Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 8 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 71

Thread: ex boyfriend

  1. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2020
    Posts
    28
    Originally Posted by RedFox1
    He didn't tell you because he didn't want to hurt you. You had remained in close contact with one another and loved one another for many years. He likely knew through this contact that you continued to have feelings for him. You may not have said anything directly, but I'd guess he picked up on it. So I think, basically, that he was avoiding causing you pain. And of course that is now what's happened.

    Unfortunately staying in contact with him while you still harboured strong feelings was a mistake. You had made the choice to break up with him, but you couldn't truly let go. Letting go of someone that you love, that you've had a long relationship with, is incredibly difficult and I think it's just in our nature to want to keep that person close in any way possible. But by doing so also greatly harms and diminishes our ability to move on. You really do need to let this one go at this point, rip off that band aid, for your own well being.

    Edit: Unless of course his communication with you was more flirtatious than mere friendly. In which case I agree with Rose, his contact with you was completely wrong of him.
    He wasnt flirty but caring and making me feel like nothing has changed , especially cos he was telling that his life was boring as i mentioned. He was never romantic or flirty or something like that tho. I have to mention i was acting cool too and making him think that we are something like friends. After all i never contacted him first and i was keeping a distance. I want to cut any contact now but i feel like he has the right to say the things he want to say and maybe i want to hear these things too, maybe they will give me a better closure , but not so long after (cos as i said he doesnt know exactly when he can come). So i am very confused.

  2. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2020
    Posts
    28
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    How long have you two been broken up?
    1.5 year , i said its been too long. And i never sent him anything first all this time.

  3. #13
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2020
    Posts
    28
    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Why are you angry he has a new girlfriend? You have been broken up so its none of your business what he does. You need to block and delete him from your phone and any social media. You dont need to talk to him, you cant have him as a friend. It's over.
    No i am not angry about having one but about hiding it so well. He wanted to make me to never ask directly.

  4. #14
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2020
    Posts
    28
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Take this a learning experience and be very cautious when you're speaking or getting to know someone even if you've once known them before. You made an assumption that he was single and that was your mistake. Feeling mistaken, duped, a bit annoyed with yourself is natural. Overcome those feelings and accept where you went wrong.

    It was wrong of him also to continue chatting up an ex while in a relationship with someone else. Now you know not everyone is as straightforward or sensible.

    If you had doubts about the relationship back then, this is a clear sign this person is still as muddled. Why would you want to go back to this?

    After the dust settles and you pick yourself up and brush yourself off, be glad that he's revealed he's in a relationship. Someone who is as duplicitous and deceitful as this stringing two women along is not someone you want in your life. You've dodged a bullet again. Turn this around and take a good hard look and what just happened. This has worked out in your favour.
    There were some problems mostly cos of the long time that we were together and i needed to be alone for a while. But i didnt want to move on to another after all. He wasnt flirty with me or something , but we kept the regular intimate contact we always had so i was feeling like nothing had changed. It was my fault too cos i was acting like we are friends or something.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,430
    Originally Posted by RedFox1
    He didn't tell you because he didn't want to hurt you. You had remained in close contact with one another and loved one another for many years. He likely knew through this contact that you continued to have feelings for him. You may not have said anything directly, but I'd guess he picked up on it. So I think, basically, that he was avoiding causing you pain. And of course that is now what's happened.

    Unfortunately staying in contact with him while you still harboured strong feelings was a mistake. You had made the choice to break up with him, but you couldn't truly let go. Letting go of someone that you love, that you've had a long relationship with, is incredibly difficult and I think it's just in our nature to want to keep that person close in any way possible. But by doing so also greatly harms and diminishes our ability to move on. You really do need to let this one go at this point, rip off that band aid, for your own well being.

    Edit: Unless of course his communication with you was more flirtatious than mere friendly. In which case I agree with Rose, his contact with you was completely wrong of him.
    If he didn't want to "hurt" her, he would have cut contact. He knew that she had feelings, but because he was selfish and wanted attention, he kept it going. Terrible.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,430
    Originally Posted by nobody111
    1.5 year , i said its been too long. And i never sent him anything first all this time.
    You need to move on!

  8. #17
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    4,849
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Staying in contact kept you stuck and helped him transition to another, while getting a big, fat ego boost from you.
    I'm not quite seeing it this way. If anything, it seems that his contact was a salve to nobody's ego, since it allowed her the comfort of thinking the person she chose to break up with was kind of frozen in time and space, ready for a romantic reunion if and when she felt like going there. When it turned out he was seeing someone else, that story crumbled and a poorly-stitched wound reopened.

    I'm sorry about all this, nobody. Eight years is a long time with someone, and so it's expected that the uncoupling is going to take some time, maybe get a little messy. Been there, a few times over. I don't think either of you have ever actively been trying to hurt or deceive the other. More like you both wanted to hold on a bit, while also letting go a bit—a less than honest purgatory of sorts that, inevitably, can't hold and doesn't do anyone any favors, in the long run.

    I really like Rose's take, along with Andrina's, when it comes to how to react and respond to this moment. In short, time to let go, for real. If there's anything left to say, I think it's a simple apology for the nature of the recent exchange, along with wishing him best on his journey as you set out, fully, on your own. Trust that time and moving forward is going to offer you a more genuine form of comfort than remaining tethered to him as you have over the past year and a half.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    11,314
    Gender
    Female
    Do you really want a guy who can deceive you so smoothly? That's the question you need to be asking yourself. Can you ever trust him?

    As for why....if he had told you the truth, you would have been gone long ago instead of sticking around stroking his ego. Deceit is never about love, caring, or kindness of any sort.

    In your shoes, I'd tell him to take a long hike off a short pier and delete and block him. No need to listen to more bs, especially from a guy who already knows he can dupe you. This is really your wake up call to do now what you should have done back then and actually start healing and moving on, start looking forward instead of in the rear view. If you look at his behavior, dumping him was the right thing to do, so finish the job and go no contact.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,430
    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I'm not quite seeing it this way. If anything, it seems that his contact was a salve to nobody's ego, since it allowed her the comfort of thinking the person she chose to break up with was kind of frozen in time and space, ready for a romantic reunion if and when she felt like going there. When it turned out he was seeing someone else, that story crumbled and a poorly-stitched wound reopened.

    I'm sorry about all this, nobody. Eight years is a long time with someone, and so it's expected that the uncoupling is going to take some time, maybe get a little messy. Been there, a few times over. I don't think either of you have ever actively been trying to hurt or deceive the other. More like you both wanted to hold on a bit, while also letting go a bit—a less than honest purgatory of sorts that, inevitably, can't hold and doesn't do anyone any favors, in the long run.

    I really like Rose's take, along with Andrina's, when it comes to how to react and respond to this moment. In short, time to let go, for real. If there's anything left to say, I think it's a simple apology for the nature of the recent exchange, along with wishing him best on his journey as you set out, fully, on your own. Trust that time and moving forward is going to offer you a more genuine form of comfort than remaining tethered to him as you have over the past year and a half.
    Then why didn't he mention he was dating someone else?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    4,849
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Then why didn't he mention he was dating someone else?
    I'd say because he is skittish, weak, emotionally confused, afraid of hurting her—and, much like her, afraid of severing their tie for good. Not cool, by any stretch. Guess I'm just seeing this as the sort of sad mess two people often find themselves in when, in the wake of breaking up, they don't allow for real time and space to heal.

    Can point fingers at places where they've both failed to meet their highest expectations of themselves, but the big lesson here might just be a simple: time to really do the thing that was done 1.5 years ago, which is to let go and move on.

Page 2 of 8 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •