jak34232002

Thanks for the advice Minnie.

that was some great advice.

So, this girl I have been on and off with has got me wondering. She pretty much rejected me in July, and shortly after the rejection I told her how I felt about her (I was in love with her, as I have known her for almost 3 years). She didn't respond to me when I said this....nor did I expect her too, and I was totally calm when I told her how I felt. In so many words I told her that I was in love with her, but I didn't want anything from her...just for her to know how I felt...then I ended the conversation and I started NC, because she had told me that she met someone else, and said in so many words that she wasn't interested in me anymore. Sidenote: When I first met her she was head over heels for me but I wasn't ready to dive into a relationship with her...I needed time. She told me at the beginning that she was in love with me, and somehow through the past 3 years we have maintained some sort of emotional connection to each other, even when the other had another boyfriend/girlfriend. So, about a month after that she calls me, and she is all playful and flirty. I didn't react really, just played it cool. She said she was coming to my town to visit some of her friends, and I said "Cool, call me if you want to meet up." Well, she never called; so I continued with my NC. 2 weeks later she sends me a random text message, saying "How are you doing?" I responded, but again didn't get too excited, realizing that I could not react to her unless she was open and direct about why she was inititating contact with me. So, after that text message, I continued again with NC. Now, on Saturday, she drunk dials me out of the blue....she never ever drunk dialed me in the past except when things between us were on the same level so to speak. I talked to her that night and again played it cool, we talked and laughed and stuff, nothing heavy. So, now I am confused as to what to do? Is she subtly signaling me that she is still interested? Or does she just like the idea of having me in love with her so she keeps me there? This is like a pattern with her...I walk away and don't contact her, and then a month later she will contact me again and be flirty and playful. I am tempted to email her now after Saturday night, but not sure? Should I keep the ball in my court and just continue to move on? Or does it sound like she is still interested, in which case it would be my choice to take a chance and an emotional risk and contact her again to see what develops (if anything)? Anybody have any advice? Especially the ladies...what do you think?

She's nuts.

well, it's been a month since i told her sincerely that i loved her with no contact since. so yesterday she calls me. she doesn't go into anything heavy, we just talk and i make her laugh and i play it cool and calm and in control. it was about a 40 minute conversation, but the only thing that was re-established was communication. she initiated it. she didn't say anything heavy though, it was just a good fun conversation. her tone was light hearted and giggly and happy. i was also the one who ended the conversation and told her that if she wanted to meet just let me know, if not no big deal. i don't know if she was calling me to tell me something important or not? why didn't she if she was? or was she just feeling me out? i mean how can she just call me like that a few weeks after i told her that i was in love with her and not say anything? my only plan is to do nothing. i will not be desperate and i will not beg. My feeling is that this part has to be all her with no coaxing from me? Anyone have any advice? i would really appreciate it. Thanks. J

yes. the i'm flattered statement made me make the same thing; her way of saying, not interested. she has never been good about expressing her feelinngs in the past and has continually withdrawn and dodges issues all the time with me but then when i make a move and don't contact her she shows up again. keep in mind she is 22 years old, but i don't know if that makes a difference?

she called me last night, and I told her straight up. I was as cool and calm about it as I could be. We talked for a little bit (good/fun conversation) about regular stuff before I let her hear how I felt. I didn't put any pressure on her to say anything though. She said, Wow, I'm flattered. And then I asked her if she knew how I felt, and she said 'No.' I told her she didn't need to say anything, just that it was important for her to hear from me what I felt for her. I said more, but I won't go into detail. I then ended the conversation and told her that I said what I needed to say and then we said goodbye. I didn't want to draw anything out, and make it a long twisting conversation; I was straight up and I didn't hesitate in any of my words to her. I felt good and a lot of relief after I hung up because my whole objective was just to get it out to her for her to hear. Anyway, somewhat intense. That was the first time I have ever said that to another girl without the girl/relationship situation placing pressure on me to say those words. In the end I don't care anymore how she reacts; all I cared about was telling her, and that's enough for me. Obviously, I can't contact her now? I have no idea what to expect from this? Nothing? Will she react?

I can handle the rejection. I've seen a lot with her. Just feel that it is important to tell her how I feel. I don't expect anything from her at all. Like I said, we have been thorugh a lot. She comes so close to me and then always backs away at the last minute. Always. The only thing I want to achieve is for her to hear me tell her that I love her. I have no hidden or selfish motives here.

So, I have known this girl for over 3 years. We've had an on-and-off relationship with many many intense moments. In a nusthell, this girl fell in love with me when she first met me 3 years ago. I was not "in love" with her immediately, as she was with me, but I still cared deeply for her. This caring eventually blossomed into love, and yes I fell in love with her a long time ago. We have never lived in the same city, but somehow we have kept our connection alive over the past 3 years. We both have been involved with other people on-and-off too over this span of 3 years, but we still have maintained our connection to each other. I wrote to her in January that I was in love with her, but at that point she was not ready to hear that from me, and I think she perhaps doubted my sincerity for various reasons. But I was being honest, it's just now that I realize that I was too emotionally available at that point. She was not ready to hear that from me. So, now here I am. We had ourt first real argument last month. She told me she has a new boyfriend. I have been trying to see her since March to tell her to her face that I am in love with her. Which I am, with all of my heart. She has never heard me tell this to her...she has read it in my writings to her, but never heard me say the words. So now, I realize that I cannot see her. She seems to be keeping me at a distance. I have tried to see her, but it just isn't working. So now I have come to the point where I need to tell her that I love her, and the only way I can do this (so she will actually hear me say it) is over the telephone. I do not want to do it this way, but I have no choice anymore. She has to know how I feel and she has to hear me. Is it "cheap" to express this feeling through words over the telephone? I need to know from a woman's perspective. I don't care about anything except telling her how I feel. And yes, I can handle anything she has to say. I don't expect an "I love you too" back from her, nor do I expect her to come running into my arms. I am realistic, but I need to get this out, and writing it to her just doesn't seem to do it anymore. Any advice here anyone? Thank you in advance.

OK----- I went with the NC for about 2 weeks, and then guess who calls me on Friday evening? Yeah, her. She left a message stating that she just wanted to talk. I called her back and we talked for a bit (all very light conversation) and then she drops the "i broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago." I was like, OK I'm sorry to hear that" I didn't pursue it and probe it though...i kind of just let her talk about it if she wanted too. Then she says that she is thinking about coming down to my city to visit in 2 weeks. so we talked more after that about regular stuff like school and the holidays and then i was like "I need to get going because i have to get ready to go out tonight with my friends." She was like OK, and then I told her I would call her. So, next day (saturday) i was like i need to call her, and find out what's going on. we talked again that night and it was ok. i reminded her that i still felt the same way about her but at the same time that i was getting ready to move on. she then said that she called me out of the blue like that as a friend, just to talk. i was like, ok, that's cool; i'll be your friend. We talked more after that and it was all pleasant and good. Conversation ended fine. So, today I felt good about everything. The only thing that sucks is that the NC was totally working for me; I was making my peace with it all and could feel myself moving on. But now she calls. So, this morning I wrote her an email stating to her that I would be there to support her, gave her some advice on life, reminded her of some good times we had together and complimented her. It was moderate-light tone in the writing mixed with sincerity and I closed it by stating that she could call whenever she wants if she needs me. Now, any idea what is going on with this girl??? and, i plan on doing the NC now again. My last email to her sent the message that i'm here if you need me and you call me of you need me, not the other way around. Anyone have thoughts on this? Help!

thanks. in spite of all the lying, she's tough to give up on because she does have some incredible qualities. it's funny because it's never like we broke up because we never even officially dated. all of this was building up to something. now, it's like i walk away from it and think, "what would it have been like to really date her?" I wonder if she thinks the same thing?

Thanks for the advice. I defintely plan on making no contact. So what's up with women this age...do most just want to play around and see what it's like to date other guys, get affection from other guys? are they still confused?

I know. Lying like that is never good, and the red flags go up in my head. But it's like I keep thinking that she's young and I need to give her some room. But now i feel like i sound like I'm making excuses for her? problem is i told her i would be her friend, and i always do what i say, but i think (at least right now) that's too hard for me. do i just not contact her at all and wait for her to initiate? what is going in this girl's head? i would pay a lot of money to figure that out right now. this is rough. help.

Thanks; that's kind of what i was planning on doing. Just hard. Feel like I have to be there for her...maybe just because I've been giving her so much support for the past 5 months it;s almost become second nature to me. I don't want to come off too too nice either, and after all she did lie to me.

thanks for the reply; i know LD can ba tough. i'm just trying to figure how to approach it now. do i never call her again or go NC for a while? How long for NC? i still have feelings for her, and i guess part of me is still hoping for something down the road, and i want to be friends so i at least have a shot at that at some point. ??