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Southern_Belle

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  1. Southern_Belle
    Can you be a friend with ex, really? Friendship requires trust, but when you break up, don't you lose that trust? How can you be really there for him/her, if he/she broke up with you and hurt you once or more? Friendship requires certain amount of effort to keep. If you could have put that much effort in your relationship, why didn't it work at the first place? What I mean is, how is friendship different from being in a relationship? Is "becoming friends" just a scheme for the dumper to feel less guilty, or for the dumpee to stick around and wait for the 2nd chance? What do you think?
  2. Southern_Belle
    I even want to move to new place. (I planned to stay this place for 3 more years.) I was thinking about it but I may really do it. Anyways, again, when I asked why you cared about her change, I didn't mean to be rude. I was wondering how dumpers feel when they see dumpees getting over them, or rather, trying to get over them.
  3. Southern_Belle
    scythian: I don't mean to be rude, but why do you care if she changed a lot?
  4. Southern_Belle
    Can't agree more! I thought I got over the initial break up feeling, but now that I didn't hear from my ex for two days, began to get anxious, and just wanted to call him and talk about my feeling, it was too early to break NC. Since we kinda made a plan for this weekend, he may call tomorrow. (If he doesn't, which means he doesn't care enough, I really have to go NC.) But I think I shouldn't take it, since I'm gonna say bad things to him if I took it. I wish things are easier. How wonderful it would be if I could get him back by saying that I love him and miss them. Or just know that he will come back eventually. It would be so much easier....
  5. Southern_Belle
    L8RISER: Your post answers some of my questions I had for almost 3 weeks. My ex wanted to stay as a friend and still wants to be. I didn't want to be just 'friends', but after an awkward bumping-into-each-other I thought we need to spend sometime together and feel comfortable to each other. I didn't want to feel awkward everytime I see him on the street. (We go to the same school, thus have not-so-low chance to bump into each other.) So I agreed to have lunch with him this weekend, but he's not telling me when to meet yet. =( When I agreed to have lunch with him he seemed(it was an email, but you know what I mean) pretty excited about it, so I began to have my hope up. But after reading your post, I think that maybe he was just feeling guilty b/c he guessed how much I suffered after the breakup. He just wanted me to feel comfortable with him, nothing more. =( How stupid I am! We used together a lot, and that's how I became a dancer(not a professional one, but one who enjoys dancing a lot!). Today there's benefit dance at my school, so I'm gonna go there, and I would miss him, not him himself, but dancing with him. But I want to face and overcome that feeling. I should be able to find other people who I can dance with and have fun. Or is it too soon for me to confront that kind of pain? (You can read my story in another post if you are ever interested. )
  6. Southern_Belle
    For me it was the fear of rejection which made me do NC. I'd done all those "things" before(with other ex), and got rejected so many times, so eventually I forced to do NC. Since I realized that trying to contact him wouldn't work out, I decided to do NC. But it was really difficult to keep it. Only thing which kept me doing it was the previous experience of contact which awakes the fear of rejection. Now I can talk about this experience calmly, but it took so many years for me to get over the shameful/embarrassing feeling. We should know better than putting us in an embarrassing situation. My point is, if you keep getting no/negative responses, go NC before you get more negative responses. I know NC is really hard, but remembering that you begged/pleaded/you-name-it when it's over is more painful.
  7. Southern_Belle
    I just wanted to tell you that you may find jigsaw's post about patience helpful. Good luck!
  8. Southern_Belle
    I really want to believe this! Your story gives me much hope and reasons to be patient. =) jigsaw: It is not a lame analogy, and it makes sense. Thanks for your post.
  9. Southern_Belle
    I agree. But how many of us get even a yellow light? After a red light, a yellow light seems very hopeful and makes us rush before it changes back to red. I tried not to be clingy and needy by not contacting him, which was hard enough for me. Now that we planned to meet this weekend for a lunch, first time in 3 weeks, I'm getting pretty anxious, so I'm worried that I would be too forward when I see him. I know that I need to be patient, but I'm nervous because it could be the last chance for me to change his mind.
  10. Southern_Belle
    Is this why my ex lost his interest in me? Because I was in front of him? Since I'm not in front him, is there chance he misses me and wants me back? I used to be that way, but now I'm so sure of my feeling about him. But I guess he's still too young to know that. =(
  11. Southern_Belle
    Thanks Beec, now it makes more sense. =)
  12. Southern_Belle
    Then don't I need to "act" like I'm interested in him, not just to have that in mind and "act" aloof? I'm getting confused.
  13. Southern_Belle
    I bumped into my ex twice two days ago. The first time was far away from, so we just waved our hands, sort of. I was in the middle of discussion, so I just made an eye contact and smiled. (Don't ask me why I had to look at him if I was in the discussion. ) The second time, we had to pass by, so we just said hi, or that was what I meant. After I passed him and almost came out I heard him continuing conversation, but it was too late to go back. It may sound like an excuse, but I don't want to have an awkward bumping situation again. So I sent him an email saying it was good to see him again and sorry that I had to run out, I needed to get going. Now lunch doesn't sound that bad. (a week ago he wanted to have lunch with me but I turned down because I wanted to be healed before I see him.) Today he sent me an email saying he is very glad that I felt that way because he was afraid I had rushed out because I didn't want to talk to him. (I knew that he would have felt this way, and that's why I sent him an email at the first place. Even if I can't be his real friend or we can't get back together, I don't want to spend my time avoiding him. And for that I thought I need to talk to him face to face at least once. --we broke up over emails, which is on other post.) Anyways, what I meant to ask you is how can you let them know that you still like/love/care for them without becoming clingy? over past week I realized that I really like him and may want to keep him even as a friend, but I don't want to be seen like I've already gotten over him. But if I directly say that I still like/love/care for him, he may think that I may seem to be too desperate/clingy, which I'm not. Any advice/comment?
  14. Southern_Belle
    agree with other guys. I had similar problem right before the first breakup. I directly talked about it to my ex, and now that I think of it, I think he got scared because he began to feel that I'm too attached to him while he's not. Do whatever you would have enjoyed before you met him. Don't waste your time analyzing the change of his behaviors. Focus on yourself!
  15. Southern_Belle
    Thanks humban. I thought it was getting better, but few minutes ago I experience another mental breakdown, again. I hope time heals all wounds. But what can I do to endure the suffer in the meantime? I still can't believe that he changed his mind like that. I can't believe that it was just few weeks ago when we were so happy that both of us were afraid that something bad would happen. Would me calling and asking him to come back hurt me that much? Wouldn't it be better than just sitting and wondering what could have happened if I tried?
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