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Tryingtobestrong

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  1. Tryingtobestrong
    Hi dany I have been in your shoes a year ago. He also did not seem to really want to leave. Even told me after a few days that he made a mistake. A week later he changed his mind again. I used to think we would get back together for sure as there were so many feelings on both sides and there was no real reason for the breakup, other than him not seeing a future for us due to marriage and children (sound familiar?). So I stayed in touch with him hoping that he would change his mind soon, well he did not and 6 months later I cut off all contact with him. I still think about him a lot, especially as he still tries to contact me from time to time. I changed my phone number and emailaddress back in June and since than it's been easier as he cant contact me anymore. I figure if he changed his mind he knows my address. He can always just show up or send me a letter. My advice to you would be to not play the friend-game. As long as you still love him it will just hurt too much as every sign of emotion from his side might confuse you and give you false hope. Say all you have to say to him now and then ask him to stay away from you. Once you are ready to be friends you will contact him. It took me a long time till the healing process started and I am still in the middle of it. I hope yours will be faster. All the best
  2. Tryingtobestrong
    I agree. You should not be with a person you dont love and dont want to be with. BUT, she is probably hurting very much right now. And it helps her to get over you if she thinks that you are an absolute low-life and she is way better off without you. If it helps her, let her. You know in your heart that you did the right thing after you carefully contemplated it for a certain amount of time. You did not cheat on her, lie to her, physically hurt her, steal,... You get the picture. remember that and let your ex and her friends say and think what they want. If you want her to get over you, then let her be angry at you. It helps.
  3. Tryingtobestrong
    Hi Hope, thanks for your suggestion, sounds great. I will check that out and see if I can afford it. About my feelings for the ex. They change a lot. Most of the time I believe that we were wrong for each other and it is for the best that we are over. At other times I am really sad and miss him, but even then I know that there is nothing I can do to change things. Anybody else got suggestions?
  4. Tryingtobestrong
    HI Wimpy, thanks for your reply. Dont worry, this wont be a sad day. It will be a day for me to reaffirm that I can live on my own and dont need anybody else to make me happy. I was thinking about spending the day with a friend in order not to think about it much, but I know I will be thinking about it anyway, and I DO want to think about it and commemorate the moment. I would love to do something really great and exciting, so that I will always remember this day as the day I first jumped out of a plane (for example), but the weather here is really lousy. Cold, grey, depressing. So I dont think that I will want to go outside, unless to pick up a movie. If it were summer I would love to take surfing lessons or something similary cool. That's why I need help. Does anyone have an idea about what to do on a really cold and ugly day, that is fun? Thanks for your input.
  5. Tryingtobestrong
    This saturday it will be 1 year exactly since my ex told me that he was moving out and our 2.5 year relationship was over as he could not see a future for us. I can't believe it's that long already, feels like he just left a few months ago, but on the other hand it feels like I have been single forever. For some reason I have both dreaded and looked forward to the arrival of this day and I have decided to do something to make this day special. Mostly I want to celebrate the fact that I made it to this day. I have not died of a broken heart, I have not cried, begged or pleaded for him to come back (well, only in the first 48 hours) I have not turned into a stalker or done anything else to be embarrassed off. I am also proud to report that I have manged to stick to NC for over 6 months now (with the exception of one mass email in august) even though he has never really disappared from my life. I still miss him and think about him from time to time, but he will be the last person on earth to hear about that. So I am wondering what to do on this special day. I was thinking about getting a nice bottle of wine and relaxing with a good book and some music in the background. I considered going to the cinema, but I dont really want to see happy couples, so maybe a video might be a better idea. The thought of spending this day with friends or family popped into my head, but I think I want to spend this day by myself and think about what I have accomplished in the last year and what more I want to achieve in the years to come. Any ideas on what else I could do on this day?
  6. Tryingtobestrong
    Dear Hope and Happythoughts, thanks a lot for your posts. You guys dont even know me, but you said nicer things to me than me ex ever did. Go figure. I am still doing good. Excited to going back to university in October and so looking forward to start my next courses. I hope you ladies are very happy with yourself as well. Love, Danielle
  7. Tryingtobestrong
    Hi Ebola, I am still around. Since I last posted something happened, but I did not want to post about it yet, in case I changed my mind again. Well, the thing that happened was that I suddenly had an epiphany. I realized that my ex was really bad for me, that I was not happy in the relationship and that my self-esteem suffered when we were together. So as a consequence I stopped checking the emailaddress he has access to and told my sister to not tell me in case he contacts her again. That was about 10 days ago, and I must say I am feeling really good now. The best I have since he left me. I feel free now, look forward to the future, and am for the first time in a year really not hoping for reconcilliation. I guess the major relapse I had a few weeks ago was just the absolute low-point I had to reach before I could let go and move on with my life. I hope I am not speaking too soon and my feelings will change again in a few weeks, but for now I am really happy. So your guy is leaving again this week. How are you feeling about it? You write that you found out you dont like him, so I hope you are happy about his leaving.
  8. Tryingtobestrong
    Did you do the right thing with what? Emailing him and asking if he wants to go for a ride? And continueing to email once he did not reply? No, I dont think it was the right thing to do. But whatever, we all make mistakes. Did you do the right thing when you told him to stay away? Absolutetly. He does not have the decency to reply to your emails even though he checks them all the time and knows you are being depressed and sad. If he cared about you and really wanted to be your friend, he would reply. I think the best thing for you is to stay away from him and not contact him anymore. Good luck!
  9. Tryingtobestrong
    That's very good, hands-on advice Beec, thanks a lot. You are probably right saying that I am not ready for this as I can't even fathom the idea of 'seducing him'. So I will think about this for a while before I act, but if I decide to get in touch with him, I have an idea how to do it now, so thanks again.
  10. Tryingtobestrong
    Beec, thanks for your reply and advice. So how do you recommend I do all that? Should I just send him a mail and ask him if he wants to meet up and be friends? Should I use an excuse to contact him?... Btw, I got another of his mass-emails today, every time I get one of those there are new names of girls in it. Seems like he is dating like crazy. I want him to stop sending me those mails. What's the best way to do that? Just plain ask him to take me off it, without reasoning? Or explain to him why?
  11. Tryingtobestrong
    Now I am just as confused as before. Just met my dad and told him all about my current depression. At first he told me to not contact my ex in any way as he obviously is not interested in more than friendship. An hour later he told me to contact him as he had momentarily 'forgotten' the reason my ex broke up with me; my request for marriage and children. My dad already told me a year ago that one should not pressure a man to get married and start a family, as most guys will run away if a woman pushes for this. He has done so himself when he was younger. So he thinks that my ex will not ask for a second chance as long as he thinks I insist on marriage and children. I told my dad that right now I dont know if I really have to have children and would be happy to have a relationship with him without too much commitment for now. This is not just an empty phrase, but I really believe that I would be cool with having a relationship that is not automatically headed for the big commitment. So my dad thinks that I should ask my ex to meet because I need to ask him something (I would not do that, btw). And then when we meet I should ask him if he really broke up with me because I pushed for M+C so much. And if he says yes I should tell him that I dont feel that way anymore. Maybe he is right, maybe he is not. I dont know what the right thing to do is, but I feel that unless I do SOMETHING this whole situation will go indefinetly. It's been a year already, for G-d's sake! I am expecting another of his mass-emails any day now and I am wondering if I should ask him not to send me anymore of those in the future, or if I should use them as an excuse to write to him. Still need some advice. But thanks a lot to everyone who already posted on my thread. It means a lot to me.
  12. Tryingtobestrong
    Thanks a lot for your replies. They really help. And may I encourage anyone else who reads this to give me their opinion! Wild Child, we were together for 2.5 years. Lived together for most of the time. He had a good relationship with my sister, but they were not really that close. I have no idea why he called her. He conctacted her twice before already. Once in April to find out if I have a new boyfriend (she told him to ask me himself), once at the end of June where he did not really say or ask anything, and now he called her. He broke up with me because I pressed for marriage and children (I am 29, he is 32) and he told me he did not want to have children within the next 10 years. So he broke up with me 'for my own good'. So what do you think? DN, thanks a lot for your advice and I share your concerns. I am afraid to get hurt again, and that's why I dont listen to my friends' advice to contact him yet. Beec, I liked your thoughts, especially the part where you think he wants to be back in the relationship as well. So what do you suggest I do? Write him a mail asking for his friendship? Or use an excuse to contact him like some software I need?
  13. Tryingtobestrong
    Hi everyone, it's been 11 months since my boyfriend dumped me and moved out of our apartment. I started NC 5 months ago and have been doing rather well for the most time. He has contacted me from time to time with massemails that I just delete when I get them. He also sent me 3 personal emails and wishes for my birthday 2 months ago. He has also called my sister 3 weeks ago and told her about his life which seems to be going really well. Since then I have been doing really badly and last week even broke NC after 5 months without thinking about it in advance. I sent him one of those mass emails I get from him regularily. He replied twice. First he said that it was good to see I am still alive. In the second email he sent me a link to a related article. That was 8 days ago. Since then I have not heard a thing from him. I am so tempted to contact him again. It seems like I am missing him more now than I have in a long time. My family and friends tell me to just contact him and ask him if he wants to be friends. They think that if he says no or that he has a new girlfriend, at least I will be able to move on for good. And if not, than spending time with him might show me that he is not so great after all, or he might fall back in love with me. I am thinking about this all the time, but I have not contacted him yet. Something is holding me back but I dont know if it common sense or fear or pride. I really need some unbiased advice, so please everyone who reads this, tell me what you think I should do. The more suggestions I get the easier it will be for me to make a decision. Thank you!
  14. Tryingtobestrong
    9 months after the breakup, I have been able to stick to NC since March 19th. He has written me a few random messages since, last were for my birthday 2 weeks ago. I am trying to go at least for 6 months without contacting him.
  15. Tryingtobestrong
    Hi, it's been a while since I posted on here, and I felt like and update was in order. So, I have been a good girl and did not break NC. In six days it will be 3 whole months of NC. My ex kept on contacting me for 3 weeks or so till he realized that I was not going to reply, so he sent me a 'goodbye email' in which he promised not to bother me again. That was 2 months ago. Since then I have had my ups and downs, but I have to say that, in retrospect, NC is the best way to heal and get over an ex. Not that I have forgotten about him. I still think about him every hour and still have my little dreams/hopes/phantasies of us getting back together. But I am definitely feeling less desperate now. I got back my self confidence and my belief that I can make it and will even be happy again, without him in my life. I also stopped believing that he is the best guy alive and my soulmate, but realized that I loved him and gave my heart to him, and that's why it hurts, but there are surely other guys out there who I might care about just as much. On the dating front, I have not done much, but met a few guys and one or two of them are interested in me. While I have no intention to start a new relationship, as I am not ready for it, it sure feels good to get some attention from the other sex. About my ex, well last week he included me in some mass-email he sent to 50 people. that really upset me as it was the first contact in nearly two months and it was so inpersonal. As a result to this I changed my email address, after I had already changed my mobile and landline number. But this morning I got a mail from him to my workaccount basically just saying 'hi, hope you are doing fine'. He does not say anthing about missing me, loving me or wanting to get back together, so I am probably just going to ignore it and continue to get over him. I have tried the fake friendship for 6 months and it was a pure waste of my time and energy. So as you can probably tell from my post, I am doing much better now and look forward to the days when I will be truly happy again. I would not have believed that 8 months ago, but time truly does heal. Good luck to all of you and I will keep you posted if anything interesting happens
  16. Tryingtobestrong
    Hi Miller, I don't have any insight for you. I remember you posting this before and I did not understand it back then, I dont understand it now either. She broke up saying 'Because YOUR sisters are best friends'? Do you mean she said 'Because OUR sisters are best friends'? No idea why she would say that. I feel that it was just an excuse to let you down gently. I think she might have looked like she was gonna cry because she felt bad for hurting you, not because she still loved you. This has happened over a year ago, so I think you should really stop analyzing what she said and meant. Move on with your life!
  17. Tryingtobestrong
    Dear quing, I think you handled the meeting with your ex very well. She apparently expected you to beg for her to come back or at least to be devastated. You showed her that she can forget that little phantasy. I think her behaviour towards you is unforgivable (dressing up for a date with another man at your place and asking you if you would 'do' her). Mean wench! You did the rigth thing. Showed her that you have self-respect and that you can walk away from her. I think she acted in a way that was unforgiveable, so you should not worry about that, but if you still want her back, then you are in the best postition. She knows she can't just have you back whenever she feels like it. Once she realises you are really gone, she will either come crawling back begging you for a second chance, or she wont and you will be better off. Good luck and be proud of yourself! 8)
  18. Tryingtobestrong
    Dear Cassiana, I have no real advice for you. I have recently met my ex again, 5 months after the breakup, and we did not get back together, but it caused me a lot of pain. I am worried about the same thing happening to you, so I put all my positive thoughts in wishing you a great evening. I agree with the others. Don't expect a reconcilliation, and dont bring it up yourself. Just try and enjoy the evening as if he were an old friend. Good luck and keep us posted!
  19. Tryingtobestrong
    Were you the one that ended the relationship? How and why?
  20. Tryingtobestrong
    Leave it.
  21. Tryingtobestrong
    I would not get in touch unless she does. It has been 2 weeks since you last heard from her? Well, she is obviously not contacting you either, so dont worry about it. Only when she starts contacting you again, you should worry about whether you want to give her an explanation or not. You dont owe it to her, but if it makes you feel better, tell her in a sentence or two, that you think it's best for the both of you to get some distance. Don't make it sound emotional or like a big deal, she got a new guy, so don't play the role of the pathetic ex who wants her back. Good luck!
  22. Tryingtobestrong
    Hi Thomas, I dont know if I can give you advice, I just want to tell you my point of view from the other side. My bf, with whom I was together for 2.5 years, totally in love with, wanted to marry him and raise a family,... left me 7 months ago. Not because he met somebody else, or because he did not care about me anymore, but because he could not see a future for us. He had been feeling this way for about 6 months prior to breaking up. The thing that made him go through with his decision, was me pushing for marriage and children and he just knew that he would not be able to give me that in the next 5-10 year, maybe never. Well, I was completely heartbroken and could not believe that it was really over. Especially as he still seemed to care about me and for the first 1.5 months sent me a few messages per day. Well, a month ago I have finally realized that even though he cares about me, and probably would love to be my friend, he just does not love me anymore, not in the way a boyfriend or husband should. thereforeeee I have decided to walk away and rebuild my life without him in it. I guess he was in a similar position to you before he actually broke up with me. If I had the power to go back in time and make him change his mind, I would not. If he feels this way about me (ambivalent, more friendly than passionately) than I dont want to be with him. Like him, I deserve someone who loves me with all his heart and wants to be with me for good. I can't tell you to leave your girlfriend if you feel this way, because that is your decision. And I am sure that if you will leave her, she will feel distroyed. Just wanted to let you know how someone who has been in a similar situation feels. Good luck for you and your girlfriend.
  23. Tryingtobestrong
    If you can stand finding out that she is happy in a new relationship, then I would say yes. The breakup was one year ago and you are on friendly terms. Why not? I have met an ex about a year after the breakup and it was good to see him again. Problem was that he wanted to get back together, which I did not, but otherwise it was good.
  24. Tryingtobestrong
    Sounds to me like she is not over you. Strange thing is though, that she was the one who broke it off. Maybe she regretted it but was too proud to ask you for another chance?
  25. Tryingtobestrong
    Cassiana, sorry for being so nosy, but after those 4 months, did you write him or did he initiate contact? And if it was you, what did you say? And how were you feeling at the time? Still in love with him, or just curious? Admirable restraint btw.
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