iheartmj10

well, let me start by saying that i feel for everyone that is going through hard times with a breakup... i was there (a few times actually) with my ex not so long ago (april to be exact...) and i thought it was the end of my world. i couldn't eat, sleep, do homework, study... i honestly felt as though my life was over (we dated over 4 years...) and i would be on these boards HOURS at a time... looking for hope, looking for people that got back together with ex's and worked things out. i felt lost and alone... i went through a really tough time this summer, thought about transferring schools so i wouldn't see the ex with his new gf, had more sleepless nights... cried more than i thought was possible... then something sort of clicked. i was still sad about the breakup but i knew at that point that we just were not meant to be together, and i was ready to accept it. i went out with a guy for a little over a month, but that turned out pretty ugly (he was moving soon and didn't really want to start anything serious...) but i didn't let it get me down... fast forward 7 months.... and the reason i am on the board today....... IT DOES GET BETTER, i just want everyone that is going through tough times to know that!!!!! i never thought i would be ok with things, or happy again, but BELIEVE me, it does happen! you just have to let it happen!!!! the first time we broke up, i spent 8 months in agony over it... i didn't want to live the rest of my life that way this time, so i did something about it. i didn't just sit around and cry... i got involved in a club on campus, started working more hours, hung out with my friends more... and the best part........ met someone AMAZING! we have only been dating a little over a month, but i have totally fallen for him! we were friends for over a year (he was here through both of my breakups with my 4 year ex) and actually asked me out after the first breakup. i wasn't really "feeling it" at that point, and we lost touch over the summer... well i just happened to see him on campus at the beginning of the semester, and we exchanged hi's and i thought "what the heck, im going to see what he is up to these days!" he has totally amazed me since... we recently took a roadtrip together, and it was honestly one of the best trips of my life! it was amazing... he is amazing!! so yeah, i am sorry to go on and on about this, but i just can't emphasize enough that WITH TIME, it does get better... and even though what you really want right now might be to get back with the ex.... it *might* not work out that way (not saying it won't...) but just know, if it doesn't, there is someone out there that will appreciate and love you!!! you WILL feel happiness (i know that at times it feels impossible) i now see my ex every couple of weeks on campus (always with his new gf) and i am OK with it! i am actually VERY happy for them! they seem happy together, and i only wish them the best!!! well, i was kind of all over the place with this post, but i just felt that i should put this out there! if ANYONE wants to talk or just needs someone to listen, i am here... and trust me, i know what it is like! i was there, like i said, a few times with my ex!!!!

i feel like i wrote your post just weeks ago. i had the SAME feelings, only i was constantly bothering my bf about it and constantly having to be reassured on things. lets just say, that ISN"T the way to go. he just broke up with me last week (after FOUR years) and the reason was my jealousy/insecurity. so PLEASE, please, trust your bf. if i could go back and do something different, that would be it. i know he would have NEVER cheated, and barley looked, but my insecurities got the best of me and now i have lost my bf and my best friend.

recently i found a porn site on my bf's computer. i brought it up (sort of just joked about it )but the whole thought of it has really got to me with in the past 2 weeks. i just feel so awful, like he has to look at someone else to get off and it just makes me sick. he gets really weird if i bring it up and doens't like to talk about it. he told me that if i wanted he wouldn't look at them again. i told him it was alright (i didn't want to be a girlfriend that tells her boyfriend not to do something...) but recently it has just really got me down. i am thinking about it constantly and it is really bothering me. today, i sent him an e-mail telling him that, and asking him if he would try not to look at them anymore. i also told him that i would compromise and look at them with him (for ideas) but i just feel so awful for even asking him to stop. i just don't think i could handle it anymore. it makes me feel SO bad about myself and our relationship. i am SO afraid he will see this as me trying to be controling and break up with me. now i don't know if it iwas the right thing to do or not. i just requested that and asked him to be completely honest and that if that wasn't something he could do to just tell me. i didn't really tell him that he can never look at them again or anything like that... i just don't know. maybe i just blew this way out of proportion, i just know that i could NOT go on the way i was/have been feeling for the past 2 weeks. i really really like him so much and don't want to screw what we have up over PORN. ahhhh, what do you think???

yesterday i was at my bf's and i went on the computer to check my mail. i did not look through the history or go searching through his computer or anything like that, but when i clicked on the address bar to bring yahoo up i saw that he had visited a porn site. now, honestly i am not usually bothered with porn, but this time it struck me because of what he was looking at. i am VERY self conscious of my chest (it is rather small) and he knows this... well, he had been looking at a site that obviously focused on women at the other end of the chest spectrum (it was obvious by the title of the site). i didn't say anything right away, but he could tell something was botherring me and eventually got me to tell him what it was. he then got sort of mad and when i asked if he was mad/hated me he told me no that he was just embarrassed. the night went on with him not talking/looking at me (we had movie plans with 2 other people and still went... not talking the whole time) when we got back i asked him if this was it, and he said "why do you always say that whenever anything happens?" i just was hurt really bad by him a while ago and fear that with every little argument we have. well he went on to say that i was in the wrong for looking on his computer and that im nosy and all of this stuff. it is all true, i am very nosy, it wasn't my business to look on his computer and stuff but the thing is, i wasn't like searching through the history or anything. yes, it was wrong, but i wasn't like intentionally trying to find it out to call him out. he won't answer my call this morning, so i left a message asking him to call back later. i felt REALLY awful and wanted him to KNOW i wasn't intentionally trying to like find stuff out and so i called him back to explain that to him (again on his voicemail) i just know this is it. he will break up with me over this (beause i mean, you can't really have a relationship when something happens and the other person won't even talk about it/look at you) i just am waiting now for that awful phone call. i don't know what to do. i don't know how i can ever handle the pain that it brings again. was i honestly in the wrong on this one???

ok, so i already have some good news. i took all of your advice and made plans with my friend.. well my bf called on his lunch break today to see if i wanted to hang out today and come to dinner with his family.. i was just like aw man, i already have plans to go work out! and he was like "i am so happy for you" blah blah blah.. so it looks like things are already looking up! YES. i just need to keep this up, and not rely on ONLY him for my entertainment and enjoyment... it will be hard, but i know it is what is needed. thanks again everyone!

thank you all for your replies! this is actually what broke us up in the first place, so you would think i would have got the hint the first time around. right after i read all of the replies, i got on the phone and called my best friend and we made plans for the evening. i haven't even talked to my boyfriend today, so when i call it will be nice to already have plans. i just always fear that he will think i don't want to be around HIM when i do things like this, and i think that is why i kinda shut myself off from all my friends when we are together...but i see that ISN"T the way to go about things. thanks again! hopefully this will help

let me give you a quick background of my situation. my bf and i dated for 2.5 years and he broke up with me last year. well, this year we started a new school and we ended up getting back together. everything has been going so wonderful since we got back together, but just recently school got out and we moved back home. he is now back to his comfort place (at home, with his friends, family, etc) and i feel like i was maybe just something familiar that helped him get through school. we hung out on saturday (for the first time since wednesday) and yesterday i asked if he wanted to meet me for coffee after i got off work. he agreed, and when we were through he said "what are you doing tonight?" i told him nothing and that if he wanted to come over or something he could. he said he was too tired and needed to get up early the next day for work. he then went on to say that he was going to try to go to a friends house to hang out.... i dind't get mad, but maybe i had a sad look on my face because he asked "is that ok??" and i was like "ya" and he goes "i just don't think its good if we hang out every day like before. i just don't want to get tired of eachother" and that just crushed me.... if you really like someone, don't you want to spend like all your time with them???? thats the way i feel about him, i just adore him and his company.. but i guess it isn't mutual. i am just SO afraid that the same thing that happened last summer is going to happen again (him breaking up with me and seeing other girls) and it is all i can think about. i can't eat, i cant sleep and when i do finally sleep i dream about it.. i just feel like he doesn't even like me anymore and here i am, totally head over heels for this guy.. HELP!!=(

thank you for your reply, and you are right, i know the answer... it just hurts... i hate that even in a time like this, when a person i loved so much is GONE from my life forever, i am still worried about my ex. i wish i could just forget about him and worry about what is IMPORTANT. my grandpa would tell me when i was feeling down about my ex "any guy makes my grand daughter feel sad isn't good enough for her" and he would also say "if he wants to ever go fishing with me again, he better start being nicer to you!" (my grandpa and dad would take him to the special fisihg place every year... they all loved that!! they would spend all day out there) ok, so now im going to focus on what is really important right now, and that is my family and the memory of my grandpa and all the special times we shared. i know he is in a good place now, and im just glad he didn't hurt for long. we will meet again.

i hate to reply to my own post.. but i was just thinking. i bet he is thinking he isn't in the wrong (and maybe he isn't... but he shouldn't have led me on this past month) that he doens't HAVE to talk to me or be there for me because he isn't my boyfriend... but i just don't get that. if that is what he is thinking, thats just sad. yes, he isn't my bf now, but he once was, and i was once an important part of his life and he would do anything for me. i just don't get it

well my ex and i broke up over 7 months ago. we had not been talking until about a month ago.. we were both transferring to a new university (the same one) and we were both a little nervous. i guess he needed me there for support because he contacted me and we started hanging out again.. things were going WONDERFULLY and we were seeing eachother a few times a week. we spent valentines day together (his idea) and i seriously thought we would get back together. well this past friday he got angry and pretty much told me to get lost because i got mad (not even really mad, just asked him not to use the word with me )when he jokingly called me a b*tch.. well he said we can't go on the way we had been, we need to be just friends because thats all we are, that he doesn't ever see us getting back together... the same old stuff he has been telling me all along. well thats not the bad part, i took that and i left. i didn't contact him all weekend and i was just feeling sort of like "whatever" about the situation. i was tired of being his friend when it was convenient for him, or when he NEEDED me in his life. he got comfortable with his new situation (living away from home) and no longer needed me.. whatever.. well, here is the kicker last night at 1 we get a call from my dad, he and my grandpa were out of town visiting my aunt and my grandpa had a heart attack and passed away. i am very upset by all of this, but still sort of in shock and it hasn't really sunk in. this morning i called my ex to let him know (they were close when we were together) he wasn't happy to be getting a call from me, he did sort of the "what" answer.. but he said he was sorry and if i needed to talk i could call him. well just about 30 minutes ago i was REALLY feeling down and i called him, like he said i could.. he said that he coulnd't really talk because it "costs him (well my mom) too much because i don't have a lost of mintues left.. if you want, i'll call you when i get home and give you the number at the appartment" i said "no, thats alright, i'll let you go. bye" and i hung up. i COULND"T believe it, i would spend ANY amount of my money/time if he EVER Needed to talk to me, about anything... i am just floored by his comment and can't believe it. its not like im just some stranger to him, i was with him for over 2 years. i spent days/nights talking to him when he was stressing about his MATH classes for goodness sakes. i stayed TWO hours after school so i could meet him after his class to hang out because was having a bad day, and he can't spend a few minutes using his presious money to comfort me a little bit when im going through this??? i just don't get it. do i really mean THAT little to him?????????????

i wasn't expecting anything but he ended up getting me a really cute pair of shoes (that he picked out himself) and a card he made. this was last week when we were working on being "friends" after being broke up for almost 7 months. now as of today, we are no longer speaking. go figure....

well, after not having much contact with my ex (just school contact-we had classes together last semester) i met up with him yesterday. i had planned to go to my new school to get my books and check out my classrooms and get familiar with the new campus... i had been talking to him on the computer about it and suggested he come too. he agreed to come and asked if i wanted to come see his apartment also, so thats what i did. i went there and picked him up then we went off to do our school stuff. well we ended up going shopping downtown also (just walking around to all the little shops, talking and stuff) it was a lot of fun, but i really didn't think anything of it because he had told me SO many times that he wanted to be friends and thats it. well he suggestes we go to dinner but before we did that we went back to his place to hang out. we were just talking about things and i really wanted to kiss him, but i would NEVER do that and just make a move like that.. but he ended up i guess feeling the same way because he did end up kissing me. it happened, but it was like we didn't want to talk about it.... i mean, i WANTED to talk about it, don't get me wrong.. but if this is him showing interest in me again, i DON"T want to mess up and push him away by him thinking i want to jump back into a relationship!! because i don't! i want to take things slow and get to know eachother again (a lot of things happen in 6 months!!) so we end up going to dinner and when we get back we kiss again but still, nothing is said about where we stand, what this means... nothing. i know i should have just stopped it, or said "look, i can't just do this if we are "FRIENDS"" but i didn't.. it was just i had waited 6 months for something like this, and i wasn't about to turn away from it..... but now i wish i would have. im so lost now. when i left he kissed me goodbye and that was that. we talked a little today (just on the computer.. ) but again, nothing was brought up. i have to see him tomorrow at our orientation, so maybe then it will come up. if not, i guess i will just see where things go.......but if he tries to kiss me or anything again, i am going to stop it and let him know i can't continue like this if all we are goin gto be is friends. what do you think i should do?? i really want something to work out between us, i was devistated when we broke up (it was totally unexpected, and i didn't want it!) and i am SO happy when i am with him. i still love him with all of my heart, but i also love myself and don't want to be hurt anymore than i already am. but if he really does want to pursue this, i need to know, don't you think? this is just agonizing... ughhhh

thank you for your replies! its nice to have someone agree with me for once! haha. yes, i KNOW now i can handle "just friends" because he is just wonderful to be around. i don't want more, i am going off to a new school this semester and im looking forward to growing/meeting new people, and im sure he feels the same. it will just be nice to have a GOOD friend there and i know he feels the same. thanks again!

it seems as though everyone on here, and any other message board i have visited has been all for NC to heal after a breakup... well here is my dilemma. this breakup has been very tough for me... i was NC for about the first month but then school started and i had classes with him.. well we started talking again but ended up getting in a HUGE fight and spending the last 3 months of semester saying very few words to one another.. well, break came and i went NC and planned to stay that way through break and pretty much forever.. well, he started talking to me online recently and he is back to acting like the sweetheart he was before our breakup. i don't want to lose him as a friend (ya, i didn't want to lose him as a bf, but since that obviously isn't going to work with us.. i would at least like to have him in my life as a friend. we get along SO well and have so much fun togehter. i just don't want to lose that) so i guess my question is, by not having complete no contact am i just going to make this too hard on myself, am i just setting myself up for disaster.....? any advice will be appreciated!!!

well, thank you for replying so fast! i think i already knew the answer to my question.. but it helps hearing it from someone else! i don't really feel comfortable putting my instant message name on here, just in case.... but if you want, you can e-mail me at email removed and i'll tell you it through that! thanks again!

ok, so i was going to the same school as my ex last semester, not only that... we had 3 classes together. it made my recovery almost impossible. we broke up in july, but i had made NO progress in the five months we were going to school together. well, the semester ended in mid december, and we had not spoke or seen eachother at all....until christmas. we had an accidental meeting christmas day and it was awkward, but nice. i just said merry christmas, and he wished me the same. no big deal well, that wasn't a big deal and i went on... then a few weeks later another accidental meeting occurred, this time, nothing was said, just a wave... i felt like crap after that one, but i went on. so a few days ago, i log onto aol and he messages me as soon as i log on. we end up talking for a long time, and it was wonderful! it felt just like old times, we joked, said nice things, there was no talk of other girls or any mean things said (he was famous for this during our time together at school... blah) and it just made me want him back again. the next day, i knew he was online ( i was invisible) but since we had talked so long the day before, i knew that if i went on, there would be NOTHING to talk about and i would more than likely just make a fool of myself or say something stupid or something to make him mad... so i didn't go on at all. i was hoping he would come on yesterday becasue i actually DID have something to tell him and a question for him but no such luck.... now i feel like im back to square one...wondering what he is doing, who he is with, if he is seeing anyone else, constantly checking if he is online, worrying if i will see him out in public, wanting to be with him again.. it is rediculous(sp) i thought i was past that! i was actually starting to feel good again, and then today i spent my whole time working out crying (i was at home, don't worry! haha) but i was seriously PAST that, it had been nearly a month since i broke down in that way.... now here is my dilemma... i felt lousy when i wasn't talking to him, and i feel lousy when i do talk to him.. i just don't know WHAT to do, i lose either way it seems!=( and the way we talked the other day was just so wonderful.... it was just like when we were together (only over the computer and not in person or on the phone) but it was still nice!!! HELP

oh lord.. who would have thought things could get ANY crazier.. seriously? well they did. this is the boy that hasn't called me but TWICE since our breakup 4 months ago, so i should have known something was up when my phone rings tonight with his number.. i don't answer it. but after listening to his message, i get curious.. i think about it for a good amount of time, but finally (after talking to my mom/friends) decide to call. big mistake. so.. a while ago we were talking about these bikes his parents had when they were younger (cruiser bikes) and how we were going to take them with us when we transferred so we could ride them to class and stuff.. well he called to see if i still wanted it.. i told him that if they had no use for it, i would take it (it would save me from ONE expense this semester, plus it is a really cool bike! haha) so he asks when he should bring it by and suggests friday.. i tell him i have a final until 1 but after that would be fine. he says "well just call me friday and we can figure it out..." so i tell him to tell his mom and dad thanks and we hang up. well 2 seconds later my phone rings and it is his number.. so i answer "hello??" and it is crackly and he goes "oh.. sorry.. my phone sometimes redials the last number that called..." and in the background i hear his friend (i know this guys voice.. i have known him since i was FIVE) say "no...he still likes you" and then the phone clicks.... WHY DO THEY HAVE TO MESS WITH ME LIKE THIS? isn't it enough that he has caused me SO much pain for four months????? it is like a big game to him.. i thought it was done after he apologized, and that i would just go on with my life. i will NEVER answer another call from him, ever. i don't care if i get that bike, and i don't care if i ever speak to that boy (thats all he is.. a boy.. not a man) again. he needs to grow up, seriously. i can see this kind of behavior from like a 12 year old, but seriously... at 20 you should act a little more mature. i am so fed up right now, i just want to call him and tell him how immature he and his friends are, but i won't. i am better than that. if i do see him, im going to act like their little game did nothing to me. i am going to act like i am just fine and BETTER off now. before i acted all helpless and lost, but not anymore. i am SO over this, SO over the immature behavior. i am so ticked off right now. i bet you are thinking "how could she have put up with someone like this for 2.5 years" but honestly, this behavior JUST started recently. he started hanging out with old highschool friends and thats when it began. believe me, i wouldn't have stayed that long if this is how he always acted.. lol anyway, that is the end of my rant. if you chose to read it, thanks in advance... lol =)

switch, thank you for your replies! it really does help!!=) i wanted to post to tell what happened yesterday (it still doesn't change my mine about him being a jerk, don't worry! ha) well, i was sitting in my car because i got to school early, and i was just reading a book when someone knocks on my window, i look up and surprise surprise.. its the ex. well, i should have just told him to go away or something, but i rolled my window down. he said that he just wanted to apologize for the mean things he said the day before, and that i just need to think before i do/say some of the things i say.. and that he is sure he will see me around and talk to me and some other things (i honestly stopped listening.. so im not really sure what else was said.) i was just like "ok...alright" because i really felt numb to what he was saying. like he really didn't mean it. but whatever, at least i know he was feeling a little bit bad. although im sure today he is just out having fun like usual and not thinking even a little about me or how im doing. oh well, like he said "its not his place or mine to know how the other person is doing" so ya.. just wanted to fill you in on the latest crap... btw, your advice on things to get me through this is just what i needed to see! i already keep a journal (it is my venting space...) and try to workout regularly, but i do need to get some hobbies, things i can do on my own... (this was actually a complaint of the ex's....) since school is almost out, i am going to be spending more time with a few of my friends that don't live near me, so that will be fun and will help keep my mind off things. anyway, thanks again for your replies! i hope everything is going well with you, too.

thank you both for your replies!! its like you said Switch187... i already know what i need to do.... =( its like i wanted to keep that little glimmer of hope, but it really isn't even there... let me tell you what happened after i posted this today. well, he comes online and i messaged him about something that happened at school after our convo.. (i was just being a smarta**, but i always am, so its not like he should have got mad over it!) but i was still worried... so i apologized for what i said, and he didn't reply.. so i said "ouch..." and still no reply, then he signed off.. i thought to myself "how could he be mad over THAT?" so stupid me,... i called him. it ended up he accidently signed on to aim and didn't see my messages (so he said) so i told him what they said... i then tell him that since today was our last day, that i would like if he would keep in touch, and im leaving it up to him becaue i know he doesn't want to hear from me right now.. he said he knew that but then he went on to TOTALLY bring me down telling me things like "you need to think about MY feelings before you say stuff like this" and that i was doing fine up until today and that he was actually wanting to be friends with me until some of the things i said today (ok, so is he like GOD or something??? ) he also went on to say that he had too many other things to worry about right now and didn't want to have THIS to be thinking about too (well im sorry you JERK, i have been "thinking/worrying" about it for FOUR months now, sorry if i made you think about it for ONE day...) so ya.. he said a few more hateful/nasty things before finally saying he didn't want to talk to me anymore and that if he ever has feelings like he wants to be with me again he will think back to things that "you pull like this". what the heck is his problem? its like he feels guilty for this, so he pins it all on me. it isn't ALL my fault, and it isn't ALL me.... he initiates most of the contact but then expects me to know when it is or isn't ok to talk to him. for the past 4 months he has made me feel like i have to be SO careful with what i say because the wrong thing might make him mad at me and lose him totally, well im TIRED of feeling that way, and TIRED of having to be so careful with everything i think/say/do. it shouldn't be that way, i should be able to be myself and have a good time. so even though this is by far not the worst things he has said to me (he once told me he hated me and never wanted to talk to me again.. and didn't care if i failed all of my classes this semester) it really did it for me. im just SO angry with the way he treated me this afternoon, and made it seem like it is a treat for me to get to talk to him, and i must "be good" to be able to do so... how lame. i can't say im "over him" because i still have feelings for the old him in my heart, but that isn't who he is anymore... his personality, and pretty much everything is different now, and i don't like this new person. when we first started dating, he wouldn't have dreamed of treating ANYONE this way, let alone someone he once "loved"... so ya.. im sure i will be back w/in a few weeks complaining more about still wanting to be with him (i sure hope not, but i know my ways....) OH, thats another thing he said (i am furious right now... sorry about all my venting) i apologized for the way i acted today (emotional..) and i said "do you accept my appology?" and he said "ya, i accept it, but i know it won't be the last time..." what a JERK. ugh, i just am SO angry right now i want to scream!!!!! sorry for the length and the anger of this post....

my breakup was actually 4.5 months ago, but things keep happening that make it seem like it is fresh. this is going to be long.. but let me give you a little background info. alright, my ex and i dated 2.5 years. we were totally in love (or so i thought) for the first 2 years.... he ended up breaking up with me in may because he "wasn't happy" and i was took things too seriously and was too emotional... well 3 weeks later, he was at my house asking for me back. we got back together and decided to take things slow, well for the next 2 months it was like we were friends but that was it. he would hang out with his friends a lot, which was fine with me but when he was with me, it was just like we were "buddies" and not dating. well, one day after having a nice lunch he springs it on me that "we are too different.. have different things we want in the future..."(that is b/s by the way..)and he hasn't been happy for the past 6 months. he said he couldn't deal with all the emotional stuff in our relationship and he just "wants to have fun in college". well, i took it pretty hard... he asked me not to call him for a while and that he would see me at school (which was 4 weeks later), but that he would call me before that. well, about 3 weeks after i got so sad that i ended up calling him. he sounded SO happy and told me all about the fun things he had been doing.. so i just figured "he is happy now.. i will just let him be..." well, school starts and seeing as we were "so in love" when we signed up for classes, we had 3 together this semester... so school is SO rough because of this fact. we end up talking and actually start hanging out (as friends) and im cool with that until he starts talking about going on dates and other girls... (just a month after breaking my heart. nice) so i tell him its too hard to hear that stuff, yet we continue to hang out AT school... well we end up going to a mutual friends b-day party and he tells me that seeing other girls made him realize what a special person i was.. and that he wants to be with me again, but that he is "scared" things will go back to the way they were with us (arguing, just a routine really...) so i tell him i understand, but that i know that he is who i want to be wiht... well that night i end up back at his house hanging out (no, nothing like that happened!!!) and he tells me that he wants be with me again, so i figure that is what will happen. well later that week, (i tried not to PUSH things because he always pulls away when i do that) he lets me know he can't be with me again, and NEVER will.. i am heartbroken all over again. he ends up starting to see a mutual friend of ours for about a month and in that time i don't talk to him really at all. well, i guess that didn't work out, because he starts talking to me again at school. it is just civil convos (how was your weekend, how did you do on your exam...) but it was better than nothing i guess. well, that is where we have been for the past month or so. here is my problem... i obviously want more than he does from this...and he knows this. i want to be with him again, but when i brough this up a couple weeks ago he said "im not saying i NEVER want to be with you again...i don't know what will happen in the future.. i just know that i want to have a few relationships first.. i want to have a BAD relationship" (i don't get that..but whatever) he says he is too young to just settle down, and he wants to have fun. neat. he left that day by telling me to not wait for him, and don't get my hopes up.. WHAT THE HECK does he expect, he knows my feelings for him, yet he says stuff like that. of course it is going to "Get my hopes up". ok, here is my next dilemma, and pretty much the reason i am posting. i am a wreck because we are both transferring this semester (to the same school, but it is big) and i know that this is pretty much it.. we will no longer be seeing eachother weekly in classes, and we will no longer be running into eachother on campus. there will be new girls there for him to find, and i know he won't be gentle if he does start dating... (he won't try to keep it from me.. he never did, and im sure he will make a way for me to see them) well, today was our last day of class together, and i pretty much lost it (not in his presense, but on the drive home) i know this is it.. this is the end. he left me today saying "we will still talk... i am on the computer a lot.. "(well, he only talks to me for like 2 minutes and that is very rare...) and he went on to say "we will both be at the orientation" (that is in OVER a month.) he didn't make any mention of like hanging out/seeing eachother over break... any mention of me seeing his new apartment, and as stupid as it is, i was hoping he would. i told him today that i bet he wishes i was like most ex's and just leave him alone, to this he responds with "ya, you have problems...just kidding" and laughs.. i KNOW he isn't kidding and i know he thinks this.. but what does he expect? he lets me think it is alright to talk to him, and actually initiates it... then acts like its just my fault and im not letting go. i am so frustrated, sad, lonely, confused. i feel like i have cried all the tears i could possibly cry (though i know there are more to come) and overal just emotionally drained. it is finals week this week, and i am SO unprepared. i have let this silly "boy" (thats all he is. he hasn't grown up) ruin my life for 4 months now... my grades slipped BIG time, my friends are really annoyed with me talking about him all the time, and even my family has started to be rude when his name comes up. but i CAN"T help it. ahhh, i just feel like i need to scream. maybe this is for the best (him not keeping in touch with me) and maybe it is what i need. if i can't be with him, i guess i shouldn't try to be there at all. it is just too hard on both of us i think. he has his new life now, and i need to start one of my own. any suggestions (if you got through this whole thing) would be greatly appreciated.....=)