NotMyself

Hang in there... As dark as it may seem now, it does get better... Every day is an accomplishment. I reached so many low points and everytime I thought this has to be the last one... Eventually, it just started getting better. I realized I wasnt thinking of her as much before I went to sleep and she was no longer the first thing on my mind when I woke up... For the longest time after the breakup, my thoughts were consumed with her.. Sometimes, I couldnt stop dreaming of her and just wanted it all to stop... After some time, I realized that I did have some control in how I was feeling. I forced myself to go out with my friends. I began to spend more time with my family. I made sure I went to family functions. I stopped staying at home and feeling sorry for myself. I realized that my relationship was over and if this person didnt want me, then good riddance to her. I didnt stop loving her, I just started to love myself more... You will go through these cycles... Its strange, but I still remember the first time I really laughed after the breakup. It took months to happen but I can vividly remember that first time I caught myself laughing from the bottom of my belly... It was a turning point. I realized life does go on and I will be happy again. We know what you are feeling, but think about the happy days you have had and remember that you will have them again... Just ride out the waves in the meantime and keep yourself busy with your friends and your family. Helping them with their problems takes your mind off of your own it sounds like some of them need your company and friendship right now... Oh yeah... GO BEARS!!!

Take it with a grain of salt... The replies you received from the other posters summed it up and they were right on. She may be confused and may possibly even miss you, but it doesnt mean she wants you back. My ex did this exact same thing to me. For six agonizing months. Everytime I pulled away when she gave me the whole confusion line, she would start sending those wicked texts or emails. I realize now, how selfish it was of her. For the longest time, I couldnt see how much damage it was doing to me to keep in contact with her. I was stuck in it... Time without her has given me so much clarity now. The biggest favor you can do yourself is to cut ALL contact with her. I always tried to find a reason to not do NC. I thought my situation was different. I blamed myself and tried to fix things. I can now see clearly, and realize how it wasnt my fault. She just didnt want to work things out. She would say she loved, how much she missed me and saw a future with me, but it was obviously not enough to get back together with me.

the_dude: I am so happy to hear the good news!! I was thinking of you the other day and wondering how you were doing. I'm sure you remember some of our conversations, and I was going through the same thing you were. I want to thank you for rooting for me as well as the others who always gave me thoughtful and considerate advice. No I didn't get my ex back... As a matter of fact, she strung me along until January of this year. (we broke up in July05) I have learned so much during this time. About myself and her as well. I will come back and post one of these days so that maybe those who where I was 9 months ago might learn something from my own pain and my experiences. The one thing I wish I had done was go NC as soon as she ended things. The waiting around and trying only postponed the inevitable. In any case, I am doing well and am glad to hear you are as well. I wish you the very best with your new relationship. You my friend, are a wonderful person with a heart of gold! Time to share it with someone who can appreciate it! NM

Just thought I'd drop in to say hello and to wish you the best! Umm... Oh yeah... If you don't have plans for tomorrow, will you be my Valentine??

I have been reading your posts for awhile... You need to try to move on. Stop all this nonsense about rekindling his feelings, etc. It's not going to work. You need to take a look at yourself and realize what is wrong with you that you still want this person. I understand you love him, but if he doesn't want you, you must move on and pick up the pieces of your life. Stop trying to fix the situation. You cannot save him from himself.

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Natalie! Hang in there! Today is going to be a good day!

No, I agree, it disgusts me as well. A word of caution to you sibling, these things always catch up with you. No matter how careful you think you are, it will come back to haunt you. You seem to think your ex owes it to you to have to bust his b*lls to get you back? He has been honest with you and has admitted his mistake. Instead of acknowledging this, you lead him on while going out with these other guys and hooking up? Do you want blood? How far will you go? You have made yourself seem very selfish and immature. No guy deserves what you are doing to him. Let him go!

eeks! Sorry, but I am a gentleman and would never, ever let a woman pay during the initial dating phase. Generally for me, this means that I won't let her pay for months, until we are in a serious relationship and both comfortable with eachother. The only exception is when my date absolutely insists after my repeated attempts to not accept. The guy isn't some high school kid with no job. He is 36 for crying out loud!! If he has to take your six dollars, he shouldn't be out on a date to begin with. That is really too cheap. This was only the fourth date?? Either he is super cheap or he just doesn't give a damn. In any case, reconsider this relationship and think if you really want to be with someone like this for the long term. What happens later? You both split the utility bills when you are married? Good luck.

My 2 cents... If I were the guy you hooked up with and I recognized you, I would tell my friend what happened. Being the guy you hooked up with, I might want to let me friend know just in case this was not a random one time event. I would just be looking out for his best interest. I'm not saying it wasn't a one time thing, but his friend doesn't know that. If you don't care to much about this guy and could care less what happens between the two of you, don't tell him. However, if you do care about him, and I were him, I would much rather hear it from you before hearing it from someone else. It just makes you look more honest and will only build more trust between the two of you. If you wait for this other guy to tell him, he might think you never intended to tell him and might be trying to hide something.

Sounds to me like she is trying to convince herself. Absolutely the right decision? Give me a break. I haven't heard 1 and 3, but I did hear the 2nd one. She also told me how unhappy she was since the beginning. That was after the breakup. I didn't argue with her. I knew she didn't mean it. Now, a few months after being apart, she has been telling me how we had so many good times and how much fun we have had together. She also laid next to me the other night and told me how comfortable she is with me and how happy I make her. I didn't see this happening when we first broke up. This didn't happen overnight. We are going into four months being brokenup. The point is, she is going to say things and do things to get away from you. Let her. The more you fight it, the more she will run. I'm not saying that you have to ignore her or be mean when she does contact you. Be the loving person you are and always sound happy. She won't come back if you are a depressed wreck and you telling her how sad you are will not bring her back to come save you from you wallowing misery. If you have any chance, you have to get yourself together. Don't make all the mistakes I did and so many others on here have. If you do, you will only prolong the chance of any possibility of reconciliation. Good luck and take care. Feel free to IM me or PM me if you need anything. We have all been where you are and do understand the pain. There is so many good people on this site who have reached out to me when I was really down and I am grateful to them all. Remember... something good ol' Dave mentioned to me before. There is nothing you can do to bring her back, but there is plenty of things you can do to push her away.

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Good post, but maybe I am the exception: 1. I never wanted a rebound relationship. My feelings for her were very clear and I didn't want to get involved with anyone else until I was over her. I still am not, but have decided to casually date again. 2. I wasn't a jerk to her. Never said hurtful things, but have tried to let her know I understand her.