duchesstigerlily

1). I'm pretty much up for it everyday (too bad BF isn't....he tends to be really tired during the week....although this week he has been up for it A LOT ). 2). We generally have sex about 2 to 3 times a week....I would love for it more! 3). Well, I love the way sex feels physically and I love the emotional connection I feel with my BF and also knowing that he feels it too. I just love how he makes me feel sexy and hot.....there is no shortage of compliments about how I look etc....its such an awesome feeling to feel appreciated.

My boyfriend is uncircumcised and we have never had a problem. Foreplay really has little to do with it in my opinion. There have been times where we have gone straight into having sex without foreplay and he hasn't experienced any discomfort. It could be that his foreskin is a little on the tight side and so doesnt retract far enough when he is erect...in which case he should see a doctor. This is a fairly common problem and usually circumcision is the answer. However, do you use any lubrication? It could be that there isnt enough wetness so the friction is irritating his penis. If you haven't tried that yet then I would give it a go.

Oh we both know we are stubborn...he always says we have such a hard time with fights because we fight the same way...neither one of us wants to back down (its true!) I'm going to wait until after lunch and if he hasnt sent me anything then I'll just send him a quick one saying that I hope his day is going ok and so on

Definitely don't take his lack of wanting to be intimate with you as a sign of cheating. Maybe he is just having a low libido right now or as mentioned before, a lot of stress...or is overly tired. I understand how you can take the lack of intimacy personally but honestly, it most likely has absolutely nothing to do with you. Besides that, unless his behavior has done a total 360 (entirely...not just in the sex area) then you probably dont have anything to worry about as far as his faithfulness goes.

My boyfriend and I are both really stubborn people and it seems like whenever we get mad we have these little showdowns where it seems as if we're both waiting for the other one to call first or email first. Last night we had a huge fight over some really dumb things (honestly, I can truly say that I didnt start it...he way overreacted because I didnt want to go see a movie and he felt like I wasn't showing enthusiasm and so on). We see each other every night (and all weekends) without fail and so obviously last night we didnt see each other (although he did sit outside my place, in the parking lot, yelling at me on his cell phone before saying he was going home). Since I really dont feel as if I was at fault...how should I handle this? I want things to get back to normal and so on but should I wait and let him contact me first or should I send him a little email (not saying anything about last night but just a normal one asking how his day is going)?? It actually ticks me off that he hasn't sent me an email yet....and so really makes me not want to cave and send him one either...but maybe that would just make it worse. We have been together for over a year and are seriously talking about getting engaged and then married...we really love each other very much (I have no doubts about our commitment to each other) and so I just want things to be right again...however, I dont want to look like a pushover when clearly I didnt do anything wrong. Advice please!!!

It seems like you've had a gut feeling that things weren't right in the relationship for awhile (hence the questioning him etc). I know how difficult it can be to try the NC thing. I'm WITH my boyfriend and I know sometimes if we've had a bad fight or whatever I'll attempt NC for at least one night to have some peace and quiet (rarely ever works since it seems like I always answer the phone or his instant messenging etc). It seems to me like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to be able to go off and see other women but yet still have you around. Basically, you have to decide if you really want to be in that sort of situation (and I cant see why you would). I think its time to cut the apron strings and let this guy go. It WILL be hard and you'll likely have some moments of weakness but ultimately, you just have to realize that you deserve and can do better then this. Don't waste a lot of time on someone who obviously isn't going to be entirely committed to you. I wouldn't even bother trying to be friends...since generally that doesnt work out too well (especially if you still have romantic feelings towards him). Probably in a few months you'll look back on this and be totally 100% sure he wasn't the one for you...and who knows, maybe by that time you'll have met someone who *will* make you forget he ever existed. Hope this helps.

I posted a couple of days ago about the situation with my boyfriend ("Complicated Situation-Advice Needed" in this section of the board).I was going to talk to my boyfriend and find out, after 9 months, and a quite difficult relationship (the past 4), how he feels about the relationship...what his intentions and goals are (I know what mine are). Anyway, originally I wanted to talk to him face to face...to get a straight answer...but I ended up having a momentary lapse of sanity and sent him an email this morning saying this: "We haven't talked about this sort of stuff in awhile....and I guess its getting to the point for me where I really want to know what direction you want this to go in. I still feel the same as I did in the Fall (despite my previous behavior). I want something serious and something that is going to last. I'm not interested in dating a million and a half guys....I'm not interested in being in a relationship with anyone else. I would really like it for you to make it clear for me what you want now. I know what you wanted in the Fall...and I should have given it to you then...but it didn't happen that way and I can't change that at this point. So this is the other half of what I wanted to talk to you about and its really important that you give me an answer. It seems like you're afraid to open up to me or afraid to get as close to me as you were willing and wanted to before. On the other hand, me writing this stuff to you makes me vulnerable and I worry that you won't try to give me an answer or tell me what you truly think or that you'll not talk to me for several days...or I don't know. Obviously nothing can be guaranteed...but I want to know if we are on the same page now...at almost the 9 month mark. If we are, it doesn't mean things have to change at the moment....but at least we will both know if we are working towards the same thing and have the same goals for this. So this is what was so important to me and I really want to address this issue...so that it is done and over." I felt stupid for sending this email and sent another one saying that I felt bad for trying to talk to him about something like that this and THEN I tried to recall the messages...not realizing that I can only do that with other people who use Microsoft Outlook. Anyway, he replies to my second email and says this: "Of course i am going to respond to your email, just I haven't been at my desk much this morning. Please don't feel bad about your email, it's whats on your mind so you shouldn't hold back. Please don't feel vulnerable. Thats not my intention at all" Then he signs his name and "xo" but doesn't answer my question about what his intentions are as far as this relationship goes. I almost started to cry...I feel horrible. Obviously he doesn't really care or want to have a future with me or he would have said so....he totally skirted the issue. Now I'm worried that maybe someone else is in the picture...why? I have no clue...I guess i just expected him to reply and tell me what he felt and he didnt really. So I replied and said this: "Yeah, I did try and take them back...didn't work though, damn it. Well, it was one of those things where hindsight is 20/20 and even though thats exactly what I wanted to say to you...I wanted to do it differently then that or maybe not at all and just kept it to myself (it seems that a lot of what I think is better off kept to myself). I don't think you want me to feel vulnerable....unfortunately, thats a side-effect of opening up to someone (you know that yourself). Anyway, I still wish I hadn't said anything and I think I probably feel worse now then I did this morning after I sent it. You didn't really answer the huge, major question I put out there...so I'm not sure how to take that." And he never replied....likely because he was busy working, I'm sure. Now I'm afraid he wont call me tonight. I just dont know what to do...could I just been overreacting and being oversensitive? Do you think he really doesn't care or want to be with me? How should I handle this?? Advice please!!!!! Steph

Wow, that was an amazing response, Kuhl. Honestly, it was great to get a man's opinion (the only advice has been from my mom, grandmother and female friends and they mostly just think he's an ass now....even though I know that, in reality, he actually isn't). I have often thought that one reason why I havent met his friends and he's keeping me separate now...is because he's afraid of allowing me into his life totally incase I hurt him again. I so badly want him to know that hurting him is not my intention and that I really want to make this work. We initially had an incredible connection...on the same page about a lot of things and I believe we can get back to that again...with some effort on both parts. I dont want to pressure him into getting incredibly emotionally involved if he isnt ready at the moment...I just want him to know that I am 100% serious about this....and I won't jerk him around again. So, I'm going to talk to him about it, like you said, face to face...not over the phone...not in an email...I think us being able to look at each other and touch is better then that disconnected feeling you get when you use other forms of communication. Thanks so much for the advice...I truly appreciate it. Steph

ick,...maybe I should have said this was a long post! really hoping *someone* has some advice or support or something.

I think you need to set up some boundaries in your own mind concerning how often you will "come to his rescue" on a "friends only basis". Certainly, friends help friends but the situation gets a little more complicated if you were once in a romantic relationship with the person. You need to pick and choose which battles you will help him fight. He needs to be able to work out some problems on his own...thats just a part of being an adult. I think the fact that you still have feelings for him, which is making it hard to be just friends with him anyway, is making it difficult for you to fully leave "girlfriend" mode and just become a friend. Did you ever consider that you need to take some time out for yourself? Get a good grasp on what you really want...you might find that, in the end, being just friends is impossible....or maybe, after some time to yourself you might discover that the romantic feelings have lessened and you can become a true friend to him....who doesn't feel the need to solve his problems for him. Steph

I know that wondering how someone feels and not knowing if you should ask can be really difficult. I'm dealing with that at the moment with my boyfriend...I need to know how serious he is etc. I guess my advice is to sort of figure out the best way to approach the question...email it? ask on the phone (not my preference) or do it face to face? Ultimately, you won't be losing anything by asking....you'll hopefully get an answer one way or another and even if its not what you want to hear, at least you'll have peace of mind by finally knowing what she thinks of you and how she views your relationship now. Basically, if you don't ask straight out...you likely won't ever know. Steph

Hi Everyone, I'm new here and decided to post because I really need some *unbiased* advice (so far, I've only been getting advice from my close family members and friends and because they care about me there advice is a little one-sided). Anyway, I met my boyfriend in september of last year. We immediately hit it off and often would spend hours talking on the phone every night. There is a little bit of an age and experience difference here. My boyfriend is 27 (28 in August) and I'm 21 (22 in November). The thing is that he got very intense about everything very quickly and because I had only had one long-term relationship before this I got scared off a little bit. This resulted in him wanting to see me as much as possible and me often coming up with excuses to see him less then he wanted to. However, I *did* have strong feelings (I do, still) for him and cared for him a lot at that time...I just didn't fully realize it and appreciate it. We ended up having a huge fight before Christmas (he was supposed to spend Christmas day with me....but it didn't happen...mostly because I changed my mind about it...although I feel awful just typing that now). I told him I need some space (and said some other things I wish I hadn't said...like that my "whole world doesn't revolve around" him)..so we didn't speak for almost a week. I also put off letting him meet my family and so on...during this period. Eventually we started talking again and have been in this relationship now for almost 9 months. The thing is that, he's changed a lot. He was really difficult and quite nasty to me off and on in January. Around that time he started acting more distant and, I guess, giving me the space I requested in December...I, of course, started realizing my feelings and wanted to get back to how he originally wanted the relationship to be. I know I really hurt him and I didnt fully realize what I had done until the end of february...where I sent him a long email apologizing for what happened before and stating my intentions as far as how I wanted the relationship to be. We discussed it and I thought we were going to move on from there. I should mention that we didn't have sex until February of this year. He was really patient with me about that and had no expectations as to when it was going to happen. Also, before January he really wanted me involved in his life. He wanted me to meet his friends, wanted me to attend his gigs (he plays in a band)...wanted me to meet his dad when he was up here on business trips etc. (although none of those things actually happened, again...because of me). Now, its June and I just know I'm in love with him...deeply. We only see each other about twice a week...tops...and rarely on weekends. When I do seem him I feel so good and when he leaves...I have this really deep lonely feeling. In some ways, I feel lonely all the time now. He isnt as open with his feelings as he once was, he never sends me sweet emails like he used to, he says he wants to spend more time with me but often can't because of his "lifestyle" (its the same as *before* January...so I dont know what lifestyle he's talking about). We still talk on the phone every night...but there are times when he's says he's going to call and then doesn't until really late (or not at all)...and then he'll have some excuse like he had "friends visiting" or was out doing something else (he has a cell phone...all I would expect is a 2 minute phone call to let me know that he was ok and just couldn't call me like he was planning to). Before January, he would tell me he loved me but hasn't said it since our huge fight in December...he just says he "cares" about me and that I'm "important to him". Another weird thing is that he doesnt seem to want me to meet his friends. How many people can say they have been with someone for 9 months and have never met even 1 of their friends ?(obviously, I shouldnt have been so dumb about my own feelings prior to January and then I'm sure we would be at a different stage in our relationship now). He has met my family (late february) and I would love to be involved in his life but it seems as if he wants to keep me separate. I really want to make this a serious relationship. We argue quite a bit on and off...mostly because I feel "empty" and I often get anxious about whats going on. I have give him many opportunities to leave the relationship...but he always says that he wants to be with me and doesn't want this to end (although he has said in anger "I think we should go our separate ways.." but then when I got take him up on it he immediately says he didnt mean it and was just angry). He has told me recently that he knows he hasn't been treating me very well and that he wants to treat me better, like I deserve...but then will go back to being moody and snappy with me for know reason...making me feel like crap. I just don't know whats going on with him. I know I hurt him before...but I have tried to make amends by being the best girlfriend I can possibly be and he just doesn't seem to be putting his all into it anymore. I care about him so much and I can't imagine us splitting up...I keep hoping things are going to get better. I just wish I knew what he *really*, honestly thought about the relationship. Sometimes I really feel extremely depressed about everything. If I could turn back time and change how I was before January...I would. I just don't know what to do anymore. Some advice/suggestions would be really helpful. Thanks, Steph