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Tryingtobestrong

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Everything posted by Tryingtobestrong

  1. Wow, this is an unbelievable jerk. He cheats on you, tells you he never loved you,... and still expects you to pay for rent after you have moved out? I dont care if he has no income whatsoever, he does not deserve a penny of your money or a second of your time. Get out of there as soon as possible and let him figure out how to come up with the cash. Good luck!
  2. Dear Heartbroken, so when she told you all those things, did you ask her if she wants to get back together with you? If you did and she said no, then I am afraid there is nothing you can do. I dont know if it would be better to still be in her life or go NC, if you want her back. But I think it would be best for you to cut contact, as it is still hurting you so much. Hope you will feel better soon.
  3. Dear Foz, I agree with your post 150%. I feel the same way. Only have not had the strength yet to actually tell him that or go NC on him. Just wanted to let you know that you are not the only one in this situation.
  4. Hi, so I did not hear from him at all yesterday. Felt really bad about that, but after some time I accepted that no answer was an answer as well, and that all his emails did not mean anything. So I went to university this morning and decided to stay in the library until it closes and to study for my other exams, instead of running home after class and checking my emails every couple of minutes to see if he replied. A few minutes after that I checked my mobile and I had received a text from him. In it he apologized for not replying earlier, but he claimed that he had not seen my email yesterday. He also wrote that he was gonna call me later. Now that might be true or not. Important point is that I asked him to meet, and if he really did not get it yesterday, but wanted to meet me, then he would suggest some other time, right? Well, he called me at 6pm, right when he was leaving work. We talked for about 10 minutes about what we had been up to and what was new, etc. Then he said that he was getting on the bus and had to hang up. So I thought, okay, that's it. but to my surprise he said that he was gonna call me back later. He did call 3 hours later and we talked for 35 minutes. We talked about all kinds of things. Among which he said that I had not written him in 10 thousand years. To which I had to reply that it was actually only a week since I last wrote to him. Funny, to me it seems like 10000 years if I dont hear from him, but I did not think that he would feel this way too. Anyway, after about half an hour we ran out of things to say and so we started to say goodbye. He did not just say goodbye, but a few floscels like, take care of yourself, good luck for your exams, dont work too hard,... So after a few of them I said that it was great talking to him and that he should give me a call or send me an email sometime. He answered with 'yeah, maybe we can arrange something, sometime'. And then we said goodbye and hung up. So he did not ask to meet up, I guess that means that his emails were not an attempt to test the water for getting back together, but he just wanted to talk to me. He sounded like he cared about me as a human being or friend, but certainly not more. Luckily I did not feel like 'I love you, I want you, please come back to me', but I just felt really close to him like to a really close friend. It was good talking to him, right now I dont feel like I need him back, but who knows how I will feel tomorrow and in the next few days. Was it a mistake to call him? Right now I dont think so. But I do know now that he does not want to get back together.
  5. Hi, shortly after I wrote my previous post I could not take it anymore. I broke. I sent my ex an email asking if he wants to meet for a drink. That was over 2 hours ago and I have not heard from him since. (He works on a pc, so I know that he always has his email programm open) The strange thing is that since then I am feeling much calmer. It drove me crazy to think that there was something I could do to increase the chances of reconcilliation, but I did not know what. Now I put myself on the line. If he does not want to meet or even reply to me, then at least I know that I did what I could. I took a risk and ignored my pride. Now it is in his hands, and I can only wait and see what he is going to do. If he ignores my email or tells me he is busy without asking for a reschedule, than I guess that he does not want to see me, and all his frequent contacts in the last few weeks dont mean a thing. I am glad I sent him an email and no text message. If he had not replied to a text then I would go crazy asking myself if he got it or not. An email does not get lost, so I know that he got it for sure. I will keep you posted and let you know if and what he replied. Thanks for your help.
  6. I dont know why but for about 5 days now I am feeling so depressed and sad. I spent nearly the whole weekend in bed crying and thinking about my ex. I did not reply to his last mail and he has not contacted me since either. Today it is 7 days since he last sent me an email. I am thinking about him all the time, I even imagine at night how he is lying in his bed, and how he is wearing his old washed out t-shirt. I also think about how he curls up underneath the duvet that we used to share. I feel like I am going crazy or slipping into a deep depression. I miss him so much and it takes all my strength to not call him and tell him how much I love and miss him. I feel so lost and dont know what to do. I know, I could just write him an email and act as if I was just busy and that's why I did not reply for a week, but somehow I dont want to do it. I want to know that he cares about me and that he is going to contact me again, even if I dont reply to his messages. But it is soooooooo hard to just sit and wait. I need some encourgaging words, something along the lines of: "Stay strong girl. Dont contact him. I am sure he will contact you again in just a few days. If you want to get him back, you have to make him believe that he lost you,..." You know what I mean. Please guys, anyone!?
  7. Dear frogman, my guy has not told me that he loves me or wants to get back together. He is just sending me emails, calls me Sweetie, signs with Love and asks how I am doing. That's all and I dont know what he wants. So I am ignoring some of his messages as I want to protect my heart and not show him how much I care about him. Now if he would tell me that he loves me, misses me and wants to get back together, that would be a different thing. >She asked if I would still be willing to get back together when she moved here (permanently) next year (now this year). I told her I wouldn't have any choice but to treat her putting it off as not wanting me enough and that I'd have to move on with my life. Obviously, I haven't been able to do that.> That was last July? No wonder that she asked for a few months without contact after that. She probably hoped for something like: "I love you, you are the one I want. I will wait for as long as it takes." If this was a test, then you definitely failed it. I understand if you dont want to come accross as needy and as too much in love with her (dont I too?), but if you want her back you have to take a risk. Also you dumped her, dont forget that. This will be something that you can never forget. Things will never be equal between you unless you get back together and she dumps you. Now that does not mean that if you get back together, get married and raise a family, that she will still be angry for that in 20 years. But at least for the next few years this will be something that she wont be able to forget, especially if it hurt her as much, as it seems it did. So my advice would be for you to REALLY make up your mind if you love her and want her back for good or not. If you want to get her back it wont be easy and you will have to forget about your pride sometimes, so make sure this is what you want. (I think this is what she wants too. She wants you to be sure that you want to get back together, so you wont break up again with her, if things get a bit rough) Now if you have decided that she is the one you want, then tell her so. If you have not told her since July, then she probably does not know that you still love her and want her back. She might be thinking all you want is friendship. If you are afraid you will come on too strong if you just tell her how you feel, then start by writing her an email, signing with love. If you do that already, then sign with 'Love you'. You can also send kisses. If you have a petname for her, call her by it. And most important of all, keep contacting her, even if she does not reply. Actions speak louder than words. And by keeping constant contact, she might develop a sense of being able to rely on you. At least to rely on your messages. I hope my post helps a bit. Now may I ask you a question? So you told your girl that you loved her and wanted her back 3 months after the breakup? What made you change your mind? Were you in contact before that? Did you come right out and say it, or did you taste the waters first? I am trying to figure out my ex's behaviour, that's why I ask. Good luck
  8. Dear Foz, I have just finished reading your thread, and I can't believe how similar our situations are. My guy also just told me one day that he was moving out because he did not see a future for us, and while he did not mind spending some more time with me, he did not want to marry me or have a family with me, so he would leave in order not to waste my time. Sound familiar? My breakup happened 4 months ago, so I am one month behind you. Have not seen my guy in nearly 3 months and it has been nearly 2 months since we last spoke on the phone. 2 weeks ago he started sending me emails and since then I am hopelessly confused to what his intentions are. I would have loved to check his emails in the last few months, but unfortunately I dont have his password. I think it would have destroyed me if I had read that he slept with someone else or is pining for some french girl. I admire your strength. I was thinking about whether I should ask him to meet and be a little more active in contacting him (I never initiate, only reply), but after reading your thread I dont think I should. Who knows what he has been up to in the last 4 months. He knows where I am and if he wants me, then he has to say so. Have you checked his emails again? Do you know if he is seeing anyone? I think his sending you flowers definitely shows that he cares about you. Question is as what. I remember that you were upset when you met him the first time and were all nice and friendly. You regretted seeming like everything is okay with you and that you did not mind the way he treated you anymore. Kinda as if you absolved him from his sins, if you know what I mean. Do you still feel this way? I hope everything works out great for you, I will surely be watching your thread. All the best, Danielle
  9. Hi frogman, absolutely agree with From-Now-on. I would act the same as your ex, and might even BE acting the same towards my ex right now. I love him so much and really want him back, but I want to guard my heart and that's why I dont initiate contact with him, or even ignore some of his messages. Did you tell your ex that you love her and want her back? How long after the breakup? What did she say? From what you say it sounds to me that you hurt her a lot, that she loves you and wants to get back together, but she is scared. Show her that you really love her by telling her, and by continuing to call her. Are you two LD? When did you last see her? Can you go visit her for the weekend? I think she wants you to pursue her and make up for the pain you called her. Good luck!
  10. Dear Dan, I think there is no harm in you sending her an email asking how she is doing and what is happening in her life. That is if it would not hurt you to hear that she has a new man, or if she would not reply. Good luck, Danielle
  11. Hi, so I sent him a nice, sweet mail this morning. 10 minutes later I got a reply in which he once more did not ask me any questions. He just thanked me again for getting him the info that he wanted. So what now? He did not ask anything, so I dont really have a reason to reply. But if I dont he will probably get upset again and ask me why I am ignoring him, or as he put it in his mail today: "What has happened to you?" Feel a bit like I am in a pickle now. My inclination would be to not contact him until I hear from him again, or at least wait until my exams are over, that's only 2 weeks from now. But if I read your posts correctly, then you think that would not be a good idea. Why could not he at least ask me how I am doing? Then I would have an excuse to reply. The good points of his mail are that he answered straight away, called me 'Sweetie' and signed with his nickname that I gave him, which he has not done in months. I guess by now you will all be bored of my drama. Hope you are not as pathetic as me.
  12. Dear Muneca, you are right, I still want him back and that was the original idea of my post. Now I dont wonder anymore if I should reply or not, but what should I say. I would love to start all over again with him, but I am afraid that he only wants to be friends and nothing more. And I can't do that right now. But I am scared to ask him if that is all he wants, because somehow I am clinging to the hope that if I dont say a thing he might decide that he would like to try again. Do you know what I mean? Most of the advice threads on here tell us to do NC for a while and to not react when he asks how you are doing because he is just testing the waters, and once he knows you still like him he will go away again. So I dont want to make this mistake. Maybe it is too early to reastablish contact as this wont make him make up his mind about us, and he will leave me in this limbo forever. It has been nearly 4 months already! I see where you are coming from, but I thought it was clear from my posts that I want him back. If not, let me say it again: I WANT HIM BACK What I dont want to do, is make a mistake. I dont want to give him the impression that I am fine with only being friends and I am scared that he will think so if I just reply friendly to his emails without ever bringing up anything personal. Your last sentence somehow strikes a chore. I thought I was letting him go. As I said on here I have not contacted him in over a month and dont reply to all his messages. Yes, I think about him constantly, but I am not telling him. What more can I do? Do you suggest I have to tell him that I dont want to hear from him again? I dont want to do that.
  13. Hi everyone, today, 6 days later he sent me another email. I never replied to his last post and in his mail he is complaining about it. His exact words were: "Did not answer my last email so there are still some unanswered questions but I will survive." Then he asked me a question about some info I can get at work. He did not say so, but I think it was another excuse to contact me. He finished his mail with: "Good luck for your exams and hope to hear from you soon. Love Name" I am happy that he mailed me and that he closed his mail with 'Love', but the overall tone of his mail is not too friendly. Maybe I am overreacting, but I think it sounds accusatory. I want to reply, but I dont know if I should, and if I do, what should I say? I feel like saying something like: "What do you want from me?" But I dont think the time is ripe for this yet. If you have any opinions, please let me know. Thanks.
  14. Hi Kim, as your breakup was a year ago and you have not spoken to him in 4 months, I dont think you would do much damage by sending a mail, as long as you can take a short, inpersonal reply. I agree with the other posters though, that if you do write this mail, then be totally honest. If you are brave enough to put yourself out on the line, then do it all the way. Tell him how you feel and see what he says. Dont put yourself down in your message. At least if you send him this mail you wont have to wonder anymore. How does the saying go? 'We regret the chances not taken!' Good luck with everything!
  15. Dear Keefy, I agree with everyone. Stop messaging and calling her! She obviously does not want to speak with you right now and what you are doing is harassing her. I am sure you apologized already in your messages and texts. She knows what you want to say, now let it be. She does not have to answer her phone or reply to your text messages, so let her be. You are coming accross as obsessed and it is probably going to drive her away further. For your own sake, and for the chance of reconcilliation in the future, please stop contacting her. Leave her alone. If she wants to talk to you, she will let you know. I know how you feel, but there is nothing you can do to make her talk to you, if she does not want to. It is not in your hands, so please focus on something else, anything. Be strong!
  16. HI Keefy, forgive me if I asume you you know my situation. I see that you are handling this situation differently from me. Whereas I dont contact him and sometimes ignore his messages, you contacted your girl. She sounds very caring and honest, btw. But it also sounds like she has made up her mind about you guys not being together, and she knows you would get your hopes up if you guys were to meet and had a good time. If I were in your situation I would absolutely not contact her. She seems to be convinced of your love for her. She feels secure and is not worried about losing you. If she suggested meeting up for lunch, I would not go. I would come up with some good excuse that is nice, sweet and absolutely believable, but I would do this to show her that I am quite capable of not jumping at the chance of meeting her. I also would not have replied to her email. I am sorry if I sound harsh, I dont mean to. Just wanted to give you my opinion. As I said we are handling it differently. So I guess it will be interesting to see where things lead and who will be able to get their ex back. If you are successful I am ready to jump over to your side of the fence any moment. All the best and good luck with everything. Go with what feels right for you, I am sure that is the best way to go.
  17. HI Detox, I know what you mean. Are you still talking to her online? I have posted my profile on a few dating sites and am talking to a few guys on a casual level. I have not met anyone so far, because none of the guys I like live in my area. Okay, so here is the update. I wrote him last night and he replied this morning. First he told me a bit about family and friends in England, then he said: 'You are a star. Thanks for the info about the TV license. (Easy to find but an excuse to contact you).' He ended the mail with 'look after yourself, Name'. So I guess his mail was friendly and polite, but nothing beyond that. He did not ask any questions or say anything that would require a reply, so I am not going to. I guess I am just going to sit back, concentrate on my exams and see if, when and how he contacts me again. I liked Keefy's idea of sending him a text out of the blue, but I am going to wait with it until after my exams. If I have not heard from him by then (beginning of february) I might send him a text saying that my exams are over and I wanted to let him know. Well, that's 3 weeks away, so I will see how I feel then. What do you guys think about his mail?
  18. Dear Keefy, thanks for your post. I hope he is realising that he is the one initiating all the contact between us. And I also hope that he does not know that I still love him and would like to get back together. If he does, then he probably wont come back, as humans never want what they can have. Okay, following the advice I got on here, I sent him a reply today. I would have liked to wait a few more days, after all he usually takes 1-2 weeks to get back to me, but I still sent him a reply. My message was nice and friendly. I told him in a few words how I was doing, asked him about his family and our friends in England that he visited, congratulated him on his payrise and sent him a link for the TV license. Now it is back to waiting for a reply from him. The least he should do is send me a 'thank you' mail for sending him the info he asked for. If I dont hear from him for a couple of days, then I know he was just checking if I was still there, but he is not interested in reestablishing some sort of relationship. Let's see what happens. What I care most about, is to not get too worked up about this. I can't let him rule my emotions anymore. At least I sent him an email. So if I dont hear from him I wont have to wonder if he got my text or not. Emails dont get lost. I'll keep you all posted. Good luck for you in your own endeavours. Hope you all feel good.
  19. Dear Muneca, I dont want to play games, but I am just scared of a relapse. I am in a positon right now where I feel much better than I did some weeks ago, but I am not at the point yet where I dont care anymore if he contacts me or not. I dont want to make a mistake at this crucial point, because I think it might be the tipping point. I feel like what I am going to do now will decide the outcome of the whole story. So what I would wish for is some more time to get strength and feel better about myself. There are two possible outcomes to my sending him a reply that worry me: 1) He just starts NC again. If he does that I will be really angry at myself for replying to him. Maybe a few more weeks of me ignoring him and he would have come knocking on my door. 2) He asks to meet up as friends. I think at this point if we would meet up I might see him and all the progress I made would be distroyed. He might be genuinely interested in a friendship, but I am not ready for that just now. Maybe in a few months or so. So my preferred outcome would be for him to reply after a few days or so in a friendly, caring way, but without suggesting a meeting. How likely is it that this is going to happen? I am spending way too much time thinking about it again. I wish I could focus on other things. So I guess I am going to send him a mail tomorrow, just to get out of the way and put the ball back in his corner. I am feeling like a pathetic loser right now, wish I could see this much calmer. But I knew this was going to happen. I dont hear from him for a while and I am fine, but once he contacts me I am back in the old turmoil.
  20. Hi detox, thanks for your post. What did you mean by 'hey trim, heres a word of advice for you'? Or was that not directed towards me? I will keep you all posted if anything happens. Will probably send him a reply on tuesday or so. Does anyone think it would be perfectly fine to just totally ignore his messages, without it being rude? I would love to hear that, so if you do, please let me know.
  21. Hi, have not replied to his mail or text yet. I feel strangely calm. I am quite sure that he is only contacting me because my NC makes him nervous, but not because he wants a second chance. I believe that if I reply he will feel reassured about me still caring about him and he will feel free to not contact me for a while or go and date other people. Now, I dont want to give him this reassurance, so I think it would be better to ignore his messages. But, I also dont want to come accross as rude and give him the feeling that I am angry at him. So am in a pickle. Will probably send a short reply 2 days from now or so. Something that is weird is that I am really not telling myself how his messages are proof of him still loving me, as I used to do in the past. I guess I am more realistic about this and thereforeeee calmer than before. Another thing is that I dont want him to suggest meeting up. I am feeling quite calm and composed right now, but I think meeting up would be a setback. Now, the last thing I want to do is tell him that. Never show him that I care. So I want to keep my message as distant as possible in order to disencourage any suggestion for meeting up. Is not that strange? Up until a few days ago, I would have probably jumped in the middle of night if he had asked me to meet, but now I dread that possibility. Maybe I am really coming to grips with this breakup. Is not there a saying that goes like 'Once you disconnect they come back'? Could be true. Maybe he can sense somehow that he is not my be-all have-all anymore. Had a great weekend and caught myself smiling a few times. Dont wanna do anything to jeopardise this good feeling. I will keep you posted.
  22. Wow, things are happening. I just received an email from him. Wow, ever since he broke up with me he never sent me an email, only ever texts. In his email he asked about how I am doing and if I could send him some info about a tv license. He even admitted that he could do it himself, but that he'd rather ask me. He also signed with love. Okay, now I am confused. Is this his way of trying to reconnect or is my NC showing effects? I guess I will reply to his mail as it was nice and respectful. I just must not get my hopes up and think that he wants to reconcile. Do any of you think I should not reply to his message, but rather ignore it? Is he just checking if I am still around, and once I reply he will retreat again? Guess that's a risk I have to take. I will keep you posted on any updates.
  23. Dear Muneca, good to hear from you again. I think my mind is made up good. I would like him back, but only if he wants to come back wholeheartedly. All he is doing now is stringing me along by sending me random messages every couple of weeks. Dont you agree? When I read other people's threads and the exes send messages like that, people always comment that they are being strung along by their ex until the ex finds someone new. He never came out and said something about wanting me, about missing me or even wanting to see me again. Quite probably, if I sent him a reply back wishing him my congratulations, I would not hear from him again for a couple of weeks. Is that the kind of friendship you are suggesting I have with him? Feels like all the power is in his hands. He can just contact me whenever he likes, but I have to wait and sit tight until he decides to do so. Some time ago you suggested to ignore his messages unless they are respectful and caring. Are you taking that back? Do you think this message was respectful? I did not think so. I think in a respectful message he would have at least asked 'How are you' and would not have ended it with just his name signed, but with something like 'take care'. Last night after I got his message I was feeling quite confident again for the first time in a few weeks. I'd rather stick to that feeling than subject myself to the eternal limbo, which being in contact with him somehow is. Does anyone else have an opinion on his message? Do you all think that I should be grateful and flattered that he sent this text?
  24. Oh gosh, watch out, a vent coming up!!! Guess what, I just received a text from my ex! Is he reading this site? That's actually possible because a) he is in IT and told me a few times in the past he could get my email password if he wanted to, but mostly b) it seems that whenever I post on here saying that I have not heard from him in a while, I suddenly get a text. So if you are reading this Nudnik, fess up and tell me you are reading my mail! Okay, for all of you who are not my ex, let me tell you what he wrote: Hi X, I have to tell someone my good news, so I will tell you. Sorry. I just got a 10% payrise. Not great but better than nothing, Name Okay, so there are a few things that jump out to me from this message. First of all he sent it a few minutes past midnight. Ever since I met him he has never been in bed after 11pm. So him texting me that late is really odd. Then if he has to tell 'someone' and choses me to be the one, that tells me that he does not have a new girl yet, and apparently no friends either. Also, cut the crap, I am sure he told his friends and family at home already. His 'sorry': For a while now whenever he contacts me he apologises for it. There is always a 'sorry to bother you', 'you dont have to reply if you dont want to'... in his messages. Why? I practically reply all of the time and my replies are always cheery, friendly and polite. Never have I complained about him contacting me. I guess he gets that idea because I dont initiate contact and ignored his messages for a few weeks back in November. So if he thinks I dont want to hear from him, but he still contacts me for nonsense, that seems to me a lot like he longs for contact. Last thing: He signed the text with his full name. He has never done that since the first two weeks after we met. It has always been his initials, as in AJ. The only reason I can come up with for this is that he wants to sound more formal. Back when we had that phonecall in December I announced myself with my fullname instead of the nickname I used to use. He was visibly surprised and repeated my name like 3 times. So I guess that's his reason. Makes all sense if you dont count the reply I sent him 10 days ago in which I signed with Love, and my nickname. Which makes me feel like he never got that message. dont know for sure but that day I had problems with my mobile and missed a text and call from a friend. If he did not get it that would explain why he did not reply for so long. Okay, dont worry end of vent is coming up. I actually hope that he did not get my reply because that would make today day 22 of my NC. Not bad for me. So how do I feel about that text? I cant deny that I am excited, but I also feel a bit sorry for him. That is kinda pathetic, to text the ex a message about your payrise because you have to tell 'someone' and there is no one else. Poor guy! What am I gonna do now? Hmm, not reply for a few days for sure, and then maybe send a mail that says 'Congratulations'. Nothing more. G-d, this guy is pathetic somehow. Cant make up his mind. Either stay out of my life or say that you want back in. dont send those stupid messages. Anyway, as usual any opinions are greatly appreciated. Take care all you good people!
  25. Dear Ladies, thanks for your replies. I am glad you found my thread Princess, as I always look forward to your replies. It is strange that they keep moving my post around. From Second chances to breaking up and now ex-bf/gf relationships. wonder where they will move it next? 'Lost causes'? I am glad you pointed out that my message was very simple. You are right, it might not be evident to him that I am expecting a reply. Which ultimately might be for the best. I would love to hear from him, but I know that if I am going to feel less attached to him, I am going to need a long time without contact. Knowing myself I probably would not be able to ignore a nice message from him, so I guess I should be grateful to him for not contacting me as he could easily be stringing me along but does not. Did I mention that I wish he would have done something really mean or unforgiveable to me? Then it would be much easier for me to move on. But he is a great guy who just fell out of love with me, or decided that I am not the ONE for him, and it is only fair if he does not waste my time if he knows that he will never want to marry me or start a family with me. One of my best friends was together with this woman over ten years ago. She ended things because he was not the one. She never treated him badly and they have stayed in loose contact. Well, she is remarried with children and apparently living a happy life. He on the other hand never forgot about her and is still comparing every woman he meets to her. Just recently he told me that he still thinks about her every couple of days. And that 10 years!!!! later. I am afraid that it will be the same with my guy and that I will never really get over him. Well, just felt like sharing some of my thoughts. Hope you are all doing good. I'll keep you posted if anything happens on my front.
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