Tryingtobestrong

Cassiana, does that mean you ignored his messages for 4 months? Or was there just no contact from both sides?

Twelve, I would not want to be taken aside by an ex at work to tell me that. I'd rather have it on neutral territory or even via mail so I could decide whether I wanted to reply or not.

Hi Jim, I dont know your ex, but I think I would not want to get taken aside by my ex at work to tell me that. Did you end things and she was hurt? Then any contact from your side might give her false hope of you wanting to reconsider. If you think there is a risk of that, then dont contact her at all. Better to let her think that you are a mean jerk and she is better off without you. If you absolutely want to apologize to her, then make it short, unemotional and to the point. Good luck!

I hate weekends too now. I have been dumped nearly 7 months ago, and the first months were the worst. The last couple of months I have always made sure that my weekends are firmly booked and I have no time to sit around and feel lonely. Well, tonight nobody had time or muse to see me and I am sitting home alone, thinking about my ex and fighting temptation to give him a call. I am meeting friends tomorrow, so I am counting the hours till then and try not to think too much about where he might be right now and who he might be with. Hope we all come out at the other side soon.

Am having a hard time today. Thinking about him the whole time and want to give him a call so badly. My head tells me not to do it, but time does not seem to pass and none of my friends have time to do something tonight. I am staring at the clock counting the minutes till it is time to go to bed. Anyone know how to get through this? Been to gym already today.

Well, I don't want to NEVER hear from him again. I have 2 other exes I am still in friendly contact with, and I would like to get to the point where we could do that as well. I just know that NOW I can't be friends with him. The breakup is still too fresh for me and I am also rather angry at him right now. I hoped that we could drift apart without having a confrontation over it. But if he does not stop contacting me, my family or my friends, I guess I will have to tell him right out. I just dont want to make it sound like I am still hurt over the breakup and am not strong enough to be his friend. So maybe I should use the exit he is offering me and just say that I am dating someone new. I am worried though, that then he will think that it is cool to tell me about the girl he is seeing, and I really dont want that. Well, I am crossing my fingers that this was the last time he got in touch and I wont hear from him again for a long time. Wish me luck!

So, after I sent him this email in which I said that I was doing fine and he needn't worry about me, he wrote back saying that he is happy to hear that and promises to leave me alone from now on. If I wanted to be in touch with him then I should call, text or write. I thought that he would stay away from now on. Well, to my surprise he contacted my sister this evening. He sent her a text asking if I have a new boyfriend. He sent her 4 texts in which he wrote that he wants me to be happy and find love, and because I am not replying he can only think that I have a new boyfriend. If that is true, then he is very happy for me, but he just wants to know. I asked my sister not to reply, but she did not want to do that. So she sent him a text saying that I was doing fine, but she did not want to talk about whether I had a new boyfriend or not. It was none of her business. I have no idea why he is suddenly so interested in me and my love life. I only know that I really want to get some peace and as long as he keeps sticking his head into my life I will probably not find it. I guess I have two options. Stick to NC or call him and tell him to leave me alone. Any suggestions?

No, not stupid at all if you care about her and want to end things on a good note. If she cares about you, then she will think that you are not mad at her, and if she one day thinks about you, she will feel free to contact you. An ex of mine, who I had to break up with, left me a message similar to that. I did not contact him for a while, but because of his message I felt free to send him a card for his birthday. He replied and we have been in friendly, irregular contact since. I think she might see this message as you saying goodbye and letting her go. If you stick to this and do not contact her again, then I think this will only make you look good in her eyes. Good luck with everything and welcome to this ride called healing.

Thanks for your replies. Unfortunately I just broke NC. I felt like I had to. After sending me his 'goodbye email' last friday, in which he said he was gonna leave me alone, he gave me 2 calls yesterday. He left me a message saying that he was worried about me and that I should please tell him that I am okay. I felt that it was either childish or mean if I continued to ignore him and also had this feeling that things might get ugly soon, if I continued to ignore him. It might be nonsense, but I started to worry about him showing up at my work and making a scene or something like that. Do you guys think I should have stayed strong and ignored him?

Everyone who read my monster thread on the ex-boyfriend/girlfriend page knows my story. For all others let me just tell you that my live-in boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me over 6 months ago. His reasons were that he could not see a future for us and he did not want to waste my time. Well, I have been in touch with him for the last 6 months always hoping that we might get back together. We did not see each other for over 4 months but went on two 'dates' in March. On these dates I realized, through his words and actions, that he is not interested in getting back together with me. After the 2nd date I did not hear from him for a week and decided that I had to walk away from him and our relationship as I was not moving on, and I still wanted much more than friendship from him. Since I decided to do that, 2 weeks ago from today, he has contacted me 4 times. Twice by text and twice via email. The first 3 messages were not very meaningful, just some comments about a football game. I ignored them all. Last night he sent me a 'goodbye email'. He says that he realizes that I dont want to speak to him anymore. He hopes this is not true and the messages just got lost, but he finds that hard to believe. So he wishes me all the happiness in the world and signed with love. Now I feel really torn. What am I supposed to do? I started NC because I felt that this was the only chance for me to move on, and maybe for him to realize that he loves me after all. But his message is tearing at my heart. I want to reply. I want to tell him how I feel, but my head tells me this would be wrong. There is nothing I can say or do that will make him love me again. He has to discover this on his own. I dont trust my heart or my head anymore. So please tell me what you think I should do. I feel like I am going to do a huge mistake, but I dont know what would be wrong. Replying or not? Please help!

My situation is very similar to yours, only I am 6 months ahead. 2 weeks ago I finally decided to let it go and move on with my life without him. He would still like to be in contact with me and give me mixed signals, but I decided to ignore that. Read my thread if you want more details. My advice for you would be to tell him clearly that you are not interested in being friends with him and if this is over he should let you go. If one day he changes his mind he can contact you and you will tell him if you are still interested. And then go NC and totally ignore any contact attempts from him. They are only attempts to string you along and make him feel secure of your love. Dont put yourself through the emotional turmoil of false hope. If he feels that you are serious with moving on without him, and he loves you, he will chase you. If he does not then it is better for you if it is over for good now. This road will be rocky, but you will get through it, I am sure. Best of luck!!

HI Keefy, seems like you and I have reached the same state at the same time. Hope we can both stick to our resolutions to move on with our lives and not waste time on hoping we get back together with our exes. Let's keep track of each other and help each other through this. Good luck my friend!

Dear everyone, out of nowhere I have reached a point where I decided that I had enough. I dont know why, but it is like I had an epiphany and realized that this relationship is over for good and that by staying in touch with him I am only going to hurt myself and prolong the healing process. Nothing happened since my last post, only that he took a week to contact me again. In that period I decided that I did not want that anymore. I have been doing NC for 15 days now and I want to stick to it for as long as necessary. He has contacted me twice since, but I ignored both messages. I hope he does not contact me again, because that's when it gets difficult for me, because I hate being rude and not replying. Other than that I have decided to only look forward and move away from my past. This is something I would not have been able to do a few months or even weeks ago, but now I am strong enough. Thank you all for accompanying me on this long winding road, which has lasted for 6 months already.

Hallo everyone, I have not posted in a while and wanted to update everyone who has helped me through my crisis last week. I am sure you guessed it, I met him for dinner and a movie last night. I knew I should not have, and I did not post on here for advice because I expected you all to tell me not to go, and I did not want to go against your advice, when I am practically begging for it. Anyway, this is is what happened. We met last sunday and since then he contacted me daily 1-4 times via email, some sms and one phonecall. He did not bring up meeting on monday and tuesday, but just wrote about different things. I was upset because he said he was gonna call monday or tuesday about it. Wednesday he asked 'if I was free on saturday' to watch the movie. I thought about it for a while and then said yes. After that he still wrote a few times and then we met last night. It was strange to hear so often from him. I am sure I have heard more often from him in the last week than in the last 4 months together. I went to the meeting not expecting anything, and that's what I got. We had a really lovely evening. No awkwardness in the beginning like last week, but we started talking straight away. He told me about what he had been up to last week. He was doing something every night, but he has not met that other girl. (Made me happy, but I did not tell him). He also told me that he wants to change his job and also leave this country. That hurt for a moment, because then he will be far away from me, but I think it will be easier as well, if I want to heal and move on from him. We spoke about many things, also about dreams and hopes we both have for our future and he felt so close, so intimate. During our 'date' I reminded myself a couple of times to enjoy every moment of it because I dont know if or when I will see him again. I am very glad because he did not give me any mixed messages. He did not do or say anything that gave me the impression that he might want to reconcile. He has repeated again that he does not want to be in a committed relationship at the moment, because he has to find his way first. I told him that I understood and that everybody got to do what makes them happy. At the end of our evening he took my hand, gave me a kiss and said that he would call me sometime so we could get together again. I replied that this would be nice. I dont know when I will hear from him again. It would not surprise me, if he took two weeks to get in touch, but after last week and daily contact, I guess I will be hoping for something sooner. I dont think I want to go NC on him. The truth is still the same. I love him, but he does not want to be in a relationship with me right now. I think that this is the part that I have to get into my head. I will just have to tell myself 20 times a day (or an hour) that he does not want to be in a relationship with me. If i can accept and understand that, then I can be in touch with him. I just have to make sure that I dont put my hopes on him, and I have to continue to see other people. It is so strange. If I had just met him, I would be on top of the world after last night. I had a great evening with a guy I really like, he seems to like me too and he said that he would call me again so we could do something together. But knowing that this is not going to lead anywhere, that is the bummer. I am not pretending that I am his friend, I told him so, and if I feel the need, I will tell him again. I made sure that he knew last night was a date and not a friendly get together. So I am okay with dating him, even though it wont lead to a committed relationship, as long as he does not seriously date anyone else and does not tell me about it. If it gets too painful, I will just have to stop. At least I know that he still feels attracted to me, and does not just see me in a platonic way. If that were the case, I guess I would hurt much more. I am trying to accept that this is his problem. He is a commitment phobe, has a life crisis or whatever, but it does not have to do with me. He just cant be in a relationship with anyone at the moment. Maybe one day he will feel ready to be in a serious relationship again, but I know I cant wait or hope for that day. My dad is staying at my place this weekend, and I was really glad about it. My ex was hinting about staying at my place last night, because it was really late already when I got home. If my dad had not stayed there, I would surely have invited him in, and I guess this would have been a mistake. He does not know my dad was there, so he probably thinks that I am strong enough to send him away. If he only knew. Okay, this was rather long, but I just wanted to let you know what happened and thank you again for your moral support last week. I really needed it. It probably wont take long till I am back posting about some crisis, but at the moment I am doing okay. I hope you are all strong too, and please feel free to share any thoughts you have on my situation.

Hi GeeCee, that sure is a great post. Hope everything goes well for you and that your guy appreciates how lucky he is to have you!

Dear Keefy, good to hear from you again, and thanks for your advice. I must say that it feels good to read what you are saying. Maybe he is really playing some kind of game and tries to show me how independent he is and how good he gets along without me. I really dont understand why he had to bring her up. He must have known that it would hurt me. I can only think that either he was trying to make me jealous or she really is just a friend and he did not think it would bother me to hear about that. When he asked me about it on the phone I told him that I am dating a bit and have made some male friends (not entirely true, but anyway). Something tells me that he met her on the Internet and so I suppose he is really looking for someone new. Even if she might not be the one, should I wait around for him to meet someone? I dont think so. I dont know what to do. Part of me screams to tell him goodbye and to leave me alone. The other part of me says that this might be some kind of a test and if I dont loose my nerves but play my hand cool, there might be a chance for reconcilliation. What should I do? The situation is killing me right now, and I think I need some time to think about it clearly. I know though that he is supposed to contact me tonight or tomorrow to talk about getting together next weekend. I dont want to talk to him, because I dont know if I can keep my emotions in guard. But if I dont talk to him now and dont hear from him for some time again, will I then regret not using this time to talk to him and tell him how I feel?

Okay, I've just come back from my date with him. In a sentence: I still love him, but he just wants to be friends. Aargh, we met at 6 infront of the cinema, and it was weird. We barely spoke and acted like strangers. We watched the movie and then went to a bar for a drink. He spoke a bit about work, asked a bit about me, but mostly we were staring at the walls and there was an uncomfortable silence between us. Well, then I finished my first glass of wine, and alcohol makes me talkative, so I started talking and asking him questions. Basically he said that he still did not know what he wanted to do with his life career wise, and still felt lost, but that he was enjoying his life much more now than a few months ago. He is going out a few times a week, made some friends and goes to gym regularily. He mentioned that he went to the theatre last week. I asked with who and he told me that it was with this girl he was seeing. That blew me away. I hope I did not let it show. I was shocked especially as he told me on the phone that he was not dating anyone, and it would take another 100 years for him to start dating again. So I asked him about her and he told me that they were 'just friends' as it would be unfair of him to be in a serious relationship with anyone right now. But they meet up once or twice a week and do things together. Well, I dont know what his definiation of a date is, but it sounds like one to me. What really hurt me was when he told me that they had 'so much in common and could talk for hours'. He has always been a loner and found it difficult to make male or female friends. He often told me that I was one of the few people he could talk to. And now he has someone else for this. All these last few months when he was not asking me to meet, and I assumed that he was actually working a lot and not going out much, in reality he was dating her. Ouch, that hurts a lot. At some point he talked about us being friends. I said that we were not friends, but exes. He asked what the difference was in that, and I said that friends want each other to be happy with other people and they are not jealous or hurt if their friends meet the love of their life. I asked him how he would feel if I met someone new, and he said that he would be very happy for me as he truly wants me to be happy. I talked about some movie and he said that he wanted to see it too and if I would like to see it with him. I replied 'Yeah, sure. If I hear from you again before the next 5 months have passed.' At the end he gave me a hug and said that it was really good seeing me. So, how do I feel now? I am hurting. And I am crying. I know that for him it is definitely over, even though he might be interested in being friends. That hurts. I dont know if he is really going to call me about getting together next weekend and see that movie, but even if he does, should I go? He is seeing someone new, even if he does not call her his girlfriend (at least not to me). Oh man, it feels like there were no 4+ plus months in between since I last saw him. My heart is hurting like in the beginning. Why does not he love me anymore? Why do I still love him? What to do? Love sucks!

Well it does seem like she is awfully interested in you. Could be that she just wants to make sure you are still there for her in case she changes her mind. If she is not saying anything about getting back together in those messages of hers to you, I would suggest to keep on doing NC. If she wants you back she is gonna say something. If she does not, than she probably does not want to get back together, but just keep you as her safety blanket. And in that case, it is better for you to have no contact with her anyway. So I would say continue NC, it's a win-win situation. Good luck!

Hi J, thanks for your post. So you think he would be pissed off if I cancelled? Not a good thing. I wish I had not asked him to meet, but the call cought me off guard and the words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. It sucks that your ex has a new guy, and that after 6 weeks already. Sometimes I feel though that if my ex had somebody new, this might give me the push I need to let go and move on. Still not sure what I am going to do, so if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

HI, I dont know if you should be mad at her or not, but I think you should definitely stop all contact with her. Because of her behaviour towards you she does not deserve your friendship. I also think that she mentioned this Robert guy way too often. Maybe to give you the message that there was somebody else in her life. Just my 2 cents.

After 6 weeks of NC my ex called my landline this monday. I was not expecting this call and was very surprised. He said that he called because he wanted to hear a friendly voice and asked if that was okay. I said yes and so we talked. After some time I could not keep it in anymore and asked why he disappeared for 6 weeks after I had asked him to meet up. He said that he thought I was ignoring him, as I did not reply to the text he sent me after our call. I never got that text. So I asked him if he wanted to meet up and he said yes. We agreed to meet next sunday. Now I think I made a mistake when I asked him to meet. I dont think that he is interested in getting back together and it will probably hurt me to see him if he does not want to get back together. So I think that I should cancel the meeting. Just send him an email saying 'I am sorry to cancel, but something else came up. Maybe we can get together some other time.' What do you guys suggest? Should I give a reason for cancelling? Not suggest another meeting? Go through with seeing him next sunday? I still love him, but I am starting to believe that nothing but a small miracle is going to get us back together and make it work. I dont want to go back to the pain I was in a short while ago, and somehow I believe that meeting him would propel me in that direction. Part of me thinks though that this might be THE chance for reconciliation. Books like 'How to get your ex back' suggest meeting up after a month of NC and to have a good time with the ex. Meeting him would be a risk, but maybe it is a risk worth taking. I am confused and dont know what to do or think anymore. So please, tell me what you think. I appreciate all opinions.

1 month of NC today. I think I can pretend to be doing fine in a converation with him, even if I am not, does that mean I can contact him? Reason I am sticking to NC at the moment is that I stayed in contact with him for 4 months after the breakup, and I was not feeling better after it. So I think that if that did not work, try something else, i.e. No contact. After 4 months of NC I will see what made me feel better and take it from there. Well, that's what my head tells me. My heart tells me to contact him a couple of times a day. Wonder who is going to win, but I would not bet money on my head. Has not been very successful in the past. I am constantly wondering what he is doing and when he is going to contact me again. I have whole conversations memorized in case he calls or written replies in case he emails. Wonder if he ever will. I still have a few of his things at my place and I am afraid that I will use them as an excuse to contact him if I dont hear from him shortly. Would that be so bad?

Today it is exactly 4 weeks since he last contacted me. 5 months of being broken up, 4 weeks of NC and I still think about him every day. Everything seems to remind me of him. We have only been together for 2.5 years, but every aspect of my life seemed to be interwoven with him. Even though I still cry about him every couple of days, I believe that I am generally doing better than a few months ago. This recent NC has forced me to accept that it is really over and somehow pushed me into the direction of healing, if that makes sense. I still miss him and am often tempted to send him an email that says 'Hi how are you? I miss talking to you' but I always stop myself because something tells me this would be a mistake. I have no idea what is happening in his life and if he has someone new, but it is probably for the best that I dont. All I need to know is that he broke up with me 5! months ago and that he is not trying to stay in touch with me, even though I showed and told him many times that I would like that. Do you agree? Losing the one you love and shared your life with hurts so much, as I am sure you all know, but I hope there is a reason for all this, and that I will realise this reason one day. Just felt like posting today. Hope you are all feeling strong.

Hi Princess, thanks for taking the time to reply. You are right, I am just going to wait and see if he contacts me again. When he does I will decide if I want to reply or not. Just a quick question. What do you mean by 'Just a little snag' ? I am not sure what you are referring to. I still have no idea why he decided to disappear, so if you might have an inkling, let me know.

HI, just want to post an update. Since we spoke on the phone jan 26th, I have not heard a thing from him. 16 days of NC so far. Longest he ever went since he broke up with me over 4 months ago. I really dont understand it. After all his emails in january and his seeming to edge closer to me, suddenly nothing. I dont know what I did wrong. Maybe I should not have asked him to meet, but if he does not want to be friends, then he should not send me emails and texts. For now I have decided to not contact him until I hear from him, but if he does not contact me for a few more weeks, I might change my mind. Anyone been in a similar situation, or has any ideas what caused him to disappear? As you can probably tell from my message, I am not heartbroken over this, but mostly confused. I might actually be on my way to recovery, but I realize that I will probably suffer some relapses. Would love to hear from you all.