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samdog31

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  1. samdog31
    Its obvious he likes me but right now I am not on his priority list. How do I get and keep his attention. Any ideas? Trying to be more creative then I have here. The only thing I am trying now is not calling or writing to see if he notices and reacts.
  2. samdog31
    I got even with my husband with out intention today and I can't stop laughing. So I thought it would give you all a laugh too. He went over to where I am staying when I was n't home to drop off somethings I asked for and so i can look after his cats, while he goes away to think about "his life" Well on my computer desk was this thing that looks likes a tennis racket. (its an electric fly swattter) so if you put your hand near the racket part you get quite the shocked (stupid me I tried it, hurt like a mother for 5 minutes after). Welll this afternoon i get this email from husband that goes something like this..... "I don't know what the tennis racket thingy is, but you better put it away. Cause when i moved it, it shocked the (blankety blank) out of my right hand. " (oops) I did say sorry though. But i laughed so hard (still laughing). I almost wet myself.
  3. samdog31
    Well I booked a trip for myself and told him i need him to drop off my passport. I didn't tell him where I was going. is that mysterious enough?
  4. samdog31
    Thanks I am feeling alittle now
  5. samdog31
    well he emailed me about the flowers and said thank you they are very nice!
  6. samdog31
    well i haven't told him everything. But I have made it a point to make it obvious when he comes over that I am doing all the things he has asked of me. I have left my violin out to tell him I am taking lessons. I have spent money on my wardrobe to reveal that i have lost a great deal of weight etc. I don't share with him where I am going and whom I am going with. or what i have been up to. I don't know where else I can create the mystery.
  7. samdog31
    I guess I am not good at playing games. I am a very honest and straightforward person and i tend to get confused when someone plays games with me. So I try and not play games with them. I don't understand how playing games gets me anywhere. I have shown him i am independent. I have moved on and become socially active without him. i only tell him i love him when he leaves me for the evening or we end a conversation. I guess i just believe we don't have long on this earth and i want him and everyone else I love to know it. I just don't think game playing is an effective way of healing things. Maybe I am just mis interpretting what you are saying I don't know really.
  8. samdog31
    but I don't possibly know what else I can be doing. I still tell him I love him when ever I see him. I sent him flowers for our anniversary (which he will get today). I have no idea what else I can do to make him want me. OTher the what he has already asked me to do.
  9. samdog31
    well i guess at this point there is nothing else I can do but sit back and wait. I am trying to analize things trying to predict the future and its not gonna happen. I love him very much and I want this to work so bad. But I can't make him love me back
  10. samdog31
    All I can do I think I am doing. He asked me to do three things and I am doing all of the three things he asked of me. He has asked me to improve my fitness, which even I admit I need to do. and I have been going to the gym 5 days a week and dropped about 30lbs in the last 3 months. He asked me to become more active socially. I have taken up violin and am going out with my friends more. that is hard for cause I have a hard job and would rather be a hermit most times away from work. But it is good for me to go out once in a while. and he has asked me to give him some space to think. i tried push the envelope to begin with and he started to run so I stopped. He has seemed to take notice of the things I am doing. He has told me on more then one occasion i look nice. He was sitting on the couch flipping through my violin book the other night. and when i had my all girl birthday party he showed up to kinda snoop, even though i asked him a couple days prior to bring a couple things i needed. I think he showed up on friday unpurpose to prove I was having a party, rather then coming the night before. So if he is taking an interest in what i am doing even though he is playing his cards close to his chest I think those are all good signs. Or maybe I am just trying to sugar coat things.........
  11. samdog31
    Well I am not feeling much better. He should get the flowers I sent sometime today. My girlfriend is saying she things all this points to the end and the nice things he has done for me is purely out of guilt. I guess I was using these signs of nice things such as planing my birthday, as pointers that him going away to think was a good thing and hew would come back refreshed and willing to take the tiger by the tail sort of thing. She seems to think that he is going to come back and tell me to take a flying leap. I guess I just don't understand why he would do all these nice things for me and spend all that wasted engery doing it just to come back and tell me its over. I know if I wasn't interested I wouldn't be making much effort at all. So i don't know who is wrong and who is right
  12. samdog31
    you won't ever stop loving her, she is your mother. But you can not like her as a person. I came from a very abusive childhood and althought I do not hate my parents I do not like them as the persons they are. And I choose not to accept their values or lack their of. Find a role model someone you truly admire and mirror them.
  13. samdog31
    This week of waiting is gonna kill me. I guess I know after next week either its the end, or just the beginning.
  14. samdog31
    I never told him i would wait forever. In fact i gave him a 6 month time line to get his act together even before I walked out the door.
  15. samdog31
    Well i guess I just get confused cause he is still doing things for me.
  16. samdog31
    The truth hurts , but it will be the best for both of you. Tell him the truth, give him a reasonable time line to leave. But as accommodating as possible with his transition. But the truth is always the best way to deal with it. I left my common law husband and we are in the middle of a trial separation. He is having some emotional problems and until he was willing to deal with them I had to leave. I was just honest with him and told him I could not come home every night anymore, not knowing what mood I was dealing with tonight. I did not blame him for any of the problems, but told him he needed to think about what the problem is before we can work through it together. The truth was the best way for me to handle this. And I suspect it is for you too.
  17. samdog31
    OUr anniversary is tomorrow. He had taken me out for a nice birthday, and I guess I assumed everything was go for our anniversary too. He is going on vacation for some time away and I assumed we were going to do this before he left. But I got this letter. Not sure if it is geniune or an excuse to push me away. "Why don't we just wait until I get back. One of the reasons I'm going away is to get my act together and to figure out what is going on in my life. I know it sounds stupid but I think it's a good idea." I have never got the concept of " I don't know what i want right now" I have always been a very determined and goal oriented person. SO I find this all confusing. Well I scheduled the florist to send him flowers on our anniversary to be delivered tomorrow. I did that on the weekend before this letter arrived. maybe my feelings are just a bit hurt. I felt we were coming along even if just slowly. I have had limited contact with him so i wouldn't smother him the last couple months. So I guess when he comes back I will either hear the good or the bad. I am not really looking forward to that part. Maybe i should cancel the flowers, it was nothing elaborate but I wanted him to know I am thinking about him.
  18. samdog31
    Actually I am the one that decided to move. The was so much neglect and ignorance that i thought that is what he wanted. He says he needs some space and just want to date me for now. Well to me it is just alot of nonsense and games. I love him but I am a very truthful straight up type of person and he has not been very forthcoming. So I told him i would give him 6 months to sort out what he wants. So that is precisely what I am doing. But it is amusing at times to watch all the games he is playing.
  19. samdog31
    well i will only do the game til November. He will have had 6 months to think about things by then. And if he hasn't made a step in the right directions by then he is not going to.
  20. samdog31
    couple things i found interesting. It has been almost two months since the separation. He used to call and make sure I was ready for him to come over. no agreement to do this he just did it. well i found the last couple times there was no phone call to annouce his impending arrival. Maybe that means he is getting more comfortable again. (who knows). secondly, his mother sent me a birthday present, which kind of dashes my assumptions of them talking trash about me. So maybe things are going better then I enviosion they are?! Ia m still not getting my hopes up though. I know how i see the progress or and i find it slow coming. But maybe when you view from his side it is different. I just got sick of trying to guess what he is/was thinking. I'll keep you posted.
  21. samdog31
    I guess for me I am just not willing to flush nine years of my life down the toilet. In our case we have agreed to try and work things out. But I have also given it a time limit of 6 months. If you are sitting around waiting with no goals insight then it is time to let go.
  22. samdog31
    I left him because he has been ignoring and avoiding me for quite sometime. Not coming home at night, excessive mood swings. And saying mean hurtful things to me. Giving attention and affection to the dog and leaving me the scraps. I have been nothing but kind to him and got the impression that he was doing all this to make me move. But he said he wants to try and work things out. If I could chalk it up to it being a friend I would but I have been with him for 9 yrs and know his habits. He does not take other people out on paid outings, and he does not have any male friends. I guess I can understand it to a point, ( i took my gay friend Peter for dinner last night). So maybe I am just jumping to conclusion. But he has promised to talk out the issues he has and then has chickened out. I have not called him unless I need assistance with pet care etc. So I am giving him the "space" he thinks he needs. But I don't want to be someone he comes back to cause he couldn't find what he was looking for. And I don't want to be played the fool. Most of these problems I left for was his emotional problems and are things he needs to work out, but going around dating other women, if that is indeed what he is doing isn't going to solve any of those problems. I don't think talking to him about it at this point would accomplish anything. I guess I am writing out of shear frustration. But your pretty much saying what all my friends are saying. So I guess I have to just sit back and wait for the time being. I told him when I left this needs to be wrapped in 6 months. So we are either together by that time, or we are in court doing the whats mine and whats yours thing.
  23. samdog31
    Well I left my husband about 2 months ago. We had the agreement we were going to try and work it out. My conditions were that he show me more attention and take some initiative to plan things like my birthday etc. Well my birthday was June 26th and he did plan a lovely day for me. However yesterday I went to our online banking to check the balance and I saw in the bank that he had taken someone to dinner and a movie, so I am not sure what to think right now. I am kinda of feeling that if he is dating he looking around to see what better thing he can find and if he does not succeed then he goes back to the old bag (me). I really don't want to play these games, but I don't know what to do. my friends have said leave it alone for now and see what happens. But I just don't know.
  24. samdog31
    Well Yes I want my spouse back, but I want he old one back not the present person he is right now. I love him very muchbut I do not like him as a person right now. He has been having some emotional problems, and I have had to come to realize that most of these problems he is having are not mine. If he decides to fix these problems i would hapily have him back. But I don't want back the man that neglects me and takes me for granted.
  25. samdog31
    Well I am separate from my Husband for 1 month and 10 days now. He is trying to prove to me he wants to work things out. He has planned a birthday for me all out his own intiative, and seems to be very excited what he has planned. But I also carrying on with my own life. I have pretty much made a no contact rule for myself and not contacted him unless I needed something from the house or assistance in looking after the animals etc. Well earlier this week I had asked him to bring over somethings I needed for a party I am having. He has had pretty much all week to bring these things over and said he would. I find it funny that he is waiting til the night of the party to deliver these things I have asked for. I think it is hilarious in a way that he is being nosy. But I am not really sure if this is a good thing or not. I am pleased he has made plans for my birthday, as I felt neglected for some years now, and that is one of the main reason i left. But I have pretty much said and done everything I can do. Most of these problems stem from his own emotional issues, and he needs to work them out. I am very proud of the progress he has made so far. I just get frustrated sometimes and know i shouldn't push the envelope right now.
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