minnie

Hi, I thought i would try to give you some insight as to what i feel, as i think i have been there. You have said he has done you wrong so many times you have lost count, and that you forgive him really easily - once he sayd he loves you.... ... i have noticed you said you get 'witchy' with him. This is exactly how i would say i was with my ex, it was the same sorta situation. You havent said why you get 'witchy' though. When i was in that situation i found it was because i forgave him too easily, and although i was still hurting, i was mad at him for acting as if nothing had happened and everything was o.k. This was why i would say nasty things to him or act cold towards him. I presume he didn't know how to deal with it, and would leave. Wat im trying to say is, maybe you did forgive him to soon. I dont really know the ins and outs but, when he asks for another chance do you REALLY have a talk with him ( about your feelings, what you expect off him, and what you will no longer accept?) Im only asking this because i didn't. i just let him back after he apologised and now i know thats where i went wrong. I dont know if you will be able to fix this now, because it sounds like as soon as you mention anything is he's off! You should have made him work for you, if you knew you where going to take him back. So he knows how hurt you are by what he did. What dya think?

Day 13 for me. I havent had time to think about anything much today, he called me early hours of the morning today. I had 2 missed calls, i did wake up but let it ring - i assumed it could only be a booty call!! When i did get up for work i was a little angry with him, as in a way he wont let me move on, but i got through the day, and i am now going to bed (im Knackered) Im really proud of myself right now as i normally would have called him back already. Things like this make me realise how he has used me....

He will realise, how good you were for him - someday. By then i hope it will be too late. You deserve much better, stay strong hun x x x

It seems to me when you say no contact, that is just you not contacting her. You need to stop answering her phone calls, stop reponding to her messages - everything. I think she is insecure and wants to know she wil always have you waiting for her - should she need you. You need to be unavailable, start nc again and dont respond to her at all. it will be hard but, it will help you achieve what i think you want.

Day 12 today...... Been having a lot of time to myself so i am thinking of calling him a lot more - its really hard right now. I am so confused. when i try to reflect, i cant reach a conclusion i just dont have a clue right now. Gotta keep busy x x x

I am on day 12. I am feeling really low right now - cant sleep. Its at these times when i am thinking about him more. Today is the first day i have had time to myself since saturday, so i was feeling quite good up until then. To be totally honest, i dont know what i am feeling. Yes, one minute i feel good then i feel depressed, but its not happening in any particular stage - just randomly. I was going to call him today and when i thought about it, i didnt have anything to say, so it would have been a waste of time anyway. Right now, i feel lost without him, like there is something missing, or something i should be doing. I think i am starting to accept it, more so because he has not tried to call me either. I dont know what to do with myself, i have taken time for reflection etc.. but there are times when i still ignore any conclusion i make with myself and and start feeling depressed again. Im a student nurse so i have a lot of my time taken up in hospital right now so its not to bad. To be honest i dont know where i am heading to right now, or what is going to come out of this situation (spiritually). But i know i had to do it. Going through this is making me not want to date anymore, i think men will be the last thing on my mind for a very long time x x x

Considering my mind was set the other day, i really want to make a call to him. i know i cant though. People say these feelings pass but i have had the urge since last night (ive notice nightimes worse for me). I will never forget how i felt the other night, and dont want to feel like that again. I just wish things could be different. He hasn't tried to call me anyway, but i think he is 'giving me time to calm down' before he calls, which is what he normally would do. So the truth is i am expecting his call and waiting for it. Im really hurt now, but i cant cry - its only been 5days nc. I have studying to do but cant concentrate. I dont know whether to leave my phone on or turn it off. Just having a hard time with things at the mo. But they say you have good days and bad days. GIVE ME STRENGTH!!

O, its a very long story - 4 yrs. I found out after a year he was married. I have been breaking up with him at least once a month for the nex three years after, but he would always cum back and i always would take him back. After i found out our relationship broke down a lot. i stopped doing things with him etc.. i think i made the relationship just about sex, i have had enough basically there is a lot to tell, but i dont feel like going through it right now I started NC and answered 2 wks down the line he begged to see me to talk, and i let him back again. I was sooo hurt. He is using me, and the way he is treating me, im so embarrassed as to wat i have put up with. I hav had it now, i dont want to see him, speak to him, hear about him or anything, today will be four days - not much but feels like a year!!! I just cant do it to myself anymore, i deserve a lot more i know that. x x x

You may not chose to listen to me right now, but now you have made the decision not to speak to him, please try your damned hardest not to call him at all. I made the mistake of calling my ex to try to show him, i was over over him. The first day i felt good within myself then he called me the next day came round 'to talk', and he didn't have a thing to say . I was a total wreck, i was so sure no one had EVER felt the way i did on friday, i was beating myself up for letting him back in my life - for him to keep treating me like S@*%. What i am trying to say is i have to start NC all over again - it is not nice. Right now you just need to try to keep focused, and try to accept he wasn't the one for you. I no its easier said than done, cuz i am going thru it now and i still cannot believe its over. Sad to say it but it is, and there is nothing we can do but deal with it. One day at a time. I have to start thinking with my head now and push my heart aside - how about you join me? They say it get easier - lets find out. x x x

I dont think you should have called her back. If she didn't see you, you should have left her, but whats done is done. Whether you screwed up NC depends on how you feel. I was in the same position after 2 wks i broke my contact by answering the phone. everyone was telling me not to but i did. i felt better after, we are not together but i feel better within myself I have a feeling u dont feel so good? But this should have kind finalised things for you. What would you have done if she did say you should meet? You would only be going back, when you need to be moving forward. i know how hard it is but try to keep yourself busy, and let her go. Min x x x

i broke no contact, i answered the phone, he wants to talk to me face to face - about what? I put on a jolly voice and just said, not right now. I am not that strong yet and I think all i will be getting is more promises and i just cant deal with that. Anyway i cut the conversation short, before he went too deep on the phone. I thought i would feel worse if i did this, but i actually feel a little better - i have accepted that there are answers i want but i may never get them a least not right now. I am just wondering what to do now. i havent decided yet whether i will go back to NC. One thing is for sure i am not going back there, the posts above has made me realise that i am allowing myself to be used and be second best, i am not doing it anymore. i am really going to think long and hard about the next thing to do here xxx

oh, i will, i suppose its trying to find rhythm tht i struggle with. Thanks for all your suggestions x x x

Hi, i am really clueless on this subject. My boyfriend knows im inexperienced, but i still have no clue on what to do.... I tend to just be there and my guy is doing all the work. What shoud i be doing? i would appreciate advice from what women think work, and also what men would want a woman to be doing. *i havent got a clue*

Thanks for that, today has been really bad i have been wanting to call him. But i now have what i have wanted for a while - which was for him to leave me alone. I understand i will get over him, even though i really cant see me with anyone else. But i am determined to keep this NC going. Even though i am really disappointed in myself for not leaving straight away, and him for lying to me, there are still a lot of unanswered questions. i will just have to accept that they will always be just that -unanswered.

I have been browsing this site, to try to raise my spirits as i have just left my first boyfriend of nearly four years - he was somebody elses husband. I found out he was married a year into the relationship after he took me to his country to meet his family. i was devastated, but he told me he had married for citizenship and i believed him - he kept asking for more time. Deep down i gave him a year, at this time i really believed he was sorting himself out and would be with me eventually. Then a time cam when i realised that nothing had happened he stop talking about his 'progress', and began acting as if it was nothing, making no reference to his wife. I gave him an ultimatum and he kept begging me and tellin me he was going to leave her soon I began to realise that he wasn't. For the next 2yrs i stopped caliing him, stopped going out with him, answered my fone less. But i didn't stop sleeping with him. i made the relationship worse - i feel i did. As he wouldn't call me as often, because i didnt answer, he wouldnt buy me gives - as i wouldnt accept them, he stop wanting to take me out, and began calling late at night!! These things has made me really hate myself right now cuz i have allowed him to use me. Things all came to ahead when i went out to a club, and saw his wife and her friends. He turned up separately i rarely make a move to talk to him, so i left him, i saw when he came in and came over to not far from where i was, then i saw his wife spot him and follow him. She didn't leave his side - they didn't leave each others side. I have a feeling that because she saw me she thought he was comin over to me which is why she stayed with him the whole night. He didnt come to find me which he normally would. When i spoke to him the days after he said he saw me but i walked past him, why couldnt i say hi to him. I have never approached him first he has never given me the chance whenever i am out he will stick to me like glue - not this time I broke up with him anyway this time for good it has been 12 days not long, he has tried to call me twice. i just need some advice on getting over him, and what to do if i see him or 'them together' again. i know i will. Thanking you in advance x x x

Hi guys im a new member i think u all are great, this website is really cool and is helping me alot. I would like some advice - please. I had been seeing this guy for nearly 4 yrs, i think we are now broke up. To be honest i can see the relationship was doomed from the beginning and i now believed i chose to ignore the signs. To cut a very long and painful story short, i found out he was married after we went to his hometown i met his mother and family and stayed with them. i also found out he had a 2 children by 2 different women his daughter was at his mothers when i stayed there. Deep down i know she was his she looked like him, and i had a gut feeling. For the past 3 yrs i have been trying to stop seeing him but it never lasts. I have stopped going out with him, stopped accepting gifts from him and stopped calling him. This has been going on for 3 yrs, i have been ignoring some of his calls, and answering when i feel like it. We still have sex. We have no relationship apart from sex now, in a way i know that i have made it that way by only having sex with him and nothing else. He has always said he was going to leave his wife, but not as yet. I know he is not planning to, because if he wasn't happy he wouldn't be there , right? I went out to a club and had the worst experience of my life. I saw his wife with her friends, then after a while i saw him. they stayed together the whole night. normally he would come find me but he didnt. This has opened my eyes, i spoke to him the day after and told him not to call me back, as his actions told me everything i need to know. He has tried to call me twice (in 2 wks)last week and today which is my birthday - i did not answer, but i got an urge and was nearly about to call him which i why i posted this. i dont know what to do now, i am hurting real bad i know what is happening, but i am disappointed in me mostly, but with him too for all those false promises. i dont feel like i can go on. What should i do when i see him (or them both again)? I really can't believe its over, but its wat i no i should have done 3 yrs ago. I know people says it gets better, but how? I just want to get back to how i was before i met him, i cant sleep or nothin. HELP.