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me4ta

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  1. me4ta
    I read this entire post and I agree with the original post about not taking your ex back, I personaly think, especially after they started dating someone right after you - it's out of the question. You can make some excuses "oh, she/he's just a rebound"...well, why are you making excuses for that? Do you really think if they had big LOVE for you in their hearts they'd go and sleep with somebody else right away? Also, that post about why we shouldn't think about them not loving us - do you seriously think if your ex had love for you, he'd go around hurting you like that? when you love a person, you don't hurt him/her. Just think about it, somebody broke up with you, then calling you to tell you about their new significant other, or they just don't want to do anything with you or whatever they do to hurt you even if it's an indirect way. So let's suppose you get back together (that happened to me before) - you live in a constant worry that this person can leave again, you can never enjoy your time together because after a week of ecstasy from knowing you're back together, your new issues arise "will he/she fall out of love with me again?" Guess what, I took my ex back after he broke up with mand then came back saying he missed me.....well 6 months later (6 months of hell, actually) he brakes up with me again saying he never loved me, and will never love me. How about that?? I stopped calling, pleading, seeing him...Started dating people, lost weight, and guess who's back. He started calling me, asking me to come back, was brining flowers to my work, giving me presents. I said no, and you know what, 5 years later he came up to me at New Years party, he was there all alone.....and told me "you never loved me".....I laughed in his face and told him he was full of it...(I loved this guys more than anything, he was my first everything)
  2. me4ta
    I think it's not true about the timing as for the number of years divided by 2 is the time you need to get over them. I think it really depends on the relationship you had, how deep it was and the nature of the break up. I remember one of my break ups where my fiancee cheated on me - it took me a while to get over that - it messed me up for quite sometime, for about 2 years after we split. I couldn't date for 1.5 years, just because it was very hard to trust anyone after you were betrayed like that. Last break up which was the reason I came onto this site in the first place was not mutual. We dated for one 1 year and he broke up with me for another girl and he actually lied about it, telling me that there was no one else, but then I found out just recently he started dating this girl almost the same day we broke up. So as soon as I found out this fact, something just broke in me, I suddenly stopped hurting, missing, wanting him back. There's this one thing that happens to you during the time of healing, something dumpers do, to disappoint you completely that makes me, personally, stop wanting them back and missing them. I don't know if it's the same way with others, but when you open your eyes completely on a person who broke up with you, and that person does something absolutely dishonerable - you just realize - that low life does not and never deserve me. It's been 2.5 months since we broke up, and since 2 weeks ago, I stopped hurting. I rarely talk about him, I almost never think about him and I go on dates and accept them, and have fun and actually feel very truly ready for another relationship.
  3. me4ta
    Michael, It's really hard to say what is going on in her life just by that small e-mail. I cannot tell you weather she's having problems with her ex or what, it really seems to me she was just trying to be civil with you in terms of the relationship of your kids. However, I don't think what you've done, e-mail that is, is wrong. She was trying to reconcile, but I don't feel that she was trying to get together. I think that you being hurt so much by that woman and from your own words she sounds like a very selfish one. I think that for the most part the problem with people here on this site is that we all came accross selfish individuals who were always doing things on their own terms and on their own time. All of us here on the other hand were conciderate and giving. We and you and I have to be selfish for ones too. The thing is that being selfish is part of self preservation, and I'm not talking about obsene selfishness...I'm talking about thinking about what WE want and what makes US feel good. If it makes you heal faster and you are not looking back at your ex and hoping to get together - don't talk to her, and actually if you still angry with her - that's fine, it's part of the process. She has her own problems to deal with here and for you, if it makes you feel better not talking to her and not saying hello - don't, but just don't tell your son bad things about her, it won't be fair.
  4. me4ta
    You know, I hear you....even though I wasn't married, but my ex started dating a best friend of his roommate that made sure I was out of his life to put her friend there on the spot.....so now my friends know about his knew relationship, but worse is that they new before me...and not told me that and also some of them started telling me stories about him that I didn't know......and to tell you the truth, I don't like the fact that they do that....because come on.....now that I went throught this break up, all these bad stories about my ex don't make me feel better, they only make me feel that I was such a fool for not seeing all this. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in this boat......
  5. me4ta
    No, if you noticed I put love in quotes, because I didn't mean love there, it's just an expression and it's not mine. Men are initially attracted to women because of her looks, the way she is, the way she moves, her eyes....all that....later on, it's her personality. Women are attracted by the men's bodies, however, what really matters is what you're saying. You can't deny the fact that a lot of guys are threatened by smart women, you can't deny the fact that some men think that women talk more than they are....why is that? Because you like to enjoy the view more than to listen to us talk and talk about jobs, life, etc. etc. I'm not generalizing, but I'm speaking from experience. I drove a lot of guys away because I read a lot, I'm educated, well rounded and I expect the same from a guy that I'm with. I look good, so that's how I initially attract men. But would you go for a girl with thick glasses and a goofy pony tail in some baggy clothes? I seriosly doubt it. Anyhow, it's a completely separate topic, and as I said, I'm not generalizing because i'm sayint "some men" not all. What I meant is that guys are more prone to be visually excited, even if we show you just a little bit, whereas girls can conrol their sexual feelings and are not aroused as much visually than men, especially if they are no longer attracted to her ex or a guy in general. Do you see what I mean? So that girl doesn't want her ex to see her half naked because she doesn't want to cause any kind of reaction that she's not actually interested in. Because if she shows some skin, the guy can think - hmm, maybe she's up for some post break up nookie.....
  6. me4ta
    OK, no offense but I'm surpised you don't understand. OK guys can walk around naked, make noises and do things that women would not let themselves do infront of you because we are women. Of course you don't mind walking in your boxers in front of her, you don't care because we, women, don't get aroused just from the sight of your nice looking legs or pecks.....so she, being your ex is uncomfortable because guys "love" with their eyes (as opposed to women who "love" with their ears - meaning we sometimes can overlook your appearance and fall in love with you because of what you say to us). She doesn't want to lead you on, she doesn't want you to think she wants you, that's why she wants to make it clear that any intimacy at this point is out of the question and it doesn't matter what you guys did together in the past, it's the PAST. Now you have to think of her not as the sexual partner/being - but as a girl that you can't have/see naked or half dressed/do things that can make her parents blush.
  7. me4ta
    JohnnyTable: Yeah, I think it depends on a situation because my ex still remembs how his ex cheated on him 3 years ago, so I guess it really depends on the level of pain you went through that time. Well, I guess you're right about the asking out part that guys usually do that and being dumped doesn't really help your ego....but I thought that guys can really disconnect from that, liquor helps and as I said previously I was amazed after reading some posts here that guys also go throught the same emotional turmoil as we women do. I think that we, women, discuss our romantic endeavors more with our girlfriends every step of the day, whereas guys don't go to bars and start talking about their relationship problems with their buddies over a case of beer. You rather discuss your victories and "observations". Hence, I thought that since you're not as vocal about your problems with your buddies, even when you go to a bar after being dumped, you still can go up to a girl and pick her up without any problems. The factor of your ego plays a big role how you approach the further usage of that number you got from a girl - depends on your current emotional situation (dumped or fully contempt). Remember the movie Swingers....that guy called that girl 20 times after he actually got her number....
  8. me4ta
    Fridolyn - I see what you're saying, even though I live in a metro area of a big city, it's still possible to bump into each other or friends bump into my ex, and of course I find out later about what happened where and who with. What you're doing is kind of this psychological healing, you know like people with aracnophobia (fear of spiders) - in order for them to overcome the fear they have to hold a spider in their hands to fight the fear. I, seriously, right now think that for me it would be healthier to stay away as far as possible, because I don't want to overreact....I'm this kind of person with a sarcastic sense of humor, so if I see them, I'll definitely make fun of them in their faces, but to them it'll look like i'm jealous - I just don't want to give them such pleasure. Let them wonder....
  9. me4ta
    OK, so you're saying it is difficult for men but they forget it faster? So how is it difficult??? Because in my experience, yes, I go out and men are always asking me for my phone numbers, but I don't go on dates just because they asked me to, because I don't want to lead someone on or waste my time on a person that I know I have nothing in common with, so while my ex found a girl really quickly he's sleeping with, I can't make myself to sleep with just anybody because I simply think I won't feel better if I just sleep with a random person, it certainly won't make my thoughts about my ex go away. I know it. But for men, I think going out there and finding just any girl to sleep with to forget about an ex is easier because men's perception of sex is different than women's. So how is it difficult for men in the beginning and not in the long term? Can you elaborate on the stages?
  10. me4ta
    I'm doing NC because I don't want to know anything about my ex and his new gf, because otherwise I'll start thinking too much, imagining - even though I'm not hurting anymore, I'm past this pain....since I don't have a bf right now and a lot of time for thinking, I think about him once in a while, even though I don't want him back. So to me, it's just the way of avoidance of any information that can potentially hurt me. What you don't know can't hurt you.
  11. me4ta
    I think it doesn't hold you back when you come here every day, to me it's like a way of communication with people who are in the same boat. Sometimes your friends can be bias and not telling you how things really are because they love you and want to spear your feelings. Here, you get advice from random strangers and you know that they will tell you their view of the situation how it really is. Also, this site helped me realize that I'm not alone dealing with this crap, and women are not the only ones who are emotional and dealing with break ups like that: not eating, not sleeping, not wanting sex, afraid of being alone, etc. etc. etc. Before I thought that break ups for guys are much easier, they just start going out with their friends and drinking and having sex left and right, so they move on quicker. I realised here that there are men who are sensitive and who can love and they also going through the same emotions we women do, and it was kind of comforting to know this. This site cannot set you back or hold off from your healing process, at least it doesn't for me.
  12. me4ta
    I repllied to your post about revenge and I said - ignorance is bliss - so that's what i'm doing.....ignoring 8)
  13. me4ta
    Oh oh, I foolishly hoped he'd be back and after some thought I would probably accept his return....but after recent developments??? NO WAY. I don't know how some people on this site even thinking about taking their exes back after they started dating other people and it didn't work out and they crawled back.... To me my ex is damaged goods now, I won't even look at his direction twice.....they say, women forgive but never forget.....I am exactly like that, I won't be able to forget about it, so I will never take that person back. I hope those two girls get what they deserve...I actually yesterday thought about revenge, since it was just too fresh in my head. I wanted to subscribe them (my ex and his roommate) to mail in brochures - for him (penis enlargement) and for her (acne treatments [she has major skin problems]) I let this thought go, too much effort for those loosers. Has anyone here actually monifested any of the revenge plots, ever?
  14. me4ta
    The best part was...that I found him a new job after we broke up, just accidentally, I went out to a club, met a guy who owns a computer company that creates some software for X-Boxes and my ex is crazy about it and a computer programmer....so when that guy said he's looking for people (the company is small tho, they are growing) - I said I might have someone....so I casually asked my ex if he wants to have those people's info..... He was thrilled, took the info, interviewed and is thinking about leaving his company and work there with a pay cut (too bad for his new gf - no wining and dining for her ! ) So he IMed me saying that ther's a 99.9% chance he's leaving Booz Allen Hamilton for this little company (no guarantees but with potential) but nothing else....so I called him last Fri to find out about the interview because I was thinking to get a finder's reward for him, like a stock option or something (not money)...so I say "hi, can you chat?" and he goes "I suppose, who's this?" I was stunned....but not hurt, it actually ammused me because there's no way he could forget my phone number dialing it for a year, but would not remember it after 2 months???? Riiiiiiight. He told me he got a new phone and didn't have all numbers there....BS I know he's a jerk....I know I can do better (and you Ated too, and all of us on this site for that matter ) - but it kills me to think that GOD indeed created people like him, and it's something I don't get, because people like my ex are scum.
  15. me4ta
    Thank you Maggie.....the funny part is that I think I've created a monster (player) out of him.....I helped him with better clothes (i didn't buy them, i just chose), we started looking good together and he got an appartment that I helped to decorate....so he became attractive to those girls and I guess became a player...because of all this attention. By all means, I'm not an ugly duckling, but he just, as you said, decided to see what's out there since he started getting this all attention. I'm not blaming him, I blame myself for the choices I made - not paying attention to my inner voice, making poor choices when I saw signs but kept continuing....I could have ended it, but I was affraid, I had feelings too. Sometimes we inflict those break ups on ourselves because we choose to ignore the signs, and I did, as if I was 18... So, look out girls, there's another shark out there now....my bad He basically "bit the hand that fed him"....
  16. me4ta
    Thank you for your response, but my question still stands, even if I find a good guy, a lot of girl tend to like guys that are taken by cute girls, even if the guys is not really that much good looking and they didn't like him before....as soon as he's with a cute girl, other girls start thinking "oh, there must be something in him, if she's going out with him". A lot of my girlfriends think so, me too, but we don't go breaking someone's relationship if we think so, but other women do.... So do I just not trust any girls in my hypotetical man life? Be always on guard, always learking, waiting?? I mean, I don't want to spend my entire life being like that, because I'm not insecure, but it seems like if you leave your man alone for a minute, there would be always a girl that will try to manipulate him into something.....are men that easy to monipulate?
  17. me4ta
    I just found out, and this is kind of scary how my intuition works...I just found out that my ex of 2 months started seeing this indian girl, good friend of his roommate. Basically, 4 months ago, his roommate started telling me how great I am and our relationship is, and that we are so great with each other....that seemed weird to me, she was never my friend and now was so nice all of the sudden. That roommate had this cute indian friend, a complete b&8ch - by attitude, not by just my own opinion....and apparently as I found out, she only started liking my ex when I made him over and he started looking nice. So his roommate started being nice to me, while telling him bad stuff about me, something in the lines of "you guys are too different". So the night he broke up with me on the grounds of being different (he's red blooded American, and I'm a tall, blond Russian girl), he played flip cup with his Kick Ball team on which those two girls are.....and I showed up when they were all done and I saw him kind of learking around her, trying to feel her butt, and I thought, wtf is he doing, and he kept looking back at me as if he was a little kid looking back at his parents trying to see if he's being watched. So when he saw me looking at him, he broke up with me after everybody's left and he was completely wasted. So yesterday, I find out what was this whole thing about; after the break up I was telling my friends that he liked that girl, his roommate's friend, and they were all, "noo, you're paranoid" ... and there he is, dating her now. I just feel so stupid and naive....I was played so well....I want revenge, but at the same time, I feel like I don't want anymore dirt in my life... I'm doing NC, and keeping myself busy, but I don't know what else can I do. Should I stop believing people, especially girls that are not really my friends, are all girls like that?? Am I the only one that has morals, because I would never play someone like that to get their boyfriend.... Is it a good idea to always be on guard about any girl in your guy's life, and basically be paranoid, because I thought it's a sign of insecurity and why should I be threatened, I'm not ugly, I know what I'm worth, but it seems to me that I have no choice but being suspecious of every woman.... Do any of you have any advice for me? I feel so down right now.....
  18. me4ta
    LOL, I recently discussed it with several of my girlfriends and we realized that all of us act like complete idiots when we talk or out with a guy we really like. I mean, you start being nervous, you laugh more of course but somehow it gets to be more laughing than usual, as oppose to when i'm relaxed, thereforeeee to me it looks like i'm acting unnatural...I look into his eyes, play with my hair, I say stupid things sometimes...... I think we attract people we don't like, because we act natural, I noticed it about myself, and guys that I had chemistry with right from the start, I blewed it so many times with guys like that because of my unnatural behaviour, nervousness and too much talking.
  19. me4ta
    You see, we women are probably a very confusing bunch, because, we try to look good (some of us at least) and if we do look good and guys pay attention to us, we accuse them of being shallow and looking at our body parts....however, we purposefully flaunt those body parts for you guys to look at; however, we want guys to like us for our personality. Well, we do love guys who like us for our personality, not just looks alone, but you have to realize that telling your girl she looks stellar, even if she's not, is possibly a white lie for you, but why not tell her that if to you, "she's beautiful because you love her"....beauty is in the eye of the beholder.... I had a boyfriend who looked like Brad Pitt - well, guess what, he was a target for every woman - end result he cheated on me.....and I had a boyfriend who was not attractive, but he was to me because of his personality, and to tell you the truth, I had no problem and I actually enjoyed telling him he looked handsome, because eventually I really thought so. We need those words, especially women. Beauty is in imperfection.
  20. me4ta
    Ated, You definitely still have feelings for that guy if you think so much of him after 5 months....but as you know Love is Blind and sometimes we don't see how poorly we are treated. You don't need to meet his gf....what for? I don't think she has a legitimate reasons for it too....he called you to loath, and you are set back because you still care and he's just being hurtful again, because he still doesn't want you but he's showing off that he has someone new.... The best revenge based on my own experience is IGNORANCE. Ignorance is bliss in this situation. He calls, don't pick up....but when you run in to each other, smile and casually say hello, but don't engage in any conversation with him...He you bump into you and he's with her, introduce yourself and say you're late for something, so you gotta run......Never acknowledge you saw his calls or meant to call back, as if he never did.....if he mentions that he called and you never picked up/returned.....be innocent and sweet and say "really? hmm, I must have missed them" and that's it......don't even bother explaining....THAT will be bothering him...your ignorance...and there's your revenge....you showed him, you don't give a damn about him, and you get him out of you life and mind.....he still knows you're crazy about you, that's why for his ego, he's getting back to you to see that you're still his doormat.... You picked up, you talked to him, you asked him questions if he missed you or whatever he asked you he answered "no" - that showed him how much you're still not over him and it literally turns him on, knowing that somebody's crazy about him...and he can say and do anything.
  21. me4ta
    I watched old episodes of Sex and the City where Carrie meets Mr. Big after they haven't seen each other or talked for a while after they broke up, and he called her specifically to let her know he was getting married. She got so upset, naturally, not understanding why he HAD to tell her that.... And after reading this thread or other threads where you guys say your exes call you and tell you about their new significant others.....I just couldn't understand, what drives those people to do that.... I mean, SaTC really sums all of the possible situations in life, and it only proves by reading this forum that things like that happen in real life.....Can anyone explain this to me, because I did not have a lot of experience with breaking up with people myself, I was usually a dumpee, but none of my exes shared their love life news with me after..... I think that should be the REAL deal breaker for all of you who had this happened to......like a revelation - that's it, not only this person didn't appreciate you (in other words broke up with you), but he/she deliberately trying to hurt you. If you think about it, it's the lowest thing that anyone could possibly do, calling their ex who's left heartbroken to tell them how happy they are with their new gf/bf (in other words without YOU)....it's like putting salt on a wound....OPEN YOUR EYES people ! People like that DON'T deserve you or your tears, they are worthless....so be happy they are out of your life...
  22. me4ta
    Well, I didn't know all these details, basically I think if she called you recently, why not pick up the phone, or if she showed up at your church and didn't say hello, why not being a better bigger person and come up to her and say hello yourself first? If you really want her, if you really want this confusion and game to stop, I think you guys played this game long enough (10 months MAN!) so why not talk to her next time she shows up somewhere, or call her yourself, if she won't pick up, leave her a message and don't beg or anything, just say that you need to talk and finilize your relationship because you hate how it is going right now that she cannot even say hello to you...you'll know what to say. Make her feel like she was acting like a child without actually saying it. If she's not a complete child, she'll agree to see you and then you lay it out, tell her what you want without begging and demand from her to give you a final say in what she wants. If she wants to be friends, so be it, if she's still confused try to help her to figure this out with you.
  23. me4ta
    When we say we don't know what we want [we=women], we usually know what we want but we're not sure. Living with someone for that long is not easy to forget, she had control, you were available to her, and now she wants to move on, but is afraid to let you go, because she's afraid that maybe she won't find something better, so she's still confusing herself, and you in the process. I think she loves you but it's hard to say and only she knows if she's in love with you. Leave her be, I don't know if you guys during the past 10 months were in contact....if not - give her some space, disappear completely...only when she realizes she lost you and this is how it would be without you - she'll make her final decision.
  24. me4ta
    Well, of course intelligence and integrity, loyalty, all those things are crucial, no doubt...It's hard to be around a person who's not on the same intelligence level as you are, and I'm talking about lower...Of course when you are in a situation when you know less, at least you have to know something and willing to learn to show that you're not dumb. I dated this very intelligent guy, and I felt like I had to learn so much to be able to talk to him on the same level, I was never threatened, I was rather encouraged to learn more, I started reading books he was referring to and just in general, something he mentioned I didn't know, I asked questions and researched these things on my own...He never thought I was an idiot, and neither did I feel like one, I just learnt so much - even thought we're not together as bf/gf, we are best friends now and I still learn a lot from him and we're the same age, 26. I really admire that about him, and I felt like a better person. But at the same time, since I was not threatened by his intellingence, guys sometimes do when a girl knows more than them...Even if they like a girl so much, they will choose to break up with her, if she's more intelligent than them....how about trying to work on yourself, better yourself, be more well-rounded?.....I never push my education/knowledge/intelligence onto people, but my recent ex was somehow still threatened and chose playing X-Box and drinking kegs of beer instead...don't get me wrong, he was intelligent, and had knowledge but in his field...he just didn't want to expand it.
  25. me4ta
    Maybe it's not because your current beau is not doing something as well as your ex, but because you're still living in the past, thinking about your ex, you cannot see how great this current guy is... My bf broke up with me 2 months ago, and I just saw him at lunch for the first time in 2 months....it was so awkward...even though he sometimes starts conversations on IM with me, and we always laugh, I miss him so much, but I also understand that we had problems, and that right now I'm idolizing him, our sex life, our time together forgetting about all those problems we had... Think about it, there was a reason why you guys split up, that reason being - you were not perfect for each other, even though some things were perfect. You might end up with him in the future, but 4 moths is not enough time for you guys to really understand that you're meant to be and really adore each other aside from having great sex. You should understand that if you guys get back together your previous fights and problems wont magically go away, they'll start all over again... I say this to myself and I know just like you that I won't go asking my ex to take me back.....obviously he had issues with me or whatever tthat was that drove him to break up with me....so if he's willing to deal with it and willing to try again and will realize that what we had's not worth being apart and he'll ask me to be together with him again - I will say yes. You are lucky you found another guy who's so awsome (your current crush)...I think he's worth giving him a chance - you're ex has to win you back first...
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