sweetione
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Everything posted by sweetione
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The same thing happened to me. Everything was good and then one day it was over. I still don't think i really understand why. But I got the same explanation that you did. My feelings are that I loved my ex 100%. And if that wasn't good enough well there really isn't anything else I can do except let them experience life without me. My advice to you is to give her space and time. That is what everyone tells me and it is HARD! But if you don't you may push her further away.
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Danimal, What exactly am i suppose to say or do then? I do think that i need to give him space now. I am not sure how long...i was thinking maybe sept. since his birthday is then...but i don't know. How would you procede???
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I had given my ex a travel pass. I work for an airline and I am allowed to give my pass to a long term companion, which means he could fly anywhere, anytime for free. After our phone conversation on sunday, I decided I needed to get the pass back because he is telling me he only wants to be an occasional friend to me and then all my friends were telling me to get it back. So Sunday night I called my ex back and kept it very simple and short. Just that I need the pass back and he could just mail it back to me. I also told him that I didn't want him to think it wasn't important and to throw it away. He said fine, give me your address again, i gave it to him and yesterday i received it in the mail. It was just my pass. I know this is a small thing but I was wondering what he was thinking or is this not possible to know. Was it ok i asked for the pass back or should i have waited? I just was thinking that if i going to do nc that i should get the pass back since i would eventually have to contact him so that I could turn it in at work to change it. And then it really bothers me that it was just my pass, no words, nothing. Maybe i am just reading into it or maybe that is the way it is suppose to be.
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Okay, I'm alittle confused...are we to do NC or are we to occasionally leave little happy messages so that we stay in contact?
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Don't do it!! Learn from my mistake. It won't make you feel any better. And then you will have to start from day 1 all over again. It seems to get harder around the 3rd week but stay strong!!
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I just got out of relationship with a recently divorced man, who told me he was ready for a relationship when i met him. We both fell in love and had a great 12 months. But we just broke up. Why? Because he wasn't ready. He needed time to heal, to just be with himself. I know it must be very difficult for you. I really feel for you but coming from the other side, I would ask that you not get involved with the other woman. It isn't fair to her. You need to deal with your issues first.
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The last 2 days have been hell for me. I feel so awful for calling him on sunday. I really believe I messed up and pushed him further away. I thought maybe sending an email apologizing and saying i wouldn't bother him anymore but I just kept saying no contact over and over in my head til it passed. And then I keep thinking how he told me that his feelings are not the same ones that I have for him and just how distant he sounds. It seems weird to me that 4 weeks ago we were having dinner and hanging out, even though we were broken up and I did 4 weeks nc until i saw him at the fair and he approached me; but I felt a wall between us and that is what freaked me out and I called him and made all the mistakes. Do you think that he just 'thinks' his feelings are gone and with time he will miss me. Or are they really gone? He also told me that there were alot of nice guys out there for me. I thought we had a true love but with his comments about his feelings not the same, i don't know what to believe anymore. Everyday is going to be a challenge, but today is day 2.
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John, You are right. But unfortunately, I needed that conversation. As deneaming and pathetic as i may have come off. I needed it. Now I am ready to move on. From now on it will be no contact...i hope it isn't too late.
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I wish i didn't need to hear it all and make myself look pathetic but now I know. No more guessing why it ended. I guess I still don't understand but now i know what he is feeling or lack of feelings. For now there is no hope. Maybe in time, i am not giving up completely, but after hearing that his feelings are gone, what can I do? NOTHING- absolutely nothing. Before, I was trying to find the right answer, the right way to fix it but if he feelings are gone there isn't a damn thing I can do. My heart hurts so bad, beyond bad but it will get better somehow. And I am better off without someone who doesn't want me. I am special and if he doesn't want me then he wasn't right for me. As dorky as I was on the phone with him, I think it helped me. I had too much hope and everything I did was for him. Now everything I do will be for me. Maybe in time he will realize that he was wrong and I hope he does because I loved being with him. I loved everything but for my sanity I need to somehow let go. God it is so sad, that something so wonderful was lost. I guess I need to be strong, take care of me and I think the number one thing is to stop thinking about him constantly. Stop trying to come up with a solution or way for him to want me. And maybe that will be the thing that might have him want me again. Who knows. But enough of this pain!!! Pain be gone!!!!
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I really screwed up.
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I just got off the phone with the ex. I needed to better understand how he was feeling and I wanted him to know what i was feeling. I still don't know how to proceed but at least I understand more. The conversation was pleasant. I almost started crying but i held it in. I told him all my feelings and my confusion of all this. I had asked him if he still loved me. And he said that he would always love me but that his feelings had changed. He doesn't know why, said it wasn't anything I didn't do or did, it just happened. I asked him if he thought that maybe in the future that we might get back together, he said he didn't know. I told him that i was glad he said that instead of definitely not. But he said he likes his life now. He doesn't want a relationship with anyone now. Although he has told me that he went on a few dates(but no-one special). He said he doesn't want to be unfair to me or lead me on, because i said that i wanted to be a part of his life, even if it was as friends. I am feeling pathetic now. How is it that I can love this man so much, have given him nothing but love and he is able to let it go so easily. I don't understand that. Why can't i let go? I feel like i was begging for a bone. We ended it that we would talk/see each other occasionally , as friends. I am so tired of this pain...........
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I really dont know what he is really feeling on the inside. I think he is confused and scared, that is my assumption. I don't think he is happy. But I know he is hanging out with his friends and drinking alot more but he doesn't go to strip clubs.
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TR, I was curious as to what you wrote in your letter to her that changed her mind. Do you mind sharing??
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I just saw my ex! I went to a festival and there he was. I saw him from a distance and he came over to me. He was with a guy friend and I was with my girlfriend. We stood there and talked for about 45 min. It was nice but there were a few uncomfortable moments when you think maybe you should walk away but not really wanting to. Nothing was discussed of any importance just small talk. But I did find out that he isn't dating anyone yet. And I know for sure that he broke up with me because he started dating me right after his divorce and didn't give himself any time to himself. I know this because my ex went to use the bathroom and i asked his friend " is he doing ok" and his friend blabbed it all out. I told his friend that I Loved my ex and was trying to give him space. His friend said that he thought that was a good idea and that there were a lot of other men that would be interested in me. That really annoyed me. I just said that I didn't want to talk about it. I don't know what to think...I don't think this relationship will be back together anytime soon. It makes me so sad. I lost my best friend and i don't know how to make it better. I am not sure if I should do no contact or just try to be his friend without any pressure about getting back together and then when he is ready I will be there. When we talk we never argue or fight and I haven't mentioned anything about our relationship since 2 weeks after we broke up. All our conversations are just about what we have been doing and the people we both know. I know NC is all about healing and being able to talk to the person w/o pressure or arguments. But what if when we talk it is pleasant? Is NC still what I should be doing? Is there anyone out there that has been in this situation? Being involved with a recently divorced man???
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No Contact is Killing Me
sweetione replied to romantic sweetheart's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I feel exactly as you do. The pain is unbearable. For me, I feel so unlovable. I gave all of my love - and he threw it back at me. It is hard to understand any of it and just to work through it and do something seems so pointless and lonely all the time. I don't know how I will love again...how can i trust that they won't throw my love away too. They say time heals all wounds so i will abide my time and hope that this hell will pass. -
I am not a game player AT ALL. I think I am too nice actually and my point in planning it out ahead of time is not to make any mistakes. I want him to want me and to think that he can lose me, that i am not just sitting here while he is out doing god knows what. I just want some control back.
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I don't understand why you think I am using nc as an detriment. And why do you think i need to let him go?
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Hi everyone. I need advise or maybe just words of encouragement. I feel like I can't talk to my friends anymore because they are getting tired of listening to me talk about the ex. I have posted about my situation previously but just to recant briefly: I went out with my boyfriend for 1 year--we got along fabulously--always laughing, having a good time, no problems that i could tell when while i was away on a trip he texted messaged me a breakup(April 4th). From that moment on my life has been empty and sad, no matter what i try to do. Sometimes i can forget for a few but never that long and i am tortured in my dreams so i never can get a good night sleep. We did meet up 3 different times since the breakup, because we were supposedly going to still "date" each other and date others because he felt that he went from one serious relationship into another one with mine(he was married for 5 years right before i met him and it ended badly). As of today, I have had nc for 23 days. The last time we got together we went to dinner and hung out at his house, whereas i ended up staying over. Everything was great. In the morning he dropped me home but right before he went into his car trunk and handed me a bag of some clothes i had left in his nightstand that he doesn't even use. Actually it was only lingerie. This just killed me inside but i tried my best not to let him know just how bad. When he dropped me off he said he had a great time and that we would have to do it again. Then i asked if I would talk to him soon and he replied that he would call. Well, now it has been over 3 weeks and i am starting to lose it, on the inside anyway. Why isn't he calling? Has he met someone else? I guess I just don't understand any of this. I was nothing but loving. But then i hope that because i have been understanding and loving ALWAYS(even during the breakup) that he will come back to me. I have made a few decisions in these last 3 weeks, one is that i will not sleep with him. When he calls(please) that i will not immediately answer and i will talk less than 10 min and will end the call(love to chat more but got to go....something like that). And if he wants to get together i will have plans. I think that if he is thinking of me at all, he assumes i am here waiting for him anytime he wants and he can't think that. My problem/concern is why hasn't he called? Will he call or was my bag of clothes the final goodbye? Does he think of me? Or do you think the exes just close any thoughts of us? I have read that it takes men longer for them to hit the reality...is that true? I wish I was stronger. I wish I could just say goodbye, your loss. But my heart just won't let me. I loved him and I believed the day I met him that he was the one i would spend my life with and during our 12 months together, it was just reinforced since we got along like 2 peas in a pod. I don't know if i am just rambling and not making sense but I would really appreciate words of encouragement. I read previously that you need to stay positive but I am having a hard time.
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Saw the ex. for a second& 5 wks no contact shattered!!..
sweetione replied to Brandell's topic in Getting Back Together
I also live close to the ex and was at a festival yesterday and all I found myself doing was scanning the crowd, trying to find the ex but then also getting really scared if I did see him. And what if he was with a girl or just talking to girls. How would I handle it. Just thinking about it made me sick. -
THANK YOU!! You both have given me excellent advice. I am going to give him space and take care of me. I do need the power back...he was lucky to have me and I am going to have to remind him. Thank you again!
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Is there anything I can do to have more than just moments? I can be patient but was wondering how/what I can do to get it all back?
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Hi everyone. Just got back from staying overnight with my ex. Now I am confused all over again. I saw him online yesterday and we started IMing each other for about an hour when he had to tell me about having my missing pants and some other clothes and if I wanted he could drop them off to my place. I told him that there wasn't a hurry since I won't be wearing them in the summer but that if he wanted to see me, that i would let him. So then he asked me to dinner. We went and as usual had a great time. By the way, we always had a great time. The breakup is because he "can't be in a serious relationship right now", " wants to date others" and I guess he just wants to be free. I am not sure if he feels this way because he is overwhelmed with working fulltime and also working on his masters at night. Or who knows what reason. I don't think he even knows. He was married for 5 years and met me right after. So maybe that has something to do with it . But i have never been married/divorced and i don't understand the fears that go along with dating again. Anyway, when he was driving me home this morning, he went and got these stupid clothes from the trunk of his car. It hurt really. Because we had a great time. Nothing is different when we are together. We are still hugging, kissing, holding hands...everything...until the bag of clothes came out. It is almost like he had to give them to me. Wasn't me asking. But my toiletries, toothbrush, soap, shampoo, etc. were still in the bathroom, in his house(good sign, i think). He still has my apt key and I still have his keys. He just had to give me those clothes. Actually most of it was lingerie. When he dropped me off this morning, we kissed and he said that he had a great time and that we would do it again. And then i asked if I would talk to him soon and he just said that he would call. We broke up April 4th. Had dinner 2 weeks after that. And this dinner is 4 weeks later. What am I suppose to do? Is this a good thing so that I can get back together?? Seeing and talking once a month?? I don't think he has dated anyone else yet. But his school ends in 2 weeks and he will have his nights and weekends free again. It felt so good to be in his arms and to wake up with him again but then when he dropped me off it just killed me inside. So hard to keep that smile on. I didn't want to get out of the car. I guess I am confused, I think i should be happy that i was with him, and I am but then i have this pain in my heart. Can you tell me the way to procede from here???
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Dragon girl, I am not really sure what you should say. Just keep it simple and to the point. You don't need to have it fed exed or anything but you want to give the impression that it is only about the comic books and nothing else. You know him best, maybe tell him a specific date that you need these by. Stay strong girl!! And also hugs to you.
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Dragon Girl, I have been keeping up with your posts and I really think you have to have completely no contact with your guy. You already wrote him a very long letter apologizing and explaining your feelings, I believe there is nothing else you can do for now. Let it sit. Otherwise he is going to starting hurting you even more. What I decided to do is not to contact my guy for 2 months. I am hoping that he will contact me before then, but I think he needs to go out and have fun, maybe even go on a few dates and then I think he will see what he has lost. And I also believe that he will be happy to hear from me and then who knows if things can get started again. I hope that I am strong enough to do this.... About your comic books...if you need them i would send an email, just stating that you need them and that you can pick them up or he can fed ex them to you. then it doesn't seem like you are just saying you need them just to see him instead. Keep it very business like.
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Only you know what your heart is telling you, wrong or right, it is yours! From what you described, he sounds extrememly confused. I would give him space, let him figure out that his ex makes him miserable. Don't contact him. Let him call you. And when he calls be happy to hear from him but end it after a few minutes telling him you were running out the door to meet so and so but it was great hearing from him. Also if possible try to show up somewhere that he is with another guy. I bet that will work wonders! That is just my advice. Good luck and hugs!