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ReneinDC

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  1. ReneinDC
    I'm not going to call you.. I'm over that stage. But today you have been on my mind for some reason. I wonder if I cross you mind at all, since it was you that cut me completely off without warning? Having any regrets? Someone asked for my phone number yesterday, so the universe is shifting back in my favor that's for sure. I still feel tinges of hurt here and there, but so glad that this happened now. You are a hard person to love and I would have lost myself trying. Well I guess that's it.. have a nice life.
  2. ReneinDC
    I contacted him last night as I couldn't take day 6 of silent torture on his part. Asked why he's being so cruel.. now I feel like a jack ass Back to day 1
  3. ReneinDC
    It's been a long day. Cried a bit here and there. Feeling sad that I'm spending another holiday event without you. I saw your old yearbook pic and I laughed so hard.. almost emailed the pic but I stopped myself. The fact that you feel I'm not worthy of working things out cuts to the core of me. I'm trying my hardest not to give into the pain you've caused, not to give into your ego or your temporary power over me. I'm back on ambien, you know the drug you helped me kick as you were concerned about the effects.. I would be about suicidal dealing with this pain 24/7 and no sleep. Thanks.. thanks a lot. At least for 7 hours I am not thinking about you. I just wish I had some sign, even tho I wouldn't answer.. just a little glimmer of something? Is part of this ignore torture, payback because I didn't notice you in high school? You have said things that indicated that you will still oddly hurt that I married someone else from years back, is this revenge? Well I'll never be able to say it to you so I'll say it here: I love you..
  4. ReneinDC
    at 5pm everyday I would have my iphone in my hand as you would call at 5. It's 6:24, day 4 of no calls and I made it past 5 without crying. Deleted you from Facebook, since you can't be bothered to speak with me, then you don't have the right to see me online. Made up with my best friend that you hated because of he's gay. I knitted you a cool hat and matching scarf for your birthday, but I will donate it to a shelter instead. I do thank you for opening my eyes to your d*uche bag behavior before I moved to your area! Though I feel sadness, I feel relieved in some weird way. My loins don't feel as if they are being held hostage waiting for you, now I can go out and I plan on having a wild time this weekend. Maybe it's because you're a scorpio and they are notorious for their hot n cold behavior, and it's unfortunate that you've pushed me away as you've missed out on a unique relationship with a unique woman. My gut tells me that you will call when I have healed, and you will be in for a big surprise when I don't respond back.
  5. ReneinDC
    Tim, today is your birthday and I thought I would be there with you. You found me after 17 years and the instant attraction was something I've only read about. I thought we were soulmates. After making promises that you'd come and see me, you haven't after 8 months. When I called you out on this behavior, you grew distant and now you won't speak to me. We are too old for this, and if you choose to waste time playing games, well you shall play alone. I will not put my life on hold any longer! I have needs and an abundance of love to share with someone worthy of it. The more you refuse to speak with me, the more my heart detaches and you won't be welcomed. Since you can't make me a priority in your life, nor tell me if we are over, I shall make myself a priority and make the decision that we are done. I love you, but I love myself more. Oh yeah, Happy Birthday.
  6. ReneinDC
    Awww Dragon you are so sweet thank you for your lovely compliments! Let me tell you I've been the hard no feelings for anyone dont need a man you need me more kind of girl and thats very hard to maintain because you shortsell yourself and miss out on lots of sweet things like affection.. kissing etc etc and it's actually quite tiring and lonely. He caught me at a weak moment when I was food poisoned out and maybe he saw that as a way back in because he didn't stand a chance before. Limbo is just awful and it's very hard to wake up from it and move on. I know Ive missed out on some wonderful men because of this vicious cycle and as long as I'm tied to him in some way I feel it will prevent me from meeting someone else and that just isn't going to suffice. One thing we must realize is that the ex's issues are just that.. THEIR issues and his neurosis and commitment issues are his and his alone that I cant let inflict me and my healing process. Good luck to you sweetheart and thank you for your post! I love your graphics btw!
  7. ReneinDC
    Hi Michael.. he's younger by 6 years and he was married before. Another problem is that he was on medication which he no longer takes which is why I broke up with him the first time. Frustrating is putting it mildly it is emotional purgatory! Also The problem with commitmentphobes is that you can't even be just simple friends because they will suck the life out of the friendship as well.
  8. ReneinDC
    Food poisoning, I wouldnt wish that onto my worst enemy, well maybe the ex. You have this all worked out already. You know what needs to be done. But, its so hard to act when the situation actually presents itself. The worst thing you can do is be mad at yourself. SO what you messed up and lust took control, it happens. Just do not let it happen again. I do not know your financial situation, but it may be a good idea to push this project away. Then again, if you are strapped, you may need to suck it up. Thats a toss up, if you cant deal with seeing his face, then by all means slash the project. I personally believe happiness and mental well being is of more importance then money. But then again, I do not walk in your shoes. Stay far away from commitment phobes, they will sweet talk , but when it comes time to settle down and iron out "the what if's and where this is going" they run. If you are sick of seeing their backs, then stay away. I'm not kicking you while you are down here, but in the future, stay away from office romances. Hi Michael and thanks for your advice.. stay away from 7-11 hotdogs that's what cause me to be ill for days! we didn't start up in an office or anything we met online but we started a company together and I have to get out of it. What kills me is that he came after me with a vengence then started to feel "weird" for whatever reason then backed out again.. but when I initiate NC he's texting and emailing the doodoo out of me. Ugh it just drives me nuts! Thanks again for your reply I enjoy your posts
  9. ReneinDC
    It just never stops and I wish he would just leave me alone so badly but he wont/cant unfortunately because we have a work project to finish and we stand to collect a considerable amount of money so we have to see each other. But I try to keep as much distance as possible between us.. well last week I got sick with food poisoning and folks it wasn't pretty! He called me and I said I was quite ill and so he shows up. He nurses me back etc etc.. we both fall asleep.. *u can see where this is going* so we wake up and he asks why I'm so distant and clear on the edge of the bed.. I said it's safer.. well one thing leads to another and something happened... and it happened again a few days later.. and again Well last night I get the bomb dropped on me that he doesn't want to cross sexual boundaries anymore after I questioned him on why he's acting a little distant himself This is the 3rd time he's done this and I'm so angry with myself for letting my guard down! I'm such a bleeping idiot for falling for his crap again and I kept telling him that it wasn't a good idea but he assured me boundaries would be intact blah blah blah and here I am all over again feeling dumped on! Of course he still wants to be best friends but no sex and of course he wants me to be there as backup until someone else comes along. I'm going to have to get out of this project and maybe take a loss on the money because I can't handle this.. otherwise I'm going to knee him in the groin in front of the client and that wont be good Any input is welcome.. as you can tell I'm extremely angry at myself for falling for his nonsense yet again knowing his commitmentphobic history
  10. ReneinDC
    I'm a little confused as to why you made 2 topics about this letter situation? Everything that can be said and has been said is in your first topic. I think the consensus is NOT to send the letter to your ex. I know it's hard for you to get some closure given the way he broke up with you.. but unfortunately that may never happen. Not ever relationship is going to have closure which is why you have to find power within yourself to close the door. Sending a letter to him is a way to cling and keep the turmoil going in my opinion. Are you hoping for a response from you letter if you send it? Most likely he wont respond to it especially if you're telling him goodbye forever.. why should he respond to that? I know I wouldn't if I were in his position. And if you get no reaction.. then what? It will only cause you more pain trust me on this and you will be worse off than you are now and you'll be posting again about what a mistake it was sending the letter.
  11. ReneinDC
    Our love of them cannot fix nor change them these are deep seated issues within them that will keep them from loving unless they seek help for their issues.. which is why we must run to the nearest exist! And the more energy you spend trying to love commitmentphobes then we will be blinded towards the actual good people that come into our paths. I personally suggest you block his number *ask the phone company how you do this* and set his emails to go into a folder or even the trash and keep yourself busy busy busy because it's going to be very rough but you know this already. The days will get easier trust me and you will come to a point where you'll be like "god I cant believe I wasted energy on that fool" I signed up for karate class and I'm going to start doing volunteer work at an animal shelter in my spare time. I'm going to give my love to those who need and want it.. not to someone who's not capable of wanting my love nor loving. That's exactly what my ex is doing to me! As soon as I implemented NC, he began calling & emailing me constantly, but once I responded, he took off running again. He's also a classic commitment phobe and you're right! I don't need that! I definitely have to put myself first, but that's hard for me since I tend to put other people's wants & needs above my own. (Part of the problem with my relationship with him). Any suggestions?
  12. ReneinDC
    Awwww I'm so sorry you are going thru this AG.. I'm sorry we're all going thru this! I couldn't agree more about the battle with balance between our hearts and our heads which is why I have to get extremely tough and make sure he doesn't interfere with my healing.. I'm making about me this time not about HIS wants. I too caved in before I healed and I'm right back where I was.. hurting all over again. I've filtered his emails to go into a folder so that I dont see his name.. and changing my numbers will help me get out of the cycle. He is a commitment phobe thru and thru and it's a hopeless situation which is why I have to do everything to protect myself now. I suggest you take a hard stance yourself and put the energy into healing.. make it about YOU! It's funny.. when I implement NC.. he is all up my behind texting me all day etc etc but when I let my guard down.. then he's seeking attention elsewhere and I dont exist.. classic commitment phobe and who needs that?? I wish you the best of luck dear! Remember it's time to be selfish and put yourself first! Rene, You're much stronger than I am! I caved in (gave him power over me) when I responded to his emails/calls. If I would have just stuck to my guns and maintained the NC, I wouldn't be feeling so miserable and alone right now. My problem is the battle between my head (which tells me to forget him & move on) and my heart (which tells me that there's still a chance for us). I have to find a way to get them in balance or I'll never be able to move on with my life. Angel
  13. ReneinDC
    Trish I couldn't agree more with your statements! I'm in this vicious cycle myself and trying to be his friend when I want more is only interferring with my process to heal and find someone else worthy. Only problem is.. he wont leave me alone.. yet he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me. I'm about to change my phone numbers today because this simply must end once and for all! Thank you for your post it really hit home to me
  14. ReneinDC
    That was a very mature and honest thing you did so be proud of yourself! It's quite selfish of her to not understand that you are still to vested emotionally to be "just friends" Though it will be agonizing.. try not to talk until you know you are healed. Heck when you start college and see all the girls you will probably forget all about the pain! Your emotions are perfectly reasonable just roll with them! It's ok to cry your eyes out and if you need to do it daily.. it's ok. I wish you the best of luck and just know that you will get thru this
  15. ReneinDC
    It's impossible to predict whether he'll hurt you again but ask yourself this: How many times has he hurt you already after getting back together? Then base your question on that answer. If he's hurt you a lot already.. 9 times out of 10 he's going to do it again. Why does he keep running back to you? Is he coming back to you when things aren't so great with the other girls he's messing with?
  16. ReneinDC
    Well said ReneinDC ! I think that this can also mean relationships in general and not just couple relationships. Conflict based relationships in family's for example can lead to the same need for conflict in another close relationship. ~ Thanks Charmed! You are also correct this applies to any kind of relationship not just romantic ones. I also want to say that a lot of the time ex's treat us poorly because they want us to do the breaking up! In my case the ex didn't have the guts to end our relationship and he purposely did things to make me angry hoping that I would take the responsibility to do the breaking up and it worked. I dont think this is the case with Rich as she finally did say she needed space.. though she went about it in a cowardly way I feel. Rich I honestly think that she's going to bring you a lot more heartache so I would definitely move on unless you enjoy emotional masochism. I would stay clear until you've healed. I dont think she has the emotional maturity to be in a relationship with you and you deserve so much better!
  17. ReneinDC
    I certainly understand your feelings Rich as I too resent the way my ex treated me though I was nothing but excellent to him. I didnt cheat.. I supported him thru some of the worst moments of his life.. shared my finances with him and the more I treated him great the more distant he became. After I got fed up with his crap and ended things.. Now that I treat him like crap.. he can't get enough of me. I think it boils down to self esteem issues. Maybe she's not used to you treating her good? My ex was only used to abusive hostile relationships but when he didn't get that with me.. he didn't know how to react.. so he constantly had to do something to create chaos because that's what he was used to.. CHAOS. It is perfectly ok to feel annoyed.. ticked and angry.. just let yourself roll with the emotions for you are perfectly within your right to feel what you feel towards her.
  18. ReneinDC
    thank you so much vetgirl! He did respond and he said yes.. now what I'll have to do is cancel next week when the time comes. Interesting revelation though.. I dont think I miss him as much as I miss the "routine" we had together: the talking everyday 3 or 4 times a day.. meeting at starbucks every other day or going to dinner.. I actually think I miss that stuff more than him.
  19. ReneinDC
    I could shoot myself in the fingers for this! I was missing talking to him and like a dummy sent an email asking if he wanted to meet for coffee in the future. He hasn't responded yet and now I'm panicked that he'll ignore it... which is interesting because he's been contacting me.. I'd give anything to get that email back! I've been doing good ignoring him but I caved
  20. ReneinDC
    Hi there.. yes it is false hope TRUST me. I was the "best friend" of my ex only to keep him in my life while suffering in silence and he dropped the bomb on me sunday that he wanted me in his life but only as his best friend and nothing more so I ended things. Unless you are into emotional masochism then u need to let him go. It wont be easy by a long shot and u will miss him like crazy but u will mend. When you stop seeing him as a lover/romantic interest.. only then can a friendship work.
  21. ReneinDC
    I'm so truly sorry Sveta I know how hard this is on you.. you still love him but he's committed an intense crime of the heart and right now you are being pulled in so many directions emotionally.. If I were you.. I would def do NC and perhaps try counseling. If you want to stay with him I would make counseling a condition but either way counseling could help YOU heal which is most important. You make yourself the priority!
  22. ReneinDC
    I can relate also. The first night I broke up with my ex *last sunday* I had a dream that some man was flashing me in my driveway and the ex comes over with a baseball bat and chases the guy away. Tuesday I had another dream of the ex but can't remember details.. just know he was in it. I rarely dreampt of him while we were together now he's been in my dreams every other day which irritates me but what can you do? I think time and healing will stop those dreams from happening so often.
  23. ReneinDC
    Oh my I am so sorry to hear this.. personally for me.. I could not forgive a cheating spouse. # 1 a cheatng spouse jepordizes your health by possibly bringing an std back with his sorry behind.. how do you know they are using protection when they cheat?? #2 The trust would be so out the window even if he was just taking out the trash I would think he was screwing around.. I mean every move he made would drive me to thoughts that he's messing around.. which is just too much to deal with. Tell me something.. how did it come about that he was drunk with another woman present?
  24. ReneinDC
    Ant I can completely relate to this and this weekend after realizing just how much of an emotional couch I was being treated.. but I ended things and now he's contacting me left and right. We were each other's comfort food.. me more to him and I think he was just using me until he found someone else.. but I'm sure he would still try to use me as his therapist for his future relationships had I not put my foot down. We were doing everything classified as a "relationship" yet I wasn't good enough to commit too I feel a little panicked and scared too because I feel I have no one to talk to like I did him. I know he's scared yet he believes the grass is greener.. I was the only one who knew his deepest darkest secrets.. he will soon realize that it's not easy to find someone who knows you inside and out and not judge. But I think that most ex's realize the grass isn't always greener when it's too late after we have finally moved on.
  25. ReneinDC
    Thank you Katie and Fantasia... I got a text message last night but deleted it instantly.. didn't bother reading it. I miss him though.. I miss him terribly.. rather I miss the illusion of bliss with him. I'm crying as I type this.. stupid crying jags all day.. ugh ugh ugh It's like a death occurred.. I HOPE I come back as black widow spider in my next life so I dont have to deal with relationships.. I'll just poison them instead lol
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