normal man

makes sense that the past is the past but it's tough tryin not to be caught up on it because everytime i ask how was work or reference to work she seems to be short with a response as thinkin im going to ask about the guy there....which me thinkin that, makes him pop in my head and be constantly reminded. and also while we both agreed it's going to take a lot of work we already seem to argue a lot and drive each other mad. We tell each other it's only like that because we're both puttin up shells so we dont get hurt. But she is always so defensive to everything I say or do.

yes it's allhrand i'd like your advice. My main issue i have on my mind is if Im going to be strong enough to deal with wondering what went on with them and why she came back to me, and the uneasiness of her working directly with him. Granted i shouldnt have to worry cause if it was done and she is coming to me than I should assume they are completely done. Im also just having thoughts about how much she hurt me by leaving and thats hard to overlook and just be convinced she still loves me and wants only me. And speaking of love does tell me she loves me and misses me when we talk and she acts like everything is fine and since we've been hanging out for weeks it is like we're already back together.....but as to her saying she loves me, i say it back but deep down i dont think im in love with her anymore. I mean I love her but im not 'in love' with her like I use to be...could that just be because i dont want myself to, because how she hurt me in the past and Im afraid that she can do it again. My thought is that if someone saw a relationship as bad and didnt stay to work at it and just jumped ship at the next best thing they saw, what makes me think she wont just do it again. Basically the notion of once a quitter always a quiter

well basically in terms to what you stated, I tried to maybe get her to tell me how she felt without exactly coming out and saying the words 'did you realize you made a mistake and regret leaving me' but she just said that she thought it was a good thing that we split up and that she feels the time apart has made us better for each other. Granted i do agree that "I" have grown a lot and learned a lot from our relationship and have become a much better person, i just dont feel she has. And you also maybe be right that he was the fall back person, but deep inside i dont feel like that. I know she is a person that doesnt like to be alone so for all i know is that this guy at work ditched her and she felt unwanted so she felt the need to try and get herself back in my life.

well basically my story was that my ex left 6 months ago after a 2 year relationship. We started talking again and agreed it would be a good idea to work things out and try at a relationship again. It's been a couple weeks of talking and hanging out and it's basically in motion of us already being together again. Well I came to find out that besides her reasons for leaving because she felt it was a bad relationship, she started seeing a guy from her office basically right when she left me. I never met him but she talked about him when we were together and towards the end he was inviting her to play cards with him and other people from the office. She was with him for a bit and than something happened that I dont know about which caused that to fail. So with all that I'm kind of caught up on that the only reason she is now coming back is that she was hurt by that guy and im her fall back option. I could be over analyzing everything and looking for only negatives but i guess thats just cause im having doubts that I should let her back so easily. After she left i was heart broken and did all the pleading and all that and she never gave me a chance. Than I got over her and started to work on myself and was very happy. She witnessed my changes i made for myself because im close with her friends. So i guess im just looking for feedback from maybe someone in the same situation to give some advice.

yeah I was at the point of never looking back in hopes, until her aol concersation with me. That brought up feelings as it would to anyone i suppose. And the finding out she is seeing someone isnt even bothering me in an upset way, just a confused way as to so soon and with someone at her work. She did this in the past with her last boyfriend 'sleeping with a coworker at the office within a week of leaving that person after 8years" I saw a problem with the actions of that when i found out early in the relationship but continued on with it anyways. So as for it happening again in such a similiar way is kind of shockin and left me a bit shaken. Like i said i just found out today and it'll pass. And yes I know this for a fact that she is seeing someone, but she emailed me saying i was wrong. Thats what made me assume she is hiding it because she doesnt want people to see her pattern of how she is in relationships. I usually try to look at a positive in most things, and what i'm lloking at in this situatution is my luck for getting out of this relationship and actually seeing her for who she really is. I had issues with her in the relationship and should just be thankful i dont have to deal with it anymore and can move on to someone else and have better experiences....because i know there has to be somthing much better than her out there for me. Atleast thats my attitude for now

well if some of you remember my story and my situation you might know how I felt and wanted her back and all that jargen business. Also about how we talked last week and she was sayin she missed me and thought about me and wasnt seeing anyone or anything. Well she was drinkin when we talked about that over AOL and she never got back to me with what we talked about so that weekend I just decided on my own to just block her aol account from mine and just forget about it. It seemed like what I needed to do and realized we wouldnt get back together. Well I find out she is seeing someone from her work. I didnt find out till now because she lives 40mins away now and hangs out with different people. Now it stung a bit finding this out but i knew it would pass and id be find. But I decided to send a message to a friend of mine that is friends with her and said why didnt u tell me she was seeing someone when i said i was going to send her an email. WEll that person within 30secs tells my ex that i said that and my ex emails me saying to stop spreadin around that she is seeing someone. Than she tells me it's not true and she doesnt know where i heard that from but ended with thanks font talk * * * * and have a good day. now in reality i already dont really care so much about her being with someone else, besides the first shock reaction of finding out....i just feel it's kind of weak if she feels the need to protect me by lying. Or maybe she just wants to keep it a secret because it's her pattern to date someone for a long time and end it when she gets unhappy and quickly move into another realtionship within a short period of time. give some some thoughts on what you see it to be. I tried to describe what went on the best way i could

first off i'd like to say I understand with the anger and than apologizing thing, Ive been there myself. I believe with me that mixed emotions come from feeling not in control of the situation and not understanding what she wants.She is leading you on and pushing you away, which can be very confusing especially when you're thinking with a broken heart and not a clear head. It might be hard to follow this advice but just dont be someones doormat and let them guide you of when you can have them and when you cant. She left you and you fell worthless and unwanted so that brings on confusion. Try to look deep into yourself and think of the good things you have to offer, than ask yourself if she is worthy of receiving all you have to offer after the way she is treating you. It's your decision now and I wish you the best in whatever is in your future. Good Luck

Yeah I don't want her to feel guilty at all and try to get her back in that way. I just wanted her to realize what I was going through...because most people that know me think I could care less and just blow things off without much care. So I figured more than saying to her in an email how I was feeling, she could see for herself with what I wrote on here to you people. And I don't want to push anything on her at all. Actually I was a bit nervous that she would think I was pushing her by my email. But my intention was not that at all. It's been 3 months since we split and she has moved into a new apartment 40mins from where she was before and with new people and is having new experiences. I in no way want to come between that because if she is happy with how her life is going I want that to continue. I just still have feelings for her after all this time and want us to be part of each others lives. I believe in that if people try a second time, things need to go slow and be a new relationship and not fall back to exactly how things were. All I basically would like at this time is a chance, to see her (definatly no sexual contact or anything) for dinner or drinks and to just see if a reconcilation is still possible. I mean this girl wanted to marry me and kept asking when she would have a ring on her finger. I wanted the same, but i was going through hard times with no work and just graduating college and all. the job and depression on my part cause the breakup not me not showing commintment at all. and...DM I dont think it was a bad idea if she reads that thread, I was just trying to think of the otherside of knowing she didnt want me and I needed to start moving on. Cause honestly if i didnt make myself start to move on i'd probably would have done someone very bad to myself

Me and my ex broke up the first week on October, by her decision. I tried everything to get her back and nothing worked. She blocked me from her email and aol and the whole deal. Well recently she unblocked me and she contacted me about reading something I had posted on my website about relationships, she stated that she agreed. We spoke briefly about nothing really, and we parted. Well I IM'd he on aol saying she looked good in pics from new years she had posted on her website and we spoke again about new years, my nephew, her new apartment, her job, and I asked about her love life and she said no boyfriend, not really even seeing anyone really and no random hookups. Not that I am concerned about that to much anyways, because single people hookup with people so no biggie. That issue would never stop me from wanting her or anything like that. Well anyways, after we spoke I got sick and threw up because emotions came over me and made me feel very sick. I decided to email her saying I'm glad she is doing well and just wanted to put myself out there again and told her i was doing well with working on myself and things had turned positive for me since we broke up but after our conversation I realized I dont know what I want. Meaning I'm not totally ready to give up hope or anythign like that. I also sent her a link to posts I posted here and said if you want to ever get a glimpse of how she messed me up with the breakup she could read it. But asked her not to show people and make a mockery out of me, which im sure she wont do cuz she is a geniunely good person. So she responded saying she read my email and would respond to it when she got home from work. I'm sort of having high hopes to the response, but I know im just going to be let down and end up starting back at stage one with recovering again. So was I wrong to try and make her question her leaving me again by my email? also, id like to say that it takes a long time to get over someone you love that much. I dated someone before her longer than this relationship and I didnt take this long to recover and didnt feel this hurt. So to all the people that say time heals, it takes awhile

lol, I wish I could tell you my friend, I really wish I could. I've gotten much better but I still dont sleep well at night at all. I can get to sleep but since my mind is all messed up and trying to cope with my situation I wake up all during the night and can never get back to bed. It's strange how one person can mess us up this badly eh?

You sound like me when I first came here. Im a month broke up now and I'm still miserable and think of her often. I've gone out and meet people and enjoyed my time single cause it's the only thing you really can do. I did the same as you with the trying to convince and saying id change and such. While she wont believe it and wont stay around to see, i know i will change and will change for myself and for someone else and not her. Thats all you really can do at this point. I did the same with neglecting the relationship and acting like it was more of a hasstle than acting like i enjoyed and loved her. In reality I did and still do love her, but i had personal things i was down on myself about and it feed into the relationship and drove her away. Im guessing your situation is very similiar. She is probably right that she could find 100 guys like us that neglect a relationship and maybe you need to just let her do that, and possibly she'll come back to you. I wouldnt wait hoping on it, but it could be possible. I had a terrible breakup before my most recent one and we didnt talk at all and she almost had a restraining order on me cause i was hounding her and not giving her her space. Two years later we started chattin online just cathing up, this was while i was in my new relationship. After the new relationship ended we started talking more and can see each other out and hang out and chat like friends. I have no heavy hopes or desires that things will happen with us again, but you never know....Im telling you this just cause when people are part of your life that deeply, they'll never just not think of you and memories will always be there. You just need to show you've improved yourself and be in the right situation. Dont try to convince her not to leave, she already has her reasons and if you plead you'll just push her away.

I still love her deeply so that is why it hurts me that she would bad mouth me so that is why i am posting. Some of you might just say, who cares what she says but I care cause it is hurtful that she would get that impression of me and advertise it to others. She basically posted on an open forum (my Space) that her friends view, that she found out who i really was when she broke up with me and stated i turned into a wh@re and that she wasted her time and love on me. I dont know how she has that impression of me and why she would speak that badly about me. I've tried showing her i loved her and wanted her to take me back and all that stuff....and have recently just told myself that she will never change her view and opinion of me and wont allow herself to be with me again. Based on finally realizing this I'm just trying to do my own thing and meet other people and enjoy myself and work on me now. Ill still hold hope that their is a possibility things come around for us, because i loved her so much but I'm not sure if thats possible anymore. I now just need to get over wondering what she is up to and not care or worry what she is doing, it's not my concern anymore. Also, while i do want her back it is a slight releif to be single and not answer to someone and be able to do as I choose and have MY fun and not worry about keeping someone else satisfied by my behavior and things i do. I do miss having someone to talk about my day with and someone that is close to me and loves me to rely on. Several times i believe in that help somewhat but not totally is "out of sight-out of mind" and "times heals all wounds" Think positive and look for the good in yourself and live it up for yourself and be happy for you. We shouldnt need one single person to make us feel complete.

no doubt guys, i hear everyone one of you and i'm trying my hardest. My feelings for her are their either way but the thing that makes it so difficult is that she really is a gorgeous girl and im not just saying that cause she was my girlfriend. What I mean is that it hurts more to know that she is approached many times a day with many opportunties by decent and well to do guys. So this adds to my fears that i lost her now. I'll try to keep strong. I actually seem to be doing better day by day atleast, time will heal me eventually. I guess if she doesnt come back than she wasnt the 'one' as I thought and her move 45mins away will be good for me cause i wont have to see her. "out of sight,out of mind' i'll just have to deal with wondering what she is up to, but that will fade in time aswell. My door has been closed, and im in search for that one that recently opened for me. Hopefully i wont be blinded by this to see it. Weather that door is something good in my life not nessicerly a woman....I dont need another woman right now, I need myself or her...if i cant have her i need my own time. thanks for listening guys.

yeah i do think of my mistakes and that i wont make em in the future with whoever i end up with, her or someone else. Ive been through this before in the past with another woman and fixed my mistakes from that relationship but some of the things came back into this relationship. Sometimes it really is hard to change yaself. While i dont think i can keep me on the thought im about to say, for now it helps....I feel that mayeb i deserve someone who will understand im caring and do love them and they'll stick by me through all my rough moments. Granted my ex did stay by my side and she is a great woman and girlfriend, but she deserted me while I was at my lowest. Maybe i pushed her away by not showing her I cared so much for her, and only focused on myself with showing how depressed i was and how unhappy i was because i was out of work for a coupel months and seemed to not be getting my stuff together, so me unhappy and acting towards her in turn mad her unhappy and eventually left me. My depression during the relationship came when i graduated in May and couldnt find work, I feel into a bad self-esteem part of my life where the pressure was on me to find something to do as a career by family, friends and everyone else i was in contact with. I now have a job and am starting to get happy again, but she is missing. I miss having her to call when something bad or good or exciting goes on in my day and i just want someone to talk to that will listen. You cant get that anywhere else other than from a good girlfriend. I faulted her on that mysefl though, because she use to call and i would rush her off the phone and never sound excited.....I shouldnt be in denial cause i know what i did wrong and it hurts to think of it all now after she is left. She is so right when she said it is too late for me to realize all this stuff....if only i could turn back the clock and realize how i started to act towards the girl i loved, all because i was down on myself. She didnt deserve my bad attitude and pushing her away, so i have no one to blame but myself. If anyone read this entire post, give me some advice as to whats next after you realize your mistakes and that you cant fix these mistakes with your ex, and that they are lost from you forever....

Been 3 weeks and we have seen each other out a few times and she says it's awkward. We talked after she had many drinks, she shows feelings and says she cares but than just gets annoyed with me and wants to leave wherever we are out. She emailed me today to let me know her grandfather was back in the hospital, but didnt return any of my calls to ask about details about the situation. she's moving 45mins away in december and i guess she thinks it will be a new life for herself, with new friends and things to do and such. I have all the signs in front of my face that it's 100% over but i cant accept it. When i saw her she didnt have her ring i gave her on. so the next day i emailed her when a girl at work asked if i was married when she saw me wearing a ring. I told my ex about it and she said she is glad i had it, and I said i didnt move on yet but you obviously did and she said no i took it off cause i was wearing gold. As you can tell im still reading into every little thing she says. She doesnt seem to want to think about me with someone else, but still doesnt want us to work anything out. She said i cant change and thats just me. She said if i find another girl ill be godo for the first 6 months and than they'll realize how i am and leave. So she's basically telling me im not good for her or anyone else and that she wont be with me every again. I still dont sleep good at night anymore, i always have her on my mind and i miss just having someone to call anytime i want when something happens to me and i want to talk to someone about it. so any advice for a silly heartbroken fella that cant seem to get unhooked from this girl i loved so so much. I know she loves me and cares but her avoidence just makes me feel she has no heart for me anymore