Trigve

to the original poster-- think about it this way. you walk into a room, and there're 100 guys. you don't know them. Each of them could very well have a good or bad personality. How do you know? The only way to find out is to get to know them. ok, well, there's a hundred of them, how do you choose who to get to know? (see where's I'm going with this?). so you tell me, "get to know all of them and give them all a chance". Okay, how do you choose who to get to know first? the fact is, at this point all the information you have to judge these guys is, well, their looks. yes, personality is what matters in the end. but unfortunately, personalities aren't displayed over our heads. Looks are. How far would you really get if you choose your dates based on personality? Well consider these two things, 1. How many people can you honestly say you know well? 2. and then how many of those would you date? We usually just have to judge people/choose dates initially from their looks, the same reason why packaging on a merchadise is important even though it's something you throw away once you get home.

that's funny northern light, what you said is exactly the main reason why I like to dress casually, I think it accentuates well my spontanious and kind of a careless attitude. I mean I do think I look better if I dress up a little bit, but then I'd start sacraficing the attitude from my ideal. I try to find a balance in between but usually end up putting more emphasis on getting the right attitude than looking good.. as for cologne, I considered it but thought it's a bit over on the "trying" side... and it kind of goes against my clean and simple principle. having said that, I do find it pleasant to be close by a girl with a VERY slight aroma (and by that I mean VERY slight, anything more than that becomes really repulsive and makes me just want to get the hell away). I don't know anything about colognes, but I guess if there's anything subtle that suits me I'd be sitting on the fence about using it. Any of you girls have suggestions? my brain chemistry doesn't work the same way as girls so I think it might be kind of hard for me to judge what smells good to them...

here's another question for ya girls... how about "under dressed" guys, heh I always dress really casual, plain T shirt and catkies (never know how to spell that, lol). I never wear anything, no rings no chains no colones nothing. the only thing I put on myself besides clothes is maybe hairgel. I dunno, I just like to be clean and simple, makes me feel good. what do girls think of guys that ALWAYS dress casual like that?

exactly the same here. I used to be very sociable, moved, had to learn a new language, was completely changed, got used to being alone and then onto actually preferring it. A while ago my old self started to come back and now there're these two completely different sides of me. Out of nowhere I suddenly became extremely good at socializing. I rarely go out, but when I do, I could hang out with people I've met twice before like we've known each other for a decade, and we have a lot of fun, and people all seem to like me and think I'm this outgoing guy. But when I come home, I have no desire to make any contact with people or go anywhere, I'd go for weeks or even months without wanting to hang out with anybody. when ppl ask me to go places I usually wouldn't bother to go because I have no desire to, because I'm used to being alone. and of course soon they stop asking me I don't consider myself normal, comparing to most other people, I am obviously very different. But I'm used to it and I'm fine with it, and sometimes even find something very romantic about being different. Of course there are days when the realization of lonelyness suddenly hits you like the tide, but then again life is hard no matter what kind of person you choose to be. I haven't found my way yet. I've been fine with being alone and I'm fine with it right now and most of the time. But 10 years from now this may all change and I might wish I had done things differently. but in any case, it's nice to know there are others like me

dude are you dense or what. how old are you?? I'm sorry but if I was your brother I would've kicked your asss for even asking this. Just exactly what part of her signals do you not understand? if you're still too chicken to ask her, well then just start hanging out with her as much as possible and she'll probably make the move and be the one wearing the pants in the relationship I usually try to be nice replying to posts here, but there are people who could use advices, and then there are those who just need a smack in the head to make their eyes open

lol that's great, do you feel it was a bit silly now that you think about what you did? (or maybe when you think back about it in a few days). If you do, being able to associate this feeling with the matter is the first breakthrough you need to look through this, you're well on your way out and if you feel stupid about doing something ridiculous like that, and that it wasn't worth it, that's even better. Then you're beginning to see she doesn't really mean that much. If you thought that was worth it then go out and do it again until you think it isn't. lol

hey man, I know all about falling in love with the wrong girl, and I know all about drafts of email that will never get sent, and songs written that will be heard by everyone else but the person they were written for. and I know that you can't help how you feel even though you know to the level of complete certainty the uselessness of your feelings the fact is, she is not in love with you. I'm sorry to smack you in the face with this but I think this is the exact pain that will get you over this. Drill that into your head, yes, it will be painful when it REALLY strikes you that she doesn't love you, open up and embrace that pain, if it's going to come, better to let it all come at once and get over with it. there is going to be a moment when you feel like you're just about to die. Go outside. go to the park, to the lake, to the mall, any kind of public place. Then, collapse onto your knees, open your arms, and just let it out. Shout, yell out to god, curse, cry, whatever. If you can't do that because you're self-conscious about the other people around you, then you'll realize this can not possibly be as big a deal as you thought and the pain isn't as real as it felt either. Otherwise you woudln't give a fuk about some strangers staring at you Regardless whether you do it around people or not, do eventually find a public place where you have the nerves to let it out. Make it as dramatic as you can, imaging you're an actor filming the most desperate scene for your character. It may feel kind of uncomfortable, but push it, I can't stress it enough, MAKE IT DRAMATIC, and try to make it eventful. I don't know if I should tell you why right now, it might not work if I do, but you'll see why for yourself afterwards in any case, consider yourself lucky, at least you KNOW she doesn't love you, so at least you know what direction you should be heading towards. Trust me it's much worse NOT KNOWING, I am there and if I had a choice I'd honestly rather take the negative right now

supra1188, try go out running for an hour and a half every day. you'll find you won't really feel the need to jack off cuz the endorfine from the exercise pretty much takes care of your biochemical balance

I got two books on the subject from the library today. it's really funny that the books weren't even on the shelves, those were the only two books in the section that had a empty box saying "ask the front counter to borrow this book". lol, maybe people steal them or something? if these two books don't help maybe I'll check out that ebook. and maybe I'll check out ksmo sometime too

june4life, remember there are those who are priests, monks, others with strong wills, and also men who are impotent, etc. I think 5% is definitely a realistic number I can be one of the 5% if I really try. I've gone for months without doing it. it's hard the first few weeks but after that you sort of just get it out of your mind and forget about it

so far I've read about Jack Johnson's key sound technique, Darkwhite's glan stimulation, and some PC muscle control methods. has anybody tried any of them and know which ones work well? Is there any other good non-meditative ones?

I read a study somewhere that showed only 50% of women masterbate regularly, where the number is like 95% for guys. I don't think it's false to say women have much less need for sexual relief than men (after all they're always the ones with the headache, lol). So I am kind of surprised to read from some of you girls that you HAVE TO masterbate. It seems girls usually have no problem going without sex for long periods of time

maybe when ur ignoring him it seems like you're over him and it may be safe to talk to you again without pressure I know for a girl who likes me I'd be comfortable talking to her when she's hanging out in a group and it seems like she has something else to do besides talking to me so that there is no pressure on me and I can come and go without obligation. but I'd try avoid one on one conversation with her because you know why

well if I know a girl who I'm not attracted to likes me, I wouldn't mind being friends with them but I would watch myself very carefully to not lead them on, and usually that means I have to be just not as nice to them or sometimes even kind of rude to make it clear. so if he's a nice person maybe that's what he's trying to do. but if he's not a nice guy then he could be just playing with your head for all you know. and muneca, that's totally not true. for me if a girl doesn't show any interest at all I wouldn't even bother. On the other hand a girl showing interest can make the difference between me noticing her or not noticing her at all. Playing games will only mess things up, I learned it the hard way and can not regret it enough.

take it as a lesson that you're lucky to have gotten, so that you won't make the same mistake when it's about sex

um, if your bf doesn't really want to do it for you, and you prefer to do it yourself anyway, isn't the solution pretty obvious?

what the hell, how old is this guy. I've had the same thing happen to me but I was like 13. There was this girl in my class and we used to be really good friends and hang out all the time and have a lot of fun but then one day she told someone she liked me and word got out and people started making fun of it and it got really awkward and I never spoke to her again. it was stupid but we were kids and that's what kids do but if this guy is 20 something years old and he's still like this then that's pretty weird. just tell him even though you like him, if he doens't want a relationship then it's completely okay with you and that you'd still like to be friends. make sure he knows you won't try to make any moves and maybe he'll be more comfortable with you. but maybe there's more than just between you and him, maybe there are other people that are making this awkward just like in my case, so check that too.

that's pretty normal. you could very well have heard the song on the radio several times and heard them announce the name of the band without consciously remembering it. There are lots of things you pick up day to day without even realizing it, it's a pretty common psychological phenomenum

dude it was frightening to read your post, because changing a few words I swear I could've wrote that myself. I've been in a very similar situation in the past few months, my case isn't resolved yet, but from what I've been through I can tell you a few my of opinions. you want to do something about it now, the longer you wait the deeper you'll be in your own made up emotions about her and the bigger load it becomes for you to carry. just casually let her know you like her and ask her to hang out, if she is at all interested she would definitely agree to that (and if she's not then maybe you need to rethink your "fate" idea) (oh and if god wants you to be with her or whatever then there would be no way you can screw it up, so if you believe in that there shoudln't be anything to worry about) in anyway case, what you'll probably end up realizing after you've spent some time with her is that she isn't nearly as perfect as you're thinking now. I know it's impossible to understand that now (I can't even do it myself with the girl I like right now, even though I KNOW this is true from past experiences). When it comes to these things there seems to be a gap between logic and feelings, but just keep that in mind and maybe it'd help more or less. Remember that after you actually get to know her I can garantee you WILL NOT like her nearly as much as you do now. you will realize she is human being and has faults just like everyone, and you'll learn to accept those and you will like her a different way. the main point is, do something about it. don't be afraid to lose her or whatever, you can't lose something you never had. just appraoch her like you approach any other girl

dude he's only 14 and he's got better intuition than you do. Most normal people have the instinct to naturally know having sex with a family member is gross without even need to be explained why. "the best person to experianent with should be family." So you have no problem with having sex with your mother? If you really need the "details" in order to be able to understand this, here it is just for you. 1. Genetic diversity increases the chances of a group of organisms' survival upon environmental change, 2. Mating with a close relative increases the chances of a disease causing recessive gene to be expressed and causes the offspring to die more easily. So you see, over a few million years, the people that are repulsed by fuc.king their own family had better chances of survival, and the people that felt it was ok to fu.ck their family were put at disadvantage and gradually die out. This is called evolution, which left most of us with the repulsion to mate with close relatives. so that's why it's gross for most of us, just like why we think s.hit is gross, because no good can come from being close to s.hit, so that our instinct tells us that it stinks to protect us so that we would naturally move away from it. Our instinct tells us the same thing about having sex with family

yea I think computerGuy explained what I meant pretty close. They can seem really pretty and nearly perfect in appearance, and yes attractive too... but it's like a finely crafted piece of jewelry in a pretty box. If I find a nice piece of rock by the river I'd feel like picking it up and touch it and play with it and carry it around with me all the time, because it just feels more personal. While I wouldn't have the same impulse with the fine jewelry, it'd seem fine just sitting in the living room in the house.

damn it I forgot to mention the important part... lol the makeup/no makeup thing I was talking about apply to only an initial impression, past that it's not nearly an issue. There is this girl I like and I noticed she does wear makeups but that didn't make me like her any less. So whether you wear makeup or not might have an effect on some initial contact with a guy (since the guy doesn't really know you, he can only judge things from your appearance), but once he gets to know you other things about you become much much more important than a small silly thing as whether you wear makeup or not.

hm this is an interesting topic.. I thought most guys like girls with makeups since all the supposely georgous woman you see in the media are covered with it. personally I'm attracted to girls who don't wear it (but again this is probably not the norm). And it has nothing to do with whether a girl is "cute enough" not to wear it. I've often seen the same girls with and without makeup and I still think they're cuter when they don't wear it. I also like girls who just dress in very casual clothing (that's how I dress myself, usually just plain T shirt and katckies, or however you spell it). I just find a girl who's not so bogged down with how she looks that much more appealing. I'd go for a girl who's just clean and healthy over a girl who's "georgous" in a split second. the business type of women who really know how to present themselves, I do find them very pleasant looking, but not in a personal kind of way. anyhow, that's just me. remember not all guys are the same, but I hope this helps more or less.

Hero_99 I think that particular article you linked is alright, but I read some of the other stuff on that site and I can tell you it's a lot of BS. Most of the posts there aren't any less misleading than arrogant guy-locker-room talk. Just thought I'd mention it. I'm a guy, and I'm not a pro-womanright activist or anything close to that sort, but even that I find the materials on that site offensive.

my advice would be do it the subtle way, don't directly tell her, but try to create situations where there would be these "moments", and see if anything comes out. example, go for a walk with her around a lake or something, and you can stop at a beautiful spot, if you guys are talking, just stay there until the immediate conversation ends, and then turn to look at her in the eyes and smile, etc. just stuff like that, moment that just HAS to be romantic that's more than just two FRIENDS. this can be done anywhere, the lake is just an idea, but mostly these moments can be created through silence by looking in her eyes after a couple times you guys will probably end up kissing if she does have feelings for you, or at least you can tell if there's chemistry, just try to feel the air and judge for yourslef. hope that's helpful