Trigve

thanks it's nice to know it doesn't bother people. my hands don't go blue or anything lol. I don't really even notice they're cold until I touch someone else's hands and notice they're warmer

I don't think I'm mammal, I have ice cold hands and I know that because other people's hands always feel really warm or even hot when I shake them. and it doens't matter if it's summer or winter, my hands always seem colder than others. my hands are fairly dry so it's not clammy or anything, and I have pretty strong handshake. it's just... cold. does it bother you guys when you shake a really cold hand? is it uncomfortable? I can't figure it out myself because I've never really shaked anyone's hands that's colder than mine.. maybe I should try to warm it up before I shake hands, but that can be kind of difficult to do

you sound like a really nice girl and I think sooner than you think there is going to be guys lining up to go out with you, which will take your mind off whoever it is you're worrying about right now. The bigger thing then to worry about would be not selling yourself short. despite what it looks like, I'm not trying to tell you to think that it's his loss, I know it doesn't help, especially for the kind of person you are. I know if I really care about a girl and things don't work out, realizing its her loss just makes me feel even worse. I'm saying it seems you just need someone to ground your life and that person doesn't have to be him. like whoever posted before said, take it one small step at a time, and before you know it you'll be free.

well I think however you define love, it's not going to come out to equal simply an attraction. so I would say if you only believe in "attraction at an instant", then that's not the same as "love at first sight".

hey Empathy I don't have any advise for you but I just want to let you know reading your post actually helped me instead. I went through an awful lot of pain this summer and even though I hated it, your post reminded me that it's a good thing that at least I was able to gain this learning experience in the summer when it wasn't screwing up my education and that made it a little better. on the other hand though, if I had been in school and occupied with school work I probably wouldn't have been so hung up about a girl in the first place, lol, it's hard to say... but anyhow, if I had to choose between education and some girl I'd take education in a second. so I guess I'd rather take the pain than risk messing up school.

yea but aren't most attractions happen within a few seconds of meeting someone anyway? then how is LAFS any different just stronger attraction? that's it

so what are you guys thoughts on love at first sight? personally, I WANT to believe it just cuz I'm a hopeless romantic. but at the same time I think if sometime like that happens, what you're feeling is not actually love, but rather just an overwhelming general excitement and infatuation, which I think are quite different things. so I guess in a way I don't really believe it, I think to truly love someone you need to get to know them and have spent enough time with them to grow some sort of attachment. but then again, if you believe in metaphysics and karma or whatever higher conscious order of the universe, then that's a different story. so in conclusion-- I guess I don't really know if I believe in love at first sight...

i don't think shampoo on men has too much effect, since most men have fairly short hair, not much smell stays with you if you wash the stuff off properly... hair gel though will stay with you for longer (maybe an hour or two). but I like the smell of my hair gel, it's that green stuff from herbal essense it's got a fresh grass smell to it.

there's no movie theater within 30 miles? are you kidding me well, ask her out to go climb trees or something then are there trees within 30 miles?

yea that's a reason why I used to absolutely hate perfumes/colognes and stuff like these, cuz most people put on way too much. being trapped on a bus beside someone like that is a horrible experience. but there were also once or twice I found someone with a tiny bit of scent to be very pleasant, I don't even know if it was perfume though, it could've just been the smell of shampoo...

but what about the personality it conveys? does it seem a little pretentious that a guy wears it? Personally I'm not really into girls who wear perfumes, cuz it gives a "formal" impression that I just don't really like. but girls don't seem to think the same way that's why I'm asking.

like it? don't like it? what impression does it give you? are you attracted to the kind of guy that wears it or the kind who don't? and if you like it, what kind do you like and why? it can be anything from a general kind of smell to specific brand, etc

when and how I would use these words to describe a girl, and what I mean when I do Sweet: when I describe someone is sweet, she is just genuinly nice and I find her pleasant to be around. not neccessarily attraction. Cute: I would use this word for someone I'm interested in, especially in the initail stages. cute mostly has to do with appearance, like if she's pretty in a way that I dig Cool: doesn't have much meaning when I use it Nice: it can have no meaning, but it can also be the word I use when I'm trying to pretend I don't care about someone Hot: sexually appealing, but in an impersonal way. nothing more than eye candy, I wouldn't use it to describe someone I'm interested in. Adorable: one step up from cute, includes personality with looks and just the way she talks, moves, etc. depends how I say it, it can mean I just think they're adorable in a lovely way, or it can mean I am extremely interested in a long term sense Fine: I don't use that word. it kind of feels disrespectful to describe a girl as fine. I dunno. my 2 cents

that is very true, but also a very hard thing not to do. like you said, We make some assumptions to fill in what we don't know, that's just what our brain has to do to form a complete picture. I realize I do that, but sometimes you just have to make assumptions to be able to make the calculations. most people are just way more fuked up than they appear, especially the ones that seem perfect. When I meet someone who's practically an angel, I think to myself NOBODY can be that nice, I just don't have the necessary information to know how to break that image, that's all. I totally understand about how she'd say she isn't as nice as people think she is, I totally understand how there are things she does or thoughts that she thinks are "inappropriate" and how they would make her feel. I know the feeling, and I think she just wants you to see. When people look at me, they think I've got everything and I have it all figured out. I really don't, but I don't care, that's fine most of the time. But when a girl I care about is intimidated by this shallow image and can't get close to me it just kills me. and I just want to tell her, I want her to know so bad. I want her to see the real me so she knows ME, not my image. The image is for all the rest of the world, to keep them at bay, it's not for her. She's different, I want to let her in and trust her with the key because I've been trying to keep everyone else clear of my safe space for too long and I'm tired of living alone. Do you see what I'm saying? and I think that's what your ex was longing for, a friend, in a world full of strangers. the despair of reaching out to nothing can be so disappointing, it isn't easy.

wow it seems like we are quite a bit alike. the girl I was talking about in my other thread (the one titled: this is how it went) is kind of like your ex gf too, and also in similar situation. sometimes she seemed so nervous around me it made me think I was hurting her just by talking to her and I felt bad about it. after we got to know each other a bit more she was more at ease but still kind of timid and I just didn't know what was going on. she seems pretty confident, but just timid, I don't know what to make of it. I'm thinking maybe she was just uninterested. but anyway, I don't think I'm quite at where you are at. A lot of thoughts have been stirred up by reading about your experience and there's a lot more I need to learn I guess one thing I'm not quite doing well is meeting enough people, but hopefully that'll change when I go back to school in the fall. Still, I'm pretty horrible at wanting to get out more, I could meet a lot of people but not actually meeting any at all (ie. know their names, see them twice a week in class, etc, but never really hang out with them otherwise). But at the same time I think I'm ok at interacting with girls when I do go out. I actually find them easier to socalize with than guys because there's just an intrinsic attraction between any man and woman that you could use with them... don't have that edge with guys. so i don't know, this can be pretty discombabulating at times. it seems like I have everything I need to be successful at this, yet I've ended up probably worse off than 98% of the population. all I can tell myself is I've got attitude problems, and maybe it's bad enough that I have to change my personal philosophy one day when I realize it.

well I do "hang out" with girls, I don't consider them dates. usually after I get to know someone a bit I can tell she's not for me before even getting romantically involved. and that's one of the reasons why it's hard for me to date around casually, it just doesn't seem moral to ask someone out while having no intention to commit. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's not like I have really high standards or anything, I'm just picky in my own way. I was never into the gorgous women, thinking back about the few girls I've found attractive, if I just saw a picture of them I probably woulnd't have paid too much attention, but there was just an air about them in person that gets to me when I met them. doesn't help much as far as analyzation goes, but other than that I can't think of much else that I look for...

yea that's another reason why it's hard to let go, cuz I'm afraid I'm going to regret it 10 years from now. I think I'm just going to keep in touch as friends with her and eventually I'll find out. maybe when we're both married, heh

5 or 6 times, everyday? how do you do that, by the 6th time it'd take you like an hour to cum. That's like 3, 4 hours a day masterbating, don't you have homework to do? when I first discovered my ability to orgasm I probably masterbated once/twice a day. After a while the feeling wasn't that new anymore so I gradually did it less. when your friend said he doesn't he probably meant he doesn't do it on a regular basis. I'm pretty sure any healthy guy would have masterbated at least once or twice by the time they past puberty. Maybe he did but just didn't know what it was.

it DID seem perfect when we were both in the same city. but now that we're not I just don't know if it's even worth the effort, even if we do hit it off I don't know if I want to get into this mess.

That's one of the things that scares me. For some reason I just can't find the motivation to date girls who I don't think I'd consider marrying, and I really just don't find many of those around, so I just end up not dating anybody at all. but what you said was always the thing that makes me question if I need to change this attitude. maybe I need to be more casual about this and date around just for the hell of it, but it's hard for me to find the motivation to do this cuz it just feels like a waste of time and effort...

you just have to meet them at normal non-dating settings like work or classroom or whatever. some of the shy ones you could meet through the internet but personally I don't believe in that, I need the 2-second eye contact when I first meet a girl that will just plain tell me if she's for me or not. but yea I know all about not socializing in the normal dating pools from the inside. I am like that myself, and I can tell you there is no easy way around it. If they're not actively looking (like I'm not usually), you pretty much have to rely on pure chance that you would end up meeting them through your activities. I mean they are everywhere, but they're nowhere. If you ask me how a girl can actively seek me out, I honestly couldn't tell you, except if she knew what involvements I have and involve herself at the same place. but that would be stalking...

actually I posted it in the general forum, but for some reason it showed up here I don't know why. wasn't too happy about that cuz it does give the wrong idea, heh but I just don't see how I could be in love with her, and I really shouldn't be. I don't know her well enough nor have spent nearly enough time with her to love her. but you're right I'll have to admit I'm kind of confused. first of all it bothers me that I could fall for a girl like this, I find it almost embarrassing. it's just she seemed so right, the way we met, coincidences about her, and the way things happened when she was around... it seemed so much like she was specifically sent to me it was freaky. Maybe I let myself fall because I subconsciously believed that. of course now I don't know what to believe logically, I shouldn't have this much feelings for her. I can think of many reasons why I shouldn't even like her. Things about her that I'm pretty certain will just bug the hell out of me after a while. and there are just too many other uncertainties. I don't know why I'm holding onto this it's pissing me off

I'm not asking a question, I don't think I'm even looking for help or advise, I just need to tell this and maybe somehow make sense of it even though much of the way I tell it may not make much sense at all I'm not in love with her, I don't think I had ever been. At least I hope not to either one of those. there was really no reason she should be a significant part of my life, but somehow she really changed me. For some reason I sorted through so much of my thoughts and found so much about myself that I never knew nor think was possible to find before, and change more than I thought I wanted to, all because of her. I don't know how this could've possibly happened. If everything that happened with her that just happened to trigger all of this could've been coincidences, I could've won the lottery. I wanted to tell her all of this but there is no socially explainable reason for me to. I'm not in love with her anymore than she is with me, and I don't want anything between us now that we're far apart due to both our paths in life. and most of all, it's just not me... which is what got us here in the first place. it was me, from all the while back near the start of our friendship. We were doomed from that moment I let her go on that day. How was I supposed to know?? It was just a casual, seemingly mundane moment. I had no way of knowing everything else ended up weighing from that moment when I should've asked. I had no way of knowing. In any parallel universe, at that moment, with the same me, I would've made the mistake. I couldn't have known. It's difficult to just say it wasn't meant to be, because it was SO meant to be. it was everything about us, about me, about her, and about the way things turned, only except that I couldn't see the future at the right time. but it's ok. it isn't about that now. There's not even really much I can learn from this, which is probably the worst part, and that this just seems like a deadend otherwise. I don't actually even know what I want to be hoping for right now. If it were up to me to write life, I couldn't come up with a happy ending for this from here. she's changed me so much and probably doesn't have the slightest clue. I don't want to tell her because I don't want to give her the wrong idea now, but gosh I do want to tell her and I do. there's a fine line between being sincere and being misleading. I am hard to understand, and before I question if she will I don't even know if she CAN. and maybe I don't really care if she does, because even then I don't see how this could end any better than it does now. this wasn't my fault. I couldn't have known.

HAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA S1asher6 interesting imagination

wow the group here is quite different than any other forums I've been to, I am actually "normal" here, heh. Compared to the general population I think I have very different standards, but many of you actually described exactly the type of girl I'd be into. yea I'm totally into the "girl next door" type. maybe a little bit shy but with a quiet confidence. good morale values. and it really turns me on if she's different, but different in the way that's like me. I guess generally I just like someone who's similar to myself. The party type is a turn off, and so is dressing in fancy clothes, excessive jewelry, make ups, or fancy accessories, etc as far as looks go, I find I mostly dig someone who's just clean and healthy, smooth straight hair can be really nice too. but other than that there's no definites, I usually just know the first time I look at their face. There's something about their expression and mannerism that just all come together and tells me right then if there's going to be any feeling for her in the future. in response to the breast thing, I actually never look at a girl's breasts when I talk to her. especially if it's someone I like, I can't help but wanting to look at her face because she's just so cute. if you ask me afterwards if she has large breasts I couldn't even tell you cuz I just don't know. yea I don't know what's wrong with me either, lol