rainsreign

I had a few burns a few times... but I haven't dated anyone for four months and feel like I'm ready to at least date someone. But for some reason, I just haven't even met any potential leads, which makes me sad. It even got to the point where I check out some online personals like link removed or craigslist, but I don't even find anyone nearby that I'm interested in the slightest. I seem to have peculiar taste, I guess. I tend to not be really interested in white guys, there are some, but few, tend to be guys of all other races, and those that are into reggae or hip hop or underground kind of culture. But the thing is, I don't meet too many of them very often and when I do, I may talk with them, but if they don't expressly show interest in me I don't do anything. Should I? I don't know, I miss having even a romantic interest in mind, someone to even just be interested in, but I don't even have that. Am I too picky? I mean, I'm very much *open* to guys that don't fall into that category, it's just they don't catch my eye. But honestly, they have to be well toned, intelligent, fairly good looking... not super hot, but just passing, I don't know what my problem is.... I don't flirt, I'm kind of serious I guess and maybe don't show interest, maybe that's my problem? I mean most people describe me as beautiful and attractive... I'm in shape. I'm interesting and dynamic... and sweet and caring. So why is it I'm single and dateless?

so, he called me several times. and this time, he called me saying that i was wrong because i told him what to buy. he apparently has a very different memory than i do. he kept getting more and more excited during the conversation, saying that he didn't even get a chance to say anything to me in the line and that i was rude because i had my back to him. he has just hung up on me. i have very little doubt that he will call me in like ten minutes. he is so sure that he was justified in saying **** you to me, saying that i basically was saying the same thing to him because i had my back to him when i was in the line. but i didn't want to talk to him!! i feel like he is twisting everything around.

darn it. i told my housemate about it and he invited him over! my bf doesn't know that i'm in my room right now and i'm stuck in here, immobilized, unable to call anyone or leave because then i have to talk to him. doh. i just don't know how much i should tolerate before moving on.

He's gotten mad before. Like a couple of weeks ago he exploded and said horrible things to me. He's apologized profusely saying he'd never do it again and that he'd always treat me with respect. I told him if he ever did it again, I'd break up with him for sure. He's called me and left three messages saying he felt that I'm self-righteous because I didn't swear at him and that my walking away from him in the store was rude and worse than swearing at him and that I was shutting him up by turning my back to him in the line (my back was already to him, really, I was in line!) But what he forgets is that I can choose if I want to talk to him or not. I'm an independent persona and if I don't want to talk to him in that moment, I don't have to, do I?? He was making a scene! He feels that I didn't have to give him input if he didn't ask me. So isn't that telling me to shut up basically? I don't understand why he is like this. He doesn't know I'm at home and have my phone so he's stopped calling, but I definitely don't think I'm going to call him tonight. I'll go do my laundry. I don't know... Supposedly we were going to live together, but I just don't know if it's a good idea. And we talked about that last night. I don't know... maybe I'm being insensitive? But I just feel like he was rude first and super sensitive when I was just talking about the freaking nylon cords.

My bf and I just went out and he was super rude to me. I'm not sure what to do. I went with him to get a cable at radio shack. Then we went to a grocery store to get cash over. He came to me near the office supplies and said "i was going to get these for my..." in a way that implied he wasn't going to get them. They were those nylon cables. I didn't hear the end of his sentence, but I said "yeah, those don't last" And then he said "what do you mean?" and I said "well, what do you need them for?" and he said "i just told you". I knew he was mad cause I didn't listen to the end of his sentence, but then I tried to explain, saying how they break really easily and I bought a bunch of them and they all broke and that they were the flourescent color kind so they might be cheaper than those he could get a hardware store. And then he was like "just so you know, I don't always want your input. I didn't ask for it. I'm not going to get them, but not because of what you said" I just said "o.k. I'm going to buy these scissors" and got in line. He poked me in my back and started bringing up the fact that he didn't want my input. I was like "I don't want to talk about it here" and he was like "just because we're in a grocery store and people might hear, it's all good for you to talk about things when you want to, but not when I want to". I was embarrassed because I could tell that the guy in front of me was listening and I said calmly "I don't want to talk about it right now." And then he said "**** You!" and walked off to a different line. I then left the store and came home. I know he just called and left me a message. What do you think about that? Do you think it wasn't that big of a deal what he said or what? Was he overreacting or was I rude?

Hmmm.... the pain of relationships, the constant desire for more... Agh. I know how you feel. In some ways my bf can be emotionally unavailable, and part of me wants to hear him say how much he loves me and that I'm beautiful and the only one he ever wants to be with, etc., etc. I can't help it. That's what I want to hear. And the idea of being hurt is painful in itself that sometimes I just want to break up so I won't feel that pain. I don't know... I think that even though you brought it up three weeks ago, I think it's fine to say something like: "hey. i've been thinking a bit and i've been wondering to myself what are we doing? I'm just wondering how you really feel about me as we haven't really said much. I honestly feel like if you just think I'm "cool" and a nice "friend" that maybe I feel more for you than you do for me. I'm not trying to start any problems or anything, but I just want us to be clear about our intentions so that none of us gets hurt or feels deceived or anything. I'm not trying to put pressure on you or anything, but if we both aren't feeling the same way about things, maybe we should go our separate ways. I really like you a lot and would like to be your girlfriend, but if you don't feel the same, then I think we shouldn't waste any more of our time." I don't know... I feel like finding a way to be honest and forthright is really the best way to go about things. My wording might be weird but I think saying how you feel is the best policy.

Hey- My boyfriend has said to me "why are you staring at that guy?" I wasn't, but anyhow, it started a big fight because I totally didn't even notice I was looking at him (if I was). Anyhow, it just made me feel like he is over jealous and sort of controlling, whereas he felt like I was lying when I said I wasn't looking. BUT, I think that it's fair to at least ask if you are dating "exclusively". Actually, the first time my boyfriend and I had sex he asked me if I was monagamous or polyamorous or what? And at that point we both said we only planned to be together and not with anyone else, to avoid "confusion". So, I think it's totally fair to ask him if he just wants to date you or if he wants to have an "open" relationship in which you are dating other people. After all, it isn't fair if you are committed to him and he isn't committed to you.

yeah, i guess it just bothers me that he always has double standards about behavior. it's fine for him to talk about all sorts of nasty things, but just because we're "eating dinner" we can't... i feel like there are all sorts of rules about when i can or can't say something.

Hmm... It is weird. I can't help but think that maybe the mother knows something she isn't saying. Otherwise, you'd think she'd at least be expressing some kind of concern. It was 10 years ago that he cheated, it wasn't like it was just a year ago or something and that it is a problem he can't help... you know? Just because someone cheated 10 years ago doesn't mean that he is more inclined than the next person to do it now... actually it means he's less inclined because that means it's been 10 years that he's been faithful!

So... last night I was talking to my bf. He got mad because he said my discussion topics were too gross for dinnertime conversation. My sister is in El Salvador and got a parasite and was having a really bad time keeping anything in her system, basically nothing was staying in, and had to go to the hospital. That was exactly how I worded it. Then we started talking about medicating people with psychological problems and how it is necessary at times, and I was telling him about someone I knew on the east coast (no names) that felt it was important to be medicated because she was trying to cut herself open to take something out of her (she was delusional, not trying to kill herself). He got upset saying it was no time to talk about such things ("at the dinner table"). Then he started going off about how I shouldn't talk about my sister that way, that she wouldn't want people to know about her problem. I said that if my sister was there she would tell him herself, that it is so common down there that there is no shame around it. Then this morning, he started going off about it again. He was joking about my housemate using butt plugs and I was like, hey, don't talk about that. It's actually true (I live with a married couple) and she was talking about it openly and when my bf and I were talking about sex I mentioned that to him. He started saying I shouldn't have told him about that and then started saying the stuff about my sister again... I tried to defend myself at first, but I was just frustrated. And when I ignored him he got mad telling me to get out of his bed and to leave and not to call him. So I did. The thing is, he does this whenever he gets mad. I mean, did I do something wrong or is he just controlling? Cause I don't feel like I did anything wrong.