DancingHamster

Yes, Aikoji. It's very bizarre; in fact, I'd say you're a freak. Of course it's natural! And what you're describing is a lovely intimacy that's made even more special because you guys feel the same way. Enjoy!

The difference: "Love" is an actual word in the English language. "InfaCtuation" isn't. Did you mean "infatuation"? If so, I'd say "love" is an educated emotion. Infatuation is ignorant. And the shy thing? Don't expect much. I've had major crushes on two extremely shy guys...and it turns out they liked me, too...but I didn't learn about it way after I'd lost all interest. It's very difficult for a shy person to carry on a conversation. Decide how much energy you're willing to invest.

I don't think you "fall in love" after 1 week, 2 weeks, 1 month, or even after 2 months. At that point you're "in lust" or "in hormones"...especially if you're under 30. You have to know something about the other person beyond the superficial. Until you achieve that, you're entranced with whatever you're projecting upon that person, not the person. Moral of the story? Don't be so quick to believe you're in love. In fact, I'd say the safest thing to do, when you start having those giddy, exciting feelings, is to wait it out until you get to know the person better. Check with yourself in 3-6 months. If you still feel that way, it's a safer bet that it's deeper than infatuation.

I say move on. I went out with someone like this for eight months...same kind of thing in public (getting really angry and embarrassing me). It escalated from there. Never physical abuse, but so much emotional and psychological abuse I had to see a shrink when I left him. And I'm really surprised I had the strength to leave him. If you stay with him and this continues, trust me, your self esteem with spiral downhill and then it really will be hard to leave. Sounds like your guy is all about control...and I'm sorry to say...he sounds verbally abusive. They are always "so, so, sorry" and they will "never do it again" but you know what? They aren't and they will. That much is a given. I would literally sit him down and tell him you will not accept verbal, or any other kind of abuse, in any way, shape, or form. Tell him making a scene in a store over F-ing NYLON CORDS is insane, and you won't tolerate it. Also ask him if there's something else bothering him. However, from what you've said, sounds like this is a pattern. If you want to stay with him, tell him three strikes and he's out. And MEAN it.

Ah, okay. I didn't know the rest...and the part about her saying she fancies your friend...hmm. Are you guys teenagers? Because let me tell you two things that happened to me when I was 18 in a similar situation: 1. I was extremely good friends with a guy for eight years (elementary and high school). On and off I believe we had bothed liked each other, but it never amounted to anything (never that strong I think). Well, one night I had a party, he (my friend) was there, everyone was really drunk, and he was holding me because I had to lie down. lol We were talking about stuff, then I told him I liked his best friend. He was shocked and wouldn't really talk to me about it, got up, and didn't talk to me for months. In that instance, I really DID have an intense crush on his friend...but got over it...and then realized that MY friend had liked me all along! And I realized that I liked him! By that time it was too late, though. So your girl might be experiencing something similar; or 2. I also told a guy I was crushing on really heavily that I "liked" his friend to see the guy's reaction. I got what I wanted (he reacted like you did -- silent and sullen) but it backfired. The guy never spoke to me again. lol But I really don't like this business with your girl -- if she does like you (and it really seems like she does) -- she comes off as being extremely immature and playing a lot of games. You know what I would do? I would ask her flat out if she wanted you to talk to your friend (the guy she claims to like) for her. Something like, "Do you want me to see if he likes you, too?" Then see her reaction. If she says "yes" really enthusiastically, then she probably really does like your friend. If she hems and haws...I'll bet you any amount of money she really likes YOU.

I agree with susser. Something's gotta happen to kick it up a notch. Why don't you be the one to do this? I think the girl has given you some signs. I can tell you from experience that there is nothing more frustrating for a female than thinking you're giving a guy all the signs you possibly can without looking like a "harlot" (enotalone wouldn't let me use the "s" word) ... and the guy just doesn't pick up on them. That's when you start thinking he's just not that into you and you withdraw. At least that's what I do. What have you got to lose? I know some people will say, well, it's 2005, the girl can make the move, etc. ... but unfortunately most women are still hardwired to believe that if the guy isn't making any concrete effort, then he isn't interested, and that we (girls) should not pursue.

Hey, Jetta, I've been following some of your posts, and I just want to say my thoughts are with you -- you're going through some very difficult and gut-wrenching things right now. That being said...is this the guy with whom you've been flirting on and off for a little while now? The bartender? He knows you're recently divorced, right? He probably knows you're going through an intense amout of stuff right now, and may want to hold back for awhile. He might not want to be the transition person, and all that. Just a thought...

Does she give you other signs that she likes you? Does she laugh at all your jokes and stories? Does she touch you on the shoulder or arm? Does she smile at you a lot? Does she get more shy when you talk to her sometimes? Act a little nervous? If she does any and/or all of the above PLUS she asked you to a movie -- she likes you. I don't know if I would go to hand holding yet. Just sit close to her at the movie (without being obnoxious) and watch if she stays near you. If she puts her hand near yours...then I'd take it. Good luck!

LOL @ sidehop! My ex used to spray once on his chest in the middle (before he put on undershirt and shirt) and that was the absolute best way.

Yeah she likes you and also...don't tell her burping is not "ladyllike." We burp and fart just like you do. Nothing p**ses me off more than guys thinking they're the only ones with bodily functions.

Best men's cologne - Touch by Burberry. Very light. Smells clean. But I agree -- please apply very sparsely. lol

Bingo, smorgie. My feelings exactly.

H**L NO! You don't leave! Be strong, girl. You will totally respect yourself 200% more if you are. Eight years ago, my live-in BF and I broke up (mostly instigated by him). We had three months left on our apartment lease. He wanted to move out and he did. I told him he would be responsible for his half of the rent until the lease was up (we had both signed the lease). He agreed and moved in with a friend of his. Then the friend was asking for HIS half of my ex-BF's new apartment rent. Ex-BF now had to pay rent to friend and rent to me. Guess what ex-BF did? Wrote letter to me bemoaning the fact that he had no money, I was draining him, he was living off ramen noodles, etc. Called me crying. I felt bad inside, but to him I left and said, "Dude, you should have considered that before you left our living arrangement THREE MONTHS before the lease expired! You're legally responsible for your half, and because it's a one bedroom, I can't really get a roommate. Get over it, make it right, and move on." He continued to pay me AND his new roommate. To this day I am so happy I made that decision and feel strong because of it. Do NOT let this a-hole walk over you -- especially since he left you for another girl! YUK!

I am so, so sorry for all your pain...and I can only imagine it must be he*l. Sounds like he has more than a few issues. Do NOT contact him at first. Do NOT. It will be torture, but don't do it. Then, when you do contact him, I'd be just as businesslike and robotic as he was/is. Men never, ever expect that. Don't be retiring, just be all about business. And you know what? You're gonna be calling him about business -- because you're gonna be asking for plane ticket reimbursement. It's the least he can do. You're out not only emotionally but financially as well. And as my mom always says, "Money talks, bulls**t walks." Make him ante up for the plane ticket. Be as cold as he is.

My heart truly goes out to you. But you know what you've got to do, don't you? If you're this shy you're going to have to get help...or you have to conquer it on your own. You're going to have to decide what's stronger -- your desire to not be alone and have a potentially fantastic relationship or your fear and shyness. Please, please don't let the shyness rule. It will literally impair you from enjoying your life. It can be that bad. Please realize that it can be cured and that most girls need reassurance, too, okay? I'm speaking as a girl and from experience.