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simon_uk

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  1. simon_uk
    or keep hold of it if you want her to have a reason to contact you
  2. simon_uk
    Well I would say you are quite lucky to have any contact from her at all. My ex has not contacted me once since we split up. The last contact we did have, she was very hostile towards me. This suggests to me that she still has/had feelings for me. i read another post somewhere that said the same thing, showing anger is a mask for hidden emotions. Anyway, I know it is hard Doc and a lot of people here say it gets easier after a few weeks. Well like I said it has been 5 weeks complete NC for me and it hasn't got a great deal easier nor do I see it getting easier any time soon. But trust me, you are doing the right thing, there is nothing more upsetting than thinking to yourself. maybe she just wants me to call her, maybe she thinks I don't want her because I haven't chased her, maybe she is not fully aware of my feelings, I think I will give her a call, so you do and BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!! she shoots you down in flames and tells you what she has already told you, except this time with venom and anger. IT IS OVER!!! So please Doc as hard as it is, stick to your guns, it is easier to have NC than it is to be faced with an onslaught of anger, frustration and worst of all resentment. Simon
  3. simon_uk
    Doc I completely understand how you are feeling. I do not know what to say because I am feeling the same. It has been about the same length of time for me and my ex. We have been in complete NC for the past five weeks. Last night I went out feeling pretty confident, chatting to women and reciting a similar mantra to yourself. If she wants me, she will come to me. I had a small altercation with a nightclub doorman because of the footwear I was wearing, it was nothing and meant nothing but it got to me and brought up lots of other negative emotions, especially thoughts of my ex. It is bizarre how one minor negative thought can manifest into a million more heart wrenching thoughts. I am really into Oriental philosophy and have been consulting the I Ching regularly. One quote that keeps popping up is this: "I do not seek the ignorant youth, the ignorant youth seeks me" Very appropriate I think If she truly wants me and loves me, she will come back to me, if she doesn't then I don't want somebody like that in my life anyway, I deserve so much more. I love her and miss her so much it makes me feel ill and especially now as i know she is on a cruise and no doubt enjoying herself no end whilst I sit here pining for the love we had. Kepp strong Doc, you are not alone. i know that doesn't help at all but we are all here when you need to vent. Simon
  4. simon_uk
    Well Im not sure our paths have crossed before so I dont know how you know I am always right. Incidentally I am not nor do I think I am. However I wasn't saying you were wrong about anything so thereforeeee I can't be right. I just didnt understand the logic behind your post, simple as that. The kid just wants his girlfriend back and no amount of suffering in the world is going to change that. Respectfully Simon
  5. simon_uk
    Maybe she works in a bar and she can't answer her phone? How about that possibility?
  6. simon_uk
    What exactly has that got to do with him wanting to get his girl back? Him offering assistance to the starving children may give his life some direction or meaning but it will not stop him desiring his ex girlfriend back. I fail to see your point.
  7. simon_uk
    yeah I hear what you are saying, thanks for the reply. Still it doesnt make it any easier knowing where the ex is right now!
  8. simon_uk
    Hi Amanda I understand now hun! You are right, that was unforgiveable. I also know how you are feeling because I am still madly in love with my ex and not contacting her at all is killing me. She is on holiday for two weeks now so I cant anyhow, which is a good thing. All i can suggest is just staying out of his way and not contacting him, it is the hardest thing in the world to do but you really do have to do it, really really. Look at it this way at least you have got somebody in your life who can ease the pain, others are not so fortunate or is that unfortunate??? lol I dont know but just enjoy your time with your new guy and try to forget at least for a little while. Simon
  9. simon_uk
    Why exactly should you hate him Amanda? After all you left him and he 'begged' you back and you said NO. What is he supposed to do? Not get involved with anybody else? I am sure he really loved you and would have done anything to get back with you at the time as most dumpees would, but you turned your back. I don't see why you should hate him Amanda. You have obviously let him know your feelings, if not then you should and then you need to go NC with him. I know how hard it can be to be with somebody when your heart is somewhere else but you have to leave the ball in his court once he is aware of how you feel. You say you could get back if you want so you really need to decide what you want and who you want it with. Take Care Amanda and Good Luck
  10. simon_uk
    I am already at the four week stage. She is now on holiday for two weeks so theres no chance of contact for at least a fortnight. That will make a total of 6 weeks total NC. Do I need to be on this bandwagon? You bet I do because it is now even harder to maintain than it was before. But I have no intention of calling her, so I am signing up!
  11. simon_uk
    My ex went away on a Caribbean cruise last Friday, I don't know why but this has made me feel really down. I think it is because I am just thinking that she is having so much fun and really living her life whilst I am still stuck here at home feeling soory for myself. We have been in NC for the past 4 or 5 weeks, broke up for 8. Why am I feeling like this??? Arrgggghhhhh!!!!! It was only a few weeks before we split that she was telling me how much she loved me etc etc and was worried that I was going to dump her! i just don't get it! All I can think of is her partying with some wealthy bloke on the cruise!!!! On top of that I have been trying to get out and meet other women but it just doesnt seem to be happening. For example earlier this evening I was out with a friend and I was getting serious eye contact from a girl on the net table, I waited for a suitable opening and made my approach. Asked her name, told her mine and then asked if she would like to have a drink sometime. She said maybe. So I said have a think about it but I am leaving soon. Anyway sat back down, no more eye contact, I noticed a ring that she had earlier on her middle finger had now miraculously moved to her wedding finger. She never looked at me once again, as I was leaving I made a point of shaking her hand and saying goodbye but didn't bother wasting my time asking her if she had thought about us going for a drink!!! Obviously I was too forward or something, asking her for a drink? i don't know but it has just made me feel worse and wonder why I bother. *sigh* Simon
  12. simon_uk
    Thanks for the replies everybody. Taurus,just to clarify I never left her once. What I meant in my post is that after she ended it with me, I left her alone. I.e, I didnt pursue her or try to pressure her, I left her to her own devices and gave her space.
  13. simon_uk
    Some of you may know my situation, basically my ex ended things with me about two mnths ago as far as I know because I did not commit as soon as she would have liked, maybe other things but she said she lost faith so.......... Anyhow I tried to get back with her after I had left her for a week, no luck. So i left her for a further three weeks then sent her a letter explaining my thoughts and feelings for her and why I felt things went wrong. there was no blame, no begging, no pleading, just honest thoughts and feelings. Two days later she plays a love song on my voice mail at 4AM. Two days after this I call her and ask her to marry me. She says no! She is very hostile and abusive to me. Then I get a text from her saying, shame you didnt want it when I loved you that much and shame it took you two days to react to the voice mail. She said she thought we could be friends but I will come and get my stuff asap. Four weeks later she still hasn't contacted me regarding her stuff. She is going on a cruise next Friday with her friend, so I guess her thoughts are on that? Besides she owes me money so maybe she doesnt want to contact me before she goes away in case I want it back? Anyway, my question is this. Do you think that maybe she wants me to prove I love her by continually and consistently showing my love, i.e by keep asking her back so she knows for sure I really want her. I mean I asked her to marry me but she may just think that was a knee jerk reaction. I have remained in NC for 4 weeks now and have no intention of calling her but do you think this is just reaffirming to her that I never really wanted her or do you think what I did and said is enough to prove I want her. I am not caving in and like I say I will NOT contact her if that is the ebst thing to do but I am just questioning whether it is the best thing to do or i should be trying to make an effort more? Thank You
  14. simon_uk
    If you like Rock Music, I have found thes albums have helped me during both of my break ups, but you must play them LOUD! The Used - Both albums but especially the first one, track 6 (I think) 'Buried Myself Alive is a MUST Listen American Hi-Fi - 'The Art of Losing' Also a song by Blue October called - 'Breakfast After Ten' Most of these songs are from a guys perspective but great listening all the same.
  15. simon_uk
    I hear what you are saying Doc. I have no animoity towards my ex either. I just want her to be happy and if that is without me then so be it. But I do not want to hear about it if she is seeing somebody else I am afraid, hence I have to go strict NC. I would like nothing more than to be her friend, in fact I still am, i have not fallen out with her, I just cannot be in her life right now, not that she is doing anyhting to keep me in her life. Who knows maybe in the future I will feel different. All I know is that I love her, I don't blame her for anything, I want to be with her, I miss her. But unless she contacts me and says she wants the same I point blank refuse to set myself up for more pain. In response to your question, what are the signs that reconcilliation is on the horizon? When and only when, she says to you................. " I want to try again"
  16. simon_uk
    So what if she thinks you are slamming the door in her face, she did that to you when she left you!!! I am in the same position, my ex left me almost two months ago because she said she wasn't "In" love with me but always wants me in her life as I am her best friend. So how come she hasn't messgaed me to find out how her best friend is coping? Because it is BS designed to make me feel better! As far as I know there is nobody else but something is keeping her from me. If she is not happy with me then I am not too selfish to let her find what she wants but please don't patronize me with that best friend bollocks. If she really did think that of me then she would have asked how I am, instead what did she do? In response to a letter I sent her four weeks ago, she rang my Voice Mail at 4 AM and left a love song, when I jumped at the opening she again slammed the door in my face! Your ex dumped you for her own reasons and selfish or not you have got to do the same. You do NOT want to be around when she is telling you of her dates and the minute she finds somebody new, IF she does, you will be out of her life in a flash! Think of yourself and your own feelings, not hers, to hell with what she thinks! And for the record, I hvae been apart from my ex for 7 or 8 weeks, total NC for nearly 4. Yes it is hard, yes I still lover her more than anything and yes I still want her back. But only if she decides she wants to come back. Hope that was helpful?
  17. simon_uk
    My girlfriend said the same thing to me. She wanted to be friends etc etc, so answer me this. Why has she never once called me to ask me how i am doing? Because it was an easy let down. Why would I want to be her friend? I want to be more than that to her. Why should I care if I hurt her feelings by saying I coul dnot be her friend? She didn't care that she hurt my feelings saying she didn't want me to be her boyfriend. Answer me this. Would you really want to be her friend when she is telling you about the next guy she is dating? I doubt it! Finally, the moment somebody of any value comes in to her life and she gets serious, your friendship will go out of the window. Believe me! Your best option is tell her you value her friendship, tell her you would like to be part of her life but right now you just cannot because it is too difficult for you as your feelings are so much stronger. she should understand and if not then she is selfish herself. If you remain in contact on a friendly basis you are setting yourself up for more pain.
  18. simon_uk
    Yes!!! sge said the same thing she just feels numb! She also said sorry I have no faith in you and aleopard never changes its spots. I dont know exactly what i have done for her to feel this way though. She was expecting an engagment ring at Christmas so this may have something to do with i I dont know. What gets me is that she sent a love song to my phone last week and when i acted on it two days later, she blew me out of the water!!! Then she sent a message saying, shame it took you two days to react!!!! I just dont know whats going on with her???? Its been 6 weeks now so I am sure it is too late. The last contact was a week ago. I wont contact her for fear of her being hostle again. I am so sad and confused
  19. simon_uk
    Ok so this has been on my mind recently and I just cant shake the thoughts! Especially after dreaming about he rlast night! Anyway not too long ago me and the ex made some naughty videos and though I haven't watched them since we slit, I just cant stop thinking about them. Thinking about how much she obviously trusted me and loved me and it wasn't completely my idea before you ask. Also it was only a month before we split up that she had done something to really piss me off and she was so remorseful and upste because she thought I was going to dump her and she really didnt want it. How can somebodys feelings change so drastically in a month for her want to break up???? I just dont understand and I am having a real hard time dealing with it. Do women really fall out of love that quickly and especially because of somethig like they feel they are being taken for granted???? I am just waiting and waiting for a call from her crying that she misses me and loves me but I just cannot see it coming!!!!! Just needed to let off steam!
  20. simon_uk
    Yea me too, I drink far too much coke and I am sure that isnt good for me!!! Good luck and take care
  21. simon_uk
    I agree the fact I am even considering my ex has BPD traits really scares and upsets me. I keep trying to justify her actions in another way, rather than trying to think she may have BPD. I really dont know what to think anymore, I feel so upset it is unbelievable. I want to be her knight in shining armour and save her from ehrself but in reality only she can do that and it is so very very sad
  22. simon_uk
    Sounds a lot like my situation too. Everything is so similar. I have been reading a lot about people with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and though I am in no position to diagnose or categorize anybody with this condition a lot of it does seem to fit. I am not saying your ex or my ex has this disorder but have a look at this and see if anything rings true. link removed She may have some of the BPD traits. I am seriously considering and wondering if my ex has this disorder or its traits and whether I could live with that if she ever did decide to come back. It is so sad, I really feel for my ex because she has got a lot of issues that need resolving before she could ever be truly happy. IMO
  23. simon_uk
    Make sure you HAVE got somewher better to be then you dont have to pretend
  24. simon_uk
    Hi Janeeke and other ladies I hope you dont misunderstand me I am not saying women do not go through these things and I am not saying it is in your heads. I am no medical expert so anything I say is mere speculation. I have been on the receiving end of these mood swings myself so I know it is a problem. Perhaps it is a dietary thing, there is obviously soemthing in the fact that women of 20 or 30 years ago didnt have the same problems. Its just an observation on my side.
  25. simon_uk
    I understand exactly what you mean. I had the same problems with my ex, felt like Iw as walking on eggshells all the time and we would fight like you do over insignificant things. But I also understand how you love her so much becasue I feel the same way. My girlfriend said it was over with me numerous times but we always got back within hours or at the most days. This time howver she has said its over and it has been 5 weeks so I guess it really is. I am probably better off without her in all honesty but I do love her and do want to save her from a downward spiral but only she can do that, I now realise. It is heartbreaking I know and I dont know what to suggest, just wanted you to know you are not alone. Take Care Simon
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