday at 7pm. He incidentally is my neighbor as well which makes this even harder. I have covered up the peephole and I have programmed myself to not look out the curtains to see if I can catch a glimpse of him. I haven't dreamt about him this week which is a good thing. I dreamt about him constantly last Friday night. In every dream I was trying to see him and he didn't want to see me. Finally in the last dream he opened the door to his apartment and he was hidious looking. In real life the guy is very handsome, but in the dream he wore super thick glasses and had nutty professor buck teeth. That was the last time I saw him in my dreams. I now believe that if I do try to see him that he will be ugly in a personality kind of way. Nevertheless I still miss him mostly on Friday nights. I used to look so forward to Fridays and now I hate to see them coming. I have told myself that I need to find something constructive to do on Friday nights. I don't want to go hang out anywhere. I am a fearful of being out on the road on Friday nights because of the drunk drivers. I am cool once Saturday morning comes. Its just Friday nights that I can't seem to handle.

Anna12- I am sorry to read about all of the pain your guy has put your through. No one deserves to be treated badly. My ex who is also my neighbor, was up and down a lot. He would be all lovey dovey one weekend and then ignore me a few days later for days at a time. I hadn't done anything wrong. I treated him very well and we would have a ton of fun together. This went on and on and on even after talking to him about his behavior. He made me feel like he didn't care for me because he was doing the NC thing when things were cool with us. He would pop up at the door like nothing ever happened. I found it very bizarre. I wanted to break up with him, but knew he had abandonement issues and was waiting for him to break up with me. One day I was doing some research on his issue and discovered that he also has boderline personality disorder. That was when I realized that things were not going to get better with him until he realized he had the mental illness and got some help. I never told him what I thought he had. I wrote him a breakup poem basically telling him I was letting him go because his actions were telling me that he didn't love me and that he didn't care. I am not saying that your bf has bpd. I just wanted to share with you that I went through those same ups and downs and it was making me crazy. I feel that I did the right thing leaving the relationship. I have my sanity and self respect. What he was doing to me was abuse. He was abusing me mentally and emotionally. Whenever I start to long for him I remind myself that it was an abusive relationship that I had to leave before it got worse.

Septembermourning, I think you need to stop leaning on your ex to get through your recent breakup. Are you going to lean on him for every other tough situation that you go through? You can get through this on your own without him. I was new to the area and my ex was the only person that I was friends with. Getting rid of him took away any social life I had whatsoever. I don't have any friends here really. I am cool with one coworker that I kinda talk to about the recent breakup. I have basically been leaning on the Lord and myself to get through the pain and lonliness. I have never been married and I don't have any children. I will be 41 years old in December. I haven't given up on having a husband and a family one day. I know it will happen for me. All I am saying is to not give up on your dreams. How can a guy find you when you are leaning on your ex?

L8riser, I dumped my boyfriend of 18 months. He lives a shout away from me which makes it even harder. I want to call him and tell him that I miss him blah blah blah, but I haven't. Why? Because he probably already knows it for himself and probably doesn't want to talk to me. He hasn't called me either which kinda made me mad in the beginning because I wanted him to call me. I miss him terribly, but there is no way we could get back together. I have taken the time to reevaluate the relationship and myself. I concluded that I deserved better treatment from him and a second time around would not be any better. I had to take a long look at myself on the inside to determine what was wrong with me that made me put up with his crap for so long. I realized that I have "rescue issues". I was trying to save him and I couldn't. I can only save myself by getting out of the relationship. He was my bestest friend which hurts even more. Right now I am working on my "stuff" so I can be healthy and have a healthy relationship in the future. The author of the book, "He's just not that into you" said that you should never let anyone break up with you more than once.

Comets, I normally don't ask questions I don't want to know the answers to. Don't beat yourself up because you fell off the NC wagon. Pick yourself and get back on. Do you really want to get back together with a girl after she has been with someone else? Do you think the relationship can be the same, or better than it was before the break up? I think you need to try to get over the relationship and forget about any reconciliation at this point. I know it hurts, but its only for a little while. Go NC on her forever.

OCD, Thanks for clarifying who is doing the talking. Perhaps she is calling to let you know that even though she broke up with you for no reason that she still cares about what is going on with you. The fact that she doesn't offer any information about herself is strange. The next time you decide to take her call why don't you try being the one not giving any information.

Superdave Forgive me. I forgot that this thread is for people who want their ex's back. I believe OCD's ex calls him for her own selfish satisfaction. She wants to make sure that he is still "available". I think by him taking her calls after being successfully NC for so long shows her that he is available to her. She now has a since of relief that he is "there" and that is what I mean when I said to him to not let her play him. With the question thing whose to say that anyone will get an honest answer no matter how long they decide to ask the enevitable? OCD are you going back to NC for now, or what?

OCD- What is her conversation like when you are taking her calls? When I broke up with my boyfriend I did it in the form of a poem and I let him know why I was breaking up with him. I let him know because it is the right thing to do. For your ex to not give you any reason is kinda strange. I think you wanting to say to her, "Why are you calling me" is valid. However don't you want to know why she broke up with you? I would ask her, "Why are you calling me so much, since you broke up with me for no apparent reason"? Don't let her play you.

Septembermourning I am sorry for your loss. You seem to be really devastated by your recent breakup. You need to ask yourself if you really want your ex back and for what reason. It sounds as though you guys had a lot of fun together, but there were some needs of yours that he was simply not meeting. We as women want to hear our man tell us how nice our bodies are and how sexy they think we are. The fact that he never commented on your body, and rarely initiated sex is unacceptable behavior from a man. Its really hard to get into a man's head to figure out exactly where they are coming from. Don't try to figure them out. Its a waste of time and energy. I know it hurts being dumped and you want to call him and tell him how you feel, but you have to resist the temptation. Take the advice that Superdave has given everyone with a broken heart. Do the NC thing and work on yourself. You are the only person who matters right now. I dumped my ex a couple of weeks ago and believe it or not it has been very hard on me. Even though I love him very much I had to let him go and it still hurts. In the beginning I was on the Lovesick diet and exercise program. It consisted of little food, a lot of beer, and a lot of walking. I couldn't eat or sleep and I was the one how broke up with him. I am better now. I am eating, sleeping, and running like I used to. I was trying to block out the pain, lonliness, and despair. Once I decided to feel my pain, then that was things got better for me emotionally. I still would love to talk to him, see him, and hold him, but I can't. Facing those facts alone hurt me deeply still, but I will survive.

Hello everyone. Let me first say that I was so happy to come accross this forum the other day. I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago. We had been dating for 18 months. We live in the same apartment complex and developed a friendship before we became boyfriend and girlfriend. I didn't want to get close to him because he lives accross the way from me and I felt it was too close in the event we broke up. Things were fine in the beginning, so I thought. He would get mad at me for no reason and blow me off for days at a time. I couldn't understand his behavior. This went on for a long time because I allowed it to. Well long story short I figured out that his loving me one minute and blowing me off the next was because he has borderline personality disorder. After the last blow off I had had enough. I ended up writing him a poem and leaving it on the windshield of his car. I don't know if he read it, but I haven't heard from him. I went through those moments of wanting to see him and call him, but didn't. I wanted to call him the other day so bad and that is when I ran into this site. I am really inspired by the strength of everyone and all of the encouraging words of support. Reading a lot of the posts have made me stronger. In the beginning I went through not being able to eat and sleep. It was tough and still is especially with him living so close to me. So far I haven't ran into him. Mainly because I would stay in my apartment and then I realized that I was still letting him control me. I come and go now as I please and have yet to cross paths with him. Its going to be weird, but I will deal with it when it happens. Those cravings of wanting to call him have left after coming here and reading various posts. I don't want to do something I will regret. I just want all the dumpees and dumpers out there to stay strong. The pain will pass. The lonliness will pass. You will recover.