simon_uk
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Heres a question people. Maybe its my naivety but
simon_uk replied to simon_uk's topic in Getting Back Together
Yeah and the thng is, she is STILL married to her ex wom she left just before she met me!!!!!! I think she got sick of waiting or not believing that I would. On the last day we were togehter she said you have got no intention of putting a ring on my finger or living with me! How little she knew! Patience really is a virtue! She could have had all she desired tomorrow! as could I! -
Heres a question people. Maybe its my naivety but
simon_uk replied to simon_uk's topic in Getting Back Together
Hi Roy God are situations are alike! My girls (ex) name is S--------- too! how bizarre! she is also an very emotional and has mood swings quite a lot not tomention other issues! Perhaps I am better off without her and I have been racking my brains and realised that I cannot changer her, only she can do that. I dont mean change her decision I mean change the way she has or her issues. She wanted me to put a ring on her finger at christmas and was disappointed that I didnt, she never told me this until afetr we split but she overheard a conversation I had with my friend. I had planned to giver her a ring tomorrow for her 30th. so I conclude a) she never really loved me and didnt really wnat a ring b) she wanted a ring and didnt get one at christmas so between then and the end of march, 12 weeks, she fell out of love with me? I find that hard to believe but then I have never just fallen out of love with somebody so I dont know c) she has met somebody else who fulfills her needs d) she hasnt fallen out of love with me but is hurting me because I idadvertantly hurt her. Anybody else any options they'd like to add? feel free! -
When you are dumped and the person doing the dumping says I want you to be in my life all the time, you are the best friend I ever head. Do they actually mean it? I know its a tired old cliche and an easy let down etc but do they ever mean it? I am getting quite angry now because 1. I never expected us to split up, we were talking about a break and now it has come to a full blown break up and 2. If I really am her best friend (she doesnt have many) then how come she is doing NC? How come after 4 weeks she has never contacted me just to say, "hey how you doing?, hope you are coping" or sorry or anything? Why does it feel like we are complete strangers. Is it a pride thing, is it because she is being selfish (she thought I was) is it because deep down she hates me? Whats the purpose of them doing NC? Simon
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Fantasia why do you second that? In your PM you told me to have hope? I dont understand?
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yeah I know you are right Roy and I appreciate your advice. I am just an hopeless romantic at heart and want to win her back in grand style but like you say hounding her will push her away. I know that I have been ther ein a previous relationship. Repeat viewing of Swingers is a must i think. Just wish I could stop obsessing! Cheers
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If they were feeling neglected and said I love you, I will always love you but I am not in love with you. Then why would they come back? I am not pinning my hopes on this happening but after 4 weeks would they not just let it go? I have had a lot of advice from people on this site and a lot of people say NC is the way to go and if you really want her back you have to just move on and not contact her. But my question is. Why would she want to come back? I have got lots of good qualities and I am a genuinely good guy, she even said to me after we split, your heart is in the right place, you just need a bit of work. But would this be worth it? Simon
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Yes I would have married her had we not split up. Yes I am also slow on the uptake but I dont think nearly two years is a long time to wait, seeing as she had only just left her husband three months before we met and I had had my heart smashed into a million pieces 4 months before that. I wanted to take my time, I admit, I wanted to make sure everything was right and I wanted to protect my heart and mine and her futures. She obviously has trouble being realistic about things. Maybe you are supposed to know within months of meeting somebody that this is the person you want to be with forever, maybe it is me who has got things wrong and always will have. Maybe I should have just got on with it and not worry about us breaking up. The girl in question also lives 30 miles from me, no big deal you say, well yes it is because the only job she will do is in her hometown. She wont get a proper job because she doesnt like working. She couldnt come live with me because she wouldnt take her driving test because she is scared of driving. So me being realistic about things in my opinion is one of the reasons for dragging my feet. Truthfully, I love her more than anything and would marry her tomorrow, realistically that isnt going to happen because she got pi55ed with me for not acting on my intentions. Bummer? Yes!
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Hi Mate Thanks a lot for your reply it really means a lot so thanks again. Yes my ex does have issues, a lot of issues, She has a drink problem for one, she is on anti depressants, she has one friend who is a complete biatch, she was my friend but I dont think she is anymore, she I think has had a major part in this breakup accusing me of giving my ex low self esteem when in actual fact she is the main cause of that. Her friend is also hanging around with a lot of unsavoury characters, namely gangstas. She has a sister who is schizophrenic and in the last year she has had herself and the ex arrested and the next time they seen each other her sister beat the crap out of the ex. On top of all of this she works in a seedy environment, the sex trade if you like but not providing sex. she also just left her husband prior to meeting me because he smothered her too much and was too giving. Finally she is quite estranged from her mum who kicked her out at 15. They are talking now but still not 100%. So yeah she does have a lot of issues. But, alas i love her! Thanks for listening Simon
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Hi I dont know what to tell you to be honest I guess it would depend on the amount of debt. i know when my ex left me I had opened a store card for her the day before and bought her a bed. I dont want or expect the money back to be honest, she helped me out enough times financially. i just dont know why she let me buy it if she knew we were breaking up. She knows how much debt I am in. anyway back to you, like I said it would depend on the amount in question and I would consider whether she gave to you in the same manner. I personally would write it off, but we are all different.
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thanks varactor I know I am not the only person feeling this way but I just feel absolutely lost without her and so confused! i know i have my faults and did things wrong but so did she. I just wouldnt have left her thats all. I never cheated, I never hurt her or abused her, i would never break her heart. Maybe my faults were much worse than any of those i dont know but she is gone and there is nothing I can do about it now
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I wish I could but I am afraid I truly believed this woman loved me with all of her heart, she told me she did often enough!!!! either she was lying or it just went, just like that!!!!! fail to see why thing happen for a reason i am afraid, I dont see the reason for losing the most important perso in my life! Thanks
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Why cant I move on! Why are all my thoughts and dreams focussedon the x? I have tried everything to get over it and just keep busy. I have spent lots of time with friends, time for myself, etc but all I do is think about her and what she is thinking. i cant stop thinking about all the things she said to me and I am forever trying to think of ways to win her back, I know I cant win her back if she doesnt want to come back but why wont it STOP!
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I want to be with her more than anything in the world! She has got a lot of problems, she works in a dodgy environment, she is on anti depressants, she is mixed up with a bad crowd, her best friend is a biatch and she knows this but still sees her and works with her, and she has a bit of a drink problem. She has nobody in her life of any stability, I was the only one. Yet I seem to be the focus of all of her problems. I want to take her away from it all and just love her but like I say I am the focus of her problems right now. She says I am her best friend but hasnt once contacted me to see how I am doing? Maybe she needs time (she has had almost a month) she told me she loves me but isnt IN love with me. Maybe she just isnt attracted to me anymore? she ran from her husband because he was too clingy and needy, I was pretty much the opposite which is why she loved me so much but maybe I was too much the opposite. It is all very confusing and I really dont know if I should chase her which could result in me pushing her away or leave her and be strong which could result in her thinking I didnt care anyway. Confused!!!!! It is a long story but if you PM and are interested I can tell you more. I would be glad of your opinion. Simon
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Yeah I know what you are saying Wimpy but we didnt fall out and we remained on good terms. Her issues is that she thought I didnt care or didnt want to move forward. She may not have had the letter yet, I dont know. But if I dont send her a card I will not be able to live with myself I dont think. It is sad isnt it because this girl has broken my heart so why should I care about upsetting her? Good Luck with your situation Simon
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Hi I took a letter to my ex's mums on Thursday gone, she may have had it, she may not because her mum said she wasnt seeing her until Tuesday, ie Tomorrow. Anyhow, it is her 30th birthday on Thurs, do I send a card or flowers or not. Somebody advised me not to as she hasnt respnded to my letter, I will just make my self look, weak, clingy and desperate. What do you think? We have been apart for four or five weeks. NC since a text messgae I initiated two weeks ago. The problems in our relationship were that she didnt feel important and neglected. Simon
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Thats just the thing though! I cant forgive myself for losing this girl that I wanted to spend my life with. How can I forgive myself for that?
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yes I have talked to her one week after the split, it was an up and down converation reallly. Laughing, crying, shouting. I told her that I wanted to be with her that I wanted to marry her etc, I had planned on giving her an engagement ring for her 30th next week, She was expecting one at Christmas because she overheeard me talking to my jeweller friend about it. She said she was devestated when she didnt get it.It is probably since then that she started falling out of love or at least started having no faith. I told her that I had planned for her 30th to be really special and she started quizing me about the ring etc. But then a bit later she said i was too late. I left her alone for another week, then sent a text asking how she was, she replied quite pleasently calling me honey and said she was just getting over things. I replied but nohng back. That was two weeks tomorrow. On Thursday gone I dropped her a letter off at her mums, explaining my actions and my feelings. I have heard nothing so.......................the last conversation we had she said she loved me but wasnt IN love with me because the spark had gone. I want to fight but dont want to push her away. She said she wanted to be friends as I am her best friend but when I said that would be difficult for me, she said, god I even have to beg for your friendship. So what can I do?????
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Well to be honest the way i feel at the moment, I think in 3 months I will still be oining over the ex. I Love her so much and really want to fight for her to prove my love. But perhaps I am wasting my time if she doesnt love me??? Simon
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Well i have been thinking a lot about my relationship and I have had some interesting if not sickening thoughts. I am trying to blame this break up on the fact that I did not commit to my girl soon enough. But maybe I am fooling myslef, maybe she has just fallen out of love with me. I mean she did say I love you but I am not in love with you, that the spark had gone. It is more than likely due to the fact that I took things for granted, she just got tired of it and she stopped loving me. So now I feel like I am back at step one of the break up. I feel so lost and lonely. If somebody can just give up then that makes me think it wasn't really true love at all. If peopel are not prepared to accept people the way they are, then do they really love that person? I am at my wits end trying to fathom things and over analyze. I would do anything to save my relationship with this girl, she obviously wont. Some people forgive their SO's for cheating and physical abuse, why wont my ex forgive me for being lazy and taking things for granted now and again??? It is so hard to accept. Can this love come back?
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hi I know exactly how you are all feeling. The weekends suck big time! I am quite sure my ex snt seeing anybody else but you never know do you. the worst thing is she has a very promiscuous friend who is always on the pull, so i have no doubt that she will be encouraging her to get out and pull too. I went to the ex's mums last night just to drop a letter off. she was very nice to me, i heard no good news but I heard no bad news either so................it was a very emotional experiance and one i wouldnt wish to go trough again. I love my girl so much and just wish we could work things out but she is in one of those I am alright on my own phases I think. She is on anti Depressants so I am thinking maybe at the moment she has got a huge boost from them and maybe somewhere down the line the reality will sink in. I hope and pray anyhow. Love Simon
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Have you ever dumped somebody for not comitting soon enough?
simon_uk replied to simon_uk's topic in Getting Back Together
Hi Dn becasue she earns decent well ion fact good money from a job which I am not too keen about. It is in the adult industry but cash in hand and it doesnt involve sex. I dont want to say too much becasue if she popped along here it would be obvious. Needless to say though, some weeks she can earn a lot of money and other weeks nothing. I dont think that is stable enough! -
Have you ever dumped somebody for not comitting soon enough?
simon_uk replied to simon_uk's topic in Getting Back Together
hi Thanks for the reply, no actually she dumped me! There are a lot of issues involved, we live 30 miles apart and she doesnt drive. She would be moving in with me if anyhting but she doesnt have a job just something she does with her friend where she lives. She has no intention of getting a job to be honest so I dont see how we could afford to live together. I really wanted it but was just being sensible. Now she has left me and I am not sure how to sort it out. She says she loves me but is not IN love with me. But I think the underlying issue is that she has no faith in me ever wanting to be with her. One of the last things she said when we were together was, you have no intention of living with me or putting a ring on my finger. So she obviously wanted that. Even her mum said to me that I am too sensible for her. I am 36, she is 30 next week. Simon -
Has anybody ever dumped somebody because that person didnt commit to them as soon as they would have liked? I know my ex still loves me but she has no faith in me now. She thinks that if we got back together then things would go back to the way we were, ie us living separate lives. I have tried in vain to tell her otherwise. I called round to see her mum yesterday just to drop a letter off for the ex. Kind of a closure letter really, just so I know that I have done everything I could. I dont expect the letter to suddenly make her change her mind. But from past experiences, has anyone eve dumped somebody because they thought the other person wasn't going to commit but then give it another go? We were together nearly two years and had both been badly hurt in previous relationships. Thank You for Reading Simon
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yeah but I already am badly hurt thanks
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Thanks I have just been reading about Borderline Personality Disorder and a lot of symptoms seem to fit? Could be doing her an injustice though?