ECWhite25

I haven't been here in about a year and had gone almost that long without cutting. I recently gave birth to my 3rd child and her father left me around the same time. I had one cutting episode and he found out and threatened to take our daughter from me. I got very angry with him because he knows that my cutting doesn't have to do with suicidal thoughts and I'm not a danger to my children but I also see his point of view. I know that I have to be responsible and I can't risk losing my child. I'm so frustrated with myself. I'm an adult.. an otherwise normal adult and I can't seem to stop thinking about doing something that in my mind I know is childish and immature.

Back in middle school I started with rubbing the skin off the back of my hand with a pencil eraser and causing burns. It progressed into scratching with pins, needles, or anything with a sharp point... I would put initials on my arms and legs or just series of lines. It wasn't until I was older that I began actually cutting with the blade of a knife or piece of glass. For me it just gives me a sense of control when my emotions are out of whack.

My husband told me a few months ago that he was leaving me and this past weekend he moved out. I still love him very much and this isn't at all what I wanted. A little over a week ago, my mom gave me the yahoo address of a friend of hers online (male) who is going through a similar thing. We've talked regularly and have really hit it off. I really like him and enjoy his friendship. We've even done a little flirting and joking around. Am I wrong for doing this and enjoying the attention and friendship when I want my husband back so badly? Is cyber flirting really cheating and can you really cheat on someone who is divorcing you anyway? I'm so confused by my feelings and actions lately.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. It really does help.

I don't really need any advice... just need to "say" things. I've known he was leaving for a little over two months now although he stayed for my daughter to finish the school year and to make sure we (me and the two kids) had arrangements made before he left. It is still really hard. We had gone on these past few months as though things were some what normal (although there were no "I love you"s and only minimal intimate contact) so it came as another blow when he told me yesterday that his place was ready and he was moving out today. He said that he just couldn't wait for my apartment to be ready and he's been waiting for an easier way to do things but he realizes there isn't going to be one and he needs to end things and go. After he told me yesterday, he became very cold and almost mean. He made comments about me needing to figure things out on my own and that he is beyond caring how this all affects me. I want to say it is an act although I don't know who is suposed to benefit from it. My theories are either that he thinks it will be easier on me in the long run if I have reason to hate him OR that he can't make himself go through with it if he lets any emotion into it. I could be wrong and he could just have become a totally different person that I've known over the past 8 years and have no problems saying and doing hurtful things. I probably shouldn't even be trying to figure it out. I have to move on right? Even though I've known, I still feel abandoned. I know I should count myself lucky that I got any warning and time to prepare because I know a lot of people don't get that but I was in denial for weeks and didn't get a lot done and now I feel like I'm left with so much to do and I have to figure out how to do it all on my own. Like I said, I'm not really asking any questions or need any advice. I just needed to get things out and possibly find some support or someone who understands what I'm going through.

Bad sex can definitely make a woman think less of a man that she has been seeing. Short sex doesn't necessarily mean bad sex though. I would chose a man who couldn't go longer than 6 or 7 mins but knew how to satisfy me and make the entire experience last over a man who banged me for 30 mins and then was done.

We are getting off subject a little but I have never been able to reach orgasm through intercourse. Not that it doesn't feel good or isn't a part of sex that I enjoy... I just need something more to O. A lot of women do and it usually has nothing to do with how long intercourse lasts.

I think you are pretty normal. I personally am thankful for my husband's "average" orgasm time. After about 10 mins my jaw really starts to hurt.

Never EVER believe a guy when he gives you the line "I can't get a girl pregnant". It is more often than not a load of sh** to either convince a girl to have sex without a condom or to deny fault when a girl does become pregnant. Most tests you have to wait until the first day of a missed period and then it is best to test first thing in the morning when hormone levels are higher.

Try a cream called Mederma. It works fairly well on newer scars but don't put it on until the cut heals. I've used it on surgical scars and stretch marks but had much better luck with the scars. You may have to ask for it at the pharmacy counter because it is a little expensive (from $15 - $30 a tube depending on the size) and they usually keep it put up. I of course agree with everyone else that the thing to do is to stop the cutting but I know how hard that is. I hope you find the peace that you need and are able to give up this habbit. *hug* (I can't believe we don't have a hugging smilie here)

I think you just feel around and see what direction the hair is growing in and shave against it... some would say to shave in the direction of hair growth to prevent ingrown hairs but you really can't get a close shave that way. They make a razor/shaver especially for this called the body bare I think but it is kind of expensive.

very slim

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is. My daughter was born Feb. 24, 2003 and I still miss her and think about her all the time. I know the situation isn't quite the same but it hurts none the less. The pain doesn't go away but it does get easier.

I agree! They are extremely hot! I just don't know how they would look on me.

My little girl was stillborn at term 2 years ago and it was really hard on me. I became a lot more protective of my 2 other children and would panic at things that I would have just let go before. I'm getting better but I still do things like check on them obsessively or worry when they aren't exactly where they should be when they should be. It isn't only with them either... I imagine bad scenarios with almost every situation I am in and sometimes when I'm alone really freak myself out to where I won't do something or have to call a friend to come sit with me/talk to me. I'm not sure what causes it but I definitely understand the new found aprehension toward everything in general.